Tim's hands spanned along the thin strip of bare skin between the waistband of Lucy's jeans and the hem of her crop top with his thumbs ghosting beneath her shirt, and he felt her fingers deliciously digging into his back as they kissed. It was more desperate and wanting and hungrier than any of the other kisses they shared over the weekend, and he could not stop himself from getting lost in the way their tongues tangled together. It was the closest to meditation he would ever experience, because her lips had a special way of clearing his mind and centering it on one purpose- LUCY.
Before he wanted to, Tim had to break away from her to breathe. When her eyes flew open to meet his, there were a million things he wanted to say, but all he could remember was how she attributed the heat behind their undercover kiss as "basic biology".
He was just STARING at her, and Lucy knew she was pretty speechless too, but her eyes begged him to speak and explain what compelled him to kiss her when they were alone in the guest room. Before they kissed, Tim had said she is the most important person in his life- his best friend and his favorite person. So, she thought this moment must be a turning point.
They were standing right on the razor thin edge of their friendship and about to cross over into the mysterious and boundless territory of "something more", if only Tim would SAY something.
When he remained frozen, Lucy decided she would tell him the truth. She would use her words and let him know how she feels about him. Because frankly, their weekend as fake fiancées had not made her fall in love with him; she ALREADY loved him. Pretending around her family, just like their time undercover, was simply an excuse to act on her feelings without being honest. But, she would be now. She had to be truthful if they had any hope of transitioning their relationship from something platonic to something deeper. So, Lucy opened her mouth to speak.
"I thought someone was coming," Tim whispered, and his eyes darted towards the doorway.
The wind was completely knocked out of her, and not just because of the head spinning kiss they just shared that emptied her lungs, but apparently, he had only kissed her to maintain their cover? "Right," she replied awkwardly and smoothed down the front of her shirt.
"Let's uh...get our bags and bring them back to the cottage," he suggested and started leaving the bedroom as waves of emotions crashed over him. Tim spent the entire walk out of the main house, over to the car, and down the beach towards the cottage kicking himself for failing to tell her the truth about how he feels as the real motivation for crashing into her.
Lucy silently followed him, only carrying her purse, which was the one item he allowed her to hold while he, as a gentleman, slung all of the other bags over his shoulders. She kept looking up at him silently questioning why he would kiss her just because he THOUGHT he heard someone approaching. Then again, she had kissed him in an airplane bathroom to lend authenticity to their mile high hookup, so maybe that was what he was doing. But she had to admit, part of her reached for him in that bathroom, because she wanted an excuse to kiss him, and she wondered if a part of him was similarly motivated when he kissed her just moments ago.
They settled back into the cottage easily; already knowing how all of their belongings would fit together in the space. Afterwards, Tim eyed her and considered his options- he could say he kissed her because he loves her or he could keep his mouth shut and let her continue thinking it was all an act.
He inhaled sharply, but then stopped himself from speaking; Lucy had JUST broken up with Chris, his breakup with Ashley was still fresh, plus, he did not think he could be so lucky that she actually loves him. Lucy is quite skilled at undercover work, and she viewed their engagement charade as something akin to undercover personas that were in love, but the REAL Lucy could never love him. She's smart, warm, generous, funny, gorgeous, and loving- how could a woman like that love a man as broken as him? Even suggesting he has feelings for her could upset the delicate balance of their friendship that had already been tested when they went undercover as a couple before.
Tim snapped his mouth shut, and he saw that she had noticed the way he tried to speak but then didn't; Lucy slumped her shoulders just a little when he decided to stay quiet. He wondered why she seemed disappointed while the energy between them was still charged. Nevertheless, he wanted to say something, so he landed on, "We'll have to leave Carmel eventually, and when we do, it can't be like after our last undercover operation."
Lucy had not expected him to say that, nor did she know what he meant, so she raised an eyebrow in question to silently urge him to elaborate.
"I know we sorta...drifted after the last time we went UC, but I can't go from living with you here to going back to you avoiding me when we're in L.A.," he explained.
"Me avoiding YOU? You're the one that pushed me to go out of town to UC school and got a new aide by the time I came back. You barely even look at me anymore! The last real conversation we had before this trip was at the food trucks, and that was only because Aunt Amy was there."
"That's not true! I've been trying to talk to you, but..." Tim paused, suddenly at a loss for words.
"But what?" She wanted him to provide some sort of explanation as to why she lost her friend.
"I didn't know what to say after...everything."
She gathered his meaning immediately; "after everything" meant after Lucy had invited him into her apartment where they would have slept together if Chris was not found bleeding on her couch. "You said nothing happened, and you're right. Nothing did, so we should just forget about it."
"I'd like that. I want us to be friends again."
The word "friends" hurt her more than she wanted to admit, so she nodded and tried not to let her face show how much it pained her.
"Okay, so we're agreed. What happens undercover stays undercover, and when we go back to L.A., we'll go back to normal."
"Does that mean you want me to be your aide again?"
That was a loaded question. Tim would love to have Lucy as his aide if for no other reason than to have the opportunity to spend 12 hours a day right next to her- breathing in her scent, listening to the sound of her voice, having the best conversations, and overall, passing the time between calls quite enjoyably simply because of her radiant presence. Yet, 12 hours a day so close from the one he loves who can't love him in return sounded like a form of torture too cruel for him to inflict on himself. Still, he asked, "Do you wanna be?"
It might have been too harsh to scream "NO!", but her mind shouted the response internally. Lucy did not want to be his aide- that would mean nothing else could happen between them. Now that she has experienced a little glimpse into a life with him as her fiancée, she was unable to simply be his aide. "I like going on patrol alone," she lied.
"Okay." Tim was so relieved that he was sure she noticed.
He stood there wearing the smallest smile but seemed to be out of words (this is what happens when you love a man of few words...it's maddening). "Okay," she parroted and searched his eyes for a second more to find something beneath the softness that looked like pain, but she was not sure. "We should find Amy and Tamara."
Tim nodded and followed her out of the cottage. He knew he was being a coward, but at least he could have the comforts of their fake relationship for as long as they were here, so he interlaced their fingers during the walk over and felt instantly happier at the contact.
She held back from crying just barely, because how could he be so comfortable playing the role of her fake fiancée but not feel anything more for her?
Tamara saw them walk into the kitchen, and she was grateful that she was alone with the couple for a moment. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Tim and Lucy lied at the same time.
"Did you two get in a fight?"
"No," they replied in unison once more.
"You're both crappy liars," Tamara pointed out.
"Where's Amy?" Tim asked.
"She's tired and went upstairs to rest. Dave had to go to the bookstore, and I'm just finishing up making the cookie dough."
"Some of it better actually make it into the oven," Lucy warned. She is well aware of her roommate's preference to eating raw cookie dough instead of actually baking the cookies.
Kojo leapt up to grab onto Lucy, momentarily distracting her, and she bent down to pet the dog.
Tim watched her crop top ride up to reveal more and more of her bare back, and he could not tear his eyes away from her honey skin.
"I think he needs a walk," Lucy assessed.
"I'll take him," he volunteered.
"Actually, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like the chance to hang out with Kojo for a bit."
"Sure," he agreed easily. It was so refreshing to be around a woman who loves his dog when his ex-girlfriend avoided Kojo.
"Can I come with?" Tamara asked.
Lucy knew there was a reason her friend was jumping at the chance to join her, so she nodded apprehensively. Their walk started off wordlessly with the crashing waves as the only sound as they moved along the beach.
"So, are you gonna say it, or do I have to?" Tamara inquired. Lucy's questioning expression made her roll her eyes and pressed, "Are you going to admit we're staying in town, because you want to keep playing fiancée with Tim?"
"NO!" She replied far too emphatically to be convincing. Her eyes betrayed her by dropping to look at her engagement ring on the hand holding onto Kojo's leash.
"You wouldn't have to PRETEND to be his fiancée if you two idiots would just admit that you like each other," Tamara groaned.
"We're...it's not...he doesn't see me like that."
"Oh really? So he stares at everyone like they're the entire universe? NO! That man only looks at you like that, because he ADORES you! And if you don't believe me, think about the fact that he went along with your ridiculous idea to pretend to be engaged for an entire weekend where he might as well have been fed to the wolves, since he had to hang out with your entire family! Tim spent the whole time telling all of your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, and even your mother, who is admittedly TERRIFYING, that you're amazing and that you two love each other. You think Tim did that because you're FRIENDS?"
"That's what he said after we kissed."
Tamara scoffed, "I'm surprised you two found the time to chat in between your tonsil hockey games at the wedding last night."
Lucy elbowed her friend and blushed, "Was it that bad?"
"Like horny teenagers. I would say I admire your commitment to the role you were playing, but come on, you were kissing him like that, because you WANTED to, and he kissed you right back because HE wanted to, too."
"Well, he kissed me today when no one was around, but then he said we're friends..."
Tamara stopped walking and put her hand out to stop Lucy from moving. "EXCUSE ME? WHAT?"
She felt her cheeks pink up and bit her lip, but that was a bad idea, because she could still taste him, which only made her blush darken. "We...it just sorta happened..."
"Kissing someone doesn't just happen! Did his lips fall onto yours?"
"No, but..."
"But NOTHING! He wanted to kiss you, and did you kiss him back?" Lucy tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, which was all the response Tamara needed. She grabbed her stomach as she guffawed at the situation.
"This isn't funny!" Lucy whined.
"You're right. It's hysterical," she replied between bouts of laughter that would not subside. "I swear to God before we leave Carmel, you better have an honest conversation with him, or I won't let either of you drive out of this town."
"He already made it clear he sees me as his best friend and nothing else," she knew there was disappointment lacing her voice, but she could not hold back how she was feeling.
"So, you already told him you have feelings for him, and he shut it down?"
"Not exactly..."
"And what's stopping you?"
"We just got back on speaking terms. I can't ruin what we have. It's too important, so it's just not worth the risk."
"Okay, then soak up this little fake relationship now, since that's all you'll ever have," Tamara faked nonchalance, but when she saw the war in her friend's eyes, she added, "Unless you're willing to take the risk."
She looked out at the ocean, and thought about how Tim's eyes were the same color the night before when he looked down at her with kiss swollen lips and a shy smile on his face. He looked happy. Truly happy. She had not really thought about it then, drunk on kissing him and feeling his hands traveling around her body, but now, Lucy reflected on it more clearly. Maybe, she did make him happy as more than a friend. That realization was scarier than when she previously assumed he did not share her feelings for him. "No, I'm not," she replied softly and stayed quiet for the rest of the walk. How could she threaten her friendship with Tim when every romantic relationship she had known before always ended so sadly? Tennyson was wrong, it would not be better to have loved and lost Tim; she could not picture a world where she let herself truly fall for him, then something would inevitably destroy their relationship, and Lucy would be left with a cavern in her heart where Tim belonged. No, it would be easier to keep their friendship and not venture down a road that would only lead to heartbreak.
♡ ⋆˙⟡ ♡ ˙⋆ ⟡ ♡ ⋆˙⟡ ♡˙⋆ ⟡ ♡
The rest of the day had gone by pretty lazily. Lucy and Tim took turns reaching for each other randomly as they walked through the market with Dave. When they sat outside while Tamara insisted on cooking for everyone, Tim rested his palm on Lucy's thigh, and she had to stop herself from squirming at the heat of his touch that shot throughout her entire body. He did not move his hand, just kept it there while they sat with Dave and sipped on iced tea.
Tim started telling a story about a funny call he had responded to with Lucy, and his hand glided up her thigh only a little bit, but he panicked that maybe the movement would make her uncomfortable. He was about to tear his hand away casually when he felt her hand cover his and slot her fingers between his. She was holding his hand in place, and he flicked his eyes over to see something odd on her face- there was no sign of discomfort, nervousness, or forced happiness, she looked...flushed?
How could an innocent hand gesture set Lucy's whole body on fire? She had to gulp down more iced tea to cool herself off, but it was no use; all she could do was hold onto Tim and let the contact burn all the way through her as he sat next to her telling his story, seemingly unfazed at how he was making her feel. By the time they were called inside for dinner, Lucy's fingers were tingly, and her thigh was completely numb. He had reached for her under the table in a gesture that Dave could not see, so why did Tim touch her? She wondered if he wanted her as more than a friend, not for the first time that day or that weekend, and now she felt an unsettling sensation bloom inside of her: HOPE.