Merlynn's POV
I huddled myself against the half-dead tree, my mind reciting different poems to prevent myself from thinking about what happened a few hours ago. I couldn't exactly stop myself, not when I could taste bile and could feel my heart weighing more than every weight I'd carried. I made a mistake, I shouldn't have told her yet. The words came out.
Damnit! I knew she would react like that, I knew she would shut me out if I told her about love. She was still getting used to emotions and I blew it with my big mouth. Of course, she wouldn't understand after I foolishly professed my undying love for her brother not too long ago. It would have been easier to explain if I could tell her that I mistook my love for her for Frost because they were twins, but I couldn't. If only I could tell her that, then she'd understand me.
To Krystal, I should be learning to fall in love with her but she forgot that we were damn werewolves. The mate bond speeds up the process and I've always been in love with her, I just had the wrong face to go with it. Now I had the real one, it wasn't hard for my heart and mind to correct the error. If only I could tell her, then she would understand. I'm not like her, I'm not accustomed to heartlessness.
Yes, I'm selfish, yes, I'm self-centered, or rather, was. But compared to Krystal, I was good. I knew she'd need time to accept her feelings before I told her about mine, so she wouldn't shift to the default setting but I ended up blurting it out. I was just so happy. After everything I'd endured with the misplaced love with Frost, I couldn't contain my joy. I finally had a lover of my own, one I could touch and care for openly without making up excuses. One I didn't have to pine for. One who accepted my all with no sign of reluctance. I should have been more careful.
I knew she would return to normal after a couple of days, or maybe a week, but I was frightened. Memories of the painful yearning for Frost kept slipping into my consciousness and making me picture being treated like that by Krystal. I imagined every bit of the pain I felt with Frost. Watching him galavant with women, pining over him, going to bed every night with wistful desires, concealing my true feelings for him. I imagined all of that happening with Krystal and it made me realize that the pain I thought I went through with Frost was nothing compared to what I would go through if that were to happen with Krystal.
As depressing as it was, I already saw myself committing suicide. I already had seventeen scenarios of death, three being the only true possible means of death for me. I imagined the pain of rejection so deep I started to feel it, and then memories of my mother's death returned along with the pain. I couldn't lose Krystal, not like I lost her.
The house became too stuffy, and the fact that she disappeared from the house made me feel even worse. I knew the truth, I knew she wasn't going to abandon me, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. Call it pathetic, call ME pathetic, but losing the people I love has always been my greatest fear, and I still wasn't over it.
My father would laugh at me if he saw me in the state that I was in. Heck, I was laughing at myself. I ruined my happiness with just three words. I thoughtlessly took myself back to square one. I was hoping to take her to my father. He must have felt her presence in the pack bond. I wanted to show her off with my marks all over her, but now I was the laughingstock. How truly disgraceful.
"Brother?" Oh fuck! I didn't want her to see me like this. I didn't want any of them to see me like this. "Don't run!" She screamed before I could make a run for it as I planned. "Please, don't go, stay right there," I sighed defeated, then lifted my left knee so I could rest my elbow to support my face with my hand.
Ella, the smartest of the quad, sat next to me. It just had to be her, the one that can never be deceived. Even if Emma was clever and quick-witted, I knew how to twist her thoughts without compelling her to. But Ella, no compulsion could change her mind once she grasped the knowledge of something.
I tried to avoid her gaze but the side of my face was starting to roast from her stare. She was silently forcing me to speak. What is she doing in this area anyway? And why do I have to explain myself to a six-year-old? "I messed up with my mate and now she hates me, so I'm wallowing," I blurted out.
She finally tore her gaze away, giving me the chance to breathe. "Rate your stupidity in this situation,"
I rest my head on the tree with an exhale. "A hundred,"
"A hundred? What did you do?!" She exclaimed. I looked at her lazily and she was staring at me with incredulity. She'll understand if I tell her and maybe give me some good advice. Not that it would help fix my relationship with Krystal, but it's sure to help distract me from feeling abandoned.
"Remember what I told you girls about my mate not being raised properly?"
"Yeah? She's a cold-blooded killer and doesn't know how to deal with emotions, you told us that. But you also said she's getting better, right?"
"I told her I love her and she freaked out… now before you judge her, I'm to blame," I looked away sadly. "I knew how she was, I knew that she needed time to adjust and accept that she was falling in love with me, but I messed up and rushed things. I was overwhelmed by… um, the fact that she accepted to be part of the pack, I couldn't contain my joy so I told her and—"
"Stop," she deadpanned, "just hold it right there."
"What?"
Ella pinched the bridge of her nose and clenched her small fist. "Stop beating yourself up and treating yourself like this. Yes, she's supposed to be heartless or whatever, but that still doesn't give her the right to hurt you. I'm not sure what happened but anything strong enough to make you shed tears is beyond what a normal person can bear—"
"I'm not crying—"
"You practically have tears streaming down your face and you've been holding your chest the whole time. She's not the only one with issues. Bitch, everyone has their story and that includes you. For goodness sake! You changed yourself completely for her, you have been considerate of her so why can't she be more considerate of you?! You also have your own sad past and hard upbringing so she should get over herself and remember she's not the only person in this relationship! You're hurting! No, you're the only one hurting because she doesn't have a heart!" She screamed, tears rolling down her face.
I stretched out my hands to carry her but she smacked my hands away and growled. "No, let me talk, let me tell her what I'm sure you haven't told her because you're afraid of losing her like you lost your mother and afraid of rejection like you experienced with Frost! Oh yes, I know about that, I piece the clues together! Bitch, are you listening to me right now?!"
"Ella, she's not here," I said worriedly. Ella wasn't one to easily cry. She stopped crying when she was two but she was crying again, because of me. This wasn't what I wanted and seeing that she was upset because of Krystal was making me mad and worried. No one is allowed to make my little sisters cry, but I'm to blame too. It's more of my fault.
"Stop blaming yourself! Stop!! Because you don't speak about it doesn't mean you are not fragile. You also have your baggage and she should think about you too. I know she's cold, I know it's hard for her but what about you? Aren't you a living being too?" She was looking over my shoulder and glaring at something. It almost felt like her anger was being directed at the right person. But Krystal isn't…
I turned around and my heart skipped when I saw Krystal standing, resting against a tree. She was neither hiding her face nor her hair color, and she had no expression on her face. Her gaze was fixed on Ella, her lips pressed into a thin line. The fact that she was emotionless didn't faze me but the fact that she came back. She didn't leave, she came back!
The pain, the anger, everything vanished as I stood up and rushed over to her. I didn't care if she shattered my heart hours ago. I didn't care if I almost drowned myself in sorrow. I didn't care if my sister was crying because of her. I was simply happy that she didn't leave because it meant she wouldn't give me cold shoulders. In fact, something good might come from this.
She didn't push me away when I pulled her into my arms and squeezed her tight, pushing her face into my slightly soaked shirt, even if she remained still like a rock. I was simply happy. I kissed the side of her face, feeling more warm tears rolling down my cheeks. Happiness is not enough to describe my feelings. "I'm so sorry, Krystal, I'm sorry for dropping that on you. I'll wait, I won't ever—"
"Your sister is right, Merlynn, stop. You need to stop tolerating my bullshit and tell me straight if I do something to hurt you. I always know when I do and I always find an excuse to justify it—"
"I don't mind, I can take—"
"Shut up," she snapped, squeezing a fistful of my shirt. Her voice vibrated against my chest and sent tingling sensations throughout my body and you know what that means. "You have feelings too. I didn't care when I hurt you and it's not supposed to be like that. I still don't care, I'm only speaking from the logical aspect. Yes, I need someone tolerable like you, but still, scold me when I do something wrong so I can learn quicker. Please, help me stop hurting you."
"If I do that, you might get tired of me and—"
She punched my chest lightly and raised her head, glaring at me coldly. "I'm yours for life, have you forgotten? I'm not going anywhere,"
"You said you will ignore me for a month if I—"
"You wanna know why I fell for you this quickly? You were persistent. You never gave up no matter how harsh I was and you teased me so hard I started feeling like a girl. If I tell you never to tell me you love me, turn it to your ringtone. It will irritate me, it will make me want to wring your neck, but I will eventually turn into a girl over it. I've realized now that is how I am with you. So ignore everything I say and do what you want." She looked at me with firmness, her words thick and irrevocable, filling my heart with more joy.
I sniffed. "What if you leave for that place I can't go to?" Krystal's eyes dilated for a bit, then she lifted her hand. She slipped off the black ring she always wore, took my hand, and placed it in my palm. She gave me a soft smile, a very heartwarming one. "Is this…" I trailed off.
"Whenever you need to see me, call on the name of Merlin or Lycia and you shall find me. I'm going to regret this but whatever," she was permitting me to be as persistent and annoying as I want and yes, she was going to regret it.
I grinned whimsically. "You have nowhere to run now,"
"I'm regretting it already," she scoffed, rolling her eyes away. I laughed and pulled her into my arms, hugging her once again. "I hope you're not expecting me to apologize to you for what happened earlier," nope, didn't even dream of it. "And I didn't come back because I care. I couldn't go far because somebody made it impossible for me to walk," she snarled. I ignored her this time and held her tighter, so she will never think of leaving me again.
Even if she wants, I will continue to chase her until the thought of leaving never crosses her mind again. I accept that I'm pathetic yearning for her attention and love, I'm pathetic for taking everything she throws at me. But, if this attitude of mine will keep her with me for good, then I will gladly be her dog for the rest of my life.
She came around faster this time. She's changed a lot, right?