Unsurprisingly, I barely got any sleep. I kept dreaming of Theo, waking up startled, and scolding myself, only to dream about him again. When Rowan came to pick me up, I was more zombie than usual, and could barely make small talk. The fatigue lasted throughout the day, but filming on a stage made my job easier in general, so I managed to make it through without incident, aside from nearly falling asleep as I rested my weight on my crutch a few times. But we were wrapping up the scene, too, which meant I didn't have to keep track of where anything was as we finished filming, so I didn't need to pay as much attention as usual.
I took Theo's advice and asked Rowan to jump my car for me before she left as she dropped me off back at my apartment after filming ended.
"You know how to do this, right?" I asked her, trying to remember what Theo taught me, and failing
She gave me a wary look. "You really should learn, Maisie."
"I did. Kind of."
"Like this."
We went through the steps together and I was proud of myself for being a little less scared this time. We got my car started in no time, and I smiled widely at her. "Thanks, Rowan!"
"Yeah, yeah." Her red lips twisted as she leaned against her car, not making any move to leave. "Theo told me he told you about Mackenzie."
I stiffened. "O-oh, yeah? Did he say anything else...?"
"What do you mean? Like what?"
I guessed he didn't. "Nothing," I said quickly. "I just thought he would have, um, said something about dinner with his parents."
"He said it went well, but I don't really care about that." Her words were sharp. "What did he tell you about that crazy bitch?"
I tried not to outwardly react to Rowan's harshness. I knew it wasn't directed toward me, but it still made me squirm. "About how she set up the robbery and tried selling intimate photos of him."
She laughed without any humor. "I'm sure he made excuses for her, too."
"He—"
"Did he tell you how paparazzi camped out at his house while he was in the process of trying to move so he didn't have to live in the house he was almost killed in anymore? All because she posted his address online for anyone to find?" Rowan said, cutting me off. "Did he tell you that bitch used to post where he was staying during filming and his crazy stalkers would wait for him in front of his hotel room door? How she gave away his room key on multiple occasions and those same stalkers would walk in on him while he was in there, or be on his bed when he returned to his room after filming?" Rowan's voice grew louder and angrier the more she spoke. "She was fucking insane. He won't ever tell you the half of it, either. Because he thinks it was all his fault and will still try to defend her."
My breath caught in my throat, watching as Rowan's nostrils flared and anger cloud her green eyes. "No, he didn't say any of that," I said quietly.
"Of course he didn't." She ran a hand through her hair, tugging it through the ends. "Sorry. I'm trying not to get worked up here."
"Seems a bit too late for that," I said lightly, trying to break the tension.
It worked. She rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, you haven't seen me worked up. You don't want to, either."
I didn't think I did, either.
"I'm going to tell you this now, Maisie. She's trying to weasel her way back into Theo's life."
My eyes widened. "What?"
"I've caught her trying to send messages to him a few times. Theo doesn't know. I deleted them before he could see them." She crossed her arms over her chest. "It pays to keep an eye on his social media. Not that he actually uses it. His publicist uses it for updates, mainly."
"Is that okay for you to do?" I asked, confused.
She leveled me with a dry look. "I don't particularly care if it's okay for me to do or not. I'm doing what I think is best for Theo, and his parents agree with me. It's been over a year. I want him to move on. I'm worried if she shows her face now, he would forgive her."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why would he? After all she's done?"
"Because hearts are fucked up things that make you do stupid shit."
Wasn't that right? I fought my betraying heart every day lately I felt like.
"And Theo's heart is one of the worst. He's forgiving, understanding, and hopeless. A terrible mix."
"But... that's Theo's choice to make," I said, my hands gripping the front of my jeans as I protested Rowan's decision. "I know you think you're doing what's best for him, but Theo is a grown adult. He should make decisions like that on his own. Whether he would want to see her or not."
Rowan watched me for a moment, scowling. "You're kind, Maisie," she said, her words not matching her expression.
"Thanks?"
"I'm not. I don't give a fuck."
I made a face. "Oh."
"It might piss Theo off if he ever found out what I did, but he'd also understand why I did it. And I'm not going to keep it from him forever, either. I think he might be able to move on. And soon."
"Why do you think that?"
A small smirk flitted across her lips. "I have my reasons."
My said betraying heart felt a sting of pain. Did she mean he'd move on with her? Or did she mean just in general? I hated that I wanted to know. But I wouldn't ask. I painted a line I wouldn't cross anymore. "Rowan, can I ask you something about Theo? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"Just ask the question instead of asking if you can. I hate that."
"When he was shot, how badly was he injured?" I asked. "He didn't mention it, and I didn't want to ask, but..."
Her brows knit together, as if not having expected that question. "It's never a good injury when someone gets shot, but he did get lucky. The bullet grazed his side without causing any irreversible damage. The wound still bled a lot. If it'd hit over more, it could have damaged his organs." Her voice died out for a moment as if remembering the scene. "It was pretty terrifying. And if I hadn't happened to be trying to get something from his house, I'm not sure when someone would have found him."
"I see," I responded, not sure why I had asked. Maybe to know Theo hadn't been close to death? It didn't make me feel relieved. Did that even matter when he probably thought he was close to death?
"Anyway, don't you dare mention anything about Mackenzie trying to reach out to Theo." She approached me, standing at her full height, her hands on her hips as she tried—and succeeded—to make herself look intimidating. "Got it?"
I had to resist the urge to back away. But I couldn't stop my voice from coming out a little breathless as I responded. "Got it."
"Should I follow you to the garage? In case something happens?" she asked, her attitude changing completely, her head nodding toward my car.
She was going to give me whip-lash. "I'll be okay. I called them earlier and they seem to think it's just the battery. I'm just bringing it in to be safe. They'll change my battery there, too."
"'Kay. I'm going to get home. I need to pack still."
"Thanks for the ride, Rowan," I said, giving her a quick smile.
"Yep," she responded, throwing me a wave before she climbed in her car. She rolled down her window a second later. "Oh, and bring a bathing suit. Our hotel has a pool."
I didn't even know if I owned one, but I still nodded, then go into my car and headed right over to the mechanic. It didn't take much time at all for them to install the new battery and test a few things before deciding the battery would do the trick. My car turned on without any issue after they swapped it out. I paid before heading home, satisfied to finally have it fixed.
Once home, I went straight to packing. We'd be gone for six days this time, from Wednesday to Monday. Filming for four days while having two days off to do whatever we wanted. It was kind of exciting. I'd never been to the East Coast and I'd read where we were heading was one of the most popular spots to visit in Massachusetts.
Rowan sent me a text a little later that night asking if I wanted to carpool, and I ended up agreeing, not wanting to have to pay for separate parking at the airport, even if I could have had it reimbursed. I finished packing and then decided to head to bed early, hoping to get a restful sleep before waking up at the ass crack of dawn to catch our flight.
It didn't work. When my alarm went off, I felt as nauseous as always, and it was a struggle to get up and get ready. I still couldn't shake the fatigue by the time Rowan and Theo pulled up in Rowan's car. I headed out with my luggage, deciding to forego the crutches completely. Each step made my ankle ache, but it was only a dull one. I could easily ignore it. Bringing around even just one of the crutches sounded like too much of a hassle.
Theo sat in the driver's seat, and Rowan got out of the passenger side as I approached. "You look tired," she commented.
I gave her a sarcastic look. "Thanks."
"I didn't say you looked bad." She smirked, and then took my suitcase from me, bringing it to the trunk.
I climbed into the front seat, hyper-aware of Theo sitting beside me. I'd hoped Rowan would be the one driving so I didn't have to face him so directly. I'd managed to keep myself at a distance during filming yesterday, but now it was impossible. "Morning," I mumbled, putting my seatbelt on.
"No crutches?" he asked.
"I didn't want to deal with them."
His silence made me think he was giving me a disapproving look, but I didn't turn to see if I was right. "We're most likely going to be doing a lot of walking."
"I'll be okay."
"Maisie, did you think of anything you want to do on our off days?" Rowan asked as she got into the back seat. "There's a lot of cool beaches on the island, but there's also lots of stuff to do in the town we're staying in. There's also a lot of stuff nearby."
I shook my head. "No. I haven't really thought about it yet. I guess I'd like to eat at some good restaurants."
"A woman after my own heart. We can do that," she said.
"Were you planning on hanging out with me?" I asked, glancing at her through the rear-view mirror.
"Were you planning on spending the entire time alone?" she responded, flattening her lips. "No one else will be around so you don't need to be anxious. We can just go somewhere a little further away."
Rowan's consideration for me had me feeling guilty again for wanting space between us while working.
"I mean I guess you could always hang out with Marco," she continued.
"I don't mind hanging out with you two," I said immediately, not even wanting to entertain that idea.
A satisfied smile slipped across her face as she leaned back in her seat. "Then start researching some restaurants."
Theo didn't say anything, focused on driving. I still avoided looking at him, pulling out my phone, and busying myself by checking my social media. I'd been avoiding it a little bit lately— I hadn't really been writing with being so busy filming, so my readers had been spamming me with messages. It was hard not to be able to give them the real reason why. But I would be able to, soon.
My fingers stopped scrolling as a familiar photo of Levi popped up. It was one I'd taken of him back on the mountain. I swiped through the other photos listed, noticing they were all the ones I'd taken. I went down to the caption, and my heart nearly dropped.
Photos taken by the lovely Maisie Knowles.
"No," I said out loud, panic coursing through me. My eyes jumped to the like count. 20,400. I nearly dropped my phone in shock. "Theo," I said, facing him for the first time, my stomach churning. "Do you have Levi's phone number?"
He frowned. "No. I don't."
I put a hand to my head, running it through my hair, feeling sick. My name was out there. On his Instagram. And the likes were going up every time I refreshed it. This couldn't be happening... I couldn't even contact him through social media because I had no personal accounts. Only accounts for my pen name.
The anxiety woke me up fully now, but I couldn't relax, sitting tensely.
"Why do you need it?" Theo asked.
"Nothing," I said, feeling like I couldn't even feel my body.
I needed to talk to Levi. I needed to hunt him down before we got onto our flight. He needed to delete my name. It hadn't even occurred to me something like that could happen. Why hadn't I been more careful?
It was another painful hour and a half before we made it to the airport. Sweat clung to my forehead as I quickly gathered my suitcase from Rowan's trunk. We entered the airport together and Theo and Rowan were discussing something, but I didn't pay any attention, my eyes scanning the crowded terminal. Most of the crew gathered around, getting ready to go through security. Director Ahn, Marco, and Amerie were already in the line as we approached it.
I made a beeline for Director Ahn, leaving Theo and Rowan behind. "Morning Director Ahn. Have you seen Levi?"
"Morning, Maisie," she greeted with a smile. "I think he got here a little earlier. He's already through security."
My hand tightened around the handle of my suitcase. "Oh, okay. I'll find him after, then."
"That's Theo Park, right?" a hushed voice said off to my left.
Both Director Ahn and I turned toward the voice. A group of young women stood together, sneaking peeks at Theo. They were whispering to each other and then began to shove each other in the direction of him. One of them grew brave enough to approach, and I watched with bated breath.
Rowan noticed the girl coming first, her lips pressing into a flat line. "Um, Theo?" the girl spoke, coming to a stop as she noticed Rowan's gaze on her.
Theo turned around, his expression blank. When his eyes caught sight of her, they did a quick sweep, head-to-toe, and then a warm smile slipped onto his face. One that caused my heart to flip, and a pang of jealousy to shoot through me, because he'd never smiled at me like that.
No, I scolded myself and then forced myself to turn away from him.
"Theo is so good with his fans," Marco commented as I saw the other two girls rush up from the corner of my eye. "Although I guess I wouldn't complain if I had women hanging all over me."
Director Ahn caught my gaze and rolled her eyes dramatically.
I found myself biting back a smile, even though my nerves were eating me alive. Moving through security was agonizingly slow, and when I finally cleared through it, I started off toward our gate, hoping Levi would be in the premium lounge nearby that we'd been granted special access to.
I entered it, scanning the room until my gaze landed on Levi sitting on a sofa in the corner, a drink in his hand. I hurried up to him, my heartbeat quickening. "Levi," I said as I came to a stop in front of him. "Can you please delete my name off your Instagram?"
He glanced up at me, mid-sip of what looked like a Bloody Mary. "Oh, hey, Maisie," he greeted, setting his drink down on a small circular table near the sofa.
"Hi. Can you delete it?"
He cocked his head to the side for a moment, then his mouth opened. "Oh. You mean in my caption?"
"Yes."
"Why? I didn't tag you or anything."
"I don't want my name out there like that," I said, hoping it was a good enough reason for him. "You have a lot of followers. It makes me uncomfortable."
He frowned. "That's fair. I didn't really consider that. I'll delete it."
I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"On one condition."
My eyes narrowed. "What?"
His eyes flicked to the entrance of the lounge, and mine followed his gaze, seeing Rowan and Theo come in, Rowan's mouth set in a hard line. Theo's eyes met mine and I immediately turned back to Levi again.
Levi's hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me down onto the sofa with him. I couldn't help letting out a startled yelp, collapsing next to him. He held his phone between us, his shoulder pressing into mine, letting me see the screen as he opened up Instagram and edited the caption to remove my name. "Done."
"You never said what the condition was," I said.
"It was you feeling more comfortable." He winked. "I think it was met."
I wanted to be annoyed, but my pursed lips turned into a reluctant grin. "Wow."
A smirk graced his lips and he leaned forward, making me lean back into the cushions. "Smooth, aren't I?"
"Cringey," I corrected. "But, thank you."
He moved out of my personal space and shrugged. "No problem. Sorry. I probably should have asked first."
"I'm just weird about that stuff," I said.
"It's not weird," he said firmly. "I think it's perfectly normal if you want to keep it private. And I should have thought of my audience before posting your name. I'll keep that in mind from now on."
I nodded, suddenly getting distracted by his voice. It sounded rougher as he spoke, admonishing himself. More like...
No, no. Not my Levi. Maybe I'd been suspicious before, but my Levi knew me better than that. He wouldn't have ever posted my name on the internet. They couldn't be the same person.
It did make me curious about why I felt so at ease around this Levi, though. My heart didn't race as it did around Theo. I found it easy to speak to him, unlike Rowan sometimes. Even now, I didn't mind how his arm brushed mine with every breath we took. It didn't make sense. He was a celebrity. I should be wanting to keep my distance and running away.
"Why are you staring at me? Think I'm handsome?" he asked, cupping his cheeks with his hands in a V-shape and batting his eyelashes.
I blushed, jumping up from the couch. "No!"
Crap. Maybe I wasn't as chill around him as I thought.
"I—I don't mean that I think you're ugly, though," I added quickly, not wanting him to take my response the wrong way.
My voice gained the attention of the others in the lounge, and Levi laughed as I twisted on my heel, putting distance between us. I grumbled, not even daring to look over at Rowan and Theo, opting to join Zara who'd just walked in.
Her eyebrows shot up in amusement. "Why are you so red, Maisie?"
"Dehydration," I lied.
She grinned. "Let's go grab a drink, then."
I didn't feel scared about my first airplane ride until we were boarding. Suddenly, my legs were shaky, and it hit me we'd be very, very high in the sky. I tried to keep it to myself, but I bumped into Rowan's back one too many times as I zoned out, fear blanketing my mind.
"Maisie," she said evenly, "you run into me one more time and I'm going to assume you're trying to pick a fight."
"Huh?" I responded, smacking into her once again.
She gritted her teeth together as she whirled on me. "For fuck's sake."
I didn't even react to her irritation, just blinked at her.
Her eyes widened in concern. "Something's wrong with Maisie. She's not doing the thing she usually does where she blushes and stammers or glares at me or steps away from me."
"That doesn't sound like a good response, Rowan," Theo muttered from in front of her, but also glanced over his shoulder to look at me.
"I'm okay," I said numbly, trying to smile. I couldn't feel my arms, but I was okay. Right? Was I? Not if the plane crashed.
Rowan put her hand on my forehead. "Huh... your temperature feels fine. You're a bit sweaty, though."
I shoved her hand away, scowling.
She gave me a satisfied smile. "That's much better."
We finally made it to our seats and I watched as Theo took the window seat and Rowan ushered me into the middle one before she took the aisle seat. "Wait, I'm sitting with you two?" I asked, delayed.
Rowan stretched out in her seat as best she could, her long limbs not having much room, even though we sat in business class. "No, we're just resting here for a moment until we go to our real seats. They're on top of the plane."
"Why aren't you sitting in first class?"
"And leave you alone?" she responded. "Nah. I want to witness your first flight. Besides, first class is expensive as hell. I'd have to pay for my own flight seeing as I'm employed by Theo, not the studio."
She remembered this would be my first flight? "I'm not going to lie. I'm kinda nervous now," I admitted. "I wasn't until we started boarding."
"I can tell. Don't worry. It'll be fine."
I clasped my hands on my lap, glancing at Theo, seeing him looking out the window. What was his reason for not sitting in first class? Because Rowan wasn't? Surely the company would have paid for him to fly first class if he wanted to.
Suddenly his gaze met mine in the window reflection and I immediately returned my attention to my hands, feeling caught out. The airplane engines then roared to life, startling me even more. I hadn't expected them to be so loud. I could feel my apprehension start to grow as the flight attendant gave her before take-off spiel.
I tensed as the plane begin to move, holding my breath, afraid it'd come out shaky. My jaw clenched and I kept my head down, curling my hands into fists. As the plane moved faster, my pulse quickened, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
Just as we began to lift off, a hand touched mine. Each of mine. My eyes shot open, and I saw Rowan's hand on my right one, and Theo's on my left. Rowan had placed her hand completely over mine, while Theo had dug his fingers into my tightly clenched ones.
My first instinct was to pull away, but as gravity pulled me backward in my seat, I opened my hands and held on to theirs tightly.
Neither of them said a word and let me hold their hands for as long as I needed to. Once we reached cruising altitude, the panic subsided a bit, but then the embarrassment sunk in, and I quickly released their hands, letting their hands drop onto my thighs as I moved my own hands closer to my stomach.
Theo retracted his quickly while Rowan just snorted, patting my thigh once before returning her hand to her side.
"Thanks," I murmured after a moment.
"Sure," came Theo's quiet reply as Rowan hummed a mm-hmm.
The landing wasn't as bad as take-off, and neither was as bad as finding my luggage. That was hell. Theo and Rowan had taken a private access hallway after disembarking, avoiding the crowded terminal, and leaving the PAs to gather their luggage. I ended up finding their luggage first, though, and decided to take it with me, struggling to carry three suitcases through the airport. Zara had said I could ride with her and Director Ahn in their rental car, so I made my way to departures, following some of the other crew as they headed out as well.
Once I located Director Ahn and Zara, we piled into the rental car, stacking all the luggage in the back. I frowned a little as I sat in the back seat, hoping I wouldn't get carsick on the three-hour drive out to the town on the cape we'd be staying at. Part of me wished I'd had accepted Rowan's offer to ride with them, but the thought of someone seeing me getting into a car with Theo had put a halt to even considering it. We weren't on set or in the mountains here. We were in a busy vacation town, and even though it was off-season, I had to be careful about being seen with Theo.
I'd agreed to hang out with them on my off days, but it was starting to settle in that it might not be possible. I didn't want to accidentally get caught out.
Unfortunately, I did get hit with car sickness, but I kept it to myself, suffering silently as Director Ahn and Zara chatted excitedly about visiting the cape. I clutched the groove in the door, closed my eyes, and willed myself not to get sick.
Fortunately, I somehow made it. Director Ahn had informed me that the hotel we were staying in had been completely rented out by the crew, relieving my worries about being seen with my cast a little. After all, even though I worried about Theo the most since we were friends now, the others were just as popular and famous as he was. I needed to be on high alert.
Director Ahn parked the car in the parking lot before getting out and stretching. Zara remained for a moment, talking to Amerie on the phone. By the sounds of it, Marco had somehow gotten lost, and she was with him. I pushed open the car door, desperate for fresh air, and was a little started by the salty taste of it. Until I remembered we were right next to the ocean.
"Maisie, when you give your name to the receptionist, she'll tell you your room number," Director Ahn told me. "I'm going to go check on the equipment."
"Okay," I said, giving her a small wave.
My motion sickness remained even as I began to unload the luggage and I breathed heavily, trying to dispel it. As I pulled out Rowan's suitcase last, a car pulled up next to me, and I glanced over to see Rowan and Theo.
I left the trunk open so Zara could collect her luggage and then waited as Theo climbed out of the car to help me with the suitcases. He didn't say anything, and I didn't look at him, not even when his hand curled around mine by accident while reaching for the handle to his luggage. His hand paused, though, still holding onto mine, and I finally looked up.
He frowned at me. "Are you okay?"
I almost missed his question. His hand on mine distracted me. Why wasn't he moving it away? "Huh?"
"Your hand is clammy and you're sweating."
I ripped my hand away. "Carsick," I explained shortly, grabbing my luggage, and heading toward the hotel, hoping my cheeks hadn't colored.
"Maisie," he called after me, but I didn't stop.
I didn't know why it was so hard for me to face him after the hug. It was just a hug. There was nothing indecent about a hug. Even if I was on his lap. And even if I might have felt his...
I nearly tripped over the curb that led to the hotel's doors, knowing for sure my cheeks were red now. My injured ankle protested as I stomped over the curb. What the hell was I thinking?
Get it together, I admonished myself.
The inside of the hotel bustled with crew members and I briefly wondered how they'd arrived so fast, but didn't question it, heading to the front desk to get my room key. I made my way to my room, realizing it was close to the indoor pool. I paused. I had managed to scrounge up a swimsuit like Rowan suggested, but I wasn't sure how keen I was on actually swimming...
I found my room and entered it, hauling my luggage in. It looked more like a bedroom in a house than a hotel room. Plush carpet floors, a queen-sized bed with blue blankets, a make-up vanity in one corner, a recline in the other. I flopped onto the bed to test its softness and sighed in happiness as I sunk down into it.
There were a few hours until call time to give everyone and everything a chance to arrive, so I decided to explore around the hotel, checking out the outside pool and the courtyard. As I wandered around, I somehow managed to bump into Rowan and Theo again. They stood with Sienna and Aliyah and Levi.
I stopped in my tracks. That was exactly the place I didn't want to be.
But as I went to turn and hurry away, Levi called my name. I grimaced inwardly.
"Maisie!" he called again as if making sure I heard him. "We're all going to get something quick to eat. Want to join?"
My ears perked at the thought of food, but then I hunched my shoulders, remembering how much attention a group of celebrities could draw. I turned to the group, offering Levi a half-smile. "I'm good. Thanks, though."
"Aw, come on," Sienna said, moving up to me and giving me a pout. "I want you to come. I want to treat you. For helping me out the other day."
"That's not necessary," I said, but she grabbed my arm, dragging me toward everyone else.
"Join us," Aliyah encouraged. "I know some good restaurants. I used to come here all the time when I was younger. My grandpa has a house a few towns over."
Sienna still clung to me. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just..."
"Oh," Levi said suddenly. "That's right. You don't want to be seen out in public with us, right? Because of the attention?"
I was a little surprised he understood me so easily, but also a little embarrassed he's said it in front of Aliyah and Sienna. "It's not you guys. I just don't like attention."
"Ah," Aliyah said. "Then I know the perfect place. You won't have any attention on you, I promise. None of us will."
"Uh..." I hesitated still, but the way Sienna and Aliyah looked so hopefully at me made it feel bad to even think about turning them down. "Okay. I'll come."
"Great!" Sienna chirped.
Levi grinned. "You can ride with us."
"Or us," Rowan said, her words a little sharp.
"I'll come with you guys," I responded to Levi.
"Let's go, then," he said, moving toward the parking lot.
Sienna and Aliyah started following them and I made to, too, but a grip on my arm made me stop in place. I threw a confused look over my shoulder at Rowan who pinned me with a displeased look. "I need to get my purse."
"O-okay?" I replied, confused, because why did she look annoyed with me about that?
"Stay with Theo until I get back."
I stared after her open-mouthed for a moment as she hurried back into the hotel.
Great.
"We can probably just wait with the others—"
"Maisie."
I peeked up at Theo noticing his usual, neutral expression. Except, now that I was seeing it again, I realized it had been a while since I'd seen it last. It startled me enough that I turned to him fully. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"That's what I want to ask you."
"Nothing's wrong," I responded.
"You're..." He trailed off for a moment, lips pressing together. "Avoiding me."
I wanted to deny it, but no, that was exactly what I was doing. "It's because I feel awkward," I told him.
"I feel awkward, too," he admitted, his gaze softening. "We had a deep conversation and an intimate moment. I think it's natural to feel a little awkward with each other after. But you don't have to avoid me."
I shifted on my feet, feeling warm. "I'm sorry," I apologized, mainly for avoiding him, but also for not being able to be completely honest about why I was. Keeping away from Theo would be a lot harder if he actively noticed me doing it. In fact, it would be more suspicious to avoid him than be around him.
"I just...hope you don't think of me differently after what I told you," he said quietly.
My eyes widened. "What? Theo, no, not at all. Don't mistake my diffidence for thinking differently of you. I appreciate you opening up to me. Really."
His lips quirked a little.
"What?" I asked cautiously.
"Diffidence," he repeated. "I'll have to look that up later. If I'd ever had doubts you were actually an author, I'd believe it now."
I blushed a bit. "It's not that strange of a word."
"I think it is."
"It just means shyness," I told him.
"In that case, please don't feel so diffident around me. And even if you do, don't run away."
My eyes were drawn to the movement of his hand as it lifted up a bit before letting it fall back down to his side.
I didn't know why, but it made my breath catch in my throat. "Okay."
"Good."
We stared at each other for a moment more. I realized we seemed to do that a lot. But I knew my reason was a lot different than his. I could stare at Theo all day. The little curl at the ends of his black hair, the allure of his dark brown eyes, the pinkness of his lips...
"I'm back!" Rowan announced loudly.
Although Theo and I weren't standing that close together, we both jumped back.
"You two ready to go?" she asked, raising her eyebrows while looking between us.
I nodded. "Yeah. And, um... I think I'll ride with you two, actually."
Her eyebrows shot even higher and a slight smile crossed Theo's face, but he turned his head to hide it.
It was then I realized why I never received one of the warm smiles Theo had given his fans earlier. Those smiles were polite and objective. They were part of his job. Part of his celebrity persona.
These rare, barely-there smiles Theo gave me sometimes... They were his real ones.