It had been a long trip up that trail. One that I hope I'll never have to do again. Once the Renegades on the cliff had spotted me, they had called out to me, telling me to stay where I was, that they were coming down to get me. Then they disappeared. At first, I wondered if I had been led right into a trap. Perhaps the Renegades weren't kind to newcomers, just as the Cardinals had warned us. So for twenty minutes, I stood by the river, anxious and sweaty as the sun beat down on my face.
But after those twenty minutes, I heard them again. They were about fifteen paces away from me, but I couldn't see how they'd descended the cliff into the canyon. One of the Renegades, a blonde woman with two blue stripes on each shoulder, walked up to me, the others close behind. She introduced herself as Taryn, congratulating me on making it out of the city safely and commending my bravery. I decided not to tell her about how I'd been let out of the city. If I have my way, no one will know about that until my mission is complete.
Taryn told me that if I was ready, they'd take me up to camp. I was confused about that. Why wouldn't I be ready? Even if a chance to sit and rest by the river sounded heavenly, I didn't want to waste any time. So instead I told Taryn that I was ready, and she showed me to the beginning of the trail that led up to the cliff. And that trail had been thirty minutes of steep inclines and rocky paths. I can't imagine anyone taking that trail willingly. I wonder if there's an easier way to get to the camp.
When we finally get to the top, we take a moment to breathe. The Renegades all pull out their canteens, taking long swigs. I look around, wetting my dry lips and trying to ignore the dryness in my throat. I had run out of water just as I had reached the canyon, and in my search for the Renegades, I had forgotten to refill any of the bottles. Taryn looked over at me, laughing at herself. She walked over to me, offering her canteen. I took it readily and she smiled as I took a long drink.
"Sorry about that. When it comes to water, some of us forget our manners," she says, looking around at her fellow Renegades. "When we get to camp, you'll get your own canteen and you'll never have to worry again."
"Oh, I have bottles," I respond, shrugging my backpack off my shoulders. I reach inside and pull out one of the empty plastic bottles. Taryn, after asking permission, takes it in her hands and looks it over. She hummed in impress, squeezing the bottle slightly.
"This is some quality material. I'm sure we can use this for something," she says, and my eyes widen. They were going to take my bottles? Why? What else would they take from me? "Sorry, that probably sounded terrible. Most new recruits want to get rid of anything tying them to the City. I apologize for assuming you were one of them. If you want to use these, then we're not going to stop you."
"Really?" I ask, finding that hard to believe. The Renegades were rebels. They renounced anything having to do with the City and the Cardinals. Why would they let me keep things from inside the City? I wonder if Taryn is just trying to set me up. Make me feel comfortable so I'll be sucked into their little world. And when it's too late and I'm already in too deep, they'll show their true colors. Atlas will show his true colors, and I'll find out exactly why everyone is so afraid of him.
She hands the water bottle back to me and I hastily put it back into my backpack. I'll have to keep a close eye on the contents. Perhaps new recruits don't really want to give up their ties to the City- perhaps the Renegades just steal those things from them. I'll be checking my backpack every morning, making sure nothing has gone missing. But maybe they don't need to steal them. Maybe they just lure new recruits into a false sense of security and persuade them to give their things up. And once everything from within the City is gone, they show their true intentions.
"Of course. It's just a water bottle. Like I said, most want to get rid of their City things. But some like to hold on to them, just to remind them what they were running from. I don't know where on the spectrum you are. If and when you're ready to get rid of your City things and acquire your Renegade gear, we'll be ready for you," Taryn explains, before sighing. "I suppose it's time to get back to camp. Gemma and Savannah will be waiting for us.
"Who are they?" I wonder. I've heard Gemma's name from the group of Renegades in the north, but I don't know much about her. Only that she supposedly has enhanced senses. But I don't know what her job is or anything else about her. And I haven't heard the name Savannah at all. Are they close to Atlas? Will I have to find a way to get through them to get to him? There are so many unknowns in this mission, and I'm ready to start working through them.
"Gemma is our Survivalist. She'll get you all the supplies you need out here and teach you to survive without the comforts of the City. She's also quite the seamstress. She can mend any of your clothes and make you new ones if you desire. And Savannah is our Doctor." My heart twinges at that word. I thought that my mission would ease the pain of my loss. But it hasn't. Having a new job doesn't reduce the pain of losing the old one. And the truth is, I miss being a Doctor. I miss healing others and taking away their pain. I miss saving lives. And now I'll have to see someone else doing the job I miss so much.
I remind myself it will only be for a little while. I'll only have to suffer that pain until I complete my mission and get my life back. Once my mission is finished, I can go back to saving lives. I can go back to healing. And this time, I'll be smarter. I'll learn from my previous mistakes and know how to save and who should be considered a lost cause. It pains me to think of picking and choosing who gets to live, but if that's what I have to do to continue being a Doctor, then that's what I'll do.
As we restart our walk back to camp, I stick close to Taryn. She's the only one whose name I know, and so far, she's been the kindest to me. Even if it is just the act I think it is, her kindness comforts me. But that's only part of it. The other part, the one I'm trying to ignore, is that she reminds me of Cassie. Even if Taryn's blonde hair is lighter than hers and much straighter than Cassie's curls and their eyes are nowhere near the same color. I still see quite a bit of Cassie in Taryn. Part of me wants to avoid her for that, but the stronger part of me wants to stick close.
"So what made you decide to leave the City?" Taryn asks. The question catches me off guard, and I stutter, trying to think of an answer. "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I was just curious."
"No, no, I just didn't expect that question."
"Wait, let me guess. You just became an Invalid and you thought that life out here had to be better than life on Salvia Street," Taryn guesses, and I raise an eyebrow. "I'm way off, aren't I?"
"What makes you think I'm an Invalid?"
"You don't wear an armband," she answers with a shrug.
"Neither do you."
"Fair point. But there's a difference between you and me."
"What's that?" I wonder. The truth is, she's not that far off from the truth. I stopped wearing my armband when I lost my job. Invalids don't wear armbands. That's one way we identify them, so her guess makes sense. I don't like the assumption, but I can understand. But I haven't seen any armbands on any of the Renegades. Were they all Invalids before they came out here? How do they know who has what job? Things must be as chaotic out here as the Cardinals warn they are.
"You just got here. I've been out here for a while. See, Citizens wear their armbands every day. It's habit. Even if one knows they're going to leave the City, they still put the armband on simply out of habit. So if you're not wearing yours, that leaves two options. Either you were an Invalid, or you got rid of it before you got here," Taryn explains. I want to ask her how long she's been a Renegade and why no one out here has an armband. But before I can, a group of tents appear in the distance, and Taryn breathes a sigh of relief.
"Taryn, you told them we were coming, right?" another Renegade asks.
"Well, I didn't, but someone did. I think it was Annalise," Taryn responds. I add the name Annalise to my growing list of Renegades I don't know. I wonder what her role is out here. The two Renegades argue for a bit, but I don't pay attention to them. I only pay attention to the group of tents that are growing closer. They're just like the tents the group of four had. I wonder if they have tents reserved for new recruits, just like the four did.
"Alright, that's enough. I can see Gemma and Savannah from here. They're ready for us," a third Renegade mentions. Taryn looks up and starts to wave. I can't see the two women from where I am, but maybe that's because I don't know where to look. Taryn sighs contentedly, and turns back to me, opening her arms wide.
"Welcome to camp. Or, as they call it inside the City, Versailles." Wait, Versailles? That name was in the song I heard inside the City. Princess of Versailles. So, okay, now I know that Versailles was referring to the Renegade camp. But who's the Princess? Who does that refer to? Taryn takes my hand and leads me further into the camp, past the tents. I start to look around, gathering my bearings.
None of this is familiar. I don't remember any of this from my first time in the Outside. Back then, the camp was deep inside the trees. There are trees in the distance, and I wonder if they hide the place I was held hostage. But why would they be out here, in the open? Aren't they worried that being so exposed leaves them vulnerable? That's a question to ask Atlas when I get a chance. I can see a group of firepits, and near that, there's a platform with two large buckets. I wonder what's in them. On the other side is what looks like a crude message board. None of this sparks my memory.
I continue to look around. Most of the tents are similar, but there are a few that stick out. There's a good-sized tent near the firepits, away from the rest. There's one that looks like multiple tents combined. And out past them are two large tents that stand by themselves. I wonder what's so special about those tents. Past everything else, I can see what looks like a field with three wooden buildings next to it. And next to those buildings is an enclosure where animals roam. Animals? Why would they be keeping animals?
"Gemma! Savannah!" Taryn calls, and I turn my gaze. That's when I finally see them. On the left is a small auburn-haired woman. She has a smattering of freckles across her nose and unfocused eyes. I also notice the way she walks. Every time she takes a step, she feels the ground gently before putting her full weight down. It happens so quick, I'm not sure if she's even aware of it. The woman on the right is taller with ash-brown hair. While the small woman smiles brightly, the taller one looks more serious.
But without even meeting her, I can tell that something is not right. She has a hand on the smaller woman's shoulder, gripping it tightly. She seems to only walk with great effort, as evidenced by the severe limp that's in every step. Her nose is just slightly off-center, as if it was broken some time in the past. And when I look at her hands, I have to pause. On each hand, several of her fingers are bent out of shape and when she tries to curl the fingers on her free hand, they refuse to do so. Her free hand even is even off center, slanting to her right, as if her wrist was deformed or had been broken and never properly healed.
What happened to this woman? Did Atlas do that? Was it a punishment? I gulp, wondering if something similar will happen to me if my mission is discovered. If it's true that her afflictions are the result of some punishment, then I'm in more danger than I thought. Is that how Atlas rules? Is this why no one leaves? Because they're worried about becoming like this woman? I only wonder if this is Gemma or Savannah.
I look to the left and see three people just beyond the firepits. Two of them I don't know. One is a tall man with dark hair and golden brown skin. On his shoulders sits a little girl that's absolutely covered in mud. There's even mud in her dark corkscrew curls and some on the man's face and neck. They have children here? Was the little girl born out here, or did they steal her from the City? Considering I've seen no other children out here, I'm leaning towards the latter. It's the third person I recognize, and it's the third person that takes my breath away.
Atlas.
Even though he's gotten older, it's impossible to not recognize him. He's almost exactly as I remember him. He's just as tall as I remember, though his height doesn't seem as extreme as it did when I was a child. His dark, messy hair is longer than it was then, almost reaching his shoulders. While the man next to him has a short beard, Atlas is clean-shaven. Just as I remember.
The more I see, the more I have to admit that time has been good to him. Back then, he was scrawny as hell, all lines and angles. Not so much anymore. Even from here, I can see how muscular he's gotten. It's not the type of muscular I'm used to, though. The man next to him was big and bulky, but in the best possible way. Atlas, though, seemed to be lean and toned. Both were good.
I hate it. Why had time been so kind to him? Why does he get to look so good after everything he's done? After destroying my life? He won't look so good when the Cardinals get their hands on him, and I'm going to make sure that happens.
I look back to the two women before Atlas can notice that I've seen him. They've finally reached us, and the taller woman takes her hand off of the smaller's shoulder. Even when she stands, it's awkward. It's almost as if her right leg has been permanently popped out of place. The smaller begins to talk to Taryn, before the taller interrupts, glancing towards me. Taryn laughs softly, before coming to stand beside me.
"This is Gemma," Taryn introduces, gesturing to the smaller woman. "She'll get you all set up and will probably introduce you to the rest of camp. And next to her is Savannah. Like I said, she's our Doctor. When you're done with Gemma, she'll probably want to look you over."
"Look me over?" It looks like Savannah is the one that needs to be looked over. This woman is the Doctor? I wonder how she does it. How does she heal everyone else when she's in need of healing herself?
"Sometimes when people come out of the City, they're sick or injured. You don't look like you are, but I just want to be sure," Savannah explains.
"No, but there is something strange about her," Gemma says, and my breath catches in her throat. Lee had said that Gemma can sniff anything out, but can she really tell my intentions? Has she really figured me out only mere minutes after meeting me?
"Maybe the fact that she's sunburnt?" Savannah suggests. Gemma shakes her head. I look down at my arm, surprised to see how pink my skin is. I'm not sure how I didn't notice the sunburn before. I guess I was so focused on everything else.
"No, no, almost everyone gets sunburnt when they first come out here. They tan up eventually. That's not the problem," Gemma says, squinting at me. "So what is it? What is it that's so strange about you? Do you mind if I come closer, really get a good look at you?"
"Why do you need to get closer?" I ask, before I finally realize. The squinting. The careful steps. The enhanced senses. "Are you blind?"
"Nearly blind," Gemma corrects me. "I can see things that are right in front of my face, but everything else is just a blur. I imagine someday I will go fully blind."
"And yet you're the-?"
"I think my lack of vision makes me even better at the job. If I can survive and thrive while barely being able to see, I think I can teach you seeing people how to survive," Gemma responds with a shrug, and I admit, she has a point. But then the Doctor in me comes out, and I start to wonder. What caused her vision loss? Did something happen to her eyes, or was it simply a case of bad genetics? Either way, I'm impressed she's doing so well without her vision. "So, what do you say? Can I come closer and take a look?"
"Um, I-"
"Taryn!" I'm saved from the interrogation by the man with Atlas. The three of them have finally made it up to the group. The little girl gets antsy, and the man puts her down, telling her to go find her mother. She immediately takes off, and Taryn starts to laugh.
"How in the world did Rosalie get so muddy?" she wonders, and the man shrugs. So the little girl's name is Rosalie. I wonder which of the Renegades is her mother, or who she thinks is her mother.
"Ever since it rained, she's made it her job to find and play in every single puddle."
"Sounds about right. Anyway, I'm glad you two showed up. You can meet the new recruit now," Taryn says, gesturing to me. She clearly doesn't know that Atlas and I have already met. I look at him only to find that he's already staring at me. I can see in his eyes that he knows who I am, but there's something strange in there, too. The look in his eyes is almost... sad? Guilty? Well, he should be guilty after what he did to Skye. It's comforting that maybe he feels an ounce of the pain I feel.
"Taryn, I think-" the man starts.
"This is Atlas. He's our leader," Taryn starts. The man sighs, and I wonder what he was about to say. He looks over at Atlas, a sad look in his eyes. Does he know who I am? Does he know about our history, about Skye? "And beside him is Israel, Atlas's right-hand man." So this is Israel, the Outsider. I have some questions for him, too. Mostly why he keeps leaving the City. Why would he want to keep coming out here when he could be free of the Renegades?
"It's nice to meet you," Israel says, playing with a braided band on his wrist. I can hear it in his voice. He does know. He knows exactly who I am, but it's clear that nobody else does. Not surprising. If I was Atlas, I probably wouldn't talk about what happened, either. But we're going to talk about it at one point or another. He is going to tell me what he did to Skye. He's going to tell me why. And even if it's somewhere in the ground, he's going to show me where she is.
"And this is... um, well, this is awkward, but I never actually got your name," Taryn says. Atlas and Israel know it, but no one else does, so I start to introduce myself.
"I'm-"
"Dr. Macy!" I turn to see another woman coming up to us, and my jaw drops. There's no way it's her. But the fact that she only has one arm tells a different story.
"Aubriana?" I ask, and she nods. I haven't thought about Aubriana in forever. I saved her life, oh... three years ago? She was one of my first major surgeries. Three weeks later, she disappeared. I always wondered what happened to her, but I never thought I'd see her again out here in the Outside. I never suspected that she was a Renegade.
"Wait, you're a Doctor?" Savannah asks.
"Yep! Dr. Macy was the one who saved my life. She's the reason I was able to make it here in the first place," Aubriana explains. She's not wrong. She was trying to complete her Death by jumping off of a building. But on the way down, she got caught on a balcony. The metal railing broke and impaled her arm. She was left up there for a whole day because everyone thought she was dead. The truth was that she had just passed out from the pain. When they finally got her down, sepsis had set into the wounds and I had to amputate her arm to save the rest of her.
"Finally another Doctor makes their way out here! Maybe you can take my place," Savannah says, and I look over at her, shocked. She would give up being a Doctor? On one hand, I would love to be a Doctor again, even out here. On the other hand, I don't want to get too settled. This is all going to go away when I complete my mission.
"Aw, Savannah, why would you want that?" Gemma asks.
"Because you guys deserve a Doctor who actually has working hands," Savannah retorts, holding her crippled hands up for everyone to see.
"I'm not a Doctor!" I finally admit, and everyone looks at me. "Not anymore."
"Is that why you came out here? Because you lost your job?" Aubriana asks, and I drop my head, not wanting to say any more on the subject. They all look at me, not sure what to say. Finally, someone speaks up, and it's my turn to be shocked.
"Well, I think we should show Macy around camp. Gemma, do you mind if I do the honors?" Atlas asks. I've got to admit, that both surprises and worries me. What's his game? Is he trying to get me alone? For what? Trying to see what I know? Planning to do the same thing to me that he did to Skye?
"Oh, yeah, sure! Just send her to my supply tent when you're done so I can get her all set up," Gemma says, turning to Savannah and talking to her. Together, they start to walk off, Savannah with her hand once again tightly on Gemma's shoulder. Israel pats Atlas on the shoulder and walks off towards the lone tent by the firepits. Taryn and the other Renegades begin to disperse, and before I know it, I'm alone with him. For a second, we both just stare at each other, not sure what to say. Atlas finally breaks the silence.
"Macy, it's been so long," he says.
"I'm surprised you remember me," I respond, and he shakes his head slightly.
"How could I forget you?" I feel my cheeks flush, hoping that my sunburn manages to hide it. "You're all grown up now."
"Yeah, time has a way of doing that." He nods, looking down at the ground. He looks back up at me, a small smile on his face.
"So, shall I show you around? After all, we have a lot to talk about." I look back up at him, a smile on my own face.
"Yes, we do."