Pic on side is James. x
Outfit:http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=104784821
I fell to the ground with a thump. My hands pressed against the sharp gravel underneath me. Ouch.
"Watch your mouth next time, freak!" He laughed and walked away. I waited till they were out of sight before I got up and brushed off my clothes. I picked up my bag and slid in my headphones, I inspected my clothes and noticed they had ripped my hoodie, I groaned and began walking to the second hell people call home.
As I was walking across the road a car came round the corner out of no where and stopped a centimetre away from me. My heart thumped in my chest and I looked up to see the driver covering his mouth in shock, the boy next to him was recognisable, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I apologised before speed walking away.
My headphones began to play 'is there anybody out there?' by Secondhand serenade.
You can say goodbye,
To all the things that you have ever known.
You can say goodbye,
And leave inside the life that you have grown.
What's the point,
You try to start from scratch,
but get let down,
You can say goodbye,
Just to realize there's no-one left around.
So what am I fighting for.
Tell me
Is there anybody out there,
Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,
Am I looking for an answer
Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.
Is there anybody out there,
Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,
I'm looking for an answer
And just trying to find a way to survive.
You can live or die,
Without the chance to find out what your worth,
You can live or die,
And never find the one that she'd deserve,
You can walk alone,
And live inside the shadows in your heart,
You can say goodbye
Or live and find out you've been alone right from the start
So what am I fighting for.
Tell me
Is there anybody out there,
am I swimming through this empty sea alone,
Am I looking for an answer,
Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.
Is there anybody out there,
Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,
I am looking for an answer
And just trying to find a way to survive.
Never thought I would end up all alone,
Every day I am feeling further away from home,
I can't catch my breath,
but I am holding on.
Is there anybody out there,
is this the last time I have to say goodbye,
Am I staring at my future,
Is it time to take charge of my life,
Is there anybody out there
Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,
Am I looking for an answer,
or am I trying to find a way to get back home,
Is there anybody out there,
Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,
I am looking for an answer,
And just trying to find a way to survive,
a way to survive,
and I am holding on.
Soon my house came into view. I pulled out my headphones and put my phone in my pocket. I opened my door and my baby brother ran up and hugged my legs.
"Hey James" I smiled and ruffled his hair. He smiled up at me and giggle.
James is 4, he looks like my father, with his brown hair and brown eyes, he's a smaller version of my dad. you would never guess James and I are related, I take my mothers looks, I have long brown hair and blue eyes, I had the palest skin in my family and I was just generally unattractive. I was literally the only unattractive person in my family and it sucked.
I picked up James and headed into the kitchen where our step mother Sophia was drinking, as usual. I grabbed the bread and made James a ham and cheese sandwich.
"James come here baby" She called, James looked at me scared but walked over to her anyway.
"Did you clean up that mess?" She asked. James shook his head and slowly started backing away, Sophia grabbed his arm tightly and he began to cry.
"GET OFF HIM" I screamed and pushed her away from him and put him on my hip, she swung her fist at me but I already was on my way out the front door. I headed to the bus stop, James was crying heavily into my shoulder.
"She won't hurt you again, let me see your arm" I said, he showed me his small arm and there is defiantly going to be a bruise. I kissed it gently and he giggled. I sat him down on the seat and looked at the bus time table, it turns out there's one on it's way.
"Lets go see mummy" I smiled and he nodded.
The bus arrived and we got on, he slowly fell asleep on my lap. I leaned with my head against the window, I held James in my lap. After a few stops a boy I recognised got on, I remember seeing him before but I can't quite work out where from. He had blonde hair and light blue eyes.
"Can I sit here?" He asked. I nodded and soon recognised him as the passenger in that car, that almost hit me, and I'm pretty sure he's in my science class. Liam? No, Leo? No. I give up.
"Are you in my science class, Miss Jenson?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I'm Luke" That's the one.
"I thought I had seen you before, I'm Lily" I smiled and he smiled making dimples appear. I felt slightly jealous of them, I had always wanted dimples. I smiled and James stirred in my lap. Once he fully woke up, he looked at Luke for a while before looking at me. He climbed up to my ear and said something but I couldn't make out what he said.
"What was that James?" I asked.
"I said is he your boyfriend?" James asked, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. James shouldn't know that word, he couldn't of picked it up at school because he's home schooled. I then realised what he said and blushed deeply.
"No" I replied and looked out the window.
"Sophia has a boyfriend" James told me.
"No, Sophia is married to dad, that makes him her Husband" I told him.
"No, she had a boy over in our house, and she said 'Your the best boyfriend ever' but it wasn't daddy" He told me.
"Sophia's cheating on dad" I muttered.
"She doesn't deserve your dad" Luke said and touched my shoulder, I smiled and nodded.
"So where are you heading?" Luke asked.
"The hospital" I smiled.
"Same" He said and his smile faltered.
I didn't want to ask why because he might've asked me and I really didn't want to cry in front of a boy I barely knew. We made small conversation before our stop came up, we both got up and headed out. Instead of grabbing my hand, James grabbed Luke's. Luke didn't seemed to mind.
"Hey before you go can I get your phone number?" He asked. I nodded and handed him my phone, he passed me his. I inserted my number before setting the name to:
LILY AND JAMMIE :) <3
I gave back his phone and he gave back mine.
"I'll see you soon" He smiled and I nodded. James grabbed my hand and we walked into the hospital before going to room 24.
I guess I should explain. My dad works for a magazine, he's a photographer and he travels...a lot. He married Sophia just after James was born. My mother wasn't dead or abandoned me. She was ill and still is. She had to have a heart transplant but never got better yet she never got worse, so she's in hospital waiting till she gets better.
James was holding my hand tightly. He began crying, I picked him up and held him against me tightly.
"Shh, what's wrong Jammie?" I asked using his nickname.
"Mummy" He cried, that's all he needed to say for me to understand, for a boy his age he understands a lot. He knows mum's ill and he knows that she's all we truly have left, he knows that she probably won't get any better and he knows she could die. We walked into the ward and headed into my mum's room. My mother laid reading her book. Her long brown hair was tied behind her and her deep blue eyes moved as she read.
"MUMMY" James screamed and jumped from my arms.
"Hey Jammie" She exclaimed, putting her book down and holding her arms out for a hug. He jumped into her arms and clutched her tightly.
"I missed you mummy" James muttered, mum was crying as she held her young son. Tears streamed down my face and I began to sob.
"Hey don't cry princess" Mum cooed and pulled me into the hug.
"We've missed you so much" I cried and held her close.
"Not as much as I've missed you" She replied, wiping James' and my tears.
Once we stopped crying, we talked about school, well James' work at home, I try to keep out of the school topic.
"And I've got lots and lots of pictures for you mummy" James smiled up at my mother.
"Good, I can't wait to see them" She replied and kissed the younger boys cheek.
"What about you Lilwe?" She asked using my nickname.
"Uh, it's fine, I had my grades a few weeks ago, I got B's in maths and English, a C in P.E, A's in history, science, Art and DT and I got an A* (A star) in music" I smiled, she nodded and smiled proudly at me.
"Hey dad, look at me Think back and talk to me, did I grow up according to plan?" My phone played.
"It's dad, I'll be back now!" I smiled at mum before grabbing my phone and walking away.
(L-Lily D-Dad)
L- Hey dad, What's up?
D- Hey Cupcake, I'm coming home for Christmas.
L- Yay! What day will you be back?
D- FRIDAY NEXT WEEK
L-Yay can't wait to see you
D- Same here! Look I gotta go, I love you to the moon and back.
L- I love you to the moon and back too.
D- Bye, tell James I said I love him for me.
L-Will do! Bye!
(END)
I headed back into the room, James was on mum's phone playing Subway surfers.
"Everything OK?" Mum asked.
"yeah, Dad's coming back next week Jammie" I told him, he smiled before going back to his game.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, I pulled it out and noticed I had been mentioned in a tweet.
@StrikeaposeAmelia: #Mentionaloser Defo not @LilyRivers such a beautiful girl, she's skinny, and doesn't need make up on at all, she's just perff...JOKES She's about as pretty as a pig and is as fat as a Hippo!!! RT!!!!
I bit my lip and watched the mentions pop up.
@BrandonHotness: #Mentionaloser always will be the fattest of 'em all @LilyRivers !! 100+ Rts and she gets a big beating on Monday!
I really didn't want to cry so I turned my phone off and put it back in my bag. I looked and saw mum had fallen asleep.
"We better go Jammie" I whispered, he put mum's phone in her bag, I put him on my hip and left a short note.
Hey mum, didn't want to wake you, Jammie's bed time soon, have a nice sleep. I love you. we'll see you soon xx Lily and JAMMIE, LOVE YOU MUME.
James wrote his own name and his little message, he writes in capitals letters. I left the note on the table and walked outside, I sat on the bench and cried. Someone sat down next to me and hugged me. I didn't care who it was I just hugged them and cried.
"Sh, let it all out, it's OK, Shh" I instantly recognised that voice.
Luke.
After a while I calmed down and pulled away, Luke had a wet patch on his shirt from where I had been crying.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry" I rushed.
"It's fine, do you want a lift home because my friends picking me up, he can drop you off" Luke offered.
"No thank you, it's OK, I'll take the bus" I told him.
"No! You're going in the car" he stated and picked up James.
"can't go anywhere with out your little brother" He laughed and ran to the car park. I ran after him, laughing. He walked up to a red car that looked very familiar. Soon I realised it was the car that nearly hit me earlier. It was the same driver.
"Hey Ash, can you drive these two home?" Luke asked and the driver nodded. I got in the back and Luke climbed in with James.
"So Ash this is Lily, the girl you nearly ran over and Lily this is Ashton the boy who nearly ran you over" Luke smiled.
"Hi, I'm sorry" We said at the same time. We both laughed and he began to drive away.
10 Minutes later.
"take a left here" I told him, he did so and pulled over.
"Thank you Ashton" I smiled and got out, James following.
"I'll text you sometime" Luke smiled.
"K, bye" I smiled and they drove away.
We walked towards our house, almost getting to the door when it flew open revealing a man in his early 30's and Sophia. Sophia connected their lips and I looked down at James who was picking up leaves. The man pulled away and she giggled at him before he got into his fancy sports car.
"I'll see you tomorrow babes" He smiled and she nodded.
"OK BYE" She yelled back, drunk. He drove off and she walked back into the house, I picked up James and headed inside.
"Go upstairs, I'll be there now" I told James who climbed up the stairs quickly. I walked into the kitchen where Sophia was drinking cheap Vodka.
"You Shouldn't drink" I muttered and grabbed two blackcurrant drinks from the fridge. I grabbed the bread and began making two cheese sandwich's.
"AND WHO ARE YOU TO STOP ME!?" She yelled and I began walking away.
"James!" I called and he came down, I told him to take the food upstairs while I talked to Sophia.
"Sophia stop drinking" I told her.
"make me!" She spat.
"You don't deserve my dad!" I spat back.
"You're a nasty piece of work aren't you" She yelled.
"You're a cheating cow, my dad is too good for you!" I yelled at her, her face changed from annoyed to angry.There was silence and then a smashing was made as she threw her glass at the wall beside me.
"SAY THAT AGAIN YOU LITTLE SHIT!" She yelled.
"You're a cheating cow, my dad is too good for you!" I repeated. She screamed and tipped her vodka over me. I gasped and pushed her away before throwing James' bottle at her. I ran upstairs and into James' room, he tried to hug me.
"No Sophia tipped nasty stuff over me" I told him, he nodded and climbed back onto his bed.
I went into the bathroom and had a shower, I quickly dried before changing into my Pyjamas. I sat on the toilet seat and looked at my poor thighs. Small pink lines were all over them, I sighed and walked towards the mirror. I reached above it and pulled out the blade.
(WARNING SELF HARM!!)
I pulled the blade over my skin, watching it turn from pale to red, The beads of dark red liquid pooled on the line, I made a few more before stopping and washing the blade. All my pain seemed to leave my body and I felt a lot better. It felt such a relief, I sighed and bandaged them up gently before sliding my PJ's over them.
I headed back into James' room, he was asleep. I walked over, kissed his forehead and finally tucked him in, he was holding his toy tiger against his chest.
"I love you" I muttered and headed into my room. I crawled into my bed and pulled my toy penguin next to me. I sighed before turning off the light and falling to sleep.
A/N Hey :) New book. I would really like it if you voted and commented, I need to know if you like it xx Um...I'm not good at anything but I like writing so I make these xx Just tell me what you think and if you don't can you vote :) xx
Thank you xx