Just run Stace, run and don't look back. I watched the path ahead as I ran for my life. I panted and breathed heavily. My heart was aching, my chest was on fire and my legs were on the verge of collapsing, but for the life of me I wouldn't stop, I couldn't.
Keep running Stace, don't stop now.
You can't stop,
You mustn’t.
I swiftly turned the corner and kept running for my life. I dodged a couple of passer-by’s and continued. The flashbacks kept playing back in my head. Him lying there in a massive pool of blood, the knife sticking out of his chest as the thick red blood continued to ooze out of his stiff lifeless body... his shocked expression as he slowly dropped to the floor. I just couldn't get it out of my head, no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't possible.
Just don't think about it Stace,
Keep running.
Eventually I got to Rochelle's house and frantically banged on the door.
"Chelle! Open up, please!!" Despite the fact it was coming up to 8:00pm and she was probably busy, I couldn't care less. I needed to be hidden, as soon as possible. I could already hear an ambulance in the distance. I gulped and banged on the door even louder with my fist.
"ROCHELLE!" I called again; I quickly rang the doorbell multiple times in the hopes that she would just open the door.
The door swung open, Chelle was stood there panting with her dressing-gown on.
"Stace?" She asked. I quickly entered the house and closed the door. I leaned against it and shivered. I was so afraid at the thought of being caught; I just couldn't face the fact of what I had done. Rochelle stood in front of me and firmly held my shoulders.
"What's wrong, what happened?" She asked quietly.
"I... I done a bad thing.. I can't face them," I answered shakily.
"Who Stace?"
"I.. I cant."
"Who was it?" Chelle's boyfriend Luke was heard at the top of the stairs, he descended slowly with nothing on but a cream towel wrapped tightly around his waist. Now I know why Chelle took so long to answer the door.
"Is everything alright?" He asked.
"Clearly not, she's traumatised," Chelle said.
"I didn't mean to disturb you.. I just had to get away," I whispered.
"It's okay, come." Chelle guided me to the living-room and sat me down on the sofa. I sat there silently, looking down at my feet and breathing deeply. The same thoughts and images continued to run through my mind in a loop. I still found it hard to believe what I done, since as long as I could remember David's been on my case, and it was finally that time that I ended it... I just didn’t expect it to be this way. I sighed.
"Stace look at me," I slowly shifted my eyes upwards till I was peering right at Rochelle. She gave me a worried look, "what's wrong?" I shook my head.
"I done a bad thing Chelle. A really bad thing." She cocked an eyebrow upwards.
"What did you do?" My chest began to ache and my heart rate quickened. Chelle was the only person I could tell anything to and not feel any regrets, but this one thing I was doubtful to tell, she didn't even know about the rape, so to tell her what I had just done would be hard for her to understand.
I'm gonna have to come out with it.
"I... hurt David." I said slowly. Her expresssion deepened, the creases in her face proved how baffled she was.
"You what?" She asked.
"I hurt him. I didn't mean to, it was an accident." I sad absentmindedly; I couldn't even believe what I was saying, this was all surreal.
"What do you mean you hurt him, what did you do?"
"I got a knife and I…" I sighed. Her face dropped as she looked down at my shirt, with specks of his blood on it.
"Stace..." She said cautiously. By then I knew she could tell exactly what I had done. Tears began to form, threatening to splash over my eye-lids. I was such a criminal.
"I didn't mean to!" I sobbed, cupping my face in my hands.
Chelle was silent. She lightly rested her leg on my leg and rubbed it gently.
"It's okay," she said quietly, "it's gonna be okay Stace." I continued to cry.
"No it's not, I'm a killer..." I muttered. I could taste the salty tears entering the corners of my mouth. My head throbbed viciously and my chest ached. I didn't even know what to do with myself at this point.
"I'm gonna get you a fresh top to change into." She said faintly. She stood up and left the room. I sighed and heard her footsteps ascend up the stairs.
Well done Stace, you're really gonna make your mum proud aren't ya?
I knew exactly how she was gonna react, I could already tell. She can never know it was me. Never.
If she did I don't know what I'd do. It was bad enough already that I regretted what I done; I know I shouldn't, but I do. Maybe I'm just too much of a good person. David deserved everything he got, yet I'm sat here crying. Why though?
I sniffed and rubbed my face; I was a total wreck.
What if police were to catch onto me, what would I do then?
There's no way in hell that I'm gettin a criminal record, it was merely self-defence.
"Here," I felt weight added on the sofa again as Rochelle sat beside me once again. She handed me a fresh clean top.
"Thanks," I mumbled. I dried my eyes then eventually heard her front door shut. "Was that Luke?"
"Yeah." I breathed deeply. I knew I had interrupted their romance, I didn't intend to.
"Sorry,"
"Don't worry Stace; you're more important right now." I nodded slowly and changed into the fresh top. She took it from me then went to dispose of it.
Eventually we were in her room and we had both resorted to silence. I sat there on her bed hugging my legs as she was sat on her computer chair, watching me closely. It was then I decided to speak.
"Aren't you gonna ask me what happened?"
"What more do I need to know? You killed him Stace." I rubbed my face.
"I know." She slowly shook her head.
"Why? Why'd you do it?" I gulped and turned to the window.
"I had to."
"Why?"
"He was the cause of it. I couldn't take it any longer, I just had to."
"But why?" I sighed and shook my head.
"It was the only thing I could do... he was shouting at me and grabbing me..." I swallowed hard as I remembered the graphic scene in my head, "then I saw the knife close-by on the table. I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was getting him away from me. I was panicking; I didn't actually mean to hurt him so badly." She watched me intently, taking it all in.
"What happened?" She asked in a low tone.
"I grabbed the knife and..." I paused and swallowed hard, I found it hard to even finish the sentence.
"You... stabbed him?" She asked. I slowly nodded and we both fell silent once again. It was never like Chelle to be this quiet, and serious. She rubbed her face.
"We gotta call him an ambulance."
"No." She cocked her eyebrow upwards.
"What d'you mean no Stace? He's injured!"
"He deserved it." She stood up and began pacing up and down the room.
"You took it too far. The police are gonna get involved."
"Don't you think I know that?" I sighed and closed my eyes. This was all too much to handle for me right now.
"Well we can't just sit here," Rochelle sighed, but sat down regardless. She looked defeated, which was odd since I was the one going through the situation. But me and Chelle have always been like this, once one of us are in trouble we both become affected, it was only natural that she's worried about my situation. But right now I was in such a state that I couldn't even think straight.
"I just wanna stay here Chelle please, just for one night." I begged quietly. She watched me quizzically and became hesitant.
"Sure... course you can stay. I just don't want you to bring trouble to this door." I shook my head.
"Hopefully no-one can trace me back here."
"You'd better hope so, cos this is fucked up." I dried the tear that was threatening to show, I'm not gonna cry, I won't allow this to get to me. It was a mistake, but the right thing to do at the time, so I mustn’t cry. Rochelle's face softened as she watched me.
"Want anything?" She asked.
"No... no I'm okay." I answered. She sighed and came closer towards me and rubbed my arm.
"I didn't know David was that abusive." She said, acknowledging the situation. I swallowed hard and nodded.
"He was always abusive,"
"You never said." I shrugged.
"Didn't bother, no-one would have believed me." She frowned slightly.
"Stace, you're my best friend. Do you honestly think I wouldn't believe you?" I looked at her.
"No. But I was scared. It's been going on for ages, since I met him. I was so used to being quiet about it that I just accepted it as normal." She shook her head.
"Then I admire what you did, but now this is gonna cause problems." I sighed deeply.
"Yeah, I know. Sorry." She shook her head.
"Don't be. Just stay for tonight, my mum won't mind." By this point my throat was so dried up from the fear and worry, that I had no recollection of swallowing. I just nodded and rested my head on the wall, thinking about what I had done literally an hour ago.
I really am a murderer.
The sound of the summer breeze pelting against the window woke me. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Chelle's room was now alight just by the sun shining. I didn't know it could be so warm. I sat up and scoped the room. It seemed so peaceful here in the morning, unlike at my house. Every time I wake up in my own room all I would hear is David shouting at my mum, and vice versa. It was always the same routine with them two. I'd never wake up happy because of them. Now I guess things are gonna have to change. I never understood why my mum put up with David and his crap, but I guess now she won't have to.
I just hope she doesn't find out it was me who did it.
I noticed Rochelle was already awake and texting on her phone. She looked at me and smiled gently.
"Morning sleepy head."
"Hey," I said scratching my head.
"How you feeling?" I shrugged.
"I don't really know." She nodded.
"It's okay, we won't talk about it." I thanked her and yawned.
"Who are you texting?" I asked.
"Luke." I frowned.
"I didn't mean to ruin it for you yesterday." She chuckled lightly.
"It's okay, my mum's never usually here anyway so he can easily come round again and finish what he started." She smirked and I laughed quietly. I envied Chelle, so much. I mean the way her and Luke were so cute together, and did everything with each other. It was so unfair, I wanted that kind of thing with Javon, but it's like something was restricting the both of us from having a normal relationship. It bugs me so much. Eventually I got up and decided to get ready. Thank God Chelle provided me with a change of clothes, I wouldn't know what to do since the clothes I had on yesterday was drenched in David's blood. I brushed my hair back and stared at myself in the mirror. Good God, when I look at myself all I can do is cringe! I no longer liked my appearance, maybe if I dyed my hair a different colour?
"So did David know you didn't like him or something?" I heard Chelle ask from behind. I turned to witness her focused on her phone. I knew she would bring it up sooner or later. I sighed.
"I guess he did. I made it quite obvious."
"Is that why he abused you?" I slowly put the brush down and sat on her carpet.
"No..." She put her phone down and finally looked at me.
"Stace this whole thing is bugging me, I just wanna know why you did what you did." I breathed deeply. After all this time of keeping it in, after all the secrets and pain... after everything... I was gonna tell.
"He used to... do things to me." I muttered. She raised an eyebrow.
"What? What things?" I sighed and rubbed my forehead.
"Bad things... nasty things..." I could barely get it out. I just couldn't believe I was finally telling someone this news; something I vowed I wouldn't say anything about. Now here I was telling Rochelle about the unforgivable man who made my life a living hell for the past 6 years.
"What did he do?" Chelle whispered. I breathed deeply and prepared myself to tell all.
"I was only 10 when I first met David. He seemed really cool and friendly... everything was fine since I was still seeing my dad and all. My mum was happy she had met someone 'different' for a change, she loved him so much she allowed him to move in with us only after a few weeks of them dating. I didn't really mind because David was nice to me. But I could always tell there was something weird about him, right after him and my mum had their first argument."
"What were they arguing about?" Chelle asked interested. I gave a light shrug.
"Kinda hard to remember now, I know it was to do with a woman though. I didn't bother to eavesdrop," she nodded and I took a deep breath, "I remember the first time he actually touched me inappropriately, but I didn't know it was inappropriate at the time." Her mouth gaped open in shock. I closed my eyes as I remembered that dreadful
day...
I opened the front door with the new house keys mum gave me and led Buster inside. I loved Dave's new dog, he was so cute. Only a lil puppy, Dave says I can look after him whenever I want to, so I took him for a walk. I took the leash from around Buster's neck and left it on the side as I closed the door with my foot.
"Mum!" I called out.
No reply.
I shrugged; maybe she was at work still. I followed Buster into the kitchen as he ran off to eat some food from his bowl. I laughed at how eager he was to eat.
"You must have been hungry boy," I said stroking his soft fur. I wonder if Dave will let me keep him if I look after him well. He's like my new best friend, after Rochelle of course. I heard the floorboard creaking. I stopped and looked around.
That was weird.
I went to the fridge and poured myself a nice glass of apple juice, then poured some into Busters bowl. I wonder if he was even allowed to have apple juice. He should be, it's really nice. I giggled as he slurrped the juice. Mum says the only thing a dog cannot eat was chocolate. I wish she told me that before I gave Rochelle's dog some of my Twix. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her dog since then.
Oh well.
I drank my juice slowly and thought of Javon. He was so hot! Chloe has no idea how lucky she was. I mean, if he was ever my older brother that would be yucky, but still, I wouldn't really care. I wonder if he knows that I like him? Probably not. I looked down at my fat arms and fat legs.
He definitely wouldn't like me, look at me.
I sighed and put my cup down. If only I had a phone, I could call mum and ask where she was. She was usually home by now. I went upstairs to my room and decided to draw some pictures, that's just how bored I was.
Maybe the next time I see dad I can show him. I got out my pastels and a piece of paper from my draw and began to sketch the head. I've never drawn my dad before; maybe if I do I can get more pocket money. That would be awesome.
After a few minutes I had already drawn the features and was now shading in the face. I had used a picture of dad from my photo album to get an idea of where his lips and eyes were. I was almost done and so proud of myself.
"Dad's gonna love this," I said to myself. I smiled and held it up, proud with my work. This was the best picture yet!
The door slowly creaked open, I looked and smiled, he returned the smile.
"Hey Dave," I said merrily. He gave a light chuckle and entered the room, closing the door behind him.
"Hello Stace,"
"Do you know where mum is?"
"At work I suppose," I nodded, "what you got there?" He asked coming closer.
"My dad, I just drew him." He gasped.
"Really, can I have a look?" I nodded.
"Sure." I handed him the picture and he took it. He looked at it for a while then smiled before giving it back to me.
"It's nice, he's gonna love it." He said. I laughed and cleared all my pastels and colours away. I got some blu-tac and stuck the picture to the wall. He smiled and nodded.
"You're very talented Stace."
"Thanks Justin," He chuckled lightly.
"I'm not Justin Timberlake honey," I rolled my eyes.
"You might as well be. I mean... you could be twins." He laughed.
"I doubt it. You have such a wild imagination." I grinned and grabbed some paper.
"You know I can make an origami." His eyes widened.
"Really?" I nodded, "why don't you show me?"
"Okay." I began folding the paper into little pieces. The best thing I like to make is a swan, it was so pretty. I remember when Rochelle's uncle taught me how to do it, and since then I do it every day when I'm bored. It was so easy to me now, it didn't take much effort. I even made a really big one for my mum, she loved it, so I put it in her room where she can always see it. He watched me as I made the swan, then stroked my hair. I smiled and folded the tip for the beak; now all I had to do was the wings! He bent down and sniffed my hair. I froze and raised my eyebrow.
"Dave?" He grunted like a bear and I giggled.
"Yes?"
"Why are you sniffing me?" I asked.
"You have really nice hair Stacey, it smells nice." He continued to stroke my hair just like my mum does. He's never done this before. He was so weird, but funny!
I finished the origami and smiled.
"Look Dave, a swan!" I laughed and he smiled.
"That's nice, is that for me?" I nodded and smiled and handed it to him, "thank you missy."
"It's okay, I won't charge you." He laughed. I decided I was gonna do another one for Buster; maybe he'd eat it, or play with it, that would be awesome. I picked up another piece of paper and started folding. It was weird the way Dave was touching my hair so much, maybe because his isn't as long. I folded the beak and felt him kiss my neck. He was so weird; he never kisses my neck, only my forehead. Silly David.
I laughed and put holes near the beak. Dave's hand touched my leg and rubbed it. I stopped.
"Erm..." I muttered. He breathed deeply and started rubbing all over my leg.
I didn't like it.
"Dave..." I said quietly. He didn't say anything; his hands kept rubbing over me. I swallowed hard; I didn't like it at all.
"Let's play a game," he said in my ear. I started shaking and trembling. I didn't understand what he was doing. I was scared. "I'll be the doctor, you be the patient. You have to keep as quiet for as long as possible so I can examine you." His hand went under my skirt and he started grunting like a bear again. I was still, I didn't get what he was doing. Am I meant to stay here like this... what kind of game was this?
"I... want my mum.." I said. He didn't stop, he just kept doing it.
"You don't need her right now," he said, licking my neck. I whimpered and tried getting up but he grabbed onto my arm and pulled me back. I screamed and started kicking my legs. He pushed me down and came ontop of me. He wasn't smiling anymore, he looked very angry. I didn't understand what I done wrong.
"I WANT MY MUM!" I screamed, I started crying and felt scared.
"Shut up!" He covered my mouth and started lifting up my skirt. I screamed even louder, but his hand was still on my mouth. I cried and cried but it made him even angrier. I didn't like David like this, I didn't do anything!
"It's just me and you Stace," he started pulling down his jeans.
"MUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" He pushed down on my mouth harder and took my skirt off.
"Be quiet!" He shouted. He was watching my girly parts, I cried and tried to scratch him but it didn't hurt him. I wasn't bad, or naughty, but he looked angry. I didn't understand.
"I've always been meaning to do this." He grabbed both of my arms and held them above my head. I screamed as loud as I could and tried kicking him off of me but nothing was working. He pulled down his pants and rested on me.
I was scared, I wanted my mum to stop this.
I tried everything I could, but it didn't stop him from hurting me afterwards...
I sighed and opened my eyes to see Rochelle staring at me intently. Her lips were formed in a thin line of discontent, and her eyes displayed such compassion and understanding, it almost made me feel sorry for myself. Those days have passed now though, I no longer take pity on my own situation. It is what it is.
"Oh my God." She muttered. She covered her mouth and continued to stare, still taking in what I had just uncovered.
"You're the only person I've told now," I said quietly.
"Doesn't your mum know?" I shook my head.
"He said if I told anyone he'd put me in more danger than I was in already."
"What did you do after?" She asked in a faint tone.
"I was 10, what could I have done?" Her eyes began to water, "Chelle don't cry."
"All this time he's been doing this and I didn't even know, no-one had any idea... and you just kept it to yourself." She dried her eyes. She was always so emotional, it was normal for her to cry for me.
Someone had to.
"It's the past. Now you understand why I hate him so much. He stole my innocence, for no reason." She got off the bed and approached me. She sat in front of me on the carpet and stared into my eyes.
"I'm glad you defended yourself against that bastard then," she whispered, I nodded and she held my hand, "you don't have to worry about him anymore."
"But I'm gonna have to worry about police."
"Why don't you just tell them the truth?"
"They won't care Chelle," she sighed and brushed her velvet hair back, then tied it up with her pink hair band.
"Whatever happens, I'm here for you Stace." I smiled weakly.
"Thank you." The doorbell sounded and we both froze. My chest tightened and my heart began to thump. Rochelle noticed my sudden change of emotion and slowly got up.
"I'll see who it is," she said quietly. She left the room but I followed closely behind. The figure was stood on the other side of the door but was slightly blurred by the glass of the door. Chelle looked through the peep hole then turned to me.
"It's your mum." She said. Part of me felt slightly relieved as it wasn't the police, but it being my mum was just as bad in some ways. I nodded and she opened the door. I hid behind it so only Chelle could see me.
"Hi," she said quietly.
"Sorry to bother you Rochelle," mum replied in a low voice. She sounded so weak and worn out, I could sense the stress within her; it was already evident that the events of yesterday was getting to her terribly.
"It's okay." Chelle replied.
"You haven't seen Stacey by any chance have you?" I swallowed hard. Chelle's eyes quickly glanced towards me in panic, I shook my head and she looked back to my mother.
"No... I haven't," she answered. I heard mums exasperated sigh and felt bad just for causing her to lie.
"Do you know where she could be?"
"Not really, is everything alright?" She said casually.
"No, there's been an accident and I just want to make sure she's alright."
"Oh, I see." It was silent for a few seconds, which was unbearable. I bit my lip and felt like just appearing from behind the door and doing nothing but hugging her close, and telling her everything was gonna be okay, but that would be bollocks.
"If you see her just... tell her to come home." Chelle nodded.
"I will."
"Thank you." I heard the faint footsteps she made as she walked away in grief. Poor mum, she probably thinks I've run away somewhere far. I couldn't do that to her. I was hoping to return soon, just after everything blows over. Rochelle closed the door then turned to me slowly. There was no words said, only vague eye-contact. She knew exactly what I was thinking, and I her.
"I can't go back," I said, answering her mental question.
"You can’t hide forever Stace."
"I wasn't planning to... I just wanna give it another day, at least. She nodded and breathed deeply.
"C'mon, I'll whip us up something nice to eat." I smiled in appreciation and followed her to the kitchen.
Whatever happens, I just hope I don't get caught for this,
Or even worse,
Get jailed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I actually miss Javon and Nathan, I'ma have to bring them back in.
Anyway's comment.