Chapter 28
Under the night sky, the brick path edged the lawn of the condo grounds, weaving us through flower gardens and hedges. He walked steadily, as if to escape each word he spoke. He did seem more relaxed though. Probably because the subject shifted from his wife to supernatural politics. Afterall, there was a lot of backstory I needed first.
And I mean a lot of backstory. That's right. Get your paper and pen ready, everybody! We were embarking on another supernatural lesson! One that was by far... the most personal and tragic yet.
"Jamie's soul was damned because of what he is. Has he told you about Nephilim?"
Hmm. I would have failed if that was a timed trivia question, but that funny-sounding name did a ring bell. "Yeah, he did..." I nodded hesitantly before growing more confident. "That's what he is. He's half human and half angel. Right?"
"Yes. Did he tell you it's an illegal race?"
My thick brows jumped. "Uh, nope, he did not."
He groaned. "Figures. One more thing for me to have to explain."
"He did say that Neph... Neph-whatever... that they have powers like an angel. They are just dialed back. Jamie said he's like more of a physical threat than a mental. Or something like that." It was hard to remember the black and white facts in a now foggy gray world. Clearly, I should be the one taking notes (and should have started back when I cracked the lid on this new reality). However, I knew for sure Jamie never shared that he was part of an illegal race. "So, he did tell me some stuff. Just not that, that's for sure."
Crickets chirped from the woods left of the path. Walking side by side, Peter continued. "Illegal races are not natural to this world – or really a natural part of Heaven or Hell. They are a result of something unnatural: the divine and a human reproducing. Any mixed race like that is illegal."
"How is that not natural though? It happened. He's here and exists."
"Yes, but Nephilim weren't originally purposed for Earth. It's unacceptable for fallen angels to reproduce with a human because it's not natural. Jamie is an unnatural creation, so his soul is automatically hell-bound."
Automatically? Yeah, that's going be a hard one to get over. "Jesus. If having a son with a human was so terrible, shouldn't you be the one punished? Not him?"
"It's not about punishment. It's design. He was born, so he is damned. That's why having a family was never in the cards for us before. It didn't matter that my wife and I both wanted kids. It wasn't worth the price, so it was never an option. So, you can safely assume we were both very surprised when we learned she was pregnant," he scoffed, pausing. "We were still excited, but knowing our child was damned was a big consequence."
My already blown mind turned into mush. Imagine getting pregnant, knowing your child would eventually go to Hell. I truly couldn't imagine the emotional toll that must have taken. It was tragic, it was fucked up! Life was unfair, but I really did expect death to be unfair. And to that degree! Jamie was such a beautiful person. That's all that should matter, not the way he was created.
My wide eyes shot up to him. "That... that is so backwards. All half-angels go to Hell? Doesn't matter if they do nothing wrong? Or if they are the nicest people in the world?"
"Right, they still go to Hell once they die."
Wow. Just fucking wow. "That's not okay! Jamie is so pure, sweet, he-he did nothing wrong!"
"Natural law doesn't care that Jamie did nothing wrong. Again, there is no intention behind it." Following the path, we were now behind the buildings, passing more sculpted hedges and flower beds. Catching my eyes, he elaborated. "Higher powers created man. Not unnatural hybrids. So, those higher powers have no say in what happens to the souls of hybrids. Jamie exists when he never had the natural right to exist."
"Okay, so because you forgot a condom, he's going to Hell. Makes total fucking sense. So please enlighten me then: what's his punishment for doing nothing wrong?!" I was so unnerved, so fired up, but I needed to chill out. Taking a deep breath, I tried again with less bite in my voice. "When you are damned, do you really just... burn in Hell after you die?"
"It depends. There can be pain and torture. It's more like... service for those that are useful. Jamie would be one of the useful ones. It's hard to describe."
I shook my head. "That's so unfair to be sent there when you don't deserve it."
The same frustration I shared seeped into his voice. Tucking his hands in his pockets, his tattooed arms tightened with tension. "It's very unfair. That's why when she became pregnant, I was determined to do something. I needed to figure out how to save his soul. That is all I wanted, all I could think about, even after he was born. I wanted to take away that burden I placed on our child." He exhaled sharply, voice filling with a venomous note. "Thanks to Famine, my wife took that burden instead."
"What do you mean?"
He spoke slower, stressing these next key words. "Famine is a businessman.... Remember?"
That reminder... it helped connect the disturbing dots. All the loose pieces that were scattered started to sew together. Famine was a businessman involved in deal-making. One who could offer anything to anyone. And with what I learned earlier... about his wife selling her soul to save their sons... well, I hated the picture these dots created. Fuck. Hopefully, Peter will shut down my line of thinking.
I swallowed, speaking cautiously. "Famine... offered to spare Jamie's soul? By convincing her to sell hers?"
His eyes were locked on the ground. "She didn't need convincing."
I couldn't believe it. Couldn't imagine it. Jamie was born with a damned soul, so his mother saved it... by making a deal with Famine. This was more than a heart-breaking story. Knowing this shit was even possible, that a deal like that could be made... scared the shit out of me. It added a whole other layer of devastation in my eyes.
We split from the condo's pathway, walking through the grass to a clearing in the trees. I didn't even realize we strayed from the ritzy landscape until it opened up next door to a wide and hilly golf course. Damn. We really were in a high-end part of this small town. We mindlessly found our way to a cement golf-cart path. It guided us through spacious trees next to the open acres of tamed grass. I was too consumed to care about the beautiful transition. I was just lost in his shocking story.
"I can't imagine that. Her selling her soul to save his. I can't imagine... what that was like for you."
"Imagine finding out that your spouse did that behind your back too."
My eyes widened. "She did?" Yeah, I really could not imagine that.
"She sure did."
Your son is damned, your wife saves him by making a deal that damns her own soul. Oh, and she did it behind Peter's back. Wrapping my head around that was hard. This wasn't just life and death. This was life, death, and eternity after death. And she traded her eternity, her soul, without even discussing it over dinner with her hubby. Like holy lord, what in the fuck kind of world were we living in?!
"She just couldn't take it anymore," he explained. "I reassured her we had time. We had Jamie's whole life to figure out a solution. I tried so hard to convince her we would figure it out... but she knew it wasn't that easy. She knew the ways of my world almost as much as I did."
"So, what happened? She sought him out to make this deal?"
"Yes. Only after Famine visited us on an unrelated issue. He planted the seed first."
Unrelated issue? That one threw me off track. "What unrelated issue?"
His stride picked up, turning our brisk walk into nearly a jog. "A fucked up one."
I didn't expect it, but I matched his pace to stay next to him. "Like what?"
"I've ran all over this little town, but can't say I've done laps here before," he said, ignoring the subject. Glancing to me, his thicker locks bounced with his jog. "You said you ran track in high school?"
"Um, yeah, and outside of school." Were we just not going to continue with the major bomb-drop?
"Where would you run?"
"Uh, around my house and in my neighborhood. Nowhere glamorous."
While the change in pace seemed random, I think our chat made him too antsy. I didn't mind; I could at least keep up. At first anyway. He picked up the pace and went a little faster, going ahead of me. Which was fine. I could run and keep up with no problem. Confused, I did just that. I caught up next to him, staying with his pace. I suppose he just needed to get some energy out. Plus, he wasn't in a full-on sprint yet. Oh, here we go, now we are fucking sprinting.
Looking between him and our path, I kept up and ran beside him. He wasn't going faster than me (probably because he knew I wouldn't be able to keep up). But for me, it was a full-on sprint, nonetheless. Sweat coated our faces, but I was the only one breathing hard. Instead, his lips were pursed, face was full of tension. Probably from the tragic subject he shared with me. So, if running made it easier, that's what we'll do.
"For someone who is too good for everything, I'm surprised you bother running as a hobby," I teased after wracking my brain to ease his tension.
Legs and arms working hard, he smirked at my jab. "I'm surprised you can keep up."
"Wh...What do you mean? This is nothing," I spat in exhaust.
"Yeah? You can keep going for a while?"
"Pshh, of course I can."
Yes, I am a big shit-talker because I could not last much longer. We kept running, and I was stunned that he just... did not stop. I loved to run, ran all the time, but I don't usually sprint like my life depended – and for this long. I was breathing harder and harder since he didn't slow. Jesus, he still didn't even seem tired! Ugh, I couldn't keep going full-throttle and as fast as I could!
We reached the back of the course when I put on the breaks. "Peter. I think something stung me," I breathed.
"Stung you?" he slowed with me.
I would never admit to being unable to keep up. Of course, I was the only one breathing like a fish out of water. It made us both share humorous glances. "Yeah, I think a bee stung my leg," I lied, as we reverted back to an easy walk along the golf-cart path. "That's why I had to stop. A bee stung me."
"I see. It's not because you're tired though?"
"No," I scoffed between labored breaths. "I can outrun you any day."
"I'm sure you can."
"Figures I would get stung. There are just so many bees around this time of night," I said, smirking at my obviously terrible excuse.
He snorted. "Mhmm."
All I wanted was to keep delving into the deep subject (and some water or even some rain to cool me down, but I'll live). Grabbing the hem of my tee, I fluttered it, airing my now sweaty skin. After our mindless chatter – and that burst of energy – hopefully that centered him enough to continued. He seemed content walking at a normal pace finally. Maybe that was a good sign.
"Okay so. Are... you okay continuing?" I asked hesitantly. He didn't respond to my concern, so I guess we will see. "You said Famine visited you? And that's what planted the seed?"
He palmed his misty forehead, meeting my eyes with seriousness as we wandered forward. He was reluctant to answer. "Yeah. Famine was interested in Jamie."
I cocked a sweaty brow. "Okay... Why was he interested in Jamie? Because his soul was already bound to Hell or something?"
"Because Nephilim are easy recruits. Remember how I said Jamie is an illegal race? That doesn't exactly look good on me in the community. Fallen angels are supposed to uphold the good. When we have a child that's damned and branded as the opposite of good... it's shameful in the fallen angel community. They are shunned, seen as embarrassments. Since it's taboo for us to have offspring, many fallen angels abandon their children. Some will go as far as killing their own children. Nice, isn't it?" he sneered.
Out of all the revelations... that part really stuck with me. I didn't know what to say for a long moment. "That's... fucked up."
"Yes. It is immensely fucked up. Because they get tossed aside, because their souls are damned... they tend to gravitate to the only place that will open their door to them. Can you guess who would welcome these outcasts with open arms?"
My eyes widened. "Hell..." I whispered.
"Yes, and why wouldn't they? Nephilim are strong, have some angelic abilities, can travel to both plains, and are already damned anyway. It's just... almost a given. Think about it too. If you are damned and you are shunned, why wouldn't you go to the one place you are welcome and valued?"
"The people that took Jamie today. They were half-angels – sorry, Nephilim – just like him, weren't they?"
"Yes, it's very common for them to work for Hell," he nodded. "That's why Famine was interested in our son. If there is any report of a Nephilim, Hell will try to recruit them. That is why that piece of shit came to us."
Between this personal story, and learning about the unfair mechanics of this world, it was hard to retain. This stuff was just bonkers. When I think he can't drop any more crazy shit... bam, here comes more cray-cray truths! I swear, there needed to be a class on this.
Spots of the sky bled through the few trees we passed, highlighting his distant expression every few steps. That was also pretty cray-cray: the fact that Peter was willing to share more details despite how disturbing it was. His gaze fell further into a past he didn't often revisit. "Jamie was only a few months old when Famine knocked on our door. I wasn't surprised. We expected them to send someone. Like I said, since fallen angels generally view their offspring as a burden, Famine assumed he would be easy to snatch up. He figured I wasn't attached to my embarrassment of a child."
"That's really a thing? Parents will just... hand their own kid over like that?!"
"Our little family was unconventional. Fallen angels don't just settle down – and then stick around if a woman gets pregnant." He paused for a second. There was clearly more behind that dynamic. "Basically, to sum it up, Nephilim are generally in situations where they are pretty easy to acquire. They don't have much standing in their way."
He was careful not to go far into the subject. It seemed like a very layered, very disturbing, issue within their fucked-up society. "It sounds like there is a lot more to it...."
"So much more. It's too much to go into," he scoffed. "Anyway, Famine offered to take Jamie off our hands. Even promised us 'good fortune' in the future. But, to his surprise, I actually cared more about my family than my status," he scoffed in disgust. "Having a son that was damned, a taboo child, didn't stop us from loving him. It wouldn't stop him from having a full life ahead of him if we could help it. I declined his offer and told him to fuck off."
"So, he really was there just to take this 'burden' off your hands?"
"Our trash is their treasure," he put sourly, nodding.
"He must have been shocked you didn't feel the same way."
"He was. I actually loved my child and family. But by the time I told him to get lost though... that's when he became more interested in my wife than our son." He paused thoughtfully. Lines creased in his forehead in distress, but he forced a neutral tone. Speaking directly about her clearly affected him. "She was quite powerful. It... it was no secret either. When Famine realized that... he pounced on that opportunity." He paused. "Sometimes, I wonder if she was the real reason he visited in the first place."
"By 'powerful' do you mean she had abilities?"
"Yes, she was a skillful witch. One of the most sought-after advanced witches around. You combine that with her natural abilities, her soul was more valuable than his in technical terms."
What the fuck? The context to the story he was dropping (like that she was a witch and was more valuable) was just insane to me. Really, how insane is that? My mouth was dry, and I was feeling uneasy. Legs moving numbly, I watched his tense build and lost expression intently, hanging on every slowing second.
I could see his struggle to keep a blank composure. His voice turned grave as he continued. "He saw something he wanted more than our child. He had an inkling of what she wanted since we clearly loved our tainted son. That's why instead of leaving after we denied his first offer... that... that fucking bottom feeder came up with another offer. A better one. He offered her the solution she wanted and needed this whole time." Peter's voice flooded with disgust. "He offered to spare Jamie's soul if my wife gave up hers. To this day, I wish I would have killed him then and there."
With each step, I hung onto his words that have never been so open before. It all came full circle – and it weighed heavily. "He offered that on the spot after your wife caught his attention?"
He nodded. "He definitely caught her attention too."
How... horrible.
"Famine's proposal was all it took. I knew it too. I knew in that second how much his offer appealed to her. Which made it very easy for me to show him what I thought of him," he said, allowing me to imagine the various ways he kicked his ass. "Again, I should have killed him. Instead, I did more than threaten him if he ever came back. It didn't really matter though because that seed was planted. My wife knew I didn't approve. Trading a soul to free another was not a solution in my fucking book. Especially hers," he said, trailing off in a husky voice. Running a hand over his face, he let out a bothered breath. "We needed to find another way, but Famine's offer gave her hope and an option I never could. I told her over and over to forget about it. But she didn't need my approval. She never did." A sad smile found his lips as fast as it disappeared. "She snuck away and signed a deal with him behind my back. Jamie's soul was free. Her soul became damned."
I was as tense as him. Swallowing, I ran a hand through my curls. All of this, all of what he shared leading up to that awful truth, was so horrible. Some of the things he just shared left a lasting impression: a more valuable soul, 'shamefully' loving his own son, tossing offspring aside because they were dirty laundry. How backwards was that?! Knowing this was all part of our shared reality was terrible. Then, hearing about that life-changing – sorry, soul-altering – deal to save his son.... Truly, I could not imagine that pain!
Clearing his throat, as if just now realizing how much he shared, Peter forced himself back to the present. "Anyway, that was that. I was determined to then find some way to save her soul, but I never could. A few years later, she just disappeared. Never saw her again."
His abrupt ending was jarring. Enough to make me stop in place. "That's it? She just was gone?"
He slowed and turned back to me. He clearly didn't want to stop walking, so he rocked on his heels and sighed. "Yeah. She was just gone."
I quickly caught up with him. It really strummed a chord in my heart. Topping so much tragedy with that... I couldn't comprehend it. "What do you think happened? If she sold her soul, would someone take her?"
"I really don't know. Yes, she sold her soul, but that didn't mean she was their servant – or would be until after she died. She had her freedom still. Her body wasn't available to be possessed either." He spoke a little faster, more nonchalantly, as if to rush through my question. As if it was not having an impact on him. "After analyzing everything, it seemed like she ran away, but I didn't want to believe it. I don't know what to believe even after all this time."
I nodded, more careful with my words. I was just happy he was still talking. "You don't think Famine did something?"
"I really did suspect it," he nodded. "I thought Famine hid her away – until he sought me out and accused me of the same thing."
"He accused you of hiding her?"
"He's supposed to be able to keep track of all his clients. That includes her. Then, all of a sudden, she was just gone. Honestly, I still wonder if he had anything to do with her disappearance. I can't help but blame him. I-I just don't know. But if he's playing dumb... well, that's a long time for him to use the blame card and throw fake accusations if he is behind her disappearance."
"So you are still suspicious of him?" I suppose that explained their mutual hatred.
"I don't know if he had anything to do with it. I don't think he did, but I just can't help but wonder." He offered a weak chuckle. "As for him, he fully believes I'm to blame, but I never found a way to interfere. I never figured out how to save her soul, never found her...."
"You looked for her and found no clues or hints? Nothing?"
"Nothing. I have no idea what happened to her. But I think she's still alive."
"How do you know?"
"If she had died, she would have went to Hell – and Famine would know if she's there. Since she's not, that means she's alive. That's why he constantly watches me. He thinks I hid her away." He took a deep breath. "Since he can't keep tabs on his client, it's his job to keep tabs on us."
"His job? I don't... I don't understand."
"Famine mediated her contract, so he is supposed to have contact with her. Since she's missing, she violated part of their agreement. So, until she is found – or until she dies and ends up in Hell – we have to pay the price for that violation."
I scoffed at this curveball. "You mean you're being punished for her disappearing?!"
His lips tightened. "Hell never got her soul, and it's not accounted for. So, there are repercussions."
"What are the repercussions?"
"Jamie's soul is still free, but he has to serve them whenever they need him. Well, he works for them a max of 7 days in one month."
I couldn't handle the punch to the gut his words were. His story went from tragic to fucking torturous! "Wait, that's why he gets constantly kidnapped? Because his mom disappeared and is unaccounted for?! How the fuck is that fair?"
"It's not."
His son's soul was damned, his wife saved it by giving hers, and then she just is gone?! And because she being gone violated her deal... they get punished? The amount of pain they had to go through made my throat swell. The whole thing, all of it coming together, was just so upsetting!
"And they make Jamie do awful things. Like what we watched happen tonight," I whispered, biting my lip hard.
"They sure do." He glanced to a sandpit we were passing by to our right. "Golf is such a weird sport."
"Your wife wouldn't just run away if there were consequences like that, right?"
"It takes hours to golf 18 holes and it's a lazy process. It's ridiculous."
We reached one of those 18 holes at the top of the incline a moment later. Obviously, he didn't want to continue talking. But after hearing his heartbreaking past, I wasn't sure I wanted him to anyway. My chest heaved and I was starting to feel sick. Leaving the path, I sat down on the putting-green at the top of the hill. Stretching my legs out, I scanned the acres between us and the next green, taking a long and deep breath.
"What are you doing?"
"I need a break."
Like I expected, he was too restless to sit down, and he paced the fake grass behind me. As for me, I needed everything to be still. What he shared wasn't just overwhelming. Everything he shared – his personal past, the rules of his world – was upsetting! Yet, there was this beautiful sight before me. This field of perfect grass, the trees on each side of the wide-open hills, and the sparkling stars above. It made no fucking sense.
A few minutes past. I sat there in silence, gradually feeling... not much better. That was about all he could stand though. "You are taking quite a long break," he said behind me.
"For someone that lives forever... you are awfully worried about wasting time." My throat grew thick. Staring down at the golf green next to my legs, I swallowed hard. "I don't think I'll ever understand."
"What?"
"What you told me, about the divine... it's sickening. No wonder you're such an asshole. I would be a dick to everyone all the time too if I went through what you did."
"I've never been so flattered."
"No, really," I said voice breaking, dragging the hand not propping me up down my heated face. "It's... I just can't believe those things happen in the background of regular life! And they are awful awful things! Your kind, actual angels, toss aside their own kids. They represent goodness, yet throw away or kill their own kids! That's terrible. It's terrible that those kids are automatically damned. It's wrong that your wife had to trade her soul to fix that! It's so wrong! Yet, it's supposed to be this way? Where souls have a price? Where some are automatically damned, and some are more valuable," I exclaimed. "All in the name of what?! What is even the point of life if what's behind it is so ugly?! It's disappointing, it-it's repulsive, and heart-breaking. The truth about this world, what is behind this beautiful sky, it's just... it's so disappointing." Clenching my teeth, the golf course hills and night sky blurred from my watering eyes. I needed to calm down, but I couldn't. "I understand why people can't know about the supernatural, about angels, why you are able to make people forget. It's because all of us clueless humans would be disgusted by the truth. It's all a scam." I shook my head as a few tears fell down my cheeks.
Something within my emotional rambling triggered him. Peter walked right over and into sight, staring attentively down into my wet eyes. "Josephine. You're looking at this in the wrong light."
"How?" I shook my head. "Don't you think this is all fucked up? Isn't this why you're the bitter and miserable person you are? I sure would be. You have every right to be bitter!"
"Maybe, but I don't blame the higher powers for what happened. Listen, you... you just don't understand."
"You're right. I don't understand how angels that represent goodness can just kill their own kids."
"Representing heaven and goodness is different from being those things." Kneeling down, his eyes searched mine. "These ugly mechanics, my story, what happens here, all I have told you, all you have learned... is smaller than the big picture. Angels are not fallen angels."
I cocked a brow, blinking my wet eyes.
"You see... angels and fallen angels are two separate beings. They are as different as I am from you. We are fallen for a reason. We are biased, selfish, emotional, flawed, and are just like humans. That's why fallen angels only represent goodness, because we will never be as good as the pure angels we once were. That's why I don't mind being an outcast. I strive for the same overall goal as the fallen community, but they are all selfish assholes."
"Takes one to know one," I mumbled, wiping away my stupid tears.
"Regardless," he stressed. "Fallen angels are not the embodiment of that love and goodness. Pure angels and higher powers are. Because of that... angels aren't too involved down here. That's what the fallen are for: the more hands-on and physical work that happens. We actively preserve life, humanity, and overall goodness while living here." His tone dropped slightly. "Honestly, you can't get more hypocritical. Because if we were perfect role models, it wouldn't be a norm to throw away our own children," he said with scorn. "So please. Please don't judge what's above when this bullshit is thanks to us dicks down here."
Blinking away my tears, I watched him thoughtfully. "That does make me feel a little better. It's still reality though." Knowing there was better and powerful things out there than what I learned was reassuring. It really was nice to hear. But for his personal story though, I couldn't shake my frustration. Peter's past, the circumstances of his reality, was so... dark. Everything he shared with me was dark and twisted.
I think he could tell I was still bothered. His brown gaze turned soft, dare I say pretty. "As for souls that are born damned... that's our fault, that's my fault, that's on the fallen angels for reproducing. Upper-level management didn't have a say in Jamie's soul," he said amusingly. He almost looked reluctant to continue with these next more caressing words. "Don't blame or spite this beautiful world. Don't be jaded like me. Okay?" he whispered, eyeing the edges of me.
What was he looking at? Then, it clicked. "What are.... Wait, are you looking at my aura?" I realized.
"Yeah, it's ass ugly right now because of your ass ugly thoughts."
"Well, a lot of what you said was ass ugly."
"But you can't let that taint your perspective. There-There are just...." He shook his head in frustration, eyeing the edges of me more. It was as if my aura shifting was really distracting and troubling to him. "Like I said, what you've learned has nothing really to do with life's greater intention and design. You cannot let this get to you, okay? Don't let this change you."
Hands propped on the green behind me, I watched him carefully. The guy showed an out-of-character desperation – and it was because of me. Me. Not his past. My aura bothered him that much. His eyes kept flicking from my gaze to the air and edges around me. It made me... selfishly giddy. Not only was he being open with me, he was acting almost as if he cared. Huh! Would you look at that? Another display of him having a heart.
Instead of reassuring him I was fine, I had to take advantage of this rare moment. I couldn't help but fish for more. "Why not? Why shouldn't I let this change my view of the world?"
"Because you... you just can't," he struggled, looking away.
"It kind of sounds like you care about my well-being," I said teasingly.
"I don't."
"I think you do," I challenged.
He rolled his eyes, shifting his weight off his knees to sit comfortably. "I am just trying to get you to understand. Doesn't mean I actually care."
"No, you are concerned about my perspective, about this getting me down, you don't want this to change me," I said with a smile. One day, he was going to have to accept that he really did care – or finally admit it. I honestly got a kick out of catching these small warm moments he immediately would deny and downplay. I truly believe his hard shell was just a shell, and I liked seeing the evidence that I was right.
"Think what you want," he rolled his eyes.
I studied that hard shell he slapped back in place. "Well, I'm thinking my ass ugly aura colors really got under your skin," I smirked.
"Maybe it's because you're just ass ugly in general. Ever think of that?" he sneered.
His quip was downright rude. It would have pissed me off, made me snap back. Call me a freak, but instead, I grinned. I grinned because I was starting to learn how this complicated man operated. These hurtful comments, his attitude... if anything, they actually showed he cared – because he was trying to cover it up by being an ass.
I started to notice this more and more with him. There was this... back-pedaling and cold act he put on after being vulnerable. It was a pattern. The more open, the more genuine he was, the colder he became soon after. And if you guys couldn't tell... he was extremely open with me just a little bit ago.
He even averted his eyes. It didn't fool me though now. It really kind of clicked! Hell, it was probably only a matter of time until he either checks his watch or leaves because he was 'annoyed' with me.
Smirking, I watched him carefully. "Yeah? I'm ass ugly?"
"Yes, it hurts to even look at you sometimes."
"Trust me, my eyes burn every time I look at you too. Anyway, how does my aura look now? Back to normal?"
He quickly assessed me before looking back to the course. "Yeah. Mostly." Then folks... he fucking checked his watch in annoyance.
Just like I expected him to.
Seeing that validated it: I really was figuring him out. Figuring out that he did care, and just didn't want to. He was just trying to bury his heart – and he had good reason too after learning about his devastating life. But I wanted to challenge that retreating bitter part of him. I loved trying to catch him being a nice and sweet guy. I really don't know why. Maybe just because I wanted to prove him wrong? Who knows. Hopefully, one day having a heart won't be such a bad and scary thing in his eyes.
I also knew he was downplaying my aura. It clearly was unique and showed I was special (for whatever fucking reason). It's been referenced enough times as such; demons were drawn to it. Even those ass-wipes pointed my colors out earlier, as if intrigued. The one, that woman Tessa, she pointed out 'my colors.' But she said it almost in a warning to Peter as well. Him brushing things aside like that, burying his heart, it made want to lure him out from behind his walls. But I had to be patient.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad we both can't stand looking at each other," I said lightly.
"Damn right. Can't stand being around you either." He checked his watch again. "I've had enough of your bullshit today, and it's getting late. So, you ca—"
A swishing hiss reached the air. There were several swishing sounds all of a sudden. Then—Oh! Gasping, I sat straighter in surprise. Cold water sprayed us, our backs, sides, and chests. The golf course sprinklers all turned on at once, and the one closest, doused us in the middle of the putting-green.
I couldn't help but chuckle and wince after the rotating sprinkler finished up with me by getting me good in the face. "Oh god," I laughed.
"Of course," he mumbled. Instead of surprised, he just looked annoyed.
"Hey, I'll take it," I said, laying back against the green.
I think he was about to get up, but decided against it. "That actually does feel nice," he admitted.
"Fuck yeah." The sprinklers soft hiss rotated back around, showering over me more gradually this time since I relaxed on my back. My skin was flushed, so the water soaking into my jeans and my tee shirt felt damn good. "Oh bring on all the water! Bring it on!" I called dramatically to the sky just as it's rotation left me.
"You're a weirdo," he hummed, resting a hand against the damp green.
"Hey, maybe I am, but after all that running, this feels great."
"You're still recovering from that?" he snorted.
"Uh, yeah. That was a fucking marathon."
"Huh. I thought it was nothing to you?" he asked playfully.
"Oh," I realized. "Well, right, yeah it was. Like I said, I could outrun you any day."
"As long as those pesky bees stay away," he said, tsking.
"Exactly," I said, turning my cheek to look over to him with a smirk.
After the next rotation of water passed us, I glanced over to Peter with a clear view of him. He was quite soaked by now as well. Thank god he was looking over the hills and not at me when my eyes reached him. Because folks... I pathetically soaked in the sight. No, I don't like him. Seriously, I do not like this guy. But he was attractive, and even more so with those wet clothes. His shirt clung to his body, highlighting his muscles and lean build (as well as some of the tattoos faintly showing from under the wet fabric). Even his dressy shorts showed off his toned thighs. His hair was darker now that it was wet and pushed back, showing his fair skin and the stubble over his square jaw. He seemed... quite relaxed at this point too. Well, he was a tad tense, but at least he could handle not moving for a bit!
It really was different. I didn't expect him to share everything that he did. I didn't expect him to finally relax, especially after getting defensive. I can't believe he didn't bounce out the minute the sprinklers turned on. I just... I truly think that he liked talking to me more than he let on. It made me want to keep talking, but I didn't want to push my luck. How could I not say these next words though?
Laying on my back, I waited until the showering water passed to tilt my head to where he was sitting. "Peter?"
Looking out over the hills, he gave an annoyed sigh. "Hmm?"
Recalling all he shared, my eyes watered again. It was just so painful the more I thought about all he went through. How could I even express how sorry I was for what he went through? That he deserved a better world? "Listen... just... thank you being willing to tell me so much." I swallowed. "I don't know how you survived all that grief, but... I know that was hard to explain so thank you."
"You needed some explanation for the stuff that happens in my life and Jamie's," he said dismissively. "Plus, you would have pestered me about it anyway."
I pursed my lips. "You know, if I went through everything you did... I wouldn't want to have a caring bone in my body."
His eyes shot over to mine. "Maybe that's why I don't care."
"No, you care," I smiled. "You just don't want to."
"Um, no, I really don't care. Not that much anyway," he scoffed. "Man, I'm getting sick of you."
While I would rather see him drop that guard... I wasn't hurt by how violently he puts it up anymore. Because I knew he didn't really mean it. It made me numb to his defenses and insults.
Something else disarmed him of insults – like the one about me being ass ugly. Because after a few moments, his eyes... absolutely countered his words. Peter was still relaxed with his legs stretched out before him. When he thought I wasn't looking... his eyes nonchalantly crawled over to where I was laying. Then, his gaze crawled down me. Yes, that's right. Me, my body, and not my aura.
Sure, it was dark, and it was quick, those pretty chocolate eyes slyly shifting from my chest down to my legs, but it was there. My chest jumped with exhilaration. I really just saw him checking me out! Wait, why am I excited by that? My stupid head needs to remember: I don't like this guy.
After he scanned me, his lingering eyes shifted to mine. He noticed I caught him – and he immediately tried playing it off. Honestly, it was pretty amusing.
I bit my lip and played dumb. "You okay? Did my aura change colors again?" I asked sarcastically.
He looked down, unable to hide a true reaction. Which was to shake his head and grin. "It did actually. Believe it or not, I was actually looking at your aura."
"I'm sure you were. So how did my aura catch your attention? Huh?" I teased.
He eyed the edges of me. You know, where my aura actually was. "I was just stunned it's as ugly as it was earlier."
"Mhmm." I smiled. He absolutely was eyeing my body and not my aura.
He rolled his eyes, fighting his amusement with a scowl. "Alright, I'm over this. Let's go before I decide to ditch you," he said, swiftly getting up and heading back towards the path.
I was caught off guard by Peter. And with myself now. I didn't take him looking at my body seriously. I had a decent bust and long legs everyone. Combine that with skin-tight wet clothes... who wouldn't look? It didn't mean I was attractive to him, right? Ugh, what would it matter if he even did though? He was still a creep and an ass. Regardless, I couldn't help but smirk when I caught up to him.
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Hey, hopefully this one being 2 chapters long makes up for it being two weeks since updating.
I know this was a TON of information. I tried really hard to make it as smooth as I could. Do you guys think it was way too much information to take in? It's hard for me to judge what is too much for people to retain and absorb. I also get scared that it can make the story drag - and there are many chapters with a lot of info dumps. So I would love an opinion on any of this. I am trying very hard with this story and put a lot into it.
Thanks for reading!