Winter set in. Sage's family covered their garden with great care and retreated indoors. Privacy became limited with the colder weather, Brook's visits were now always with at least one parent in attendance. They hadn't managed to be alone again before the first frost either, so Sage remained unkissed. She tried not to be too disappointed about it, even though she knew they likely wouldn't have another opportunity until spring. She was upset with herself for shying away the way she had, but what could she do about it now? At least the winter ahead held much more promise than other years, Brooks' regular gifts of game had saved them money already and she felt with budding happiness that perhaps they wouldn't have any hungry days this year.
One morning Sage woke to her father's exclamation and crawled to the edge of her loft to see a whole snowdrift had been let in when he opened the door.
"I thought it was extra cold last night!" he announced to no one in particular, standing back in disgust. "Now I have to shovel, and find my shoes."
"They're here, Pel." her mother called from their bedroom. "I got them out for you the other day."
He groaned for no other reason than to increase the drama, put them on, and spent the next ten minutes or so shovelling out their stairs. Sage watched from her stomach and when he'd left she climbed down and opened the door again to peer out. Several inches of snow covered the whole neighbourhood, as far as she could see from her tiptoes as she leaned out the door. Morning light was just starting to illuminate at the horizon. In the current darkness the house across the road looked like the stone face of a giant, staring out at her from under a fluffy white hat.
"It's cold, my girl." her mother said sleepily from the hearth.
"Sorry."
Later that morning Brooks thumped down the steps and knocked at the door. Her mother answered it because Sage had trapped herself in a corner laying out pieces of fabric for a quilt.
"I'd ask if you're busy, but by now I know that's a ridiculous question." he said cheerily, shrugging off the thanks he'd earned for a few freshly snared squirrels.
"Do you have something else for me to do?" She asked from her place on the floor.
"I want to go for a walk with you outside. You know, because it's the first snow. It's still early enough that the kids haven't trampled everything and it's gorgeous out there."
Sage felt immediately uncomfortable.
"I can't."
"I can help you with this when we get back, I promise. You won't lose any time." he pressed.
"Sage can't go out when there's snow, Brooks. She doesn't have boots." her mother said quietly.
Brooks seemed genuinely flummoxed by this.
"Don't you need to go to the outhouse, at least?" he asked.
"I just... run." she whispered.
"Oh."
The pause lasted a long time, and then he slapped his hands against the sides of his coat just for something to do.
"I guess I'll get going then, and come back later. I should be with the cows in the morning if I can, the milkers always leave mine too long if I'm not around to help." he said awkwardly.
"Come back for dinner, we'll make a stew out of the squirrels." her mother put in.
"Sure thing. See you, Sage."
Sage worked extra hard on her quilt. She didn't want to talk to her mother after that, she hated that she'd have to explain about the boots. It had never seemed like much of a big deal to be trapped inside during the winter, not when they were so busy just trying to get through it. Now she burned with embarrassment, especially since this was the first time he'd reacted that way.
The two women weren't left in their silence for long, another knock at the door sounded barely twenty minutes later. It was Brooks again.
"My mother sent me back with her boots for you to borrow." He said, out of breath.
Sage's heart swelled. Being out in the snow for longer than it took for her toes to hurt was such an alluring idea that she stepped on some of her quilting squares in her hurry to get across the room. Her mother didn't even have to push this time, she just watched with a little smile as Brooks insisted on kneeling in front of her to lace them up over her course stockings. They were a little too tight but Sage didn't care, she was halfway out the door before she even noticed.
She was half way down the street too before she remembered that she was supposed to be walking with him. She turned back only to see him just then climbing out of the house, holding the blanket off her parent's bed.
"You're mom wanted me to put this on you." he explained "She says your sweater is pretty thin. I guess you don't have a coat either?"
Sage shook her head, barely looking at him and for once not because she couldn't. The whole village was white!
"I want to see the woods." she said and grabbed his hand.
She ploughed along so quickly that he started to trot to keep pace. Almost giggling, she moved even faster until they were running. Running in the snow felt so strange! She had to lift her feet differently and they slid a little too when she wasn't careful. She heard his laugh, saw the opening to the forest path up ahead, and then - she tripped. A huge, dramatic sprawl of a trip that sent both legs in different directions and took him down with her.
Brooks acted like he'd never experience anything funnier. He alternated between laughter, helping her up, and at one point shoving a further handful of snow right into her face. She laughed too, absently, she was still lost in this new sparkling world. Actually sparkling: the sun had come out and was making the snow glitter like nothing Sage had ever seen. Her view from their door and garden had been so limited, and in her memories so marked by struggle, that she'd truly never had a chance to enjoy snow like this before. She traipsed along again, away from Brooks' antics and into the woods. The river wasn't frozen at all, the water was dark and as exuberant as ever, the snow covered the banks and rocks with little domed caps.
They wandered around for a while, Brooks letting her be (more or less) until they found their way out of the forest and into a little meadow. A huge clump of pine trees clustered around one edge, covered in snow. Sage was drawn to them automatically. They looked completely different under snow like this, bowed and warped. Mystic. She was enchanted.
"Go stand over there and look up." Brooks instructed her.
She went, hardly even listening. Reaching the spot he'd pointed to, she spun in a little circle to admire the view from every angle. It was just the underside of a branch with a backdrop of blue sky. She glanced over at him, about to ask what she was supposed to be looking at, only to see him reach up and shake the branch with full force.
A heavy shower of snow pelted down on her. She shrieked as it got her, piling up on her hair, clumps of it collecting on her shoulders and falling down the neck of her sweater. For a single moment after the calamity she just stared, wide eyed, at the man who'd had the audacity to do this to her.
Then she laughed, really laughed, the way she had by the river. She was shaking snow off of herself and giggling, so she didn't see Brooks' expression change, or notice when he started to move. He was just suddenly close to her, pulling her face up to his, wrapping one arm around her waist too to pull her closer. This was the kiss she'd wanted before, when they were at the build site together. More than what she'd wanted, she hadn't anticipated the way the first thrill would blend into another, and another. She didn't even notice the ice water dripping down the back of her head.
She was melting just like the snow, even as he loosened his grip. She sank against him to catch her breath, it had left her in a sigh.
"I've waited months to hear you laugh like that again." he told her. "You have the prettiest laugh I've ever heard."
"Is that what it was? I couldn't figure out what about meeting a scared little mouse in the woods that made you want to see more of her."
He kissed her again, setting her recovered sanity back by at least another five minutes.
"Something like that." he said finally "It made me curious, and that led to me wondering how I missed someone so perfect living right under my nose all this time. I felt like I had to make up for lost time before everyone else noticed too."
"You didn't have any competition, you know, you didn't have to try that hard."
He was brushing snow off the top of her head now, and she stood still to let him. It felt so good to have her blood pumping with something other than anxiety. Her hands shook and her breathing was shaky, but it didn't weigh her down. She could look at him with clear eyes and a smile.
"I would have if I'd waited too long. Look at you. You're wearing the oldest blanket I've ever seen, wetter than a drowned rat and still the most beautiful girl in the village."
She smiled more. Even the dig at her parent's only blanket - which was now soaking wet - didn't really bother her.
"I'm talking about my dowry. No one else would have been able to marry me."
"What do you mean?"
"I never would have had a dowry."
"Your parents didn't save money for you?"
"They couldn't."
"They could afford that fancy dancing skirt for you, but they couldn't save for your future? What are you three constantly working so hard for if you can't make basic provisions?"
She stared at him.
"For food. We work so we can eat, Brooks."
The reference to her skirt cut deeper than she wanted it to.
"We work every single day of the year, take every job we can think of, learn every skill - we go without things constantly, just to live. Is that so hard to understand?"
"Hard work is all well and good, but it can't do anything against mismanagement. How could they buy you something you'd wear one night a year and a fancy anklet too, but not boots? Or a coat? You can't go outside without them!"
It felt like he'd slapped her.
"Who are you to call that mismanagement? I never had one nice thing in my life before! They wanted me to be like the other girls for once, just one time!"
"It's just not practical, Sage, if money's tight you're supposed to do without stuff like that."
"For how long?" she demanded "For our whole lives? What are we living for, if my parents can't ever give me a gift when they love me this much?"
"Shouldn't they want you to be warm?" he retorted. "I'd never let someone I cared about go without shoes."
"You don't know what you're talking about. No, stop answering back, you don't know! You've never had to thin out a soup that wasn't filling enough to begin with, or work on an empty stomach knowing tomorrow won't be better. Don't you dare criticise them, not ever, they live every day for me. All they want in the world is for me to be happy, and you don't know better than them."
She had tears on her face now, and she whirled around to walk back. Brooks followed her, trying to apologise without really admitting any mistake, but she just kept walking. She knew if she said anything more the tears would take over.
How could he? How could anyone ever dare to say anything against the two people she loved the most, and for something that had meant so much to her? Hunger, shabby clothes, long winters, these were all bearable, but not without some joy. The moments her family could scrape together where they felt like other people, able to love each other generously instead of selflessly, were the ones that would last them. If they managed to grow old they would remember the red dancing skirt, a coming of age, and a beautiful evening. They would remember how they dared to act as if Sage had a future.
She reached her own house before the emotion had worn off. By some miracle, her mother was in the outhouse and she had a chance to pull the borrowed boots off and shove them back at Brooks while they were still alone. She didn't want him anywhere near her mother just then.
"Please tell your mother thank you for me."
"Sage, shouldn't we talk more? Don't make me go away when you're still this angry."
"Thank you for today."
"I really didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well, you did. Goodbye."
She shut the door on him, shed the blanket, and scrambled up the ladder to cry in her bed.
"Sage?" it was her mother "Brooks is still outside, did you two have a fight?"
*
Nooo don't fight - kiss kiss fall in love
-Laura