My heart beat frantically in my chest as I led Theo up to my apartment, using the one crutch as support to climb the stairs. He followed close behind me, as if acting like my own personal spotter. I took my time in taking out my keys, my mind racing. Why did he want to come in? What reasons would he have for wanting to come in this late at night? My hand shook as I twisted the key, pushing open the door, but I didn't know why I was so nervous.
Nothing was going to happen. Theo and I weren't like that...
Once inside, I tossed my crutch with the other one, sitting down at one of the chairs in my kitchen to take off my shoes. Theo slipped off his shoes, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight of him in his socks.
What the hell was wrong with me? Socks? Really? My heart was going to skip over that? I mentally berated myself.
He hung back by the door for a moment, glancing at the handle, and I moved forward to lock it, then made sure to double-check it as he watched.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked, trying to subtly scan out my apartment as I walked further in, making sure it was put together enough to not embarrass myself.
"I'm fine for now."
I gestured toward my living room, moving ahead of him so I could turn on the light. I didn't miss how he glanced at the crutches, but I pretended I did. After a second, he walked after me, eyes roaming around the room as he took in my minimal furniture and décor. He walked up to my bookshelf, plucking the French translation of my book off of it, and flipping through it.
"Can you speak French?" I asked.
"No."
"Oh."
He put it back and picked up the Spanish translation. "How many languages did this get translated into?"
"Maybe... fifteen now?" I tried counting them up on my fingers as I looked at my bookshelf, but I didn't have every version yet. "There's a Korean one there."
Theo's fingers trailed along the books' spines until he came to the one in question, pulling it off. "The title is different," he commented.
"Yeah, sometimes the title doesn't work well in another language so they suggest changing it."
Theo opened the book and began reading at a random page. I found myself squirming a bit, embarrassed, even though he'd obviously read it before, and the script, too. "Do you make money off translations?"
"Yeah. I sell the rights for them and then make royalties."
He placed the book back, picking up another one of mine from a different series. "Don't you ever worry someone might question why you have so many versions of the same book?"
"I do, actually," I said, a little surprised he considered it, too. "That's why I only have one copy of each out. I have more. But it's not like anyone ever comes to my apartment anyway besides my mom."
"Your friends don't?"
"No. I don't even know where my one friend lives." And I didn't want the reminder, either, remembering how evasive Levi had been.
Theo left the bookshelf, moving over to my couch, sitting down on it. He motioned for me to do the same.
I sat on the complete opposite edge, nearly sitting on the arm.
His eyes narrowed a bit. "What are you doing?"
"Sitting?"
"Is that comfortable?"
I sank deeper onto the cushion, moving off the arm, but also closer to him. "So, um, why did you want to come up?"
Theo angled himself to face me better, resting his arm along the back of the couch, the action making his shirt pull against the muscles of his biceps. My gaze traveled from his broad shoulders to where his shirt was tucked into his slacks, accentuating his narrow waist. "I wanted to talk."
"About?" I found my mouth had gone dry, and I returned my gaze to his face, afraid of being caught staring. If I hadn't already. I went to rub my neck nervously, realizing I still had my wig on. "Oh, hold on. I need to take this off first."
I went to the bathroom and quickly used the product Kaila had given me before to ease the wig off my head, setting it properly on a makeshift stand. Not wanting Theo to be alone for long, I hurried out of the bathroom, tossing the wig cap off on the counter on my way out. I returned to the couch, doing my best to smooth out my hair.
"Sorry. I want to keep it in good condition," I told Theo as I sat back down on the couch, facing him, brushing my hand over my hair once more, feeling it sticking up.
He stared at me for a moment. Then started leaning toward me, lifting his hand up toward my face.
I froze with my hands in mid-air.
His hand went by my face, though, and adjusted the way my hair fell, fingertips grazing my scalp, and then my ear as he tucked a strand of it behind my ear. "Your hair was still sticking up," Theo said by way of explanation.
"Right." I swallowed.
His hand returned to its position on the back of the couch, and his lips twisted down a bit. "Is me being here making you uncomfortable?"
"No," I said quickly. "Why do you think that?"
Oh, God. Was it that obvious I was nervous with him here?
"You're still acting off," he continued, frown deepening. "Did something happen after dinner, Maisie?"
I paused. He was still referring to my change in attitude since then? Not the fact I felt nervous with him here now? "Um..."
"Did my mom say something that made you uncomfortable?" he pressed.
"No, not at all," I answered, shaking my head, even though her comment about Theo liking me lingered at the back of my mind. But it didn't outweigh Theo's vehemence. "Like I said before, I'm just a bit tired."
Still a lie. I was the opposite of tired right now.
Theo's dark eyes pierced into mine in a way that made me think he knew I was lying. "She didn't say anything about Mack— my ex?"
"No. And it wouldn't bother me, anyway."
"Then what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," I deflected. "I already told you."
Theo's expression changed then, his gaze softening, a sigh escaping his parted lips. "Okay."
I shifted my position on the couch, pulling my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and then resting my chin on top. I didn't want to lie to Theo, but I would also never let him know how his words affected me. "Is that what you wanted to talk about?"
"Not only that. I also wanted to talk to you about my ex."
Not expecting that, I lifted my head again. "Your ex? Why?"
"Because you don't ask questions," he said pointedly. "You're helping me without fully knowing the reason why."
My chin sank back down onto my knees. "You don't want your mom to worry about you. That's reason enough. You don't have to tell me because you feel obligated to or anything,"
Theo slowly shook his head. "I don't feel obligated. I want to try being more open with you."
"Why?" I asked, belatedly realizing that probably wasn't the best response to someone saying they wanted to open up to me. I flushed a bit. "I mean, I appreciate it, but there's no reason you need to."
His body posture turned stiff. "Do you not want me to?"
It took me a moment to process the meaning behind his question, my chest clenching at the thought that my respect for his privacy could come across as disinterest in his life or the idea of him opening up to me. "It's not that. I just don't want you doing this if you feel pressured because of anything."
"I don't feel pressured. You've had multiple chances to ask me about everything, yet you haven't. I know you value my private life. But if we continue to meet with my parents, I don't want you to feel thrown off guard by something my mom might say, or even something Rowan might bring up," he said, his fingers curling into a fist from their position on the back of the couch.
"Okay," I responded. "I'll listen. But only what you feel comfortable enough to tell me."
"If I was going based on comfort, it would be nothing."
I stared at him. "Then why...?"
"Not every conversation is comfortable," he responded simply. "And the situation with my ex isn't, either. She ended up in jail for what she did."
Not expecting that, I couldn't mask my reaction, straightening out with a gasp. "What?"
"That was for aiding and abetting in the robbery," he continued, his eyes going past me. "If I had reported everything she'd done to me, I'm sure she would have been sentenced to more than just a few months."
"Robbery?" I asked hesitantly. Did Theo want my questions? Or did he just want to reveal everything at his own pace?
His eyes met mine once more and a slight curve appeared on his lips. "Now I have your attention?"
He'd had my attention since the day we met. "That's what you wanted, right?" I said instead.
"I don't mind it."
My eyebrows drew together at his response and the way amusement flickered across his features. "I'd hope so, considering I think it'd be rude if I looked away from you as you spoke."
Theo's look turned wry. "Right."
I waited for him to speak again and watched as his lips set into a firm line, the lightheartedness of the moment disappearing. I tightened my arms around my knees, feeling anxious for some reason. It'd crossed my mind that whatever his ex-girlfriend had done went beyond normal break-up reasons, but she was involved with a crime? With Theo? Or against?
Theo drew a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, something I noticed he did as a nervous habit. "Mack and I were together for seven years. We met before I landed my first big acting role and she always supported my career and goals."
"In the Quiet Moments," I said before I could stop myself as the name of Theo's break-out movie popped into my head.
"You know that off the top of your head?" he responded, cocking his head to the side.
I sunk down behind my knees a bit. "I told you. I studied you a bit when I found out you were going to be my male lead."
His body tensed. "Is that the only information you found?"
"There's a lot of information about you on the internet. About your childhood, your family, your interests." I wasn't sure how much to say. He thought I valued his privacy, but I'd done research on him. "But to be fair, there's a lot about me, too. Under my pen name, of course, but I've done a lot of interviews."
"You didn't find any news articles about when I was robbed? Or anything else?"
I shook my head. "No. Although I wasn't exactly looking for that."
Theo considered this, but his rigid body posture remained. "I suppose it's a good thing that those articles aren't what comes up first when you search my name. Rowan tried her best to keep everything from getting out along with my publicity team."
"The articles I saw were all recent news. When did this happen?"
"About a year and a half ago. Mack was with me for seven years, and yet she was heartless enough to not even care when—" Theo snapped his mouth shut as his voice grew louder, a muscle in his jaw jumping. "No. You don't need to know everything that happened."
I couldn't help but feel indignant by his comment. I hadn't asked him to tell me everything. I hadn't asked him to tell me anything.
My expression must have shown my thoughts because Theo put a hand to his forehead, sighing. "Sorry. I don't usually talk about this. And when it comes up with Rowan it always ends in an argument, so it puts me on edge. It's not you."
"I'm only going to listen, Theo," I told him, keeping my voice soft. "Only to what you want me to listen to. And if you don't want me to respond, I won't."
"The more popular I got, the more jealous and obsessive Mack got. I did my best to balance my work life with my relationship with her, but it wasn't easy. But I never prioritized my career over here. And I never would have, either. She didn't agree. She hated if I went anywhere or did anything without her. She hated when I had to go away for shoots. Hated if I went anywhere or did anything without her. It got to the point where if I went to dinner, even if I was just with Rowan, or my parents, she texted me the entire time, and if I didn't answer, she'd call. Nonstop."
I shifted my position, moving so that I sat on my knees now, putting my arm over the back of the couch as well, my hand resting near Theo's. His gaze went to it briefly, his own hand pulling back subtly.
"I made excuses for her back then, but I recognize now that's obsessive behavior. I tried to make up for my busy work life in other ways which is what I think caused things to really spiral. I used money to make Mack happy... or, I thought I was making her happy." Theo turned so he sat forward, facing away from me now. "She started using. I essentially funded it without knowing. I was away too much. She was too good at covering her tracks."
"That's..." I started, but trailed off, remembering my promise to just listen. I pressed my lips together.
"Any time I went off to shoot or spent the day away, Mack would guilt me into giving her money. She helped me out with housework back then, and other day-to-day errands, so I felt indebted to her and always said yes. But eventually, it wasn't just her. It was her friends, too. It should go without saying that her friends were also on drugs. I was basically their source of income. Until I caught her one day. I stopped giving her money after that, wanting to help her get over her addiction, but it's never that easy."
I found myself holding my breath. This wasn't what I was expecting at all.
"I have a lot of designer items. I didn't buy any of them, though. They were just gifted to me," Theo explained, glancing my way. I tried to keep my expression neutral. "Mack knew that. I gave her a lot of them, too. After I stopped giving her money, she decided to start stealing my stuff. I ended up banning her from my house, telling her she couldn't come back until she got sober. I even changed my locks."
I could see where this was going now and I pulled my hand back to my lip, cradling it in my other hand as Theo took another deep breath.
"She told her friends about all the valuables I had. I assume she just wanted them to break in and steal what they could. She thought she knew my work schedule and that I wouldn't be home. Maybe that was her trying to be kind, but... I was home. It must have freaked her friends out. One had a gun."
I sucked in a quick breath. "What?"
"I don't think there are words to explain what it feels like to be held up at gunpoint," Theo said quietly. "I can still remember how cold the metal felt pressed against my head. The guy holding the gun was also the guy who tied me up. He was distracted while having a gun to my head. I thought I was going to die. I'm not trying to sound overdramatic—"
"You're not!" I blurted, my hand shooting to my mouth. "Theo, that's—" I managed to cut myself off again, as horrified as I felt for him. I wasn't supposed to be reacting. Just listening.
Theo's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I decided to just let them take what they wanted and not fight back or argue. Material things weren't worth my life. But Mack was... seeing one of them behind my back. That one took the gun and... I don't know what he intended. To scare me? To kill me? Either way, the gun went off. It hit me in the side. They ran and left me tied and bleeding on the ground."
The way Theo spoke so calmly about this sent a shudder down my spine.
"Rowan was the one who found me. I wasn't seriously hurt. I barely have a scar. I wasn't even going to report it." Theo's voice began to grow bitter, his shoulders curling in as he leaned in on himself. "I would have let it go, but Mack didn't even apologize. She only said to make sure I gave her money next time she asked or it would happen again. I told Rowan, who told my parents, who made me report it. They all turned each other in and revealed Mack as the one who organized it all."
I listened in stunned silence, my heart pounding. My hand itched to reach out to him, to comfort him in some way, but I kept it firmly in my lap.
"After they arrested her, her parents paid her bail. I don't know why, but I met up with her while we were waiting for the court date. I shouldn't have, but I thought things could go back to normal between us if she could get sober while in jail. I don't know why I wanted to. How I could forgive her for that."
"Because you loved her," I said.
He slowly nodded. "Yes. I did. Very much. I blamed her irrational behavior on the drugs. But the withdrawal period was worse. Rowan had warned me. She told me not to trust Mack again. But I still did. I'm not sure exactly what she was planning if it was revenge or something, but she sold my information to journalists. My address, which was then posted all over the internet. She had... intimate photos of me that she sold as well. Ones taken during that time when she was out on bail. She'd taken them knowing what she planned to do with them. I never consented to the photos, but we'd been drinking."
"Did those photos get leaked?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat.
He shook his head. "The few journalists she knew were friends of mine. They did see them, and we ended up deciding to let them pay for the photos to satisfy her and keep her from selling them to anyone else as I figured out a way to get them deleted."
It took everything in me to stay silent. I couldn't even imagine everything Theo had gone through. I never would have thought anything like that had happened to him, either. It was true that no one ever knew what someone else was going through.
"The worst part of it all is that I blamed myself. I still do. I enabled her." His hands clenched into fists as he glared down at the floor. "I'm the reason everything went wrong. If I hadn't made Mack feel that way, then—"
"You couldn't have known," I interjected, once again finding myself reaching toward him, and stopping myself. "I know I said I'd only listen, but Theo, there was no way for you to know what would happen. Why are you blaming yourself? You still wanted to help her, even after everything that happened. You still cared. But caring for someone doesn't mean you can save them from their own choices."
He stayed silent for a moment. "I know that. I know, in reality, I'm not the only one to blame for everything. But it's not that simple."
"I understand," I told him softly. "Er. Well. I obviously don't understand exactly what you went through, but I meant I know things aren't as simple as they seem." I wanted to slap myself in the face. "What I'm trying to say is that I get why you feel that way."
Finally, Theo turned to look at me again, his eyebrow raised, shoulders lowering as he relaxed. "I know what you meant."
I grimaced inwardly. "Right."
He let out a short, breathy chuckle. "Somehow, that was a lot easier to tell you than I was expecting."
I didn't get how he could laugh after divulging everything to me. I didn't feel like laughing. In fact, my chest hurt. I hated that Theo went through all that. I hated that it affected him to this day. I hated that it would probably affect him his entire life. "Theo... can I hug you?"
Theo's body stilled again as the words left my mouth. I held his gaze as a mix of emotions crossed his face— surprise, uncertainty. His muscles flexed, and for a moment I thought he was going to get up and leave, but instead, he adjusted himself so he faced me again, nodding his head once.
I closed the space between us on the couch, my pulse thrumming through my veins as my knee brushed against his thigh. He didn't move as I lifted my arms, looping them around his neck, pulling myself closer to him. It was an awkward angle, and I had to lift myself on my knee to reach him. He tensed at my touch, and I half-expected him to push me away, but then his hand curled under the back of my thigh, guiding my leg to rest between his, allowing me to reach him more easily.
I nestled in closer to him, still lifting myself on my knees, careful to keep any other touch to a minimum. After a moment though, Theo's hands slid around my waist, gripping my hips as he effortlessly lifted me up, moving his other leg under me, so I now straddled his lap. I didn't move as I hovered over him, my breath coming out shaky, unsure of what he wanted, but then he put pressure on my hips again, sinking me down until the back of my thighs met the top of his and I fully settled on him.
My arms tightened around him as his winded around my waist, bringing me even closer so that our chests pressed together, this new position encouraging our proximity. My eyes fluttered shut as I breathed in his cologne, my head resting on his shoulder. Theo's hand trailed across my back, almost reflexively, fingertips ghosting a sensitive trail that had me sighing into his neck. His warmth enveloped me, and as I lay against him, my breathing slowed, both my heart and body calming.
Theo leaned back against the couch cushions, his grip tightening on me again as he shifted to get more comfortable, seemingly unwilling to compromise our closeness as he did so. He stayed silent, and I could feel his breath against my hair as he let out a soft exhale, his body relaxing under mine.
I hadn't expected the hug to last this long. I hadn't really even expected him to let me hug him in the first place. But I knew I wouldn't be the first one to pull away. My body seemed to melt into his, his hand still tracing small circles into my lower back.
I found it hard to think, to remember why I had hugged him in the first place, to wonder if I even should be in his lap hugging him right now. But he hadn't pushed me away. Instead, he held me firmly, his hold never slackening.
I didn't know how long we remained like that. The combination of the heat radiating from him and his soothing ministrations on my back eventually had me fighting to stay awake. Every few moments I found myself dozing off, snapping back awake each time as my nose met Theo's collarbone, hindering my breathing.
After the sixth time it happened, Theo's chest vibrated with a chuckle. "Maisie," he murmured, his breath fanning across my ear. "If you're tired, I'll head home."
I shook my head, pressing my cheek into the fabric of his shirt. "I'm not," I said back, my voice muffled by his chest. I secured my arms around his neck better, squeezing, not wanting to move yet.
He ran his hand up from my waist and along my side up to my shoulder where he tapped it. "Maisie, you're suffocating me a bit..."
Embarrassed, I pulled back, releasing him from my hold completely. Doing so made me put my full weight onto his lap, and he grunted, jaw twitching as our gazes locked. My eyes shot down and I realized where I'd ended up, my breath catching in my throat. Without thinking, I shoved myself backward, trying to climb off his lap, but lost my balance, falling directly to the floor.
"Maisie!" Theo called, alarmed.
I scrambled to my feet as he stood from the couch. I twisted on my heel, putting my back to him as my cheeks flamed.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I responded, not having the courage to turn around and face him. "Um. I'm sorry if I overstepped there. If I made you uncomfortable, I—"
"I was more than comfortable."
His response gave me pause, and I found myself turning to him, despite my first instinct of avoidance. His dark brown eyes pierced into mine, betraying no hint of any kind of discomfort, only a magnetism I found hard to look away from. He took a step toward me, and I found myself falling back, the intimacy of the moment finally catching up to me.
I could feel the panic settling in. Any second now, he would throw his walls up. Shut down on me. Accuse me of feelings I wasn't even sure I had, assume I'd use them against him. I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have hugged him, no matter how desperately I wanted to comfort him.
Theo must have sensed my change in demeanor because he stopped in his tracks, a furrow forming between his brows.
I took it as a sign of annoyance. I found myself opening my mouth to apologize again, to explain myself.
"Maisie," he said before I could get any words out, his voice quiet and vulnerable. "Thank you."
I didn't understand what he meant at first, and he didn't elaborate, but then my heart stuttered as it hit me. He was thanking me for listening to him, for being here with him, and for comforting him. He wasn't upset with my impulsive actions.
I still couldn't shake the agitation, though. "You don't have to thank me," I said, my gaze dropping down to the floor. "I just did what any... friend would do."
He didn't answer right away, and I wasn't brave enough to look at him. "Friend," he repeated, and I couldn't decipher the tone in his voice, the way the word fell flat off his tongue. "Right."
His response left me uneasy. "Right," I echoed.
"It's late," he said abruptly. "You should get some sleep. It's another early call tomorrow. Don't forget to pack for Martha's Vineyard. We're leaving in two days."
I latched onto the change of topic. "Oh, right. I forgot that was already so soon. I need to get started on that."
"If your car still isn't fixed by then, we can carpool to the airport."
"I'll let you know," I said as Theo started walking toward the front door. I followed at a good distance behind him. "I'm going to try and bring it in after work tomorrow, though."
He slipped his shoes on. "Have Rowan give you a jump when she drops you off tomorrow so you know your car will start."
I unlocked the door for him, still careful to mind my distance. "Smart. I'll see you tomorrow."
His eyes narrowed slightly as I opened the door from an arms-length away, having to keep my arm outstretched to do so. He folded his arms over his chest as his gaze returned to mine. "I don't think this needs to be said, but please keep what I told you between us."
"Of course," I responded seriously. "I wouldn't tell a soul. But if you can't trust that, then you know what to do."
He frowned. "What?"
I hooked a thumb toward my bookcase. "My secret? Remember? Just threaten me with that if you think I'm stepping out of line."
He stared at me, lips curving even further down. "You're really..." I waited for him to finish his thought, but he didn't. Instead, his lips parted in a sigh, and he stepped into the hallway. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," I responded, moving to stand in the threshold of my door. "Drive home safe."
He lifted a hand in goodbye.
As he began to walk away, I swallowed. "Theo?"
Stopping, he glanced over his should back at me. "Yeah?"
"Thank you. For telling me what happened. And..." I took a deep breath. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. For anything. Any time. Okay, goodbye!"
I slammed the door shut before he had a chance to respond, my blood pumping so hard it was painful. I hoped I hadn't crossed a line by saying that, but it didn't feel right to not acknowledge everything he told me. Especially with how awful what he shared was.
It made everything that confused me about Theo make sense. And it also explained the reactions of both his mother and Rowan when it came to the topic of his ex-girlfriend.
I moved back into my living room, going to sit on the couch, and freezing as an image of me and Theo hugging so closely on it flashed through my mind.
I tried to block it mentally. No. I couldn't be thinking like that.
The hug hadn't helped my failing plan of distancing myself from Theo at all. It'd, in fact, made it worse.
Putting my face in my hands, I groaned. I had to be more careful. No more slip-ups. No more hugging Theo. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around me, even if he'd agreed to it this time. I needed to get myself in check.
I needed to step back. I'd said it before, but this time I really had to. Theo had trusted me enough to tell me everything. I wouldn't mess everything up by falling for him. He clearly didn't want a relationship. I had to do my part as his fake girlfriend until he was satisfied and then move on. I couldn't get caught up in it.
I couldn't.