"I can't keep loving you this way; planning out the future, while you're digging our grave."
— Jessica Kanoff
∞
CHAPTER 5
"Sammy, naman!" nakabusangot na saad ni ate Resha sa harap ko habang ako ay busy kaka-scroll sa timeline ng isang tao.
Well, he's quite known. Sino ba naman kasing hindi makakakilala sa isang Isaiah Kaius Imperial, 'di ba? He's the epitome of a perfect sculpture made by the most talented artist I've known. Mayaman din siya at magaling sa sports. Sikat nga siya sa paaralang pinag-aaralan ko sa kasalukuyan. He's damn handsome!
"Ano ba kasing kailangan mo, Ate?" bagot kong tanong at tiniklop ang aking laptop.
She sat beside me and hugged me tight. "I'm getting married!"
I frowned. "What? Mag-aaral ka pa, 'di ba?"
Magkasing-edad lamang si ate at si Isaiah. Both graduated students and hell, nakakainggit! Though mag-aaral pa raw ulit si ate para sa kanyang master's degree. Habang ako, may isang taon pa para magtapos ng pag-aaral. Pero parang pag-aaral ang tatapos sa 'kin.
"Hell, yeah!" saad niya at tumawa. "But do you know why I am so excited about this marriage?"
"Ano?" hindi mawala-wala ang pagkakakunot ng noo kong tanong. I mean, sino bang matutuwa kapag ikakasal ka na sa taong hindi mo man lang nakasalamuha? O baka naman─
"I'm marrying my ultimate crush!" she exclaimed and handed me a picture of her so-called future husband.
Nanginig ang kamay ko sa litratong aking nakita. Para akong tinakasan ng lakas nang makita ang lalaking na sa litrato na 'yon.
Ate, bakit siya pa?
"Alam mo ba nang sabihin sa akin ni lolo na ipapakasal niya ako, parang gusto kong magwala. But then I got to meet my fiancée, and he turned out to be my crush! Sino namang hihindi, 'di ba?" She bit her lip and smiled shyly. "I'm sorry for not telling you that I really like our campus varsity player."
Parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko at nangangapa ako ng mga dapat kong sabihin.
"W-when..." Huminga ako ng malalim. "When are you getting married?"
"Our engagement party will be held next week. The wedding will be next month."
"I seriously don't know what to say after knowing everything." Pinahiran ko ang mga luha namalisbis sa aking pisngi. "It's like... it's like my world crushed. You know how much I like him since the very first time, Ads. Kaya parang hindi ako makahinga after knowing that he's bound to marry my sister."
Adele tapped my shoulders while gently caressing my arms. "Then w-what about your son? P-paano nangyaring nagkaroon ka ng anak sa kanya?"
Suminghot ako at pinilit ang sarili na ngumiti. "The night before their engagement party, we went into a bar, right?" sambit ko na ikinatango niya. "I purposely drunk myself. I was hurting. Wala na akong pakialam sa paligid ko. All I want is to temporarily remove the pain even just for that night."
"And you end up with him in bed?" mahinang usal niya na ikinatango ko.
"I end up with him in bed. Maybe I should still be grateful that I woke up first. Mas nauna akong nagising sa kanya. Imagine the terrified look I had after knowing it was him." Huminga ako ng malalim. "I ran away that morning with nothing in my pocket. I called my sister, but I never told her that I had a one-night stand with her fiancée. I choose to keep my mouth shut. She sent me money enough for me to live for three days. Siya rin ang umasikaso ng mga papeles ko para magpatuloy akong mag-aral sa Japan. There's also my friend: James. Tinulungan din niya ako together with my sister."
"Resha doesn't deserve this," mahinang sambit niya at tumingin din sa kawalan.
We're somewhere in Cebu where we can clearly see the starry night sky and hear the waves as they slush through the seashore. Pinili namin ni Adele ang lugar na ito dahil tahimik.
"She doesn't," I said and took a deep breath. "As much as possible, ilalayo ko si Kai rito sa Cebu. Tomorrow, aalis siya papuntang Manila. They'll live there while I'll work here in Cebu. Para sa kinabukasan ng anak ko, handa akong harapin pagkaka-miss sa kaniya sa araw-araw para mabigyan ko siya ng magandang kinabukasan na hindi humihingi sa mga magulang ko."
"But you know what, I'm proud of you," bulong niya. "Nagawa mong buhayin mag-isa ang anak mo at nagawa mong maging malakas para harapin ang araw-araw mong buhay sa kabila ng nangyari sa 'yo."
Ngumiti ako at pinahiran ang luhang pumapatak sa 'king pisngi. "Hindi ka ba nandidiri sa 'kin?"
Umiling ito at ngumiti. She then took a deep breath. "I'm just disappointed, but I'm really proud of you. I'm disappointed kasi sa lahat ng lalaking mamahalin mo at magiging ama ng anak mo, asawa pa ng ate mo. Ng ate mo na walang ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin ka at alagaan ka."
Mapait akong ngumiti at niyakap siya. Sang-ayon ako sa kanyang sinabi. I am a snake for what happened. Ngunit kahit papano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil alam kong tanggap niya ako. I'm so lucky to have her. Mahirap makahanap ng kaibigan na iintindihin ka sa halip na insultuhin ka.
"I have something to ask." The glints in her eyes are telling me something malicious. "Daks ba si Isaiah?" pabiro nitong sambit.
Napasinghap ako at nanlalaki ang mga matang tinignan siya. "Siraulo ka ba? I-I was drunk!" saad ko at umiwas ako ng tingin.
"Yah!" she said held my arms. "You're blushing! Namumula ka! So daks nga?" Tumawa ito ng tumawa na ikinairap ko.
"You're really a bitch," I murmured and chuckled.
"I am just kidding. Pinapagaan ko lang ang usapan ano ka ba. But... tell me more!" she exclaimed as she handed me another can of beer na halos hindi na namin mainom sa sobrang kaseryosohan ng aming usapan.
--
I brushed Kai's hair before letting him face me. Ngayon na ang alis nila Kai at James. The car is ready and it's my time to tell him my temporarily goodbye. I'll surely miss my son.
"Don't be such a hardheaded boy to tita Jamie, okay? Take care, baby." I kissed his forehead and both cheeks.
Tumango lamang si Kai at hinalikan din ang noo ko. He hugged me so tight before letting go. Nagpaalam na ito at nagbilin pang bibisita ako palagi.
"Of course, baby. Mommy will find time to visit you there. I love you."
"I love you too," sagot niya at muli ako nitong niyakap bago siya kinuha ng kanyang yaya.
Nilapitan naman ako ni James at niyakap ako. He also said goodbye before leaving the condominium. Before leaving me alone. Napabuntong hininga naman ako nang maramdaman ko ang sobrang katahimikan sa aking paligid. It's empty now. I'm all alone, again.
Instead of being sad after my son left, I chose to proceed towards the bathroom and take a quick shower. Pupunta pa ako sa opisina ni Kaius─oh right, be professional, Sam. He's your boss. Alright, I'll be going to my new boss' company to meet his other hired architects. Ewan ko kung kailan darating ang iba ko pang mga kasamahan.
Nagbihis ako ng isang kulay dark blue pants at isang white t-shirt. I tied my hair into a bun and glanced myself in the mirror once again. It's just a simple outfit. Pinaresan ko rin ito ng eyeglasses at isang pares ng sneakers. My common outfit kapag papasok ako sa trabaho. I'm an architect. I can just sit here in James' condo, draw his desired structure, calculate everything, or visit the site when I wanted to. Just like that. I can spend more time with my son if he's just here. But he needs to go. For his safety.
Am I being selfish?
Huminga ako ng malalim bago pinulot ang susi at controller ng sasakyan kasama ang isang sling bag na pinagsidlan ko ng sketchpad at camera. I guess I'll ask for Mr. Imperial for the address of the site, or maybe we'll visit it today? I don't know.
--
I smiled as I entered the building. I saw recognition on the guard's face, which is why he greeted me with a good morning and a smile. Dumiretso naman ako sa elevator at pinindot ang top floor.
My hand is sweating cold and I guess I'm nervous. Sinong hindi kakabahan kung ang lalaking kinahihibangan ko rati, ay ang pagtatrabahuan ko. Napangiwi naman ako habang nakatitig sa repleksiyon ko sa salamin sa loob ng elevator. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at inayos ang aking salamin. Pansin ko kaninang marami ang nakaparadang sasakyan, I guess my new teammates are here.
I glanced at my wristwatch at muling napangiwi. Alas diyes na pala, pero ang sinabi sa 'kin ni Ms. Gallego ay ten thirty magsisimula ang meeting namin. Napasipol naman ako nang bumukas ang pinto at bumungad sa labas ng elevator si Ms. Gallego na nakangiti. She immediately assisted me.
Binuksan ni Ms. Gallego ang pinto at pinapasok ako. She also followed me inside and the people inside the office looked at me with a knitted forehead. Gusto ko silang pagtaasan ng kilay ngunit mas pinili kong ngumiti nang pilit. Of course, every day is an act for me. The world is a stage. You need to act according to what role you need to play.
"Sir Ice, andito na po si Architect Kainashi," saad ni Ms. Gallego.
Tumango naman si Mr. Imperial at itinuro ang sofa set niya. Kita kong ngumiti ang ilan sa kanila bago tumungo sa sofa. I chose to sit on the single sofa when a girl suddenly cleared her throat.
"Stand. That's my seat," pagtataray nito na ikinairap ko nang palihim.
I smiled and said sorry before standing up and looking for another seat. Ngunit parang punuan na dahil halos sampu kaming nandirito sa loob. Damn, bakit hindi na lang sa conference room niya kami tinipon? Nakita ko naman ang paglalakad ni Mr. Imperial papunta sa natitirang upuan na para sa kanya. So tatayo na lang ako?
"Why are you still standing, Architect Kainashi?" kunot-noong tanong sa 'kin ni Mr. Imperial.
I smiled and replied, "There are no vacant seats. Tatayo na lang po ako."
Nagtaka ako nang tumayo ang isang lalaking kulay raven black ang buhok at tinignan ako. "You can seat here, I'll just stand."
Muli na naman akong ngumiti. I politely declined his offer. Sakto namang dinaluhan ako ng upuan ni Ms. Gallego.
"Ayokong ngalayin ang author ko," she murmured and I chuckled. Nagpasalamat ako rito bago ako umupo at tinignan si Mr. Imperial na matiim na nakatitig sa akin.
Tumikhim siya at agad na nag-iwas ng tingin. He cleared his throat once again before talking, "Good morning, everyone. I gather you all here so that you can acquaint yourself with each other since some of you would work together."
"Some?" angal ng isang lalaking sa tingin ko ay isang inhinyero "What do you by that, Mr. Imperial?"
Kalmadong sumandal si Mr. Imperial sa kanyang upuan at tinignan kami isa-isa. "The airport project will be in Manila. Only public school projects are here in Cebu. And last night, I already assigned some people—no, some of you—to move to Manila for the building of the airport project. Someone will orient you there, while here, I'll be the one to guide you. And I've chosen Mr. Hans, Mr. Austria, and Mr. Pueblos. The remaining two engineers will remain here in Cebu. And you'll be with two architects, Architect Cruz and Kainashi. The three will remain here. That's all. Dismissed."
My mouth almost fell open. Naglulukso sa tuwa ang puso ko. Like, who wouldn't? Damn, I'm assigned to Manila!
I smiled before standing up. Halos sabay-sabay naman kaming tumayo lahat at nagpaalam sa isa't isa. Sa susunod na linggo pa lang darating ang mga kasamahan ko mula sa Japan.
"Hey." Lumapit sa akin ang lalaking naka-raven black hair na tumayo kanina upang paupuin ako. "I'm Hiro Austria, you are?"
Austria? Ang makakasama ko na inhenyero sa Maynila? I lifted a smile. "Hey, too. I'm Sam Kainashi."
"Nice to meet you," he said and smiled showing his dimples on his left cheek.
Tinanggap ko ang kamay nito. "Nice meeting you, too." We shook hands.
He smiled again. Ako ang naunang bumitiw sa pakikipagkamayan dahil batid kong ayaw niya pang bumitiw. I heard someone fake a cough, making our attention divert to the person who made that noise. I saw how Mr. Imperial raised his brow while looking at Hiro and me.
"Good to see you acquainting yourselves with each other," panimula nito. "But let me excuse architect Kainashi for a while; we have something important to discuss."
"Oh, sure, Sir." Tumango si Hiro at ngumiti.
Nakagat ko naman ang aking ibabang labi at apologetic na ngumiti kay Hiro bago ako sumunod kay Mr. Imperial na naglalakad palabas ng opisina niya. I'm wondering where are we going to talk?
Damn, Sam. Keep calm and stop expecting too much. Baka tungkol lang 'yan sa plates na binigay mo kahapon.. My subconscious states. At ano naman ang pag-uusapan naming kung hindi tungkol sa plates, aber?
Pumasok kami sa isang silid at doon ko napagtantong pumasok kami sa isang conference room. Bakit ba hindi niya na lang kami rito tinipon? Malaki at malawak naman ang silid. May saltik ba 'to?
"Please be seated."
Saktong pag-upo ko ay siyang pagpasok ni Ms. Gallego dala ang folder na pinagsidlan ko ng mga plates kahapon. Nilapag niya ito sa mesa at nginitian ako bago nilisan ang silid. I silently prayed to God na madaliin ang oras.
"I like your outputs. Very detailed," he said. "Your passion for your job is the reason why I want you to be the architect of Air Rial Airport. My wife was never wronged by you."
Muli na naman akong nakaramdam ng sakit matapos niyang sambitin ang salitang my wife. Funny. Pero masakit pa rin pala kahit tanggap ko na ang katotohanan. Parang mas dumoble ang sakit.
"Thank you for appreciating my works." I forced a smile. "K-kailan po kami makakaalis papuntang Maynila? I need to visit the site as soon as possible para malaman ko kung─"
"Are you someone from my past?" he suddenly blurted out, cutting me off. "You're really familiar to me."
He's confused. I bit my lower lip before answering his question. "I'm not. We never crossed our paths before." Ugh, we definitely did!
Good liar, bitch. I murmured to myself.
He took a deep breath and nodded, maintaining his stoic expression. "You'll leave on the day after tomorrow. My entrusted personnel will assist you there. Have a safe trip."
Tumango lamang ako at napalitang ngumiti. "Thank you, Mr. Imperial," pormal kong sagot.
Our conversation was interrupted when my phone rang. Agad ko namang hinagilap ang phone ko sa aking sling bag at tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag. It's ate Resha...
Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Kaius─ Mr. Imperial na nadatnan kong nakatingin din sa 'kin.
"Go ahead," he said.
Tumango naman ako at sinagot ang tawag. "Hello, Ate?"
"I heard na sa Pilipinas ka pa rin daw. Let's go to mall!"
Holy hell...