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I pray to her, even though I have never had faith before,
I plead with her to help me know what is lost in time.
I pray to her, on a scorching day,
It is then, that I ask her to wrap me in her dark embrace.
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YOU spend your entire life, with the understanding that despite everything that happens, every chaos that unfurls in the world around you, when you are alone, in your little space, you always have you. And sometimes knowing that, is enough. Every moment of your life could be another unfamiliar journey but despite the uncertainty of it all, you knew yourself and you held yourself and for me, that was the greatest achievement of it all. In the most hackneyed manner, it was the realization that even if I had no one, at least I had me.
And for the longest time, that was alright for me.
Until the Academy happened.
After spending almost eighteen years in an orphan home, my understanding was that while I knew nothing of my future, I knew I was all right figuring it out alone. Loneliness did not scare me for all the eighteen years that I lived amongst unknown people who seemed to be on an entirely different trip than me. But then I walked into the Academy and realized how differently I had been raised. When I sat alone in a corner, with nothing but a book in my hand, while everyone talked to each other, laughed, and found age-old connections, I thought for the first time that maybe I was alone, not in an empowering independent manner but in a sad, pathetic way. When I thought of it that way, I was scared of it all.
My idea of self-assurance changed. And so did my perception of myself. I went from not wanting to know anything about my past, to having an unsettling craving to find something, anything about it. But obviously, I found nothing. Someone had left me in a quaint little town, with no records and no clues. So, I gave up. And then I continued to feel this newfound emotion.
Until Art held my hand and drove me out of that place. The cycle that began after that simple action of his drove that feeling away in minutes. I haven't turned back and thought about it and I find myself forgetting about that life daily. What I felt then, is a distant memory, not a burning scar. Even though it has been just a week. But this week has been more chaotic than my entire life combined.
Every day is bouts of new knowledge and just when I think I cannot keep up, I am thrown into another path, another newfound ability that I couldn't even dream of. And now, I know. After waves of desperation, the truth stands right in front of me, but I am turning away from it. They say it will take some time for me to understand, but I need much more than mere days. And days is not something we have.
"You need to eat," Art's voice brings me back. A day has passed since I have seen Rubyn and the others. It seems like the entire house is empty except for the humans and Art and I. "Stop experimenting with your appetite, Aethera. You cannot train this way."
"You know I can," I mutter. That was the truth. I could do it all and not eat a single thing. That is my new reality so why should I act as if it isn't real? I have to learn to accept it, right?
"You don't have to," Art replied, sitting in front of me. "Look at me," he said, his fingers brushing against my chin as he turned me to face him. "I get it, okay? I get it more than anyone here. But I also know you, even if it's a small part of you. Just because your blood is different now, doesn't mean you're completely disassociated from who you were a week ago. You're still Aethera."
"And yet I feel nothing like myself," I said, my voice thickening. "It's happening so fast, Art. I wanted answers but I didn't know what awaited me was a goddamn responsibility and burden."
"I know how I felt about this before, but I need you to give it some more time, and trust me, it will not feel like a burden anymore," his eyes were pleading with me, and for a moment he distracted me from it all with his glistening eyes, his sun-kissed face and the absolutely delicious sandwich he held in a plate in his free hand.
"Okay, I have an idea," Art said, handing me the sandwich, "Rubyn, Clarissa and the others won't be back until tonight, so, how about this? We spend an entire day, just you and me as if it was just another weekend at the Academy."
"I think your perception of a weekend and mine was quite different," I chuckled, taking a generous bite of the absolutely delicious sandwich he had whipped up in minutes.
"True," he muttered, lost in thought for a few seconds, and then he lit up again, "How about we spend the day how you would do it and I show you what a typical evening for me on a weekend is like?" he suggested with such hopeful eyes that I had no choice but to give him the nod.
"Perfect!" In all the years I had seen Art in the halls of the Academy, or strolling in the evening, did I ever imagine him chuckling and laughing and smiling this way. I had never seen this side of him, but then I had barely known him. He lit up at my nod and jumped out of the couch where we both sat seconds ago. "I am going to take a shower; I'll meet you by the back garden around ten. We can do whatever you want," he said, leaving me alone in the foyer.
I smiled as I watched him leave, and then diverted my eyes to the sunrise peaking behind the trees of the garden in front of me. The porch was lighting up and in the far distance, I could see Jace leaving to train. I had barely slept last night and when I woke up, I heard Art saying goodbye to Clarissa. They were taking a short trip to the border to meet the others like us and we were 'grounded' with clear instructions to remain inside the property.
Art scoffed at it, I just knew by that simple reaction of his that he was already planning to get out, even if it was for a few hours. Jace would be easy to bypass and no other Athanatoi remained nearby to sense our absence.
Sometimes, it surprises me how much I have begun to understand Art in this short span of time. Weeks ago, he was a distant figure that I never hoped to meet or talk to and now, my mornings begin with thoughts of him, of us. And after the conversation, we had with Rubyn, I spent last night scared for us, of what was to come.
I know he'll be there. But what scares me is that what if he isn't?
It's a foreign feeling; to expect someone to be beside me. But for the first time, I hope it's him. I have never prayed and hoped for something that didn't concern me and I know that sounds selfish but he's changing that about me, day by day.
If I am to fight something much beyond my capability, I would rather do it beside him.
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"Are you serious?" were his first words. Art's eyes were bewildered when I told him what I wanted to do as I stood against an age-old tree, a chuckle escaping my lips.
"Why do you think I am kidding?" I asked, hiding my smirk.
"Because..." he muttered, trying to find an answer.
"Because?"
"Because I thought your typical weekend would be sitting in the library, reading with vanilla candles around or something," he scoffed.
"At the Academy, sure. But that's definitely not what I wanted to do all the time," I said, hitting his arms playfully as we began to walk in the other direction from the house.
"How..." he was at a loss of words, and his mouth opened again and again in reply but he shut himself up whenever he was about to speak. "Who are you?" he asked, finally.
"Shut up!" I laughed as he smiled at me, his eyes not leaving mine as we walked together. I could notice, how our hands threatened to touch each other's again and again, as if there was a force inviting the other. It was almost impossible to stay away from him, to not feel his warmth against my skin even when his skin wasn't against mine. But just for today, I refused to reason with that feeling and enjoy every moment of it.
"Never did I ever imagine in my wildest dreams that you would give up on a nice, warm afternoon of reading with a caffè latte and a misty book to go skinny-fucking-dipping in a lake!" his eyes were shocked and ecstatic at the same time and it was then that I gave up and held him by his arms.
"Hey? No one said anything about skinny dipping!" I replied, and even without his smirk, I knew I was blushing and he could see it. Oh, he was enjoying it.
"Are you telling me you're jumping in the lake with that beautiful dress on and then walking till the house, drenched, in it?" he asked, pointing at my sundress. I should have planned better. This was definitely the most beautiful white sundress in the closet. But it still didn't imply skinny dipping with him!
"Well, you can go ahead and ruin a perfect dress but I am definitely not spoiling a good linen," he said as we neared the lake.
And just like I imagined, it glittered in the sun. Art walked ahead while my steps slowed in pace. I took a deep breath and I took the massive water body in, with all its colors and landscapes. Every shade of blue glistened on its surface and just like that, all my senses came alive. I could see it all, every grasshopper on the sidelines, every fish that peaked below its waters. I could hear the trees ruffling and I caught the squirrels hiding. I heard the soft waves of the lake, and amongst this magnificent scenery, I saw him.
His eyes merged with the color of the lake, a gleaming blue that called me. In the distance, Art let go of the shirt he wore and walked away into the water and I could sense him smiling. He ruffled his hair before the sand touched his toes. I stood right where he had left me, and for the first time, I felt blessed because of this new-found ability to see this way. Everything, everywhere my sight stretched was perfect. He was perfect.
And then I sensed her.
And my beautiful painting was vandalized.
I heard her before she came into our view and as if his senses were aligned with mine, Art was beside me in seconds, running so fast, I barely noticed.
She appeared from our right, on the other side of the lake. And even from that distance, I could make out what she was. A human.
Art's hand found mine, he gestured me to turn but my senses didn't allow me to follow his lead. I was struck by her. I knew, deep within me, that there was something wrong with her. Something about her made me uneasy and I gulped unknowingly. I could see her, in an attire I didn't understand. She was wearing combat boots, a leather jacket, and a smirk that was scaring me.
She knew something she wasn't supposed to know.
Her eyes shifted to Art and she smiled at him and dared to raise her hand to give a small wave. It was then that I turned to face Art and his expression was absolutely different from mine. He wasn't scared, he was...angry. He was so enraged that his eyes were glowing in the bright daylight. His smile was long gone, replaced by a stone-hard expression that could scare anybody, but for some reason, that woman seemed absolutely normal.
What happened after that, happened so fast that I forgot to breathe.
From the other corner, an arrow came out of nowhere and even our reflexes weren't fast enough to comprehend it. My breath hitched as I felt the pain and Art's hand was no more in mine. In those moments, his eyes shifted to me, anger long gone. He caught me before I could fall and that's when we both looked towards my stomach.
The white dress was soaked, but it wasn't red. I whimpered, less from the pain and more from the sight of the liquid that my hands touched. To describe it would be another painful task. What my hands touched beside the arrow was not red blood, as I had imagined it would be, but black liquid with a hint of silver. I panicked, thinking I wasn't seeing right, I was hurt, right?
I could feel it then. His body shivered against mine. "Art," I muttered as he held me. In moments, our entire day had turned upside down. Seconds ago, he stood in front, his perfectly tanned skin and mischievous smile inviting me and everything had seemed so perfect. A day, just for us, was ruined in seconds. My picture-perfect memory had been tainted.
"No, no," he whispered, but I could feel the panic in his voice as he struggled to breathe. "Hey, look at me. I am right here, okay? Stay awake, Aethera, please," he begged but I could feel myself slipping away already.
Just when I thought I couldn't die, I thought, chuckling in my mind as my vision began to blur.
"Aethera, please," I could hear his voice. All my senses were beginning to leave me, but his voice remained with a distant image of his agitated face. In those last few moments, I felt the urge to touch him, to calm him down but his hands found my face instead. "Don't...please. You have to stay awake, I-I can't...I need you, please!" he begged as I slipped into the grass.
I wanted to say something, anything. I wanted to tell him it wasn't painful, I wanted to stop his voice from breaking but I could do nothing but slip further away from him as his pain-stricken eyes begged me to stay awake. I couldn't even bring my hands upwards to touch him before I would be enveloped in darkness. Art's voice was shaking, his hands were shaking under my skin and I could see the tears forming in his eyes.
In those last moments of consciousness, something in Art shifted before my eyes as his face turned to face the woman, his eyes were glowing again and his mouth parted in a growl I had never imagined I would hear.
I heard what happened after that, more than I saw it. I heard him walk away from me, and when I turned to see him, I saw an entirely different man in front of me. In mere seconds, he was at the edge of the river, and even with my blurred senses, I could hear him shivering because of his anger. He pulled a dagger from the edge of his cargo, and the blade flickered in the light for the few milliseconds that it remained in his hands.
My last memory was a voice that rippled through my mind.
The woman screamed in the distance and her blood-curdling scream registered within me before I finally closed my eyes.
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