"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ev asks in concern, breaking me out of my reading concentration. I looked up to where she sat at my side, a bit hesitant.
"Yeah, something's gotta be up. I know you like to read, but you haven't moved or said a word since you got back. Other than telling us to not let anyone bother you." Vi also made her way over to the end of my bed, her gaze urging me to spill the beans.
"Wait! I want to hear this too!" Sky calls from the bathroom, rushing over as she towel dries her hair.
"Guys..." I look at them a little hesitant, but Vi places an urging hand on my knee.
"We won't pressure you if you don't wanna talk about it. But it might help to let it out." Sky oats my shoulder gently and I nod, so I take a deep breath before telling them everything.
After I finish, the room is deadly silent from I'm assuming shock, before Ev breaks the silence.
"You and Andy WHAT?!" Ev shrieks before I quickly cover her mouth.
"Shhh! I'm pretty sure everybody in the dormitory just heard you!"
"Forget that! How in the world are you even so calm right now?!" Sky nods along to Vi, her face also in shock.
"I mean seriously, isn't this supposed to be a huge milestone? Normally you'd be shrieking with joy and-"
"That's the thing. Things aren't exactly normal." I whisper, looking down as I play with the hem of my sweater.
"Cas..." Sky pauses as she thinks, before she makes a decision. "Okay! You know what you need? A break, to stop stressing about what you think you're supposed to feel and to just feel! Feelings are never meant to be easy, so the best thing to do is to step back! You'll know how you truly feel when the time is right!" She nods along to her own words, warming up to her idea as she says it. Still ever the optimist.
"She's right, Cassy. Feelings are not something you can plan out in advance. Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart in the moment and go from there." Ev says in agreement with Sky as she takes my hand in sympathy.
"But, I think you need to remember something Cassy," We all look over to Vi in question before she continues. "Andy is not a bad guy. Anyone can tell that, heck I still find it hard to believe he made it as a double agent for so long. His face is an open book, especially when it comes to his feelings for you," At those words I look down again, my face burning as a blush hits my cheeks. Ev and Sky both giggle, which I take as their agreement.
"I think he only survived as long as he did for you. To protect you from Ethan. He wanted to learn as much as he could and come back only when he could give us an advantage." Her words sank into my heart, slowly cracking at all the anger and betrayal I felt. When a guy goes that far for you, how can you continue to push them away?
"Anyway, for now let's just focus on dinner! I'm sure you two will have a chance to figure things out later!" Sky claps her hands twice, as she turns back to the bathroom. Most likely to brush through her hair which she managed to towel dry.
"I second that notion!" Vi gets off the bed, tying up her black hair.
"And I third!" Ev adds her agreement as she pulls me off the bed. Vi takes the book out of my hands and puts it down where I just sat.
I can't help the laugh which escapes me, so grateful to have friends like them.
~~~
Liam had returned to our group to find us waiting for him. After recovering from the shock, he proceeded to gives us the tour. My gaze followed along and I had to say, I was a bit in shock. It was not like our own Compound was lack, but maybe it was from having more people. Or being farther from the centre, but this place looked really well developed. It looked like everyone constantly worked together to add facilities. I had a distinct feeling Sky and Andy were taking heavy notes.
Speaking of Andy, as I continued to listen to the tour I found my thoughts wandering back to what Vi had said. The worse part of it all was how true her words were. Guilt began to overpower all my other feelings as I continued to think about it. To the point where I wondered if I had been to harsh. But I held onto the fact of my feelings being normal for all I had been through.
The fact remains that it was time to let go. To let all the anger and betrayal fall to the side. If a war truly was about to break out, I wanted to fight with him at my side. No matter how much he annoyed me. As I reached this decision, the determination filling every part of me, my heart rate began to speed up and I knew why. I felt a heat of presence which I somehow knew was him.
This did not last long however, as he just came close enough to whisper an, "I'm sorry." where only I would hear before moving forward and beginning a conversation with Sky.
All I could think after hearing those words were how he had no reason to say them. No Andy. I'm sorry for pushing you so far away.
~~~
Dinner turned out to be quite a grand dinner party. Shauna had prepared quite a feast for us, paired with music and dancing. I took this opportunity, or rather the girls made me take this opportunity to relax and stop thinking for once.
"Ah, this is just what we needed!" Sky sighs as she drinks her soda, looking as though a great weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
"Yeah, it's been a while since we've been able to relax. Feels like all we've been doing is running around these past few months." Ev agrees, her own soda half empty.
"Right?! If I knew I'd be working this hard, I would've enjoyed my free time a bit more before I came here." Vi nods, a bit pouty as she grabs a bottle of juice.
"The food can wait! For now we dance!" Sky exclaims, as she moves to the music happily. The three of us laugh, but before long she pulls us in to join her.
"Hello ladies, we look like we're having fun!" A young man joins us, he seemed to be our age with black dark hair and eyes. His eyes shown with kindness and he didn't seem to want any harm. We relaxed a bit as we conversed with him.
"My name's Dean by the way. Bit of a newbie here." He chuckles after introducing himself and we find ourselves laughing with him.
"The name's Sky! Guess that makes me you senior too!" Sky proudly introduces herself, and the three of us share a glance before shaking our heads in a mocking manner.
"Too huh? Guess the three of you are new to all this like me huh?"
"Well, depends on how you define new. We may have joined just a couple months ago, but we've already been overworked if you asks me. I'm Violet by the way, but you can just call me Vi. Everyone does." Vi introduces herself, but earns a smack on the shoulder from Sky. "See? Brutal!" We all laugh.
"And I'm Evelyn! But you can call me Ev, just like Vi it's ended up being my nickname." Ev speaks up, a bit more on the shy side as she hesitantly introduces herself. Dean takes it all in stride before he turns to me. "And you? May I know your name?"
"Hmm, guess I could let a fellow newbie know. Name's Cas, a fellow overworked newbie of the Central Compound." I decided to skip telling him my full name, since I preferred Cas anyway.
"You're lucky you're standing over there." Sky grumbles and we all laugh. The conversation was so simple, yet it was nice. For the first time in a while I felt light. All my worries had been pushed to the side as I enjoyed the present with friends. Though I just met him, Dean already seemed like a good friend. Since we would be fighting together, it made sense to get along.
I was so swept up in the moment that I didn't sense him until he was right in front of me. The girls turned to attention as I found myself just staring in shock. Before I could come to my senses, my shock grew as he held out his hand just as slow music began to play. "May I have this dance?" I somehow heard him ask through the shock, and it finally registered to me how anxious he was.
"Cas?" Ev speaks up and I looked over to the girls who were looking at me in concern. But I shook my head, it was time to stop pushing him away. After all, we have all suffered not just me. He too must have been in so much pain and misery the past few months.
Without any further words needed, the girls understood as they took a confused Dean with them and gave us space. I took a deep breath, finally recovering from my shock and urging my heartbeat to calm down as I turned back to Andy who was still waiting for a response.
"Cas?" He asked, concern written all over his face along with a slight hope in his eyes among all the pain. Those eyes represented the same amount of sleepless nights I have spent dealing with everything. It was time to move on. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. What matters is how we work to the future.
"Yes Andy. I'll dance with you." My voice comes out a bit shaky and quieter than I had imagined. It was taking me more effort than I though to take this step forward, but I was determined. I could tell by the elation in his face that he could not hide. This was enough I realized as I brought my hand forward into his palm which was awaiting me.
He let go of his hesitation as we took our positions, moving to the music slowly. After some time, I took a deep breath to finally get the much-needed conversation between us over with.
"Andy, I don't accept your apology." Is how I choose to start it, and I cannot help the laugh which escapes me as he stares at me on shock.
"Wait, wait, wait. Why are you laughing?!" All tension finally melted away and it finally felt like we were Cas and Andy again. Not the two strangers we had become.
"Andy, listen. I can't accept it because you have nothing to apologize for. I think neither of us do actually. We both have had the right to the emotions we have been feeling. And I think the both of us have been doing the best in our capacity to deal with this situation we've been thrusted in. Instead of accepting all of that and dealing with it properly, I chose to blame you. If anything, I owe you an apology for that. I am truly sorry." I manage to lean back and finally meet us eyes. My remaining walls break and shatter as I see the tears forming in his eyes. Leaning forward I wrap my arms around him and lean my face against his chest as tears of my own begin to fall.
"Cas...no you had every right to feel the way you did. Like you said we both merely acted and felt the emotions available to us in the moment. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone, but I believed in you strength," he says as he envelops me in his arms. "I believe you would see things through with your determination and strength. Both of which I have grown to truly like about you-" he stops in shock, obviously not meaning to reveal the last part.
I peel back in shock, not believing my ears despite what had happened between us on the roof not long ago. "Wait, you-"
"L-let's go take a walk, okay?" I nod as he takes my hand, leading me out of the cafeteria. As we walk, I notice how red his earns have become and I feel myself blush. Yet I cannot help but let out a slight chuckle that I quickly smother before he notices.