"Indeed, I'm not young anymore." Duan Jia Xu doesn't really mind her words, he is calm and composed "Then you should feel sorry for me?"
Sang Zhi lifts up her head and acts serious. She answers gently "I'll consider it."
He was joking at first, so he didn't really think too much about it. He gently pinches Sang Zhi's face, looks at the time and asks, "Where do you want to go now? Do you want to go and watch a film?"
After few minutes to consider, Sang Zhi shakes her head. Duan Jia Xu says patiently "Then let me send you back to the dorm?"
Sang Zhi stands there and doesn't move. She suddenly makes a request "I want you to carry me on your back."
"You can't walk." Duan Jia Xu says and kneels down. "Get on."
Sang Zhi just lies on her stomach on his back, hugging his neck. The next moment, Duan Jia Xu just stands up and asks her "You really just drank a little?"
"Not even half of the glass." Sang Zhi places her chin close to his neck, she says to him "It's like drinking a Coca-cola."
"Then next time just drink Coca- cola."
They walk for a while. Because of the angle, she could only see Duan Jia Xu's half face. "Am I heavy?"
"No."
Sang Zhi is dissatisfied. "Why don't you talk more about it? Say words like 'how could you be so light'."
Duan Jia Xu pauses and laughs "It's my fault, I was not very considerate". Very quickly he says what she said, "How could you be so light?"
"Today I think I am much heavier." Sang Zhi says "My down jacket is heavy. If I take him off, supposedly you would feel like carrying an air."
Duan Jia Xu controls his laughter "Now you are light too."
He keeps on walking. Sang Zhi calls after him "Duan Jia Xu."
"Em?"
"Today I submitted my project." Sang Zhi mumbles about what happened today "Recently I kept on redoing it for the competition. Every day I would change my design, I am so sick of it."
"Oh it's done?"
"Em." Sang Zhi says, "But the result wouldn't be out soon, we need to wait till the end of the semester."
"Then you should have a rest."
"I want to win the prize. I heard from them that this competition is much more prestigious. There would be a lot of influential people there during the ceremony. Maybe they would look at me." Sang Zhi mumbles, "Then after graduation, my days would be bright. I would get a salary of a few thousand yuan."
"You don't plan to take a Master degree?"
"No." Sang Zhi says depressingly, "But I don't think I could win the award. There are too many great people. I feel I draw like shit".
Hearing this, Duan JIa Xu looks at her "Little kids should say more civilized words."
Sang Zhi looks at him. She blinks and leans forward, kissing his cheek. When she sees him start, she smiles and kisses him again.
"You could even do sexual entrapment, huh?" Duan Jia Xu raises his eyebrow, he laughs and asks, "If I carry you like this, would it affect how you express your feelings?"
"Just a little." Sang Zhi realised that he had carried her for a moment. "Are you tired? If not, it's better if I get off and walk alone."
"How long has it been?" Duan Jia Xu teases her, "I'm not that old either, I wouldn't be tired and lacking in energy after carrying you a few steps."
Hearing this, Sang Zhi turns silent. Then she explains "I don't think that you are old."
"Really?"
"Em, I'm just joking with you." Duan Jia Xu doesn't know what Sang Zhi is thinking. Sang Zhi just buries her face in his neck, her voice becomes light. She repeats: "I don't think you're old."
Hearing the change in her voice, Duan Jia Xu looks at her again "What is it?"
Sang Zhi lifts her head and looks at his face. She suddenly feels so sad. She suddenly thinks about that time, no matter how she tries to talk to Li Ping, Li Ping still seems to act the same.
She remembers that day, Duan Jia Xu laughed at himself and said to her, "I'm afraid you'll mind."
But it's clear that matter is unrelated to him. It's obvious there's no relation.
But because of this, he lowers his status more than he should. As a result, he is treated unfairly. She thinks that if Duan Jia Xu knows about Li Ping's thoughts, he should be unhappy.
Sang Zhi's eyes turn red, she pursues her lips and lowers her head again. She sobs. "I don't think that you are old. I just feel.... I'm too young."
Duan Jia Xu couldn't understand her "What?"
Though usually she doesn't think that way. Yet everyone seems to think that she is too young.
Everyone seems to think that she and Duan Jia Xu are together because of an impulse; they are together without considering the future; everyone acts as if they should remind her to make her see clearly that this path is not for her.
If she was a bit older.
She would have a degree and a steady, stable job. She could be more economically independent, she could do everything on her own. At that time, if she mentioned her relationship with Duan Jia Xu, her parents would be easily persuaded.
She has thought a lot about this. She used to think that external factors wouldn't affect their relationship. She always wants to grow up quickly, to be a grown-up woman.
But the seven years gap, it's like her forever pursuit.
"Why am I nineteen years old?" Sang Zhi couldn't hold back her tears. "Why couldn't I be twenty-nine, I don't want to be so young?"
Currently except for studying hard to make a better future, she couldn't do anything.
Duan Jia Xu feels something wet on his neck, he frowns "What happened?"
"By the time I'm twenty-nine, I should have money." Sang Zhi chokes and sobs. "I don't want to take care of you, I just want to give you the money to spend..."
"........" Duan Jia Xu pauses for a moment, but then continues walking. "Why do you always want to give me money to spend?"
"So you could be more relaxed."
Duan Jia Xu smiles "Now I am not living so tiredly."
"How can you say that you are not so tired?" Sang Zhi's eyes are teary. She reaches out to stroke his head. "You always work overtime, you always stay up late. You even have big dark circles under your eyes. You even lose a lot of hair."
Duan Jia Xu says "What do you mean big dark circles under my eyes, losing a lot of hair. Don't start a fight."
Sang Zhi continues to say "If now I am twenty nine years old, I'll be three years older than you. My Ge supposedly wouldn't hit you. Qian Fei Ge supposedly wouldn't scold you to be a rogue."
"It wouldn't do," Duan Jia Xu says "Ge Ge likes a younger one."
"....." Sang Zhi wipes her tears and says "Then what if I turn older?"
"Even you are older, you would be still younger than me."
Sang Zhi doesn't refute.
Duan Jia Xu finds this hilarious, saying, "You're crying because you're young, are you trying to 'stab me in the heart'?"
Seeing him smile, Sang Zhi hugs his neck tighter. She moves her head closer to his ear. She calls him in a low voice "Duan Jia Xu".
"Em."
"Are you happy now?"
"Em."
Sang Zhi says very seriously "Then you need to be happy everyday."
The next moment, Duan Jia Xu throws his head towards her face. He rubs the tip of his nose against her cheek. "Then you should stay by my side every day."
———
At first, Duan Jia Xu wants to take Sang Zhi back to her dormitory, but from the start, Sang Zhi doesn't want to go home. Her mood is much better now. She doesn't let him carry her anymore, she just gets off his back.
Both of them are chatting with each other. Duan Jia Xu is silent for a while, then asks, "Is there anyone talking to you?"
Sang Zhi doesn't want to tell him, she shakes her head and says "Today I heard from my roommate that after graduation she would break up with her boyfriend because they are in different places."
"......."
"Also, there're lots of undetermined factors." Sang Zhi says, "I also don't know what are our undetermined factors, so I just think about us, it seems to be an age difference."
"Why are you unsure of our age difference?"
"It's just the time you take me to meet someone, would you be embarrassed to say that this is your girlfriend? Because after you say it, they might respond, 'Oh, I thought that was your daughter'- "
He uses to her habit to exaggerate, Duan Jia Xu laughs "It's okay, I feel it sounds......."
"Em?"
"I would be proud."
".........."
———
Sang Zhi has come to Duan Jia Xu's house several times, so she has clothes there and doesn't have to go back to the dormitory. She has only a few classes left these days and is waiting for exam week.
She enters the master bedroom, and Sang Zhi takes out a clean cloth to change. She looks at the time, it's the same time she calls Li Ping. She calls Li Ping and chats for a while, then hangs up.
Sang Zhi sits down on the bed and daydreams for a while. Then she releases her breath. She stands up and thinks of something. After that she goes to the bathroom to take a shower. When she is done, she takes her phone again and sends a message to Sang Yan.
[TEXT]
[Sang Zhi: Ge Ge, help me.]
Sang Yan doesn't answer right away. She waits a while, then puts the phone down. She uses her towel to dry her hair.
This time it's not really late, it's just 09:00 p.m.
In the bedroom, Sang Zhi could hear Duan Jia Xu watching TV in the living room. She leaves the living room and plans to stay with him for a while. When it's time, she plans to go back to the bedroom to sleep.
Duan Jia Xu has also just finished his shower. He is not really watching, just listening and playing with his phone.
Sang Zhi sits down on the sofa, moving closer to him to watch. She doesn't really know what he's playing either. She could smell the faint scent of peppermint on him.
"I really like the scent of your new shower gel".
"Em."
"What brand is it?" Sang Zhi says, "I also want to buy a bottle."
"Why should you buy it?" Duan Jia Xu lifts up his eyes and says "Couldn't you smell it from my body?"
The next moment, Duan Jia Xu grabs her hand and pulls her into his embrace. Laughing, he adjusts his position and continues to hug her as he plays his game. "I'll let you come closer so you can smell me more."
Sang Zhi just stays in his embrace. She says nothing and just watches him playing game.
His fingers are long, his fingers are thin and slender. His nails are neatly trimmed. Sang Zhi never plays the hat game, so she doesn't really understand it. Duan Jia Xu doesn't play seriously either, so if she asked him, he would answer her patiently.
The atmosphere inside the narrow living room is silent and peaceful.
Duan Jia Xu moves slowly.
After a new round has finished, Sang Zhi wants to get up and goes back to her bedroom to get her phone. She wants to download the same game to play. But Duan Jia Xu just lets go of his phone and it falls on her thigh.
Then it falls down to the carpet.
Then he kisses her neck.
Duan Jia Xu's breath becomes ragged, his hand begins to penetrate her pyjamas, touching and massaging her stomach. His breath splashes on her skin. He continues to kiss her.
Sang Zhi's mind goes blank, she looks at him. Just like he expects, the next second Duan Jia Xu holds her head and kisses her lips. His tongue starts to explore her mouth. He kisses her and bites her lips.
After a while, he takes out his hand and tidies up her pajama's top. He tries to control his breath.
Duan Jia Xu says "If I was not afraid to scare you...."
He pretends he can't get rid of his anger, his lips sliding down to bite her collarbone. He licks it.
"Now you would cry a lot."