It was nighttime again, as it always was when they met up. They agreed that the spire was the last place either of them wanted to hang out at, and opted for an alley nearby. Uzi was glad to be outside the colony again, the walls of it starting to feel cramped and confining. It showed in her actions as they spent this moment together. N could clearly notice it - the odd avoidance of entering buildings, how her gaze lingered on the stars above.
...How his own lingered on her.
He too felt confined, but not in the same way. The neat little box he'd felt comfortable in for so long no longer felt right for him. This was something eating and tearing at him more and more lately. Since meeting her, his life had completely changed. At the moment, he was considering reevaluating how much that was exactly.
"N?", she asked from a small distance away, her hand dropping some metal object, "you alright?".
His head shook trying to free himself from his thoughts, "yeah? What's up?".
"You were staring at me for a while there. I don't have anything on me, do I?".
"Nope! You look great as always, Uzi!", he chirped and gave the female drone a thumbs-up. She looked away as her screen lit up.
Uzi laughed nervously while fidgeting with her hair, "you're... always so nice, N... N-Not that I... maybe... want that more! But, uh...". Her face peeked at him, revealing her fluster and awkward smile, "t-thanks".
Oh, he'd done it again. Sure, he meant what he said, but she...
She began to walk over to him. He froze as she took a seat next to him, "N?", she asked.
"Y-Yeah?".
"You sure you're good?".
His eyes met hers, "don't worry about it. I'm fine". So much for honesty...
She smiled and leaned against him. It was like his processor hung up for a second as he registered what happened before going into overdrive. What should he do, the same thing he did a few days ago when she last did that?
He shot up like a rocket, Uzi slipping off him. "Oh, did you want to see this building I found?", he blurted out.
"N?", Uzi asked him as he put a little distance between them. She got up and walked behind him, "hey, talk to me. What's up?".
He couldn't bear to look at her, but knew he had to. With another thumbs-up, he gave her a smile, "all good! Come on, got something to show you!".
He walked on ahead, but he knew she didn't buy what he told her from the look on her face.
It was like that almost every meeting. N hated it. More specifically, he hated himself for how he was acting. Today she tried holding his hand again and he blundered his way out of that. The look of hurt on her face was still etched into his mind.
She was just... so attached to him.
He wasn't sure if he could handle that.
In one such instance, he'd cut himself on a saw while out on a trip with her. It'd been a complete accident on his part, but Uzi took out her anger on the rusting machine anyway. She'd already been stressed, and seeing him hurt must have set her over the edge.
As she punched and kicked it, her expression turned to one of glee. A wicked, toothy smile crossed her face as she cackled between hits. He had to calm her down before she overheated.
That wasn't the Uzi he knew. That more closely reminded him of his real problem - V.
Deep down he knew he was being dumb. He'd learned by now he wasn't -Uzi had undone that damage- but this was definitely on him. She wasn't V, but he still felt haunted by her in their interactions and he knew he was being stupid about it, but. But...
He still found himself doing stupid things because of it.
"What's this?", N asked.
She shrugged nonchalantly and wiggled the container in her hand, "a gift. Take it".
He took the item from her into his hands and gave it a look over. "A container? What's inside it?".
"Oil". He couldn't help but notice the nervous look on her face.
Suspicion. Where did she get it from? Fear.
"Uzi?", his reply was measured, "...whose oil is this?".
She looked taken aback, "what?".
"Did you... hurt someone for it? Like what happened back at ca-".
"N, no. It's- It's...", she looked away with a tinge of blush gracing her display, "it's my oil...".
He blinked. "Uzi, you can tell me if you did something wrong. If it's not yours-".
"N!", she snapped, "why would I lie about that?".
His gaze shifted back to the container and then back to her. "It's... a weird gift, Uzi. Why would you give me your own oil?". She was silent for a few moments and he could almost see the gears turning in her head. Something was off to him.
At last she finally spoke, "because... I was working on something earlier and uh, my hand kinda got cut off".
Alarmed, he looked at her hands before remembering that she'd told him it regrew when V cut it off at camp. "Which hand?", he asked.
"Same one that got cut off before. Starting to think the universe just really hates my left hand", she replied, "N, you're not looking this gift horse in the mouth enough".
He pointed at the container, "if I were to taste your oil and this, they'd taste the same, right?".
She looked deflated, "if that convinces you...".
He sighed and opened the container, the liquid within the typical dark sludge he was familiar with. N put his tongue in it for a taste and noted it. He closed the container. "Next, you", he stated.
Uzi blushed as she offered him the arm that hadn't been cut. He cupped the appendage in his hands carefully before looking at her for permission. She nodded, and he plunged in a bit. After a moment to taste her, he realized she wasn't lying. Oh...
He felt bad.
Why did he think she'd lie to him? Why did he even give in to that suspicion?
A certain other Disassembly Drone entered his mind. Of course, he's still hung up over her secret-keeping and he was appalled that he thought the same of Uzi.
His eyes nervously met hers, "Uzi, I am so sorry I thought that you were lying".
She raised a brow at him, "why would you think I was lying?".
"I...", a hand flew to his neck, "jumped to conclusions, I think".
Her eyes met his worried look. "N, you know I wouldn't lie to you, right?".
"I know". I want to believe that at least... "Uzi?".
"What?".
"...Why did you want to give me your oil? Couldn't you just slurp it back up or just... leave it?".
Her screen lit up at the question. "I, uh, I just couldn't leave it there and uh... I thought... you might want to...". She shook her head suddenly, "it's stupid isn't it? I'm stupid. This gift is stupid".
"It's not stupid", he told her, "it's... just a really weird gift. It's a really personal gift kinda? But, uh, thank you". He caught her blushing as she turned to hide whatever emotion exactly she was dealing with.
"Thanks", she said, "yeah it's pretty weird but uh... it'd just go to waste and you were the only person I'd give it to. I don't really need it".
It's still really weird though, he thought as he pocketed the item.
Daylight entered the mouth of the spire as N hung up in the ceiling of it. He took out the jar and stared at it, pondering it. It was indeed a very weird gift, he would not deny that, but he'd still completely overreacted at the idea of her being... like that to get it. Ironically enough, V told him later about Uzi's accident, proving to him that she'd not made that story up.
He hated that he had still considered the possibility of that being the case.
Putting the item back into his coat, he spotted V on the floor below. He wanted to ask her so badly to just unleash whatever secrets she held already and put an end to these odd and uncomfortable interactions, but he already knew the answer to that. V'd deflect, maybe insult him while she was at it, and walk off.
However, he found himself suddenly wanting to instead ask her why she acts this way to him. He remembered that encounter in the manor. Knowing her track record, she likely remembered that as well. Did she love him? Did she ever love him? Why did he still remember that and not whatever it was that drove them apart?
He forced himself to take his eyes off her. These were unpleasant thoughts he didn't want to think about so soon. Thoughts for later, not repressed, he reminded himself. Repressing things probably got him in this situation in the first place. This fractured relationship with V, an incomplete past, and...
His fingers felt over the item in his coat, the weight of it suddenly feeling much heavier than before.
"How should I talk to her about it? Haven't you known each other for a long time?".
"Dude, I don't know. I've never seen Zi act this way before. And, uh...", Thad's gaze shifted uncomfortably, "to tell you the truth, we never spoke much over the years".
N nearly dropped to the floor from his position leaning up against a wall in the bunker with Thad. They'd decided to hang out where prying eyes and ears couldn't find them. Well, a specific set of those - the boys locker room was a good pick for that.
Shaken from the reveal, N turned to him, "you and her? I thought you guys were close friends for a while there".
Thad's mouth made an uncomfortable grimace. "I never really realized how lonely she was. Just too caught up in my own stuff to bother asking. That night when you broke in was the first time she and I had talked in... kind of a while honestly", his hand reached for his neck to rub it, "guess I'm a pretty bad friend, huh?".
...That's an admission I'd like to hear from someone I know, too, N thought.
N set a hand on Thad's shoulder, the other boy making a small flinch at contact. Realizing this, N dropped his hand. "You can admit that at least. That's a good thing", N told him.
Thad smirked, "well, that coming from you means it's gotta be true somehow, knowing how close you two are and all that".
The taller boy shrugged, "I dunno if we're that close".
"N, man, she needs you more than she needs anyone", Thad crossed his arms, "get past this, make her happier than I ever could".
Something about that felt off to N. "So, wait...", he slowly said as the gears turned in his head, "did you uh... have a thing for-".
"Who? Zi?", Thad cut in suddenly concerned over the implication, "uh, course not. But, uh... she's a cool pick if you wanna go that way with her".
"Uh, Thad? What are you-".
"N, bud?", Thad said in disbelief, "isn't this whole conversation over her having feelings for you?".
N's screen lit up. Feelings? Uzi had feelings for him? Nah, not like that, everyone has feelings but.
But...
The feeling of her body held in his arms came full force at him. The several times he'd held her that way and just... how protective he felt over her. How much he'd realized that her presence brought him comfort and joy.
"Dude, you should tell her how you feel", Thad's voice cut in, "you're looking real yellow there, bro".
N blinked several times before the words sank in. "I-I don't know if I l-like her!", he barely managed out through his fluster. It was true, he didn't know if he liked her, but Thad's words weren't something totally out of the blue for him. Some little suspicion had been brewing in the back of his head about that being the case. It was just...
Thad's exhale came as a low whistle as he rested his head back against the lockers. "Well, I'm not gonna tell you how to feel about her and it's definitely not good to rush things", he said, gaze back on N, "but maybe think on it sometime".
N found himself unable to meet his gaze, "uh, thanks".
"Woah, you alright?".
"Huh?", N asked, confused look thrown Thad's way.
"Not gonna lie man, you've been really... disconnected this whole talk. You're not leaving anything out of this, right? Zi's not hurting you or anything?".
N's eyes shot wide into hollowed ovals. He backed off the locker a bit as his arms and hands made strange motions. "N-No! Nothing like that! I've... I've just... Uh".
A brow appeared on Thad, "is she... trying to interface with you or something?".
"I-I-I don't even know what that is!", N stammered out, his tail kinking as his body froze up.
"Hey, you can talk to me about anything. I know we're not super close friends but I can tell when a guy needs to talk", Thad regarded him calmly with a chill yet friendly air to him.
It was like the world froze as N considered the offer. After a few moments of thinking and his eyes darting around the room, he exhaled and leaned back up against the lockers. N looked over at Thad, "I'm not good at this kind of stuff. At all".
Thad offered him a smile, "don't sweat it. No one's ever good at it".
N returned the smile before it faded away as N thought. "Well... it's about... that kind of stuff. Oh, uh, not the interface thing. It's just...", his face tensed as he leaned back as far as possible into the lockers, "uh, have you ever dated before?".
"Lack of experience?".
N frowned, "the uh... exact opposite".
Thad nodded, "oh, I get it now. Yeah, I've dated before. One of them was pretty bad. Completely ignored some red flags".
"It was... a long time ago now, I think", N started, "she was nice to me like Uzi is, but things changed, she changed, and... and...".
"That bad?", Thad asked.
N's head shook, "I don't know if it's that bad. I don't even hate her for anything... not much at least".
A laugh came from Thad, "honestly? I couldn't even imagine you hating anyone".
"She's a completely different person now, and I'm always having to stop her from being mean to Uzi... Just wish she'd be the person she used to be", N held his arms close to him, eyes unable to meet Thad's.
Thad put a hand on N's shoulder, "well, you said it -people change".
"Yeah...".
"And, for what it's worth, I don't think Zi's gonna change like that".
N's eyes met Thad's in questioning, "what do you mean by that?".
"She's a better person when you're around", Thad explained, "I've never seen her so happy and, like, confident before".
"Oh...", that tugged at N in such a powerful way. To have it be forced down his throat that he was useless for such a long time only for Thad to point that out to him, it genuinely touched him. Well, for a brief yet hopeful moment. "She... could always change for the worse. It kinda happened at camp...".
Thad looked at him in full attention, "what happened? What did she do?".
N's eyes went hollow once he realized what he'd have to disclose to Thad. The one good thing that V had done for Uzi, the coverup for the murders Uzi committed. Thad probably didn't know the truth about that.
N nervously looked back at the other boy as he tried to explain, "uh, well... She hurt a few people pretty bad. But she uh... she... didn't mean to?". Oh, this was harder than it seemed, and to make things worse he was realizing that he had the complete wrong idea of this. What happened to Uzi was something completely out of her control. Why did he even reevaluate the situation like that? He was right back when it happened at camp.
"Oh, that's not good", Thad spoke, "why'd she do that? What was it even?".
N rushed to grab Thad in a sudden panic. "No no no! I uh, I had the wrong idea! She's fine, she's good, she apologized for everything and we promised each other we'd both never do anything like that again!", the taller drone said this in haste, quickly stumping against Thad as his outburst ended, face buried into the other drone's shoulder.
Thad blinked in confusion at the display, some instinct telling him to push the Disassembly Drone off him, but this was serious and N clearly needed the contact. What did the bro code say about situations like this, though? 'No homo' was so last millennia ago, not that Thad was even the slightest bit homophobic, so was it right to hug the guy? He supposed so, and carefully put an arm around him. "Hey, dude, it's alright", Thad tried, "I don't have any beef with you for it".
"...What's that mean?".
"Mean's that I don't think of you badly", Thad paused in preparation for what he was about to say, "but N? You need to tell me something".
N's digital eyes shut, though his real eyes looked at him, "what?".
"Who did Uzi kill?".
N froze. His fingers gripped Thad so tightly that he could feel the other boy tense up. "H-How did you-".
"N, dude, you're easier to read than a gameplan. You being so spooky over it when I know the only wrong thing you've ever done is murder, well, it just kinda fits".
N pushed himself off Thad muttering a quick apology. He backed up against another locker, "I messed up bad. I'm stupid, I shouldn't have said anything about myself! Thad, you can't tell anyone that! It was an accident! She wasn't herself!".
Thad's arms folded, "who was it that your other friend claims to have killed? How many did each kill?".
N shook at the question, eyes hollowed and darting around in terror. Forgive me for this... "F-Five of them were Uzi's...". I'm so stupid, being honest is going to kill me...
Thad slumped in disbelief, "Five? What did she even do?".
"H-Her weird hand powers... uh", N paused to collect himself, "t-they went a little crazy because she overheated. I-It's not an issue anymore! We've worked on a better, uh, outlet for that. She's ok! She's not a monster or anything!". It wasn't a lie, they'd indeed figured out approximately when she'd need a drink of oil and prepped to have some on hand for when it was time. It was probably the first thing they did after they returned from camp.
Thad looked at him, some uncertain expression on his face, "I didn't know she was capable of that...".
"Thad...", N said sadly, "if that changes what you think of her, then what does that mean for me?".
Thad nodded a 'no', "nah, you're right. I'm just shocked to hear it, I guess. Maybe I should've realized sooner that pretty much everyone killed had bullied Zi".
N's mouth curled in discomfort, "she didn't deserve that...".
"Look, I don't think they deserved to die, but I understand why and that's good enough for me", Thad said, anxiously shifting on his feet.
"So are we still friends?", N asked, "you, me, and Uzi?".
"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it", Thad's gaze drifted elsewhere, "it's something to get used to being around you guys. New stuff, new life. All that".
N nodded, "I feel that".
"...So was it hot when she did it?".
"Thad!", N blushed, "she was killing them!".
Thad laughed for a moment, "so I guess you don't like them murderous, then?".
N's blushed faded as he slumped over at the thought. Oh no, he had a point. "I... don't think I do, actually", he said, suddenly defeated.
A few more chuckles escaped Thad, "well, good thing that's not happening again then, huh?".
"It's... a very good thing, actually ", N blurted out much faster than he wanted to.
"Keeps her different than that other one you guys hang out with at least. I seriously didn't even doubt all the murders were her, I mean, I saw her kill that one guy at camp", Thad said shrugging.
Very different, N wanted to add. N nodded, "yeah, just... don't tell anyone. Uzi doesn't need that kind of thing following her around. I know that too well...".
"And likewise", Thad said, "however you feel about her, maybe you should let her know sometime".
N nodded, suddenly very timid of the idea. He sighed, "alright. I think it's about time I stopped showing my face around here and headed out".
"Hey, don't let a reputation get you down. To be honest, most everyone thinks you're a great guy. Don't sweat it", Thad gave him a thumbs-up.
"And you're a pretty cool guy, too", N flashed him a smile before departing the locker room.
He didn't know the layout of the vents in this area to be able to head back through them, so he instead tried to retrace his steps out. He went down a hallway only to find a dead end. Going back, he ended up unable to remember which other hallway to go down. It was all so confusing! Why couldn't he remember?
He hit another dead end with a classroom clearly in session with an open door. He really didn't want to interrupt, but walking away he noticed that several students were watching him. It didn't feel good. Hurrying along, he took several more turns and ended up feeling more lost than ever.
"Am I really this stupid?", he vented as he slumped against a wall, "can I just do nothing right?". He curled into himself.
Footsteps down one side of the hallway towards him.
"N?". A familiar voice, which quickly ran towards him.
He didn't need to see her, he knew she was coming. Uzi knelled in front of him, placing her hands on his shoulders, "why are you here? What happened?".
"...Went to talk to Thad...".
"Did he hurt you?", Uzi asked with a hefty amount of concern in her voice.
N's head shook, "no, just... stuff happened. Too stupid to know how to leave".
"N, you're not stupid. You just got lost, that's all", he wouldn't see it, but she offered him a smile, "I'll help you out of here, alright?".
"Why do you care about me?". It slipped out on accident, but N found himself wanting and dreading to hear the answer to it. Needed to hear the answer to it.
Uzi blinked at the question. After a moment of thought, she began, "because... you were the first person who wanted to be my friend... ever? Before you, I didn't have anyone. You know? My dad's... my dad , and mom's dead, I don't have anyone else who I really, really care about". Uzi flushed purple as it sank in how sappy this all sounded. "Uh, n-not that I want this getting weird and super personal but, N, I just... really care about you. Just because I do. You're the bravest, most compassionate guy I know, and I... really appreciate that".
He suddenly wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her shoulder, "thanks... It means a lot".
"Woah, woah, hey!", Uzi exclaimed, "s-someone might see us!".
"Is that wrong?".
"...No", Uzi sighed, "just me being stupid".
N nuzzled her, "you know how I feel".
"Don't... say stuff like that about yourself", Uzi blushed, "you're way smarter than that".
"You too".
"...Why are you so nice to me...?".
It's because I like you. No, 'like' was too soft a word and he went stiff when realized the actual word that better fit what he meant. Oh no. Oh no.
What he meant... was that other icky four-letter L-word.
It was as though time froze as he realized the name for the feelings he harbored for Uzi. He quickly realized how conflicted he felt about that.
"N?".
He held her tighter, "you're important to me, too. Don't ever change".
She smiled, "likewise".
And there they were for a good moment, both finding comfort in each other. N wouldn't know it, but Uzi had also been avoiding that same four-letter word, too.
That same, scary, four-letter L word.