It was 26th of October.
I am sitting at my usual spot. I stayed there from dawn to dusk, making me realized that every beginning has an ending.
It's already 9 in the evening. Kararating lang ni Avril. Ako naman, I was in the veranda for more than twelve hours straight. Nadatnan niya akong nakatingala at humahanga sa napakalaking bilog na buwan.
"You're here." She said acknowledging my presence. Tumango-tango ito at pumihit paalis, pagkatapos muling nagsalita. "Well, I guess two hearts will be breaking tonight."
I sighed.
Pagbalik nito sa veranda ay may dala na itong beer at chips.
"Sigurado ka na ba sa desisyon mo?" She asked.
I shake my head.
"Hindi ko alam." I smiled. "I am a nurse and he's a resident doctor. Alam mo namang gusto kong mangibang bansa 'di ba? Aware ka rin na ang trabaho ni Carlo demands his full time and attention. Do you think this relationship will work? How?"
"By making sure that it will." She answered. "It will work because you and Carl will make sure of it, right?"
"I'm not sure anymore." Iling ko.
"Pero mahal mo siya at mahal ka rin niya. Sigurado ka doon, 'di ba?" Sagot nito. "Nakaya mo nga for seven years e. Ngayon mo pa ba siya bibitawan? Kung kailan saulo niyo na ang bawat isa? Kung kailan marami na kayong pinagsamahan at napagdaanan? Ngayon niyo pa ba isusuko ang relasyong ito gayong naging tahanan niyo na ang isa't-isa?"
"Avril naman.." Naiinis kong sabi. "Ano ba?! Why are you making this hard for me?! Wag mo ng ipilit pa.."
Sandali siyang napatitig saakin at dismayadong napailing sa inasal kong iyon.
"Hindi kita pinipilit makipagbalikan sakanya at mas lalong hindi kita pinipigilan na makipaghiwalay." Sagot nito.
"Eh anong tawag sa ginagawa mong 'to?" Napapagod kong tanong.
"I'm just making sure that you'll not live your life with regrets, Iz." Seryoso nitong saad. "Alam kong mahal na mahal mo siya and he loves you too, sobra. Pero Iz, napapagod din ang puso. Kapag naghiwalay kayo, he'll soon move forward. Time will come and he will open his heart again for another female. Ayokong dumating 'yong panahon na nakamove-on na si Carl at may mahal na siyang iba, tapos ikaw andito ka pa rin. Puno ng panghihinayang at pagsisisi. Hindi ko iyon kayang makita, Iz."
"I'm sorry." Pag-iwas nito ng tingin at saka pinunas ang luha. "I was just really frustrated."
"Pero kung buo na ang desisyon mong tapusin ang relasyon niyo at kung tingin mo iyon ang pinakamaganda at pinakatamang gawin.. hindi ba parang mas maganda kung tatapusin mo ito ng mas maayos? In that way, maghihiwalay kayo ng mas maayos. Carl deserves an explanation. He deserve your reason." Mahinahon niyang saad at saka hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Iz, seven years. Don't you think that a lovestory as beautiful as yours.. deserve a proper closure?"
Napatitig ako sakanya habang unti-unting dumadaloy sa mga pisngi ko ang mga luha ko.
"Avril.." Iyak ko.
Tumayo ito para yakapin at patahanin ako.
"Basta kahit ano pang maging desisyon mo, andito lang ako. Hindi ko kayang hingin, hiramin o alisin ang sakit na nararamdaman mo, pero asahan mong may kasama ka hanggang sa dumating yong araw na hindi na masakit." She whispered. "Hangga't andito ako, hindi ka mag-iisa."
Iniyak ko ang lahat ng sakit para kapag magkaharap kami ni Carlo, hindi na mabigat. I cried, I shouted, I sobbed. And when I got calmed, I just found myself riding in a taxi, asking the driver to take me to that place.
Sinimulan namin 'to ng maayos kaya kung tatapusin namin 'to, tama lang na tapusin din namin to ng maayos.
Habang nasa byahe, nakatingin lang ako sa labas nang bigla kong maisip at maalala ang mga sinabi saakin ni Avril.
"I'm breaking up with him." I stated while wiping my tears.
"Kung 'yan ang desisyon mo." Tango nito at saka nginitian ako. "Gusto mo ba samahan kita?"
Umiling ako at saka muling yumakap sakanya. Tinalikuran ko na siya ngunit bigla siyang nagsalita.
"Iz, wala na 'tong bawian.
Kapag pinakawalan mo na siya, hindi mo na siya pwedeng bawiin kapag hawak na siya ng iba." She stated. "Dapat handa ka na makita siyang hawak ng iba, na masaya sa piling ng iba, na magmahal ng iba. Now, can you handle seeing him holding, embracing, caring, and kissing other girl? Can you handle seeing him.. loving another female?"
Naputol ang pag-iisip ko ng biglang huminto ang sinasakyan kong taxi.
"Manong, bakit po tayo huminto?" I asked the driver.
"Hindi ko po sigurado, ma'am." Sagot nito.
Ibinaba ko ang bintana ng taxi nang may makitang dumaan.
"Excuse me? Ano pong nag-c-cause ng traffic?" Tanong ko sa babaeng dumaan.
"May na-aksidente daw." Sagot nito.
After hearing that, my mind picture out a lot of blood that is needed to stop. I imagined an ounce of pain that is needed to alleviate. Suddenly, my hands ache with the need to help and give a medical service. Agad akong nagbayad at lumabas ng taxi, pagkatapos ay tumakbo papunta sa aksidente.
"Excuse me, nurse ako!" I said and they give way immediately.
Agad naman akong lumapit sa lalaking nakahandusay. May nadatnan ako doon na isang student nurse.
"Ilipat natin siya sa mas safe na area." Kausap ko sa studyante.
Pagkalapag namin sa pasyente ay agad ko siyang in-assess.
"Sir?! Sir!" I shouted while tapping him, trying to check for response.
"He's unresponsive." I stated. "Call an ambulance!"
"Papunta na po ang ambulansya." Sabi nong babaeng studyante na tinanguan ko lang.
I proceed on checking for his airways.
"May penlight ka?" Tanong ko. Agad niya namang kinuha ang mga gamit sa OB bag niya. I immediately checked his nose, mouth, and his throat. "Remove the blood in his airways."
"Okay po." Agad nitong tango at saka ginawa ang sinabi ko pagkatapos magsuot ng gloves.
Ako naman, itinapat ko ang daliri sa kanyang ilong to check for his breathing.
"He's not breathing." I said while listening and feeling for breathes. I placed two fingers against his carotid artery to check for pulse. "No pulse."
Agad ko namang inayos ang pwesto ko and started a CPR. I started to compress his chest at a right rate.
I continue to do chest compressions trying to have his pulse back. And after almost 20 minutes..
"We got pulse!" Bulalas ng studyante.
I checked it myself. Hingal na hingal man ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng maramdaman ang pulso nito. Agad naman itong inasikaso ng ambulance team.
"Goodjob." Tapik saakin nong head ng rescue. "Thank you."
Hingal naman akong napangiti at tumango. Pinakalma ko ang sarili habang pinapanood ang paalis na ambulansya. Napangiti naman ako ng nalingunan ko ang studyante na kanina lang ay kabadong-kabado ngunit agad na rumesponde.
"Your bravery and compassion just saved a life today." Ngiti ko at saka tinapik ang braso nito. "Mag-aral ka ng mabuti. You did great tonight, future RN."
Life is too short, we don't know what's coming.. better make the best out of it.
While waiting for a taxi, I looked up.
The moon is big and bright, and the breeze is cold that my heart started to froze. The piece of tissue was torn in my hands, so I throw it in the trash.
And In the darkness of the night, my phone lights up.
Unknown number: It's already 10:59 and you didn't come.
Unknown number: For seven years, I was always at my happiest. Why does it have to end?
Unknown number: I guess this is goodbye. I love you, Iz.
____________________________________________
Lampas alas onse na ako nakarating sa ibinigay niyang address. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago tuluyang bumaba sa sasakyan.
"Hi, good evening." Lapit ko sa parang lobby ng lugar.
Parang nagliwanag naman ang mukha nito nang makita ako.
"Ikaw po ba si Miss Yllizandra Imperial?" She asked.
"Ako nga." Ngiti ko.
Kulang na lang ay yakapin ako nito sa labis na tuwa.
"Ma'am, mabuti naman po at dumating ka na. Hanggang 10PM lang po kasi ang working hour ng lugar na 'to at ayaw pong umalis ni Sir. Marami na rin po siyang nainom, natatakot po kami na baka magwala siya't masira ang place." Magalang nitong sabi. "Ilaw na lang po ang kaya naming ibigay para mapakinabangan niya naman ang binayad niya dahil ayaw niya naman itong i-refund. Kasama po sana sa package na binayaran niya ang banda, pagkain, at wine. Kaya lang umuwi na po kasi ang band na tutugtog at ang chef na nagluluto ng pagkain since alas onse na."
I hate surprises and he keep on making one.
"Sige, salamat at pasensya na." Paumanhin ko. "Nasaan siya?"
"Sundan niyo lang po ang candled-pathway." Ngiti nito.
Sinimulan kong baybayin ang daang iyon. Napatigil ang paa ko sa paghakbang ng marating ang huling pares ng kandila. Madilim ang lugar at tanging ang mga mumunting kandila at ang liwanag ng bilog na buwan ang nagbibigay liwanag, dahilan para maaninag ko ang pigura ng isang tao na nasisiguro kong si Carlo.
Sinimulan kong ihakbang ang mga paa ko palapit kay Carlo ngunit ganon na lang ang pagkamangha ko sa mga sunod na nasaksihan ng mga mata ko.
In every step I take, those synthetic LED flowers that are planted on the ground and are arranged in a row, started to glow, lighting the whole place up. In a snap, the dark and gloomy area a while ago was turned into a glowing field of white roses which create a place that I can compare into a paradise.
I didn't know that a beautiful place like this exist.
It is so romantic that I got glued in my spot as the view took my breath away. I can't even find a word that could best describe the sight before my eyes!
"Iz.." Isang mahina at napakalungkot na pagtawag ang umaalingawngaw sa pandinig ko. Nag-iba na ang tunog ng boses nito dahil sa sipon, kalasingan, pagod, at antok.
Napatingin ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses na iyon ngunit isang lamesa ang unang sumalubong sa aking tingin. It was arranged romantically. Ang scented candle ay puspos na ngunit maayos pa rin ang pagkaka-fold ng table napkin, isang malinaw na palatandaan na hindi ko siya sinipot sa ibinigay niyang oras. Ang napakagandang boquet na nakapatong sa gilid ay naghihintay parin na damputin.
Ibinaling ko sakanya ang aking tingin na kanina pa matiyagang naghihintay na salubungin. His eyes are bloodshot, his nose were red and runny. His cheeks are flushed and wet. I can't even look at him. Nadudurog ako.
"Carlo.." I uttered, almost a whisper.
We stared at each other's eyes for a moment. Andoon lang kami. Walang nagsalita o nangahas na humakbang palapit. Isa iyong mahabang katahimikan hanggang sa napagdesisyunan niya itong basagin.
"If you're here because you changed your mind and you decided to stay and comeback to me.." He paused and slowly offered his hand to me. "..take my hand."
Tears started to pool in the corner of his eyes again when I didn't move from my spot.
He sighed away his sobs.
"If you're here but will not going to stay or comeback to me, and will going to ask me to go home after confirming our break up.." His voice cracked, forcing him to paused whatever he's going to say.
"What should I do then?" I asked.
Gulat itong napatingin saakin. Sandali itong natigilan hanggang sa tuluyan na nitong naunawaan ang sinabi ko. His glistening eyes avoided mine as he tries to calm down and keep his cool.
He sighed. Finally, he looked at me again, giving me a smile. But then, his tears started to stream down his cheeks like a rivulets, clearly betraying what he truly feels.
"What should I do now?" I asked again.
"Hug me." He said with his broken voice. "Comfort me atleast before you leave."
Pinigilan ko ang sariling tumakbo palapit upang pahirin ang mga luha niya at yakapin siya hanggang sa tumahan siya.
My heart, it keeps on breaking.
I want my heart to stop breaking, that's all I want.
"But what if.." I start off calmly. "What if I'm giving this relationship a second chance? Will it be worth it?"
Natigilan ito sa sinabi ko. Glimpse of hope started to fill his glistening eyes. Tears started to pool on the corner of his eyes again but this time, it's because of joy, hope, and mixed emotions.
He took a step forward.
"But if you're here because you want to give this relationship another try, then kiss me." He whispered. "Will it be worth it? Kiss me and I'll make sure of it."
My feet rejoiced when finally, I let them run to him. I refused to take a step back and runaway, instead, I continue to take a step towards him closing the distance and filling the gaps. I stopped right infront of him, cupped his face, and rose on to my toes to reach for his lips.
In the middle of the field of thousands of glowing white roses, and with the bright full moon above us, our lips collide.
It was a strong force. This collision can either complete me or ruin me. If I was bound to regret this decision, then so be it.
Make me regret.