Gelatin: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles?
Firey-Jr: I know you’re joking, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.
Gelatin: *texting* Hey can you pick me up I’m drunk.
Gelatin: Oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now.
Donut: Yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home.
Bracelety: Christmas lights?
Firey-Jr: Check.
Barf-Bag: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Firey-Jr: Check.
Bomby: Santa suits?
Firey-Jr: Check.
Naily: Shovel?
Firey-Jr: Check.
Gelatin: Alibi and bail money?
Firey-Jr: Check- wait, WHAT?!
Bracelety: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.
Bomby: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.
Bracelety: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Naily: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...
Donut: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
Donut, to Gelatin: All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.
Firey-Jr: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing.
Spongy: But ya' didn't!
Bracelety: Not gonna lie, I'm kind of afraid of Spongy...
Gelatin: As you should be.
Bracelety: No, for real, they're kind of-
Gelatin: As. You. Should. Be.
Naily: Caw caw, motherfuckers.
Gelatin: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Bracelety: 'Prettiest Smile'
Donut: 'Nicest Personality'
Firey-Jr: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Barf-Bag: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
Gelatin: You’re a loose cannon, Naily.
Naily: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Spongy: I think you play by your own rules.
Barf-Bag: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Gelatin: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Naily: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Donut is a loose cannon.
Donut: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Naily!
Barf-Bag: I’d say Donut’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.
Spongy: Now I’m just confused. Is Naily a loose cannon or not?
Gelatin: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.
Naily: *groans*
Donut: Aw, man.
Firey-Jr: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".
Gelatin: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?
Bomby: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.
Firey-Jr: Am I going to far?
Spongy: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.
Bracelety: It’s too early in the morning for this.
*sent at 11:57 AM*
Firey-Jr: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Gelatin will and will not eat.
Bracelety: Grass? Yes!
Firey-Jr: Moss? Yes!!
Bracelety: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Firey-Jr: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Bracelety: Worms? Sometimes!
Firey-Jr: Rocks? Usually nah.
Bracelety: Twigs? Usually!
Firey-Jr: Barf-Bag's cooking? Inconclusive!
Spongy: How did you… test this?
Firey-Jr: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.
Spongy: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.
Barf-Bag: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?
Donut: Would you slap Bracelety-
Bomby: Yes.
Donut: I didn't even finish!
Bomby: Sorry, continue.
Donut: Would you slap Bracelety for 10 dollars?
Bomby: I would do it for free.
Bracelety: Rude...
Naily: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.
Firey-Jr: Those are wanted posters!
Gelatin: Hey Bracelety?
Bracelety: Yeah?
Gelatin: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Bracelety:
Bracelety: ...What.
Donut: Barf-Bag, why are you crying?
Barf-Bag: This book is so sad!!
Donut, picking it up: But this is my diary-
Barf-Bag: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Barf-Bag: Spongy is still mad about it, but me and Donut were drunk and thought it was funny.
Spongy: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done?
Naily: *sighs*
Naily: I killed a man.
Bracelety: *sneaking in through their window*
Barf-Bag: *turning in their chair and flicking the light on* You want to tell me where you've been all night?
Bracelety: I was with Donut?
Donut: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?
Barf-Bag: Did Donut just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Firey-Jr: Yeah, they did.
Barf-Bag: And did I just do finger guns back?
Firey-Jr: Yeah, you did.
Bracelety: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*
Donut, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “FUCK YOU” IN FLOWER???
Firey-Jr: I’m doing my best.
Bomby: You’re not doing anything.
Firey-Jr: Yes, that’s what I’m best at.
Barf-Bag: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group.
Naily: Well, you always have a smile on your face.
Barf-Bag: Thank you.
Naily:
Naily: What drugs do you take?
Firey-Jr: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*
Bomby: What did you do?!
Firey-Jr: NOBODY DIED!
Bomby: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
Spongy: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*
Donut: You can't just skip to the happy ending!
Spongy: I don't have time for their problems.
Naily: I won a new phone in a race.
Spongy: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Naily?
Naily: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.
Bracelety, Gelatin & Donut: *screaming*
Barf-Bag: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Donut?!
Bracelety: Wait, why are you asking Donut that when Gelatin and I are also here?
Barf-Bag: Because Donut wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.
Gelatin: You guys worried about Donut?
Spongy: Totally!
Naily: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Gelatin: And what'd you say?
Naily: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Spongy:
Gelatin: They're lucky to have you as a friend.
Bracelety: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!
Gelatin: And here we have a capitalist.
Barf-Bag: Did you just-
Donut: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.
Donut: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Barf-Bag: That's great, Donut. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
Gelatin: *sighs*
Bracelety: You bored?
Gelatin: Yeah.
Bracelety: Wanna start drama for no reason?
Gelatin: I thought you’d never ask.
Gelatin: If I say yes am I joining a cult?
Donut: Possibly.
Gelatin: I’m in.
Bomby: They... well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Firey-Jr: Um, murder???
Spongy: Adventuring!
Barf-Bag: Tuesday.
Naily: Oooh, a train!
Donut: We’re in a train station, Naily.
Gelatin: I have an idea.
Bomby: A good idea?
Gelatin: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Firey-Jr: Why is Bomby crying on the floor?
Donut: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.
Firey-Jr: And?
Donut: They got Bracelety.
Bracelety: EXCUSE ME?
Bracelety: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!
Bracelety, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.
Firey-Jr: I will send my army to attack!
Firey-Jr: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*
Naily: Uh, Firey-Jr? Spongy is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof.
Firey-Jr: What?
Bracelety: I think they meant, Spongy is drowning.
Firey-Jr: WHAT?!
*Meanwhile*
Spongy: *is drowning*
Barf-Bag: OH MY GOD, SPONGY! KEEP SWIMMING!
Spongy: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks*
Barf-Bag: SPONGY!
Bracelety: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.
Naily: Donut, Barf-Bag, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?
Donut, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Barf-Bag is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.
Barf-Bag: Are you ready to commit?
Donut: Like, a crime or a relationship?
Barf-Bag: Dammit, Firey-Jr, you ruined everything!
Firey-Jr: You’re welcome.
Naily: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....
Bracelety: ....
Spongy: .....
Barf-Bag: ......
Firey-Jr: ..Who?
Naily: That's the thing we don't-
*Everyone stares at Firey-Jr*
Naily, after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.
*Thump noise*
Firey-Jr, from the other room: What happened?!
Naily: Barf-Bag’s shirt fell.
Firey-Jr: Why was it loud?
Naily: It had them inside.
Firey-Jr: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under.
Spongy: What does “take out” mean?
Donut: Food.
Gelatin: Dating.
Bomby: Murder.
Barf-Bag: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.
Bracelety: Okay. Hypothetically speaking, how mad would you be if I burned a hot pocket so badly it could probably fall off a ten-story building and be completely fine?
Spongy: Bracelety, what did you do?
Bracelety: Take a guess.
Donut: *sees someone doing something stupid*
Donut: What an idiot.
Donut: *realizes it's Barf-Bag*
Donut: Wait, that's MY idiot!
Barf-Bag, about a fight between Gelatin and Bracelety: It scares me how many knives were involved.
Naily: There… weren’t any knives involved though?
Barf-Bag: That’s what scares me.
Bracelety: Hey Gelatin, can I get some icecream?
Gelatin: Only a spoonful!
Bracelety: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.*
Gelatin: Some people are like slinkies.
Barf-Bag: What?
Gelatin: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Barf-Bag:
Barf-Bag: Please don't push Firey-Jr down the stairs.
Gelatin, pushing Firey-Jr down the stairs: Too late.
Donut: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Barf-Bag: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Donut: That one. I want that one.
Firey-Jr: I am an expert at identifying birds.
Donut: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Firey-Jr: Yeah, they're all birds.
*Gelatin and Bracelety playing minecraft*
Gelatin: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Bracelety: What’s wrong?
Gelatin: I did a thing.
Bracelety: You regret the thing you dID-
Gelatin: *screams*
Bracelety: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Gelatin: *screams again*
Naily: Love makes people do stupid things.
Gelatin: I love everything!
Naily: That explains a lot.
Bracelety: Do not come over to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don’t answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.
Spongy: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.
Barf-Bag: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50 chance that'll fix it, right?
Gelatin: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.
Firey-Jr: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!
Bomby: ...put it away.
Gelatin: Bracelety has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them.
Bomby: That can't be true!
Gelatin: Watch this.
Gelatin: Hey Bracelety, race you to the bottom of the stairs!
Bracelety: *Throws themself out a window*
Bomby: Naily, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Naily: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.
Gelatin: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Gelatin: That's why I own TEN guns.
Gelatin: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.
Naily: So, everyone, what does a story NEED?
Firey-Jr: A character!
Donut: A setting!
Gelatin, a gleam in their eyes, in a near-whisper: REVENGE.
Donut: I wish I was a dinosaur.
Barf-Bag: Why? Cause they're big and scary?
Donut: Because they're dead.
Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Bomby: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Bomby: Oh my god, you have Firey-Jr.
Bomby: Donut, what if there are monsters?
Donut: Don’t worry, we’re top of the food chain.
Much later…
Bomby, lying awake at night: I am the monster.
Barf-Bag: When's the last time you slept?
Donut: Uh... a few days ago, I think.
Barf-Bag: A few- how many?!
Donut: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...
Barf-Bag: What you need is sleep!
Gelatin: So uh, for this party and everything, do you, uh...
Donut, sighing: You don't know how to dress for this, do you?
Gelatin, panicked: WHAT IS CLOTHES???
Donut: Are you reading fan fiction?
Bracelety, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Donut: Oh, is it on AO3?
Bracelety: This is CNN.