I don't know what happened but I felt the electricity coursing through me and suddenly Bucky was on his knees, crying out in pain. My only instinct was to start running and I didn't stop until I found an empty park. I couldn't process everything so I just sat down in a swing and stared at the ground. Rather than checking on him, I ran from him and he probably thinks I did it on purpose. I'm such a wuss just like my dad and I don't deserve Bucky. He's always been so kind and caring toward me, he takes care of me and this is how I repay him? With temper tantrums and hurting him just to run. This isn't where I belong and that gets clearer every day. Maybe I don't belong anywhere or with anyone. My parents don't want me, Bucky doesn't want me, the rest of the Avengers tolerate me and I have no friends outside of here to turn too. Perhaps being alone isn't as bad as I think it is. Sure I'll be lonely but at least I won't feel unwanted and hated. Or I could just give up the way I wanted to after Jeremy died but I stayed for my mom and Tony. Now it's clear that I don't mean anything to my mom because I'm not my brother and I don't mean anything to my dad because I don't do exactly what he says. Coming to join the Avengers was a last ditch effort to find a place in this world and find some form of a family. I thought for these last several weeks that maybe I'd found something with Bucky, something that was enough to make me want to stay.
When a car pulled up I half expected it to be Bucky but it was Sam who walked over to me. "Is he okay?"
"He's fine, you just gave him a little shock."
"I can't believe I hurt him, he probably hates me and thinks I did it on purpose but I would never." I sobbed as Sam kneeled down and took my hands
"He knows you didn't mean it and he's not upset about it. Shit happens, Mia but you can't run away like that. Especially while we're on a mission somewhere we don't know well. I need you to get in the car and come back with me please."
"I can't, I hurt him. I've never used my powers like that, I don't know what happened. What if that happens every time I touch him now?"
"I'm touching you right now and nothing is happening. You probably just got too upset and your powers took over. It's okay, it happens. Wanda can tell you all about it sometime, god knows it's happened to her enough."
"But I hurt Bucky."
"Accidentally and I know he's hurt you worse before."
"How?"
"I saw the bruises on your neck and I made him tell me how they got there."
"He didn't hurt me, he was trying to push me away but he didn't mean to leave a mark on me. I know he would never."
"That goes both ways Mia, he understands."
"Then why isn't he here?"
"I told him to give you some space and that I'd come bring you back. It's my fault he didn't come after you. He'd be here at your side in a moment if I hadn't told him to give you space. He's crazy about you, Mia even if he's being stubborn about it."
"Why are you here? Why do you care?"
"I tried to tell you yesterday that I'm your friend and I care. While I may not get everything you're going through, I get some of it. I've lost people and I've helped a lot of other people through trauma and grief. I can help you, Mia and you can finally stop carrying the weight of his death on your shoulders."
"But I don't understand what's in it for you?"
"Nothing, not everyone wants something from you in return for helping you or caring for you. You're part of this team now and I know you've had a rough go. Let's work on getting you a stable support system and learning how to handle anger and fear."
"How do I make a stable support system?"
"You let people in. I'm sure Wanda knows what happened already but she'd listen if you told her, same for Natasha. I'm happy to listen too and maybe even Steve. He's been a douchebag lately but he's a good guy. Thor would listen and his brother is in town soon, you could make friends with them. Let people in."
"Can I start with you?"
"Of course but not tonight, you need to get some sleep and it's freezing out here. Plus if I don't get you back soon I'm going to have an over protective super soldier after me."
"Why do I care so much that he doesn't want more with me?"
"Because you love him."
"I can't love him, I've only known him for a couple of months and we've only been spending time together for less than a month."
"When's the first time he made you smile or made you laugh?"
"After my first date with Steve, he came into the kitchen because he couldn't sleep. He let me vent about Steve and even validated my feelings about it. I already thought he was attractive but that was the first time I felt something for him."
"Then you've been falling for him since then and I know damn well you two have been spending a ton of time together. Some people fall faster than others especially when you're always together and when you don't have many other people."
"Do you think he loves me?"
"I think that it's complicated for him because he doesn't think he can fall in love but you challenge that. Be patient with him. As much as you've had a rough life, Bucky's had it harder than any of us and he doesn't get nearly enough grace. If he'd stop seeing himself as a monster he'd see the man who could be more to you one day. I happen to think the two of you are a perfect match for one another and that you'd be happy together."
"I didn't mean to fall for him, I really didn't but he's so amazing. How could anyone ever do what they did to him? How could he think that little of himself? He's already my best friend and he held me while I cried multiple times already. Our last mission he even held my hand when I told him about Jeremy and then hugged me. He took me with him so you and Natasha wouldn't ask questions and upset me. Before we'd even started being friends, he was trying to take care of me and help me. I don't care what my future could be, I don't want it if it doesn't involve someone who treats me with the same kindness as Bucky."
"I wish there was an easy answer for you but there's not. Let's go get some rest and you can talk to him in the morning. Okay?"
"Okay."
We walked back to the car and I noticed another car sitting not far from where I'd been. It seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn't place it. I was quiet on the drive back to the motel and Sam didn't push me to. He walked me to my door and made sure I was okay before assuring me it'd be okay again. I tried to sleep but all I could do was toss and turn thinking about Bucky. I'd been spending more time sleeping next to him and it made it harder to sleep without his warmth beside me. Eventually I decided to go knock on his door and just ask if he'd sleep next to me or even sit next to me until I fell asleep because I was desperate. When I opened the door I saw him sitting on the ground, arms on his knees as he stared off in front of him. Seeing him made me want to cry again and beg for him to forgive me. I wanted to hug him, to touch him but I was afraid. Our whole conversation I was waiting for him to reach for me but he didn't and I felt my heart breaking, he doesn't want me anymore. Just when I was about to give up he asked to hug me and pulled me into his arms. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled the scent of him deeply. His cologne is all over my bed in there and my clothes but it's not the same as when it's on him. I didn't even realize I was cold until I was shivering and he was pulling me inside. When I laid down, I tried to give him space but he didn't want it, he wanted me to lay on top of him like I have been. I thought this annoyed him but I guess I was wrong. I passed out as soon as his arms were around me and I could feel his heart beating under my hand. Maybe it's the dead brother thing but I like to feel his heart beating, it calms me down.
I woke up to Bucky laying awake stroking my back while staring up at the ceiling. "You could've gotten up, you didn't have to stay here underneath me." I mumbled
"You needed your sleep after yesterday and I'm perfectly comfortable underneath you while you sleep."
"Thank you for coming in here last night but I'm up now, you don't have to stay."
"Why do you think I came here last night?"
"Because I asked you to and you felt bad for me."
"I was sitting outside your door in the cold for hours just in case you needed me or tried to run and you think I'm here out of pity?"
"Well yeah."
"Let's get something straight Mia Stark, I am not currently and will not ever share a bed with you out of pity or anything other than the desire to be near you." He didn't let me talk he just flipped us over so he was above me and my hands were pinned above my head. "I care about you and I hate feeling at odds with you. I'm sorry for last night and I'm sorry that I'm not ready to give you what you want from me. I promise it has nothing to do with how much I want you because trust me, it's a lot but I can't be selfish with you."
"Stop saying that to me. It's selfish to decide what's best for me without caring what I want."
"I shouldn't have pushed you when you asked me to leave but I hate seeing you upset and then you cried because of me. That's not something I ever want to see again. Can you forgive me?"
"Forgive you? There's nothing to forgive, I over reacted and then hurt you. But worse than that I ran away and didn't even make sure you were okay. I'm sorry Bucky, I'm the one who should be begging for forgiveness right now."
"I was never upset with you, I know you didn't intend to hurt me. When you ran off I was scared that something happened to you or that you weren't going to come back."
"I didn't even know I could do that, I'm scared I'll do it again." I confessed
"It was a defensive thing, I don't think it'll happen again unless you're in danger or upset. Maybe we should both start working on our anger management."
"I know I need to but why you?"
"I almost tore that assholes head off last night for even touching you and then he suggested that you sleep with him. God I could've killed him right there. I'm worried about you during this mission."
"About the mission..."
"Do you not want to finish it?"
"No, I do want to but I think until the mission is over we should take some space. I'm not saying we can still act like friends but the rest of the stuff is clouding our judgment. We can deal with all of it when we get back and maybe by then I'll figure out how to be okay how we are."
"I can agree to that on one condition."
"What is it?"
"Let me stay in here with you at night and let me still touch you or hold you especially if you're upset."
"You want to sleep next to me?"
"Yeah it makes sleeping easier and without Alpine I can barely sleep."
"So I'm just a substitute for your cat Cyborg?"
"I guess you kind of are but you're much prettier than her and you smell better."
"I can agree to your terms but no sex or anything of that nature okay?"
"You're cruel, how can you let me get addicted to you like that and then take it away." He asked as he grazed his teeth along my neck
"Stop." I giggled
"Can't do that, I'm going to have withdrawals from your pussy. When I'm cranky this week, I'm blaming you for taking away my addiction."
"You have to stop before I break my own rules."
"Let me have you one more time in case you decide you don't want to do this anymore. Our last time can't be in a club with people watching us."
"Just once."
"Does it count if we do multiple rounds close to each other?"
"No, that's more than once."
"What if you never stop finishing so it only feels like one time by the time I change positions and fuck you again?"
"You have until someone comes looking for us, we get hungry or I'm too sore to take anymore."
"Deal, just do me a favor and don't get hungry or sore anytime soon."
I laughed at him but it was quickly interrupted by his hand slipping from my wrist to rub me through my pants. He moved so one of his hands was holding both of my wrists as he slipped his other hand down my pants. Of course he would tease me right now and rather than really touching me, he just teased me along my slit. His rough fingers traced around my clit without even touching it. "Don't tease, I need you Bucky."
"I just want to make sure you're wet enough before I eat your sweet pussy. But you must've been thinking about it ending like this because you're soaked already." He plunged two of his fingers inside of me as he spoke
"Please." I begged softly.
"I'm gonna take care of you kitten, I promise."
He quickly moved to pull my leggings off of me and made his way between my thighs. My hips bucked immediately at the sensation of his tongue tracing my opening. One of my hands found his hair while the other one clamped down over my mouth. His tongue didn't show me mercy as it swirled over my clit. "Buck, oh god don't stop."
He groaned in response, sending vibration through me and making me rock my hips toward his tongue. Two of his fingers easily slipped inside of me and started curling them to hit me right where I needed. Before I knew it I was tumbling over the edge just to be brought right back to the edge within 30 seconds. He's so good at this that it's almost scary sometimes. As soon as I finished for the second time he was undoing his pants and taking them off. Before he continued he took the rest of my clothes off and focused on my tits. I just soaked in the attention as he kissed every inch of my chest then went after my nipples. "You're so beautiful, the way your tits bounce is enough to make me finish right now. I've never laid eyes in anyone half as enchanting and beautiful as you, doll. Never ever forget that, okay?"
"Yes sir."
That was enough to put him into action and he was lining himself up with me but he froze before he pushed in. "Remember all you ever have to say is stop if I go too far or get too rough. Even if you just need a second or to change positions, whatever you need."
"You've never hurt me and you won't now." I soothed as I reached up to push some of the hair out of his face
"I'm afraid one of these times I'll get so lost in you that I'll forget to be gentle with you. And right now, Mia, with this fear in my brain that I may never get the chance to have you again, I feel like I'm going to get lost. You, little Stark, hit me harder than I ever knew anyone could."
"If only you knew Barnes how hard you've hit me, how much of an imprint you've made on my soul in such a short time. I don't plan on losing you anytime soon, I meant it when I said you're my best friend."
"Why can't you be just a little fucked up and bad so I'd feel less guilty for giving into every damn desire I'm having?"
"Is that what you want?"
"No, I love how pure your heart is and how clean your soul is. You're too good for this whole evil stupid world that we live in. No one is ever going to be good enough for you, not in my eyes at least."
"You spend too much time thinking in black and white, James. The world is one big shade of gray and it's full of people just trying to do what's right and fucking up every step of the way. That includes me and you and even Rogers and Tony."
"Don't let me go too far, Mia." He said as he slowly pushed into me
"I'll always be right here to pull you back, Barnes."
I didn't mean to say it like that but I knew if anyone had overhead me, they would've seen that for what it was. That was my small way of telling Bucky that I love him and that I plan on being his future. But he doesn't need to know that, he just needs to know that I trust him endlessly. Luckily for us we can never kill the mood and he made sure to never let my orgasm stop until I couldn't even remember what words were. We collapsed together covered in sweat and various other fluids but not caring one bit. The only reason we broke apart was because my stomach growled and Bucky insisted on feeding me, hydrating me, and cleaning me again. Not that I'm ever going to say no to a shower from Sergeant Barnes.