It's Tuesday night, the day me and Leah are supposed to meet. I spend the rest of my day at work anxious, afraid that I will do something stupid and embarrass myself in front of her. I barely speak to anyone, and at the end of the day I quickly pack up my things and rush home.
I can't believe I've only known this girl for a few days, and I'm already obsessed. I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone before.
Once home, I head to my flat to get ready.
My wardrobe is empty. I have literally nothing to wear. I search through everything I own, but nothing looks right. It's either too simple, making me look boring, too colourful so I stand out or too sexy which is probably not a good idea. Eventually, after what seems like hours, I decide on a green cardigan, partnered with some mom jeans and my black docs. I put a white turtle neck underneath, throw on some gold jewellery and decide I'm ready to go.
Until this point, it hasn't occurred to me that I know nothing about this woman, other than that she is blonde, tall and has the most beautiful blue eyes. What if she is a murder, I think to myself. Or maybe it's a dare, or she's just being friendly. You've assumed it's a date but what if it's not and now your about to embarrass yourself. Maybe you should just cancel, say your sick and then never have to meet her again.
Anxiety ripples through me, and I begin to think cancelling is a good idea. Socially, I'm the most awkward person and it's almost definite that when Leah sees this she'll run a mile. That's what dad always told me anyway, that no one will come near me because I radiate fear. The sad thing is he was always correct, growing up I had very few friends who cared for me, and I believed this was solely my own fault. Dad pumped hateful and violent thoughts into me from a young age, making me feel worthless and undeserving so ultimately if anyone tired to be my friend I shut them out, deciding they were better of without me. I begin to panic, what if she doesn't like me or it's a joke and a massive set up. This will be so embarrassing I think. She's too pretty for me anyway, there's no one like that who would ever go for someone like me.
I think maybe I should just cancel, it's for the best, everyone will be happy then.
I grab my phone and find Leah's number ready to send the text. It's for the best if we don't meet, she doesn't need a mess like me in her life.
Ding dong
Oh shit I think I am too late.