Serenity Hiraya
I've read somewhere that our strand is not as hard as the STEM strand. Mainly because our strand focuses on social science and literature subjects while the other focuses on Math and Science subjects.
However, no strand should be superior to others because in reality, we have different subjects, therefore different kinds of difficulty. Just because one strand does not have Gen Chem doesn't mean that other strands do not have the right to feel the burden of studying.
Totoo nga ang sinasabi nila na mas grabe ang pressure kapag graduating student. Doble ang pressure para sa akin lalo na't gusto kong grumaduate nang valedictorian. Hindi lang iisang strand at track ang kalaban ko.
Medyo napapagaan lang ang loadworks ko dahil nandyan si Steven para tulungan ako. Mabilis niyang mahalata kapag pagod or stressed na ako kaya gagawa siya kaagad ng paraan para pagaanin ang nararamdaman ko.
There are times that we would take turns in making our project or presentations. We would also study together for quizzes and exams that makes it easier for the both of us.
Love language na nga yata naming dalawa na mag-aral. Kung hindi sa unit ay mag-seset kami ng date sa coffee shop or somewhere na pwede kami makapag-review.
Kung hindi naman aral ay kasama niya ako lagi sa mga gig nila. Minsan pa ay magrereklamo si Cameron na sumasakit na raw ang mata niya sa tuwing nakikita niya kami ni Alvarez na magkasama.
Ngayon ay hindi kami sabay pumasok. Pinauna niya na ako dahil may aasikasuhin pa raw siya at ayaw niya naman ako ma-late. Maaga akong umalis sa unit kaya kaunti pa lang kami nung dumating ako.
After a while, nagsimula nang magdatingan ang mga kaklase ko. Thirty minutes ang lumipas bago sila nagsimulang pumasok sa room. Ang huling dumating ay si Alvarez, mga dalawang minuto bago pumasok ang teacher namin sa first subject.
Pagpasok ng teacher namin sa DIASS ay agad naman siyang naglesson. Dire-diretso ang discussion namin dahil magkakaroon kami ng short quiz after. Pero, bago kami mag quiz ay nagpa-recitation muna siya.
"Class, I have a scenario. Dr. Abella, a psychologist, has a preschool daughter studying in a private school. When he got to his work, he learned that he has another patient that has a past traumatic experience and can berserk when something triggers her. When he came home, his daughter told him the story about their new adviser, who happens to be his new client. He is worried about the safety of his daughter and her classmates. What can he do to protect his child from the possible danger the new teacher can give?"
Pagkatapos pa lang ni ma'am magsalita ay agad akong nagtaas ng kamay.
"Yes, Ms. Añasco?"
"The best thing he can do with the situation is to inform the school administration about the mental state of the teacher so that they can evaluate whether she's still allowed and has the capability to teach preschool students or not. In that way, not only can he save the kids from the threat but also help his client to be mentally prepared first before teaching again," mahabang sagot ko.
"Hmm, good point," our teacher complimented my answer. "Other thoughts?"
As usual, sunod na nagtaas ng kamay si Alvarez.
"Yes, Mr. Alvarez?"
"A question for Ms. Añasco. You mentioned that Dr. Abella can tell the school administration about the situation of his client, however isn't that violating the confidentiality? We learned that a counselor should keep the information of the client in private. And by that, he'll be violating the ethical actions of a counselor..." humarap siya kay ma'am at nagsalita ulit, "the best thing he could do in this situation is to talk to his client personally. He can talk to her about how she is not yet capable of teaching the kids because of her mental state. In that way, he can save the children from threat without violating any of his responsibilities."
"Grabe, magjowa na kayo pero academic rivals pa rin kayo? Ang lupit," rinig kong bulong ni Violet sa tabi ko.
Nagtaas ulit ako ng kamay. I looked at my boyfriend and smiled at him sweetly.
"Good point, Mr. Alvarez. However, what if the teacher does not agree with Dr. Abella. What if para sa kanya ay mentally stable siya at capable siya magturo? Well, I think we should consider such possibilities and look at some other factors as well. Besides, the teacher is under the school's administration, their decision is also needed for the sake of their students and as her employer."
He smirked at me.
Oh my, nanghihina ako sa ngisi niya.
"Why would she become Dr. Abella's patient in the first place if she thinks that she's mentally stable enough? Hindi mo ba naisip na kaya siya naging pasyente dahil self-aware siya na may mali sa kanya? And come on, Ms. Añasco, ikaw na rin nagsabi na para sa sake ng mga students, do you think that the school administration would still let her teach considering the danger she could give the students? And sa tingin mo ba hindi makakaramdam ng disrespect 'yung client kung sasabihin ni Dr. Abella ang tungkol sa kalagayan niya? What do you think, Ms. Añasco?"
Instead of being offended by being outsmarted by him, I looked at him proudly.
I can't believe that he's my boyfriend.
Type ko talaga 'yung mga taong mas matalino sa akin.
Pagkatapos ng recitation ay nagbigay agad siya ng quiz. She gave us a 20-item quiz as an assessment. Na perfect ko naman kaagad ang quiz kaya malalaki ang hakbang kong lumapit sa upuan ni Steven.
"Hi, my love. Kumain ka na?" I asked him.
"Hindi pa, hirang. Bakit?"
Inilapag ko sa table niya ang papel kong 40/40. Times 2 kasi ang score at dahil na-perfect ko ang twenty items ay 40 ako. Sobrang proud ko dahil sa side namin ay karamihan 37 habang ako ay na perfect ko ang quiz ni ma'am.
Itinuro ko ang perfect score ko. "Oh, ayan, lamunin mo. Gawin mong breakfast," pang-aasar ko sa kanya.
Instead of being offended, he just smirked at me. "Alam kong kumain ka na, pero kain ka ulit..." ipinakita niya rin sa akin ang score niya na kaparehas ng akin. "Pakabusog ka."
I rolled my eyes at him before walking in front to submit my paper. I heard his laughs from a distance that made me scoff.
Pagkatapos ng first subject ay akala ko magiging maayos ang flow ng araw ko. Kaso, hindi sumasang-ayon ang mga gawain na kailangan ipasa.
"Essay na naman? Pang-ilang essay na ba 'yang pinapagawa ni Sir? Pagod na pagod na ako!" Reklamo ng isang kaklase ko.
"True, nung nakaraang gabi nga napapanaginipan ko ng lumilipad ang mga words sa paligid ko. Parang minumulto ako ng mga words sa dictionary, teh!"
"Tapos, narinig ko 'yung isang taga STEM na hindi naman daw mahirap 'yung strand natin kasi Physical Science lang naman daw 'yung Science related subjects! Buti na lang napigilan ko 'yung sarili kong hindi sabunutan 'yon."
Mukhang narinig agad ni Jasmine 'yon dahil agad siyang tumayo at nameywang sa harapan ng mga kaklase kong nag-chichikahan.
"Hoy, maghinay-hinay kayo, ha. Kapag nakipag-away kayo sa ibang section, ako na naman ang malalagot kasi ako na naman ang makikipag-usap. Hayaan niyo na 'yon."
"Grabe naman pala si Sir magpagawa ng essays. Tuwang-tuwa pa ako na siya ulit teacher natin, pero ngayon? Nagsisisi na ako, teh!"
My classmate was pertaining to Mr. Enriquez who happened to be our teacher again in Creative NonFiction.
Instead of listening to their rants, I turned my head to the side and rested on Violet's shoulder.
"Tapos ka na sa essay sa CNF?" Tanong niya sa akin habang may sinusulat sa papel.
I nodded. "Kagabi pa, madali lang naman siya para sa akin."
I heard her sighed before dropping her pen on the corner. "Buti ka pa tapos mo na. Pang-ilang ulit ko na 'to, hindi ko pa rin matapos-tapos."
"Gusto mo tulungan kita? Or ako na gumawa? You know I love writing," I said and grinned.
"'Wag na, kaya ko na 'to. Tsaka ihahabol ko na rin 'to kay Sir mamaya. Ngayon niya ibabalik 'yung essay na pinagawa niya nung nakaraan, 'di ba?"
Another reason why my classmates are complaining about the CNF subject was because Mr. Enriquez tasked us to write an essay consecutively. To the point na kakapasa pa lang ng isa ay meron na namang ipagagawa. Sumabay pa siya sa research na pinapagawa ni ma'am sa DIASS at 'yung sa Practical Research 2. Syempre, hindi rin magpapahuli 'yung ibang subject kaya sabay-sabay ang kailangan naming i-comply.
First week pa lang ng July ay parang pang-graduation na agad sa dami ng gawain namin.
"Feel ko perfect ako sa essay," confident kong sabi kay Vi.
"Ako feel ko nga 90 lang ako, ganon, mababa..."
I put my arms around her shoulder to comfort her. "Then, babawi ka dapat sa susunod."
She smiled at me before continuing her outline for the next essay.
After a while, umayos na ang mga classmate ko dahil biglang pumasok si Sir sa room. Dala-dala niya ang essay na ginawa namin last time at ngayon niya ibabalik para ilagay sa portfolio.
Malaki ang ngiti ko nang ipasa niya ito kay Belmonte para ipamigay. I am confident enough that I can perfect this because I loved my piece.
Yet, my smile vanished when I read the score written on a green pen.
97/100
What? I don't understand, bakit 97 lang ako?
I could feel the bitter emotion eating my whole system. Where did I go wrong? I did my best to write this essay so that I can get a perfect score.
"Congrats! 100 ka 'no?" Bulong ni Vi sa likod ko. Masigla ang tono ng boses niya.
Humigpit ang hawak ko sa aking papel pero hindi ko ito pinahalata. Lumingon ako sa kanya bago siya sinagot.
"Ikaw? Ilan ka?" Tanong ko.
"Ha? Hindi ko nga inexpect na ganito score ko, e. Bakit kaya?" She explained before handing me her paper.
She got a 100. A perfect score.
I smiled bitterly before giving it back. An unknown emotion creeped on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.
I don't know. Was it anger? Disappointment? Jealousy? I don't know.
"Congrats, ikaw pa nga ang naka perfect." I muttered.
"OMG! Hindi ko talaga alam bakit perfect ako! Mema nga lang 'yung gawa ko, e."
I forced a laugh and a smile. I assured her that she doesn't need to explain. When she looked convinced, I turned my back to her before walking to Alvarez's seat.
He was smirking a bit when I approached his direction but when he noticed my face, it disappeared. The smirk was now replaced by the worried emotion.
"Hirang? What happened?" He asked before offering me the chair next to him.
"CNF happened," I answered slowly.
"Bakit?"
I sighed. "97 lang ako."
"What's wrong about it?" Tanong niya bago kinuha sa kamay ko ang papel na may grade na.
"Hindi ako perfect..." sagot ko sa maliit na boses bago pinaglaruan ang aking kamay.
Ilang minuto siyang hindi sumagot. Ayon pala ay binabasa niya ang gawa ko.
"Maganda naman gawa mo ah? And it's okay, pwede ka namang bumawi—"
"Pero si Violet, 100 siya. Bakit siya perfect tapos ako hindi?" My voice started to sound like a whisper. "I am the one who's more engaged in writing and this is my forte. Bakit 97 lang ako?"
Natahimik siya saglit kaya agad akong nag-angat ng tingin. Nakatingin siya sa akin na parang hindi siya makapaniwala sa mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko.
Matapos ang halos isang minuto ay huminga siya nang malalim at binuksan ang bibig para magsalita.
"Do you want to go to someplace private to talk about this for a while?"
I swallowed the lump on my throat before nodding at him. "Can we go to the library muna? Wala pa naman daw si ma'am."
"Alright," he answered before guiding me outside the room.
Pagdating namin sa library ay pumili kami ng pwesto na hindi dinadaanan masyado ng mga estudyante. Agad akong umupo bago siya sumunod sa tabi ko.
"Here's the thing, hirang. It's okay that you're competitive, because I know roon mo napapakita ang best mo at some things, I get it. However, it's becoming not okay... or unhealthy once you compete with everybody and always feel like everything is a competition," mahinahong paliwanag niya.
"Pero hindi naman ako nakikipag compete—"
"Are you sure? Because when I am looking at what happened, you're scared because someone got a higher score than you and you don't want to lose. Isn't that a clear sign that you're competing with someone?" Seryosong niyang sagot.
Natahimik ako saglit. Natamaan na naman ang ego ko. Why is it hard for me to accept that I am not always the one on top?
"Hirang, for me it's okay that you're competing with me. Mainly because we see each other as a competition and also because sanay na ako. I'm your boyfriend so I do not take it seriously. But Violet? She's your friend. You cannot just treat anything like a sort of competition. I thought you're already working this side of you?"
I bit my lip when the tears threatened to fall. I nodded at him while he brushed a few strands of my hair and tucked them behind my ear.
"I–I just can't see why she has a perfect score while ako 97 lang. It's not that I am competing with her. I–It's about my expectations for myself... Ang expected ko kasi ay perfect ako or ako 'yung highest kasi alam kong dito ako nag-e-excel..." my voice started quivering as I explained my side.
I heard him sighed. I thought he didn't want to talk anymore but I was frozen in place when he held my hand. I could feel his calloused fingers around mine.
"I understand..." he comforted me. "I understand that you and other people have high expectations for you. But, it doesn't mean that you will think less of other people. Hindi palaging ikaw ang mas magaling, hirang. There are times that people will be more intelligent, more creative, and better than you. Pero, hindi naman ibig sabihin no'n ay hindi ka na magaling. Do you get me? Kahit ano namang scores mo—mataas or mababa, I'm always and will always be proud of you, hirang."
Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil nahihiya ako sa kanya. Naiintindihan ko na may mali ako at mali ang nasabi ko kay Violet.
"Now, you just can't make your friend a competition. Hindi ba dapat masaya ka para sa achievements niya? Kasi gano'n ang nakikita ko kay Violet. She's always proud and happy of your achievements, even with the tiniest ones. Just because she's higher than you today doesn't mean that hindi ka na magaling. We have to accept that there will be times that we're not always on top. Ang ibig sabihin lang no'n ay may room pa for improvement," mahabang lintaya niya. Kalmado pa rin ang kanyang boses at hindi nagagalit ang tono.
Napalabi ako. Shit, he's right. Nangyari na ito dati, bakit uulitin ko na naman? Do I really want to lose Violet as my friend?
He squeezed my palms when I started sniffing. Parang bigla siyang nataranta nang marinig akong humihikbi.
"H–Hey..." He scooted closer to me to give me comfort. He held my chin and made me look at his face. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I just want the best for you. Hindi ko rin naman ito-tolerate 'yung maling actions mo just because you're my girlfriend. I want you to be the best version of yourself as well. Let's help each other grow, okay?"
"O-Okay..." I answered in a soft voice. "I–I just feel so pressured to be valedictorian that I am failing to notice that I am starting to ruin the connections with the people around me. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ang sama-sama kong tao ngayon." I chuckled with my last words.
"I won't say that it's okay because it's definitely not. All I can say is that I know that you already know and acknowledge your mistakes. What you can do is apologize to Violet and make her feel better. For sure, nasaktan 'yon tapos ma-fefeel niya na hindi niya deserve 'yung grade na 'yon kasi iisipin niyang dapat ikaw ang perfect."
"Thank you," I said while staring at his eyes. "Thank you for talking to me."
He smiled lovingly before messing my hair. "Wala 'yon, malakas ka sa akin, e."
Sabay kaming bumalik sa room at pagkakita ko pa lang kay Violet ay gusto ko na agad umiyak. Nag-eexplain pa siya sa akin kanina na parang kasalanan niyang naka-perfect siya tapos ako hindi. Now that I've talked to Steven about it, I feel so bad for my actions.
Without a word, I hugged Violet. She seemed surprised yet she hugged me back. I didn't say anything for a while and savored the moment. After that, I muttered a series of apologies that she quickly accepted.
"Wala 'yon. Syempre alam kong na-pressure ka na magkaroon ng matatas na grades kasi syempre dahil sa lola mo. Naiintindihan ko naman 'yon. Pero syempre, natakot din ako kanina kasi baka maulit 'yung nangyaring hindi natin pagpapansinan before. Nasaktan din ako pero pinapatawad na kita."
"I'm sorry, I will be better. Sorry if I hurt you, Vi. Thank you for forgiving me." I hugged her again.
I can't lose my best friend. I am so thankful for having Steven on my side.
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elluneily 🌷🍰🎫