Eventually, we arrive in front of the principal's office. He ushers us in one by one, and of course it's Shawn who goes first, the lucky one of my two. So I find myself alone with Joséphine, with an atmosphere as tense as a fucking razor's edge floating between us.
I let out a loud sigh, letting my eyes wander over my bruised fingers.
I notice she's on edge as her leg trembles. "Stop getting so worked up," I say in a slightly annoyed tone.
I can feel her staring at me, but she remains silent for a moment. "What's got into you?" she finally asks.
"Nothing that concerns you."
The atmosphere in the room changes instantly, becoming more tense.
"We argue this morning, I see Shawn, and then you hit him? Frankly, since I'm the cause of this argument between you and Shawn, I've got a right to know," she says, trying to break through my silence.
I sigh again, feeling anger bubbling up inside me. "Stop with your fucking questions, I don't feel like answering or talking to you."
"Fuck you," she says, her words coming out of her mouth with a certain ease.
I look at her, surprised. Her raw words resonate strangely well. A smile spreads across my face, and I notice that she's frowning, obviously confused.
The door swings open, startling her.
"Your turn now," says the principal, pointing at Joséphine.
"Can't he go before me?" she asks, pointing at me.
What's her problem?
"No, it's your turn. Don't argue."
Joséphine enters the room and the door closes behind her.
My mind fills with all the shit that's happened to me today. The row with her and the news about my old man. He threatened to beat the shit out of me if I let go of him for good, this fucking traffic shit. He won't let me go, that's for sure. It's all piling up. I've got James on my back, and now my old man shows up. James is even looser now that he knows I'm fucking his sister.
Fuck, that's really fucked up.
I'm reminded of Joséphine's angry face. The way she responds to me without fear intrigues me more than it should. I'm starting to get used to it, and that's part of the reason I sent her packing.
Lost in my thoughts, I forget Shawn's presence. I was expecting him to leave, but no, the bastard just stands there and sits next to me.
I stiffen.
"So. Are you really going to tell me what's going on or what?" he asks me calmly.
I was expecting him to yell at me and make a big deal out of it, knowing him, but nope.
I jump in, weighing the pros and cons. If Shawn's acting like this, it's because he doesn't want things to get out of hand. He just wants to talk, and that's damn rare. "I've got too many problems. I'm in fucking debt and my old man wants to kick the shit out of me for leaving the band," I blurt out.
He looks at me, surprised, thinking I was jealous. I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not. I'm not supposed to feel this kind of shit, and I need to forget about Jo. The feeling of protecting her from anyone who might hurt her is bullshit. I'm not a fucking babysitter. So, whether Shawn is banging her or not, whether it hurts her or not, it touches one of me without moving the other.
"Your old man won't do anything, Blake," replies Shawn, once again pulling me out of my fucking thoughts.
"You don't know the man. Anyway, if you want to fuck Jo, go ahead, I don't give a shit. But make sure you don't fuck with Jared or do anything stupid. You're smart enough not to question your whole life, right?"
He smiles at me. "I wasn't going to take it from you, you prick. It was fun watching you get all worked up."
"Fuck you, Shawn."
The principal storms out of the office, and as soon as my eyes land on Joséphine, I can read the utter distress on her face. She looks completely devastated. With a nod, the principal tells me to follow him. I glance at Shawn, give him a quick wink, then rush into the office. My eyes dart around, as if I were a kid in a wonder store. There's an incredible mess: picture frames hanging on the walls, piles of books threatening to collapse, and even a few weird statues that captivate me. The principal sits behind his desk, staring at me as if I were a laboratory specimen. He starts to say something, but my mind wanders off. I'm much more interested in his bloody tie and the shitty statues behind him. I wonder what's behind all this.
"Some chores with Miss Evans to teach you manners will be more than enough," I finally hear, bringing me back to reality.
"What?" I suddenly blurt out at the words.
Seriously, what kind of joke is this? Am I going to have to put up with this?
I let out an annoyed sigh, but I know there's no point in protesting. He won't change his mind anyway. I barely mumble a "great" in a low voice.
Finally, after ten minutes, he lets me go and orders me not to do it again, on pain of expulsion.
Frankly, should I give a damn about being excluded from this shitty place?
I've got much more important things to deal with. I've got to deal with this thing with my father. It won't be long before he shows up at my house or here on campus. And damn it, I know he's more than capable. Sometimes I wonder how my mom ever fell for an old bastard like him. But hey, love has its reasons that reason ignores, they say.
Besides, what do I know? I've never set foot in this love bullshit, I don't even know what it's like or how you know.
I head home, but the walk back to my apartment makes my heart race. The truth is, I'm afraid to find my father there. He's traumatized me. I have this feeling that he'll show up at any moment. It could happen in a few days, or even a few weeks if I'm lucky. I absolutely must find somewhere to hide. The hideout I've found is a good idea, but there's still no water. I don't want to die up there without being able to wash even a little.
*
My heart calms when I enter my house and there's no one waiting for me. I throw my sneakers across the apartment and lie down on the sofa. I rub my eyes and prepare to lose myself in thought when a knock at the door startles me.
I slowly open the door and find myself face to face with Clyde. My heart misses a beat, because for a second, I thought it was my fucking father.
"What's the matter with you? You're shaking and sweating like a pig," Clyde remarks.
Fuck, shit. "N... nothing..."
Damn it, pull yourself together, Blake.
"Did your little talk with the principal traumatize you like this?"
"How did you know about that?"
"Joséphine talks to Cassie a lot."
I forgot about that.
My brother is on my ass as I head for the kitchen. He closes the door behind him and slumps down on the couch. "What the hell are you doing? Go home," I order him as I open my fridge.
I grab a beer, open it and drink it almost in one gulp. Clyde doesn't move but watches me curiously. "Wow, that's not good. What's the matter?"
I finish my beer and throw the can in the garbage can. "Dad's going to get me stoned," I admit without thinking.
Obviously, I can't keep my mouth shut, either.
I grip the edge of the counter so tightly that my knuckles turn white. "What's the matter? Why?" he asks as he stands up.
"I used to work for him, and I left about a week ago. He can't stand it," I say through clenched teeth.
At this point, I might as well spill the beans.
"What do you mean, work?"
"Please don't ask any more questions. He's just going to come and beat the shit out of me, like he used to. He's been itching to do that for a while, I think."
Clyde sighs and looks worried. I sit down next to him with a bottle I've picked up along the way.
I've got to forget it.
"Yeah, you said it. But don't worry, I'll get out of here as soon as I figure it out."
"Come to my place!"
I roll my eyes and look at him. "Are you stupid or what? It's the first place he'll look."
"Yeah, right," he sighs, lowering his eyes.
I pull a bag of weed and a fag from my pocket. Clyde watches me roll my joint in disgust. "That's not going to solve the problem."
I ignore him and put the butt of the joint between my lips. I grab the lighter from my pocket and light it. Clyde sighs again and looks away. After a few drags and a deathly silence, I finally break the silence.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? Our bloody father, Peter, Joséphine..."
If I go on like this, I'll be here all night. I don't know why I said Joséphine's name, if she doesn't like me, it's because of me. However, it's not that name that catches her attention.
"Peter?!" His eyes are wide open.
"Well, yeah."
"Why him?"
Didn't he know? I'm surprised.
"Well, he went to tell Joséphine that she shouldn't trust me because I wasn't right for her, apparently."
My brother jumps to his feet. "How did you know?"
"Joséphine says a lot of things to Cassie," I say, taking back his words.
"Fucking bastard. He'll do anything to get Jo into fucking bed," he says.
I nod silently.
"Don't worry, I went to see Jo and told her you were a nice guy."
I widen my eyes.
He can't be serious. "You did what?!"
The face he's putting on is one I know too well. He'd said too much.
"Mind your own fucking business, Clyde."
"I'm sorry, man."
I couldn't even blame him. What's done is done. I had other things to think about.
"You also told her I'd been through some stuff," I finally say. "It's none of her business, Clyde."
"Blake, I know you like her."
"No matter what, she'd never be interested in a guy like me. That tidy girl..." I press my lips together as I realize what I've just said. For the first time, I feel embarrassed. I never let anything show, and now I'm spilling the beans. Images of Joséphine come back to haunt my fucking thoughts. Having to clean a fucking classroom with her is going to be hell. I can already imagine the deathly silence between us.
How could it be any other way?
"Is it the thought of everyone hating you that gives you a boner, or the fact that we're talking about Joséphine?" snaps Clyde.
I look down and stare at my lower stomach, disturbed by his words.
"Gotcha, sucker," he laughs.
With a sudden gesture, I throw a pillow at his face.
Damn, I almost believed his bullshit.
"My big brother fantasizes about the new girl, it's so cute," he laughs.
"Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of my house."
He flashes me a smug grin and taunts me before slamming the door on his way out. Once alone, I sigh, plagued by a multitude of thoughts that torment me.