Kylian played his last game of the season with the national team yesterday, but he went to spend time with his family afterwards, so I'm finally seeing him again today after days of us not seeing each other.
I'm so happy that he's finally gotten some time off so he and I can have more time to ourselves.
-Are you here yet?
I message Kylian, anxiously waiting for his response.
-Yes, I'm on my way. But just a little heads up, we're going out with my friends, so we have to be with the bodyguards, meaning we won't be taking my car.
I stare at his message for a few seconds, not really knowing what to say, because I thought it was just going to be the two of us tonight, but I suppose it's better than not hanging out with him at all.
-Okay, that sounds good! See you then.
He sees my message and then proceeds to react to it with a thumbs up.
After what feels like an eternity of me pacing back and forth in my living room, I finally get the text from Kylian that he's here. And I make my way outside.
When I get outside, I see a black van with tinted windows, and I'm certain that it is Kylian, so I walk closer to it, and the doors open, and I see Kylian and four other guys there, two of whom I don't really recognize.
"Hi guys," I shyly say as I make my way into the car and sit next to Kylian. Only Kylian and the other two familiar faces respond. The other two unfamiliar faces don't really respond. They are seated in the driver's and passenger's seats, and they are dressed in all black, making me come to the conclusion that they're the bodyguards.
"Amirah, meet two of my closest friends, Brice and Mattias." Kylian is introducing me to his friends.
They both put their hands out for me to greet.
"Enchanté," Brice and Mattias both say as they shake their hands.
"The pleasure is all mine." I respond, giving them a smile.
We continue to make small talk, and it goes back and forth for a bit, giving me the chance to get to know them a bit better.
"So where are we going?" I whisper in Kylian's ear.
"We're going to a club, and getting out of the car will be chaotic, hence the bodyguards." Kylian whispers back.
"Ah, okay," I say, softly nodding my head.
"We should be there in like two minutes, so when we get there, you'll leave first so that Jules can help you get inside safely." He says it in his normal voice.
"Got it. Also, who's Jules?" I ask
"He's the bodyguard sitting in the passenger seat." Kylian says, pointing at him, and Jules looks in the mirror and gives a subtle nod.
"Ah, I see." I respond, giving Jules a wave.
Shortly after we arrive, I am the first one to get off, with Jules already waiting for me outside, and all of a sudden there are so many flashes and people screaming. I hold onto Jules's hand because I know that if I don't, I'll get lost in this crowd, and I don't think I can handle that.
Suddenly I hear people scream even more, and it's obvious that Kylian just got out of the car because it's now more chaotic and there are a lot more cameras and flashing lights. The paparazzi are also screaming loudly to get Kylian's attention.
Luckily, Jules and I make it into the club safe and sound. He takes me to the VIP section, where Kylian, Mattias, and Brice join me. The bodyguards kind of keep their distance from us, giving us a bit of personal space.
"We're going to get drinks; do you need anything?" Kylian asks me as he and his friends stand up.
"I think I'll just take a Coke."
"Got it, I'll grab a coke for you. Anything else you want? Maybe some appetizers?"
"No thanks; I think that's it for now."
"No problem, just the coke then. I'll be right back with it." Kylian says as he and his friends make their way to the bartenders.
While they're gone, I look around and see a lot of people dancing, singing, and just having fun. I feel awkward being here because this isn't necessarily my definition of fun. There are so many people here, and the music is so loud that I can't even hear myself think.
I don't really get why Kylian brought me here tonight, because I feel like it's a boys night out and I'm just here tagging along.
I start getting bored, and I decide to text Kylian and ask him when they're coming back, but I can't find my phone. I look for it in my pockets, but it's nowhere to be found.
Until I remember that it fell in the car as I was leaving and since I was leaving in a hurry, I don't bother to pick it up.
I start feeling like I'm going to lose my mind because Kylian and the boys aren't back, and one of the bodyguards left with them and the other stayed with me, but I can't even find the other one.
I start feeling overwhelmed, but I brush the feeling off because I know that Kylian and the boys should be back by now.
As I am trying to distract myself from the anxious feeling, a random man, who looks to be in his late 50's, comes out of nowhere and slides into the booth. And I'm not even exaggerating when I say that he slides, because this man, who I don't even know, just decides to slide in the booth and sit next to me without even asking.
"Hey pretty lady, you look lonely. I can fix that." He says this as he attempts to wink at me and wraps his arm around me.
I don't know how he says such a cringe-worthy and cheesy pick-up line with a straight face, because I start laughing uncontrollably.
"I'm not interested. I actually have a boyfriend, and I'm not feeling lonely at all." I say, knowing that the last part is a lie, but he doesn't need to know that.
The man looks around for a few seconds and then starts speaking again. "Well, I don't see the so-called boyfriend anywhere, so why don't you let me buy you a drink?" He says with his thick French accent.
"No thank you, my boyfriend is getting my drink." I say, trying to stay as polite as possible.
The man starts getting closer to me, and it's so close that I don't have any personal space left. I try moving away from him, but he pulls me closer to him and then proceeds to wrap his right arm around my waist and then put his other hand on my thigh.
I show him that I am visibly uncomfortable and even try to take his hands off me. But his grip on me gets tighter.
"Where are you going, sweetheart? We just started talking." The man says as his voice slightly gets aggressive and the look in his eyes changes.
It's a gaze that most men wouldn't understand, as they've never witnessed it and likely never will.
He is now looking at me as if I'm a prey.
When a man fixes on you as prey, his eyes suddenly lock onto you with a determined gleam. The intensity of his gaze lingers unnaturally long, revealing his inner thoughts.
These thoughts are centred around complete possession, not just of material things but of one's very being. It's a relentless drive to exert control and establish dominance, often leaving women feeling vulnerable.
"I already told you I'm not interested. Leave me alone." I say with my voice trembling with fear and tears welling in my eyes.
He doesn't listen to anything I tell him, instead he grabs my neck out of nowhere and starts choking me. I'm caught off guard because everything happens so fast, but I still use all of my strength to push him off me. But I'm too weak for him as his grip gets tighter.
"Hé, mec, calme-toi! Elle n'est pas intéressée. Laisse-la tranquille" a man says out of nowhere, stepping in to protect me from the man's aggressive behaviour.
*Hey, man, calm down! She's not interested. Leave her alone*
The bodyguard has to practically pull him off me because the man ignores him. When his hands are finally off my neck, I start coughing while trying to catch my breath.
"Do you want to call the police, Mademoiselle?" The bodyguard asks me
"No, there's no need for that." I tell him, still trying to catch my breath.
"What happened here?" Kylian asks as he and the others come back.
"Le gars a essayé de la draguer, mais elle lui a dit qu'elle n'était pas intéressée et lui a demandé de la laisser tranquille. Mais il n'a pas écouté et il a commencé à l'étrangler." The bodyguard explains it to Kylian.
*The man tried to hit on her, but she told him she wasn't interested and asked him to leave her alone. However, he didn't listen and started choking her.*
"Amirah, are you sure you don't want to call the police? What he did was assault." Kylian says as she sits down next to me.
"Yes, I'm sure. There's no use in reporting him."
Kylian agrees to let it go and just gives me a nod.
"Elle insiste à ne pas appeler la police; il faut juste le laisser partir.' He tells the bodyguard.
*She insists not to call the police; just let him go.*
The bodyguard lets the man go, and just as he's leaving, he whispers in my ear and calls me a slut.
I don't know why, but I laugh at that.
After the man is gone, the bodyguards go back to their places, and it's a bit awkward with Kylian and his friends.
"Can I have my drink, please?" I ask as I rub my neck, as it's still kind of hurting me.
"Merde! We forgot about your drink. We met up with some friends; that's why we took so long." Kylian says this with a regretful expression on his face.
"That's fine." I say I'm giving him a smile, despite feeling very disappointed.
"I'm really sorry, Amirah; I'll make it up to you. I'll go get you your drink."
"I have to go to the bathroom, so I'll get my drink on my way back." I say this as I stand up and leave.
When I get to the bathroom, I break. Tears start falling down my face, and I let them. Luckily for me, there's no one else in the bathroom.
I start feeling a familiar feeling. I haven't liked this in over two years, and I really thought it was gone forever.
Tears streamed down my face as my body trembles with fear and panic. It is as if all the pent-up anxiety from the past two years comes crashing down on me in this moment.
Living with severe anxiety was a constant battle for me, to the point where I had to go on medication. It consumed my daily life, with panic attacks occurring more than once a day, every single day.
When my heart starts beating so fast and my vision starts to get blurry, I know I have to sit down.
I can feel myself having a panic attack. At this point, my whole body is trembling, and I feel like everything is out of control. All the feelings I feel are so intense, that I feel like I am going to die. But I know what I have to do.
I focus on my breathing, trying to regain control of my racing heart. Slowly, the panic begins to subside, but it feels like an eternity before I feel okay enough to leave the bathroom.
When I go to the bartenders, I decide to get a glass of water instead of a coke because I feel like all I need right now is water.
After I get my water, I make my way back to where Kylian and the others are.
"Are you okay? I messaged you, but you didn't answer." Kylian whispers in my ear as I sit next to him.
I clear my throat. "Yeah, I'm okay; I needed a few minutes by myself." I say, Give him a reassuring smile.
"Okay, good. We were all worried about you." Kylian says this with a relieved look on his face.
After that, he and his friends continue talking to each other, and they are all laughing and having a fun time together.
As time goes on, I start feeling like I shouldn't be here because it is obvious that this is more of a boys night. Kylian is not even paying any attention to me or even trying to include me in the conversation. It's like they all forget I am here.
I tap Kylian's shoulder to get his attention. "I think I'm going to head out. I'm really tired." I tell him.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay any longer?" He asks.
"Yes, I'm sure." I assure him.
"Okay, I'll have Jules drop you off. I'll talk to you later, I promise." He says this, kissing my forehead.
I don't say anything else, I just give him a nod and a small smile. He asks Jules to drop me back home.
Leaving the bar is easier than getting into it because Kylian is not around, so there aren't a lot of paparazzi, and the ones that are there don't really take any pictures. When we got into the car, I let out a big sigh of relief.
The car ride is pretty silent, but it's not a really long one, so I endure it.
I simply look out the window and admire Paris at night. We pass by the Eiffel Tower, and it's all lit up and looks like something that's straight out of a movie. The scenery at night is so peaceful for me that a part of me dreads the car ride ending.
When I do finally get home and get out of the car, I make sure to thank Jules, "Merci Jules."
"No problem. Bonne nuit, mademoiselle." He says this as he salutes me.
He doesn't drive away until he makes sure I get into the building safely.
I make my way into the apartment, and I feel comforted by the familiar smell. I decide to take a cold shower because I feel like it's something that I really need right now.
The shower lasts about ten minutes, and I decide to do my nighttime skincare routine, and afterwards I change into my pyjamas.
I then go to the kitchen and make myself grilled cheese sandwiches before bed. They don't take long to be ready, and just as I'm putting them on a plate, my phone starts ringing.
I don't even have to see who's calling because my phone is in my room, but through the window, I can see Kylian leaning on his car outside, calling me.
I want to ignore him, but I also want to get an explanation of why he has been a dick lately. After a minute of contemplating whether or not I should go see him, I decide to go outside.
"Hi." Kylian softly says this as he gives me a soft wave with one of his hands, the other one being in his pocket.
"Hi." I respond with no emotion in my voice.
"Amirah, can we talk?" He asks
"Sure, I just made grilled cheese sandwiches; do you want to come inside?" I ask, as I copy Kylian and have my hands in my pants pockets.
"Yeah, sure, but what about your brother?"
"Oh, don't worry about him. He's in Montpellier for a few days for a photoshoot." I tell him
"Okay."
I lead the way to my apartment, and when I open the door, I see Kylian's face change, and he starts looking around, analyzing almost everything.
I go to the kitchen and cut the two sandwiches in half so that I have four pieces. I then get another plate for Kylian and put ketchup on the side before serving the sandwiches.
"Bon appétit." I say as I hand him his place.
"Merci, mon amour." Kylian says this with a smile on his face.
I don't eat mine; instead, I watch him eat his to see if he likes it or not. "So what do you think?"
"I've actually never had a grilled cheese sandwich like this, but I really like it." Kylian says, leaving me surprised.
"No way, really?!?" I ask him with a shocked look on my face.
"Nope. I guess because most of the time I watch what I'm eating, but also because it's never really come to mind. So it's not something I'd normally eat, but because you offered, I couldn't say no."
"Oh wow, okay." I say, still surprised by what he just told me.
It's silent for a bit, and it's the awkward silence type.
"So are we going to talk about what happened tonight or? ..." I say this as I put my plate back on the table and start holding a pillow.
Kylian starts nervously fidgeting with his hands and says, "I'm really sorry for ignoring you tonight; it wasn't intentional. I got caught up talking with my friends and lost track of time. I really want to make it up to you."
"Kylian, what you did tonight really hurt me, you know? I thought you and I were going to go out and do something together. I don't expect to be in a loud club with your friends and bodyguards around." I say, getting more frustrated
"I know but..." Kylian starts speaking, but I cut him off.
"There is no but, Kylian. I don't like crowded places, and the way you ignored me tonight really hurt because you completely disregarded my existence. You've just been sort of a dick lately, and you still saw your friends while you were with the national team. And yesterday you went to see your family, and I'm cool with that, but I don't know. I thought maybe today you would choose to spend time with me, but I guess not. And maybe I sound selfish, but that's just how I feel." I take a deep breath while running my fingers through my hair.
Kylian gets closer to me, and his face turns to mine.
"Amirah, I'm really sorry that lately all I seem to do is hurt you but that isn't my intention. I swear, I didn't mean to make you feel ignored tonight. I know that I should have considered your feelings and spent some quality time with just the two of us. I really want to make it up to you—anything you want."
"Anything?" I say, raising one eyebrow.
"Yes, anything." He nods, confirming his statement.
"Give me one second; I need to think about this." I say, pretending to think about it. "How about you spend the night?" I finally say
"Amirah I can't do that tonight. I have... no, actually, never mind. I can stay tonight." He says this as he retracts his statement mid-sentence.
"Thank you." I say to him, feeling happy that he put me first for once.
"Again, I'm really sorry it took me that long to realize that I was hurting you." He says this as he tucks my hair behind my ear.
"It's okay; I also wasn't the best at communicating how I felt." I say, admitting my mistake.
"So... are we okay now?"
"Yes. Yes, we are." I say this as I give him a quick peck on the lips.
He now has a smile on his face, and I can see the sad look leave his eyes, being replaced with a happy one. Bringing a big smile to my face.
-𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔
Hi! I hope you're all doing well. I think might be my longest chapter so far, so I hope you lot enjoyed it and didn't find it too boring or too long.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 🍂🍗Have a great weekend and cherish the time with your loved ones.
Hugs & kisses,
Isimbi 💐