Ava gets drunk on their first night in Singapore.
Beatrice knows she didn't mean to, but they've been at the rooftop bar for only five minutes before some guy starts grandstanding about Adriel, and Ava ends up having a few too many Singapore Slings.
It gets slightly out of hand, some other people in the bar disagreeing with him, and Beatrice ends up caught in a brawl that breaks out, and she's forced to punch a handful of people before she and Ava can escape.
Ava finds it all deathly amusing, and Beatrice does not. By the time they return to their hotel room, Ava has sobered enough to notice, sitting on the edge of their bed and asking, "What do you think would have happened if he won?"
Beatrice peels off her jersey, wet from the remnants of a thrown drink. "We would have not let that happen."
"I know," Ava says. "But what if we really had gone to the Alps? What do you think would have happened?"
Beatrice sets her jersey aside, reaching for a towel. Maybe she should just shower. "Why are you asking?"
"I think about it," Ava says, swaying slightly, even seated. "Our world's demise. If I could have just watched it happen. If I would have regretted it."
"Whatever life we ended up with wouldn't have been worth much," Beatrice says. "I don't think we ever could have truly escaped."
"But didn't you want to?" Ava asks; almost demands.
Beatrice turns to face her, noting the glassiness of her eyes and the pout of her mouth. She looks so young like this. Just a girl, the weight of the world in her back. The one thing keeping her living at a hefty price.
"Do you really think I said no because I didn't want to?" Beatrice asks, because this definitely isn't the first time Ava has brought this up. She seems stuck here, as if she believes Beatrice would have wanted to be apart from her at any time in her life.
"You said no," Ava reminds her, and there's the slightest whine in her voice. Maybe from the alcohol, but maybe also from finally revealing her feelings on the matter. It hurt her to hear Beatrice say no.
Beatrice audibly swallows, and then moves to kneel in front of Ava, a hand on her knee. "Ava Silva," she murmurs, "Look at me."
It takes a moment, but Ava eventually does.
"I love you," Beatrice says, because it's getting easier and easier to say but harder and harder not to hear said back. "I have loved you for a long time. I did not tell you no because I don't want to spend my life with you. I did not tell you no because I was in any way disappointed in the fact we failed that time. I did not tell you no because I was mad at you." She takes a breath. "Ava, I said no, because it was my duty, my privilege, and my honour to continue to fight. To stand forth and be counted, for my fallen Sisters, for God, for myself, and for you. For the entire stupid world."
Ava lets out a watery laugh. "The world is pretty dumb, isn't it?"
"So dumb."
Ava touches Beatrice's face now, fingers gentle. "I don't know why it bothers me so much."
"Before, the old Ava, before we wormed our way into your beautiful heart, you would have taken off, anyway," Beatrice points out. "It wouldn't have mattered what I said. Maybe you wouldn't have even asked, so I think you're hung up on it mostly because of what it says about you and not what it says about our relationship."
Ava spends a few moments turning that over, and then she sighs. "I couldn't leave without you," she says. "I wanted to take you all with me."
"Your family."
"My family."
Beatrice turns her head to place a kiss to Ava's left palm. Then she grimaces. "Gross."
Ava pulls her hands back, staring at them. "Sorry," she says. "They're pretty gross. I think that's from a strawberry daiquiri."
"I'm thinking of showering."
Ava suddenly grins. "Want some company?"
Beatrice's instinct is to say no. It's right there on the tip of her tongue, but she ends up surprising them both when she says, "Actually, yes."
Ava actually chokes on air, her eyes widening. "What?"
Beatrice smiles innocently, lifting herself to her feet and walking towards the bathroom. She removes her shoes on the way, grabs a towel and disappears inside. She's trying not to overthink it. Ava will join her or Ava won't. For now, Beatrice really does want to get off all the stickiness, so she turns on the shower, adjusting the temperature, and then begins to strip.
Beatrice is already under the shower spray when there's a loud knock on the open bathroom door, and she sticks her head out of the glass door, spotting Ava standing there, still dressed.
"Were you kidding?" Ava asks.
"No."
"And you're actually naked in there?"
"Like most people on Earth, I do tend to shower naked, Ava," Beatrice says, smiling. "Do you do something different?"
"I - no."
"Are you going to join me?"
"I don't know."
Beatrice just nods. "Well, whatever you decide, I'll be here," she says, and then returns to the spray. It feels oddly empowering being on this end of whatever they're doing. Usually, she's the one wrong-footed, but Ava's the one seemingly struggling.
It takes another two and a half minutes, Beatrice washing shampoo out of her hair, when there's another knock, this time on the glazed glass of the shower door.
Beatrice's heart does a little jump in her chest, but she does open it to reveal a very naked, sheepish-looking Ava Silva. Beatrice keeps her gaze on Ava's eyes, barely, as she steps back to let her inside.
And then they are. Inside. Water hot against their skin, steam in the air, hearts beating a mile a minute.
It's Ava who says, "Can I look?" like it really matters what Beatrice answers.
All Beatrice can really do is nod, which Ava uses as permission to let her gaze wander. Beatrice can feel it like a physical touch, very aware she's completely bare and completely on display.
"Bea," Ava says after a moment. "You're beautiful."
Beatrice closes her eyes, water beating down on her shoulder. "Yeah. I - we should get your hair washed."
Ava is smiling when Beatrice opens her eyes again. "Are you offering?"
"Sure."
They shuffle around, not quite comfortable touching, and Ava ends up directly under the spray as Beatrice gathers some shampoo on her hands. She tries not to think about the fact she's about to touch a very naked Ava. Nope. Doesn't even cross her mind.
Ava turns around, back to Beatrice. "I think I need another haircut," she says, just as Beatrice's hands get to work, massaging her scalp. "It's so much easier to manage, and I think you find me hotter with it shorter."
Beatrice definitely doesn't comment on that, her hands working down to Ava's neck and massaging the muscles there. The sound she makes forces Beatrice to hold her breath. Then Ava's shoulders, working the kinks out as best she can. Her hands move down Ava's arms, fingers pressing into her biceps and triceps.
Ava sighs, shoulders relaxing. "Can I?" she asks, and Beatrice answers, "Yes," without asking a follow-up question. She thinks she should have when Ava steps back, their bodies touching.
Beatrice's breath catches, her grip tightening on Ava's arms. Ava leans against her, Beatrice's front to Ava's back, and she can feel the outline of the Halo against her own skin. It's warm and soft, and Beatrice can't think. What even are thoughts?
"Can you?" Ava asks again, and Beatrice abandons her arms to slide her hands around her bare hips, coming to rest over her smooth stomach. Ava's hands cover hers, squeezing gently. "Are you okay?"
"I'm still breathing, if that's what you're asking."
Ava laughs, tilting her head back to rest it against Beatrice's shoulder. She turns her head slightly, trying to look at her. "You can move your hands, if you want," she offers. "I want you to."
It takes her a moment, trying to steel herself. It's Ava. It's just Ava. With a deep breath, Beatrice takes a small step forward, curling her own body around Ava's. Then her hands move, one up and one down, and Ava gasps.
Beatrice touches her gently, a hand over her hip, slipping over the top of her thigh. The other, under Ava's guidance, settles over one of Ava's breasts and gently squeezes. They both gasp now, and Ava leans against her even more. They just stand there for a moment, breathing together.
It's all Beatrice can handle, really, and Ava must realise it, because she uses her own hands to remove Beatrice's. And then she rinses her own hair of shampoo, Beatrice watching her like she's not real. It's conditioner next, both of them smiling at the absurdity of just showering together.
"I really like the body wash you use," Ava tells her. "It makes you smell so good."
"I never used to use it," Beatrice says, because she gave up these things when she joined the convent. "Everything used to be generic. Simple."
"And now you smell like peppermint and thyme."
Beatrice smiles.
"Bet you taste like it too."
Said smile freezes on her face.
Ava laughs, lifting up to press a kiss to Beatrice's jaw. "This has been a really great day, Bea," she says. "Thank you for trusting me with this. With you. I don't - I never want to rush you."
"I don't feel rushed," Beatrice assures her.
"Good." She presses fingers to Beatrice's collarbone, turning her slightly. "Now, my turn to get the conditioner out."