I sit stirring my bowl of porridge not wanting to think about last night, all of their faces, all of their smiles, but mostly how much I hated that version of me.
"Have you heard that the next event is tomorrow afternoon?" Roux asks startling me as she sits next to me while the others take their seats around the dining table.
"No." I didn't want to think about that either.
"I asked my servants," She smiles. I didn't even bother to learn my servants names let alone talk to them.
"What will it be this time?" I ask, scooping sugar into my bowl.
"A garden party."
"A what?" I ask, confused.
"A garden party, it's a party that is held out in the gardens, like a giant picnic." She explains.
"Will there be as many people as there were last night?"
"I don't think so, it will just be the High Court and the royal family."
"Well that's something I suppose. You seem more positive about the whole situation." I note as she begins serving food onto her plate. I couldn't forget that feeling from last night as I watched her dance, like she fit in.
She shrugs. "I guess after meeting the fae last night they don't seem as scary as they first were. I wouldn't say I'm happy with the whole situation, but I guess compared to my old home, it is a lot nicer here, and I won't ever go hungry again." She laughs.
I look at the food and nod, it was something else to have a full belly all the time, and not eat the same food over and over, but it wasn't enough to make me forget about everything else.
Maybe she was just making the best of her situation, that wasn't the same as being happy about it. I don't think I had that ability, to just be positive about everything happening to me right now. Yes we were being treated well and fed and cared for, but we were still here for one purpose, and that was something I couldn't just make myself feel positive about.
"Ladies, tomorrow afternoon we will have our next event with the High Court, a garden party." The Mistress interrupts my thoughts as she stands at the head of the table and Roux smiles at me with a knowing look. "The royal family will be there as well so we must all be on our best behaviours."
"Did you see the Princes last night?" Roux asks around a bite of toast once the Mistress finishes her announcement. I nod in answer. "I asked more about them, I wasn't sure which one was which."
I still wondered if speaking to the Prince had really happened or not. I had only spotted him a few more times throughout the evening as I was spun and guided around the dance floor trying to remember each step.
"Demwyn is the eldest, with the longer dark hair, he is General of their army and heir to the throne obviously. Alvaryn is in the middle, with the shorter dark hair, he is in their army as well but has spent a lot of his time studying, and Aeris is the youngest, with the hair like the Queen, he is in the army as well, that's why they always have swords on them, it seemed strange at first, seeing swords strapped to them, not like back at home, but apparently it's completely normal here." She shrugs with a smile.
"Why are you so interested in the Princes?" I find myself asking.
She shrugs again. "They will be at each of the events and are meant to be picking a bride as well, it helps to know which is which."
I nod, she made sense at least. I didn't mention my encounter with Prince Aeris, it hadn't really meant anything, he had vanished as quickly as he had appeared.
I couldn't help that feeling from stirring in my stomach, that feeling like something bad was going to happen. Whenever I looked at Roux smiling and chatting away about what she had been learning from her servants about all the different court lords whose names I could barely remember, it came like a wave, she looked so hopeful, was she falling under the same spell as the other girls?
Yes my old life had been hard and there were things I wished I could change, but being in a nice place and having nice things doesn't just mean everything else is good.
I sit and listen to Roux, eating my breakfast quietly and nodding along, taking in bits of information as she went.
When our Fae history lesson came I was glad to be sat alone in a quiet room listening to the scholar read from one of his history books.
When the afternoon came and we were told we had free time I followed the other girls into one of the parlours not sure of where else to go, as Quirin had said yesterday my body seemed to adjust to the magic around me. The lights didn't seem as bright, all the gold and silver didn't sparkle as much and the realisation that this isn't a dream had finally settled.
"Did you see Prince Demwyn?" Hannah asks from her cushioned chair, smiling at the girls around her.
"I prefer Prince Alvaryn, he was so handsome last night." Lillith chimes in and some of the other girls agree and disagree.
I look around the room, noticing the different paintings and portraits of fae males and females.
"I heard that Prince Aeris is the one who gets into the most trouble." One of the girls says, interrupting the flow of conversation.
"He's a prince, how does he get in trouble? He can do whatever he wants." Another girl replies.
"He might be the Prince but that doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants."
I tune out the voices again as I get up and walk around the room, my legs are restless, my feet are a little sore from last night but I was used to doing chores all day and wrangling a four year old.
Don't think about them.
Don't think about them.
Don't think about them.
I wonder what else is in this wing. I search out Roux but find her in a tight conversation with one of the other girls and decide not to interrupt.
I walk out of the room without anyone noticing and turn left. I think about asking one of the guards but doubt they will answer me anyways, I had been told they were ordered not to speak to us unless they were passing on a message.
I walk the wide corridor stopping at a set of double doors.
I shrug my shoulders and open them.
I am met with a giant room full of shelves and shelves of books.
A library.
I can't help but open my mouth in surprise then find myself smiling, the first genuine smile I have felt since, I stop myself.
The village had a small library, the books worn and some handwritten, but this, this is something else. I close the doors behind me and walk further into the room.
I have never seen so many books in my life. How could there be so many in one place? I look up, finding another level holding even more books. I laugh to myself. Where do I even start?
I walk up to the first row of shelves, running my fingers along the spines. Not even a single spec of dust.
There were probably librarians wandering around somewhere that could tell me which sections held which books. There had only been one old man who worked at the one back home, he knew each book by name and would always know exactly where to find it.
I couldn't imagine how many librarians it took this place to keep it in order.
I pull out one of the books and read the title, The History of Battle, I slide it back into place and pick the next one, Strategies and Tactics of War, I'm sensing a theme.
I leave the shelf and move to the next row, the shelves reaching above my head and each row filled with books of varying colours and bindings.
I pick another random book, The Science of War, there are a lot of books about war.
"What are you looking for?" A male voice startles me coming up behind me. I turn and stare, losing my breath as his face comes into focus.
I blink, remembering myself and curtsy quickly.
"Your Highness." I mutter nervously as Prince Alvaryn stands in front of me, his face calm, studying me. He nods back, before looking to the shelf next to us.
"So, what kind of book are you looking for?" He asks again and my brain struggles to find an answer.
"Fiction." I manage to blurt out.
He nods and turns on his heels, probably choosing to leave me on my own and that is most definitely for the best. "The fiction section starts on this side of the room." He says and I hurry to follow his long strides. He crosses to the other side of the large room, turning into another row of shelves.
"The romance section starts here," He says pointing to the bookshelf while looking down at me with expectation.
"Ah, thank you, Your highness," I say quickly, trying to avoid looking at him again so I don't lose my mind and just stare at him. "I was hoping to find something more in the Adventure genre, but I'm sure I can manage to find it myself." I mutter quickly wanting to be far away from him. I curtsy again and turn around.
"Adventure?" He asks and I stop, reminding myself to breathe when I really shouldn't have to and turn on my heel.
"Yes, Pirates, sword fights and dragons and the like." I ramble on, silently cursing myself for the inability to stop talking. What was it about these Princes that made it impossible for me to just be quiet?
"I know what Adventure is, I just wasn't expecting, never mind, it starts on the next shelf over. It's in alphabetical order by name of the author." He starts, moving around me and leading the way to the next shelf over. "If you like dragons and sword fights, you might like these," He says grabbing three books and holding them towards me.
I blink at the books feeling like I didn't really have a choice in the matter then take them, looking at the titles.
"I've already read this one." I say without thinking, grabbing the book and holding it back towards him. He looks at me for a moment with a question in his eyes, then I realise I should probably put the book back myself. "I'll put it back," I insist, but he quickly takes it and places it back.
"And what did you think of it?" He asks, studying me closely, his eyes a dark grey, like a thunder cloud. They are beautiful and captivating and I feel like I could stare into them forever.
He asked me a question. I need to answer, I remind myself before the answer tumbles out of my mouth. "I enjoyed it, for the most part, the hero made a few silly choices but ended up where he needed to be in the end." I answer nervously, internally cursing myself.
He nods, the corner of his mouth pulling up like my answer amused him. Maybe he thought I was lying and I hadn't really read the book.
"Well then I hope you enjoy those ones and the hero doesn't disappoint you too much." He says with a nod. I quickly curtsy and mumble my thanks as he leaves me standing alone surrounded by bookshelves and a hammering heartbeat once again.
Are all the Princes the same? Do they all just sneak up on you and then disappear? I suppose it didn't matter, I look down at the books I hold and smile to myself. It had been years since I had a new book to read, mostly I just re-read the same old ones over and over again. When I got really bored I attempted to write my own stories, only my sisters would enjoy listening to them, they all had female hero's instead of male hero's. A woman who could wield a sword and sail a ship, they would go on adventures and save kingdoms.
I knew they were only stories, and after a while I had stopped writing them because it just hurt too much the older I got and the closer to my future I moved.
I shrug to myself, holding the books close in my arms and finding a pair of armchairs set in front of a fire place.
I pick one of the books and start reading.
I am lost in the fantasy world when I hear the clock chime striking six o'clock. I look around the room, quickly grabbing my books and heading to the doors.
I make it to the dining room as the last one to sit and the Mistress with a firm eye on me as I set my books down on the table and smile apologetically.
"Where were you all afternoon?" Roux asks in a whisper.
"The library."
"Oh, the whole afternoon?"
I nod. "I lost track of time reading."
The servants start setting down the food in the centre of the table and my stomach grumbles. Roux smiles at me laughing quietly.
"So you like reading?" She asks piling food onto her plate as I start filling my own.
"Yes, fiction mainly."
"I could never really enjoy reading, I like drawing though. I wonder if they would let me draw here." She muses out loud.
"You could ask for some paper and pencils." I shrug, we were meant to be treated like honoured guests, some paper and pencils wouldn't be much to ask.
She smiles and nods, chewing her food.
As bed time comes the servants finish helping me get changed and make sure there is wood on the fire.
"Goodnight Miss," they both say with a small curtsy.
"Wait." I stop them. "What are your names?"
"I'm Saena." The first answers with a smile.
"And I'm Lyari."
"Well I'm Daella." I smile back at them. They have done nothing but help me and be kind to me since I arrived and they didn't deserve me to treat them rudely. "Thank you for being so helpful."
"Of course Miss, is there anything else you need?"
"No thank you, goodnight."
"Goodnight Miss."
Once they are gone I sit in one of the chairs by the fire and pull out the book I had been reading earlier.
I try to ignore the encounter that had led to me having this book in the first place or trying to figure out why he had chosen the books for me at all.
Perhaps he was just being helpful and thought I would like them. He had been right about this one, well so far at least, it was everything I enjoyed in an adventure tale.
I pull my legs up and tuck them underneath me, getting comfortable before finding the page I had left on and began reading.
At least I had found something to be positive about.