QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
― Gilda Radner
Dedication: @sweghlife (the banner she made is gorgeous.)
***
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Friday has come all of a sudden.
I've bidden farewell to my grandma yesterday. Although we told her not to leave so soon, she said home was awaiting for her. When my grandma sets her mind, she does it.
Levi and Lauren came to say their goodbyes as well. I came downstairs, to see them sitting with grandma. Sauntering into the living room, I sat down beside her among the awkward looks. For a while we've stolen uncomfortable glances from each other, especially Lauren, and haven't said a thing.
Soon enough grandma cleared her throat and shot a glance at each of us. "What happened has happened. We can't change that,"-she glanced at me-"but we can change the present. If you are my grandparents, you have to get along!"
"Grandma-" I started off.
"I'm sorry," Lauren said simultaneously. Gained a confused look from me, she continued. "I treated you badly two years ago, said things you didn't deserve but I swear I was just too stupid. I get it better now. I was also affected by Levi." She peered at him.
"You know I'm sorry," he said defensively. His eyes were on me. "We are friends now, aren't we?"
I nodded in a bored manner. If there was something I want to discuss then, it wasn't absolutely that.
Relaxing around each other, we talked and grandma told stories. The only thing that made me satisfied with my choice was my grandma's smile. I would do anything to see her smile.
Finally the unwanted had come and my grandma left the house. The farewell was awkward. I cried, to begin with. This woman always brings out what's buried inside me. And she caressed my hair and told me she'd see me soon. Because this summer I will be going to Brighton.
I'd waved all along when she got into Levi's old Volvo. Lauren was standing at the doorway when this all happened. She came closer to me and hugged me. "Thanks for not telling Levi what you know," she whispered into my ear. "I've met some friends that accept me for who I am."
I smiled. "Tell him," I said. "He'll understand."
"Maybe one day."
It was before she'd gotten into the car as well. I watched them disappear in the street. My grandma was gone - I felt somewhat lost again.
* * *
"I don't want to lose this game. This is my last chance. Everyone will be watching us and I might get a scholarship." It's one of the rarest moments I've ever seen Richard so anxious and worried. He seems vulnerable and I feel like hugging him.
Instead, I pat his shoulder with a ghost of smile. "You will. Because I say so."
"Another kiss might work," he says, pointing at his cheek. Sighing, I plant a kiss on there.
"Now if you lose, I'll kick your balls."
Before jogging towards the field, he flashes a dorky smirk at me. Rolling my eyes at him, I turn to find Calvin standing before me, his arm folded over his chest. I immediately smile at him but his face keeps its straightness, his eyes boring into me even more. I walk to him and stop when I'm close enough. "What's wrong?"
His eyes slide behind me with a sharp look and I can't help staring back to see where Richard's team is heating up. I remember Richard's face that night when he ended up at my door and it gives me chills through my spine. I've done nothing wrong, I remind myself, I don't confuse anyone. "I don't trust him," Calvin says absentmindedly after a while.
"He's been a good friend to me."
"I know him better than you do." His eyes dart on me again and he looks really annoyed. I can't estimate why. But I don't like this jealous attitude of him all of a sudden - he is being unreasonable. He takes a deep breath when I don't make a sound and fold my arms. "I've seen him around with girls, okay? I know how he acts with friends, the girls he flirts and all."
I arch my eyebrow at him. "Which category do I fall under?"
"None and it's what scares me."
I huff, avoiding his gaze. "You're overreacting." I look back at him. "He doesn't even see me as a girl - he said it himself, remember?" I wrap my arms around him and bury my face at the hole beside his neck. "And even if he feels something for me, he won't dare to make a move on me. He knows what I feel about you. In fact, he's encouraged me to tell you."
"Has he?" He asks in disbelief, his arms wrapped around my waist.
"Yes!"
Pushing me slightly, he looks at me and smiles. "So nice of him," he says, rolling his eyes. "He should really back off though, he keeps looking at me whenever we are together."
"He's still in shock - he's never thought I'd have the guts to tell you."
"You're the bravest girl I've ever known, Jack." And he ushers me through the seats holding me by my shoulder. As we find a nice spot where we can watch the game, his arm is slung around my shoulders and I feel like at home.
The game goes smoothly and Richard shows a great performance that I'm sure he's attracted their attention, too. He winks at me after every goal and I feel Calvin tense next to me. I've never known his jealous side but it's cute as long as it's limited like this, of course.
After the final hooter, people run into the field, to our team to celebrate them. Seeing them very eager and cheerful, I hold Calvin's hand and drag him into the field as well. We smile at each other and everything feels right - I become a different person around him.
My eyes search for Richard and eventually spot him in the middle, forcefully embraced by Megan. As he notices me, he shoots a 'help me' look and I bite my lip not to laugh. "Megan."
She looks at me in shock and Calvin. "Oh,"-she throws an awkward glance at Richard-"I was so caught up in the moment, sorry."
Richard nods knowingly but I can tell he just wants her to go away. However, the look on Megan's face makes me sad, it's almost that I pity her.
She looks at us, and in turn Richard before waving and saying goodbye.
"She's...pushy," Richard groans and then, smiles at me. "Thanks for the help."
"What friends are for."
He nods but I can actually see his mood going down or it's just me. Yeah, it must be just me because the next moment, he smiles again. I'm probably affected by Calvin's words. He has trust issues because he's known the old Ric. I trust this one - because we've gone further and improved together. We are a team, I trust him.
***
After the game, Richard throws a victory party at his house and of course, we are invited. First Calvin doesn't want to go but I manage to convince him. Well, I actually haunt him with my charm - some tricks and he gives in. Simple as that.
Richard's house is a little larger than mine and it's modern. As we arrive, the party aura is already all around the place and people are dancing everywhere. I don't like the hustle and bustle of the parties. It's just so haunting and something you can't control happens all the time. People are so hypnotized and all they do is to drink, have fun, get silly and flirt. Or, I peer at Calvin who looks really uncomfortable beside me, some try to protect their girls from possible threats.
Trying to pass through the pile of people, we finally get to find somewhere to hang out. The football team is sitting on the couches, which makes me jealous because they look really comfy. Some of the cheers including Megan are sitting with - on - them as well thus I change my mind about sitting with them. Richard isn't there though, he must be greeting everyone. I want him to see that I've come because he has been so teasing about how I am under his spell and I'd not come there if he didn't allow me so. Which is completely wrong.
I glance at Calvin and notice he's really offish, looking around and rubbing the nape of his neck. I wrap my arms around his shoulder and he immediately looks at me. "Are you okay?" I mouth because he'd not hear me if I spoke aloud either. He nods, and I grin at him after pressing my lips to his cheek. "Then, smile." I place my index fingers at the sides of his lips and lift them upward to make him grin. It makes him laugh so I laugh along with him.
He yanks me and whispers in my ear, "If not for you, I'd never come here."
I look up at him. "Good."
"So, want to drink something? For the sake of victory?"
I giggle as he says that - it sounds so sarcastic coming from him. "Yes."
"Okay, I'll be back."
I take a deep breath as he leaves to grab drinks. I cannot believe that I collected the guts to confess my love and...we are finally where I want us to be. I know we haven't said it yet but we are there. He loves me back and he gets jealous...it's almost there.
Gazing around, I see some familiar faces like Asher with the team and Stella sitting with him. She looks so innocent and happy. I actually feel ashamed to get jealous of her because I think she doesn't see him like that. She just doesn't. In the meantime, she glances up and our eyes meet instantly. A soft smile forms on her lips and she waves at me. Asher looks in the direction and he greets me with a nod.
As I notice someone beside me, I look at my right but he's not Calvin. "Hey Ric," I say smilingly. "Nice party."
"Yeah." He cocks his eyebrow at me afterwards. "You look different...even beautiful."
"Thanks." I've worn a dress, thanks to my mother's undying insistence. She kept saying that it'd be refreshing and that Calvin would like me even more. I'm not going to lie, the latter got me. "Even beautiful, huh?" I pat his arm playfully. "Your beautiful is sitting there," I say, darting my eyes on Stella again. I don't believe he can get over her that easily and I know his ego is damaged so he said those things to me.
"I thought we've talked about this," he scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"I know your high ego is damaged but she's a nice gal."
"Who are you talking about?" Calvin says, handing the drink to me with a questioning face. I haven't noticed that he's arrived but now he's sitting and shoots a nervous glance at Ric while sipping his beer. I am not sure if I should mention it so I look at Richard to check - he mouths 'I'm easy.'
"Stella."
"Yeah, she is nice..." He ducks his head at Ric. "Wa - wait, did you make a move on her?"
Richard rolls his eyes. "What now, Cal? Is she your property as well?" He crosses his arms and I send a displeasant look at him. No need to be an arrogant dick.
"I was actually rooting for the idea," Calvin says.
"Of course you would," Ric scoffs.
"I mean you would be great together."
"Stella doesn't seem interested," I add quickly. "Uh, so maybe you could be the matchmaker?"
"Me?" Calvin says in disbelief. "Oh no, Jack, I suck at those stuff."
"He does," Ric approves.
I send a sharp glance and he just shrugs. "He's right," Calvin says with a short glance through his way. "I once tried to match them with Megan and well, he had to do the whole thing afterwards because I totally sucked." They start to laugh together.
"Well that was a sign, mate," Richard says. "I shouldn't have been with that she-devil."
"Now I'm hurt," I say. "She stole my reputation."
"Devil is a compliment for you, babe." He glances at his side to see who's shouting his name. Then, sending an apologetic smile at us, he leaves the table.
"I sometimes forget I know you because of Richard."
Calvin raises his eyebrow. "To be honest, you don't know me because of him - yeah, kind of but mostly because I've decided not to be a wallflower and stood up for him. I've never been to his fights before but..." Because of noise, I struggle to hear him.
"What did you say?" I shout, leaning a bit closer.
"Learning it was you changed my mind."
I look at him, impressed. "You say you fancied me way before?"
He blushes. "Not really. I thought he's gone too far challenging up a girl."
"Whatever floats your boat." I wink at him and he groans. Laughing, I bury my head to his neck, smelling his familiar scent. "I wish we could stay like this...forever," I whisper against his skin.
He lifts my head and plants a peck on my lips. "Nothing will ever separate us. Not anymore," he says and I do believe him.
About forty minutes later, Stella comes with a cheerful smile. "Hiya."
"Hey," Calvin greets her.
"Uh Calvin,"-she glances at me-"do you remember that the science project is due on Monday?"
"Yeah."
She sits up next to us and starts to tell him about what she plans to do. Suddenly I feel like the third wheel. We are at a party and science is the last thing I want to spend the remainder of it. Since I gather this conversation goes to nowhere, I might return earlier than Calvin. I lean through his ear, interrupting them. "I'll head home earlier so good night."
He looks at me, bemused. "I can drop you-"
"No," I say with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow." He nods and I throw a glance at Stella. She looks weird but I guess it's because of anxiety she feels since the deadline is near.
***
I don't know what time it is when I'm done with the tenth glass of beer. I know it shouldn't bother me that they are having a chat over science because it's a necessity and it's not like Calvin is ditching me but I can't help feeling so when my brain reminds that it might be that. He is smiling and it doesn't seem like they are talking over mechanics.
I know I said I'll see him tomorrow but I actually expected him to insist and actually drop me home. I shake my head to shoo the thoughts off. He loves me, he said it himself minutes ago. I won't be jealous of some clever blondie who knows how to talk science.
Suddenly feeling queasy, I climb upstairs and ask a random person where the bathroom is. He looks fairly drunk but I rely on that he knows what he's saying so I enter into the second room in the corridor.
Unfortunately he couldn't be more wrong because I'm not in the bathroom.
Here looks like more a bedroom - Richard's bedroom.
Moseying in, I shut the door behind me and gaze around. It's surprisingly neat considering Richard but it has a messy aura that doesn't make it as neat as Calvin's. There are posters on the walls of several bands and some video game stuff. His bookcase is full of books that I'm sure he has no idea of but as I draw closer, I notice the one at the bottom which looks like a diary. I look back to see if anyone is coming but my mind keeps telling me that I should probably leave and find the bathroom instead. However, I end up picking up the notebook and turning the pages.
It is a sketch book. I've never pegged Richard as an artistic soul. In the first pages, there are some random people and he draws surprisingly well. A woman reading a book, a man sitting on a bench, so on. As I pass by, I remember some of the faces. I try to imagine him sitting under a tree and peeking at people while sketching down. It appears so surreal - I should ask him about that. As I am about to close it down, I can't help but look at the last pages.
I freeze with shock because that's me. Laughing, eating icecream, writing. It sends a chill through my spine. I don't know why he did that but he hasn't missed any details. It is nerving how much he must have gazed me out to draw them.
"You found it, huh?" Richard's voice makes me jump with surprise and shut the sketch book in a rush. I feel like a naughty girl who is going through someone's stuff - wait, I exactly am.
I turn my head to see him smirking. He steps towards me after closing the door. "You drew me," I say questioningly. "More than once." I look down with that, my jaw tightened. I want to return back to party but remembering the 'science' project stops me.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, dismissing my remark.
"I was looking for the bathroom."
He laughs. "Well, here doesn't look like a bathroom, does it?" I lift my gaze and catch his eyes on me. Why does he draw me?
"Why do you draw me?" I ask instead, passing his question. I glance around the room nervously. I feel trapped - as if the whole room suffocates me. Trembling, I walk to the door but his hand grabs my wrist. I feel the dizziness in my head because of a few bottles of beer I've drunk downstairs. I feel like the whole room is turning slowly. As if I'm rid of gravity and I started to turn along with Earth itself. Before I lose my balance, he holds me by my waist and help me sit on a seat - or his bed because I don't remember any seats in the room. When I look at him again, his eyes are on me again.
"Are you alright?"
"A little drunkish." I show it with my fingers. "But I'm fine."
"Sure you are." His voice echoes in my head. He suddenly stands up and walk up to his wardrobe. I watch him opening the minibar buried inside it, grabbing two cans of beer and coming back with a naughty grin on his face. He hands one of them to me and I look at him, bemused. "Up for a game?"
"Just two of us?"
"Yeah," he says casually.
"Don't you have a party to host?"
"They don't need me anyway," he says smilingly. "And it seems like nobody needs you either." That gets to me, I admit. It fucking hurts to know that he's right - I'm abandoned and he's the only one that really hangs out with me.
"What game?" I give in.
He smirks. "It's simple." He stands up and gets more cans. "I will flip a coin and you will call heads or tails. If you guess right, it'll be my turn but if you don't, you have to take a pair of your clothes or drink a can. You can't do the same thing more than twice in a row, though. Ready?"
I hesitate for a second. "Can't we just...drink?"
He arches his eyebrow, a smirk playing over his lips. "Do I hear right? Did Jack Pierce just chicken out?"
I shake my head no. "No." I'm not a chicken. But I love chicken. Well, it isn't the case. I examine his face for a minute, simultaneously thinking of - wait, what was I thinking? I suddenly forget everything and shake my head. I'm losing it; my head is getting more blurry each second.
He's Richard, I remind myself, not the name but the person. Of course, not the name girl, you know his name. I'm talking to myself, this is no good. Calvin was wrong. He's Richard - playful, fun and friendly Richard. He wouldn't harm me. And Calvin is fucking busy to care. Yeah, let's play the game Jack, it's who you are. You're fun.
"Bring it on," I eventually say.
He hands me the coin. "You start." I look at him and in turn flip the coin. Covering it with my hand, I look at him. "Heads." Lifting my hand, I check it: tails.
"Tails," I say with a smirk. "So..." I lean to hand him a can but he's already rid of his shirt. Raising my eyebrow, I look at shirtless Ric. He's already so willing, isn't he?
"It is so hot, anyway," he says, shrugging.
Sighing, I hand him the coin.
It goes like that in a row - we've flipped like 20 times or was it 40, I've lost count after a while. He usually guesses right and mine is fifty fifty. I had to take off my shoes (I begged that one shoe must be counted as one), my hairband, necklace, bracelets, and I've drunk 12 cans of beer.
"Tails," he says and I've guessed wrong again. "You can't drink," he warns me as well, "you have to take off something."
I throw a nervous glance at him but - his twin is sitting right opposite of me. "Ric."
"What?"
"Why didn't you tell me you've got a twin?" I keep checking him out. "He's hotter than you." I start laughing. "And - and he is doing what you do."
He laughs. "Wanna call it quit?"
"Huh." He is looking at me, so is the twin. "I'm not chick - hiccup - en."
"You aren't."
"Where is Calvin?" Damn boy, I miss you.
"Why are you here?"
I shrug at him. "I don't know."
"I mean,"-he tucks the hair behind my ear-"why aren't you downstairs?"
"Downstairs?" I ask again. I don't know why I ask it again; it feels like my mouth is finally loosing up. He nods and I laugh. "Downstairs." I suddenly feel so pissed off again. Damn you Calvin. "I hate her."
"Who?"
I shoot a glance at him. "Stella, of course." He still watches me, his lips pressed. "That bitch - she's stolen my boy,"-I'm pressing my finger at my chest-"my boy." I huff. "From me."
"I get it."
I scoff at him. "You don't!" I yell. "Nobody fucking gets me - nobody fucking cares." I start crying and quickly wipe the tears off my face.
He takes my face between his hands and yanks me to himself. I don't stop him - I don't even know how to or if I want to. Fuck you Calvin. My brain is full of thoughts that have no translation to English. I don't know what I do or think...all I want is to forget.
"Jack," he whispers. His twin is gone. Where is he?
"Where is your twin?"
He laughs silently. "He left us to ourselves, it seems."
"Hmm..." I start to laugh. "You know what, Ric? People are fucked up. Always sinking down to the bottom of a shithole."
He examines me carefully. "You're so drunk," he remarks laughingly.
"So are you."
"Yeah." I don't know who start first but we laugh till our stomaches hurt. We both lie on his bed and I look at the ceiling - it is turning. Everything is. "I sometimes think you like me - like like me. But then I stop myself. It's stupid." I turn my head at him.
"Why?"
"Because - because you don't fall in love with someone. You said you're not capable of. Even if you would be, it would not be the girl you've said that looks everything but a girl."
He looks at me and then, his eyes slide down at my lips. Lazily he leans forward and capture my lips with his.
"We shouldn't kiss," I murmur silently.
"We shouldn't," he murmurs back but none of us steps back when our lips meet again.