I was staring at his tombstone for I don't know how long. I was here in kanina pang umaga at iniwan muna ang mag ina ko sa bahay namin.
Today is my Dad's death anniversary. It's been a year since he died because of lung cancer as he also didn't take the chemotherapy to treat or rather, prolong his life. I was devastated for the past months after niyang mawala and eventually got back up again, thanks to my fiancée and daughter who lifted me up. They're also devastated like me but they managed to be strong.
Hindi ko pa rin tanggap pagkawala ni Papa hanggang ngayon. In his last days, tinupad talaga namin ang gusto nito mangyari. We did the things that we enjoyed together when I was a kid with my family.
Masakit man but I have to accept that people we love don't stay with us forever kahit na gusto mo pa sila makasama ng matagal. Remember to enjoy every last bit with your loved ones dahil hindi natin alam ang mangyayari in the future.
"Hello, Pa." mahina kong saad habang pinupunasan ang luha. "Walang pinagbago, naiyak pa rin ako tuwing bumibisita sa 'yo."
"Kamusta ka na diyan, Pa? I hope you're doing okay there. Miss na miss ka na ni Astrid." Naiyak kong usal at napayuko habang nakaluhod sa puntod nito. Masakit pa rin kahit na matagal na siyang nawawalay sa amin.
"She always asks me to visit you everyday after ng school niya niya pero dahil sa mga preparations for our wedding, hindi na medyo natutupad." Kwento ko habang pinupunasan ang luha.
Yes, Papa didn't make it to walk me into the aisle. Ang aga nitong nawala and hindi namin alam na ganun na pala ka-severe ang kalagayan nito. Nalaman na lang namin na Papa didn't make it. Si Sidra na ang nag announced sa aming mag ina.
"Sidra still blames herself sa pagkawala mo. But, I'll try my very best to say na wala siyang kasalanan dahil wala naman talaga." Ngumiti ako sa lapidang nakaukit ang pangalan ni Papa at ang birthday nito doon. Wala sa sariling hinaplos ko iyon as the wind started to blow.
"Ikakasal na ako bukas, Pa. I just want to tell you na kahit nasa taas ka na, guide us pa rin sa lahat ng mangyayari. Alam ko naman na hindi niyo ako pababayaan," sabi kong muli ng naiyak.
"I'm sorry that you didn't make it to walk me in the aisle. I-Imagine ko na lang na ikaw 'yung nasa tabi ko habang hinahatid ako ni Tito Ethan at ni Mama." Natatawa kong saad at patuloy lang na pinunasan ang luha.
"Mommy!"
Napatigil ako sa pagtangis ng marinig ang tinig na iyon ni Astrid bago bumaling sa kanila ng may maliit na ngiti. Kasama nito ngayon si Sidra na ngayon ay hawak ang susi ng motor niya. Kumunot ang aking noo sa nakita.
"You drove here ng naka motor, Sidra?" Hindi makapaniwala kong usal kaya napakamot ito sa ulo before she sheepishly smiled at me.
"I-I..."
"Gosh! Paano kung may mangyari dyan sa anak mo, pati na rin sa 'yo? Hindi na lang 'yung kotse ang dinala mo." Nawala na ang mga luha sa aking mata dahil sa nasaksihan at inis na nag aalalang tumingin sa mag ina ko.
"Astrid wants to ride my bike that's why—"
"Pinagbigyan mo pa talaga, you know how dangerous it is!. Sinasabi ko talaga sa 'yo, Sidra Exie." Nagbabanta kong usal kaya napakamot na lang ulit siya ng ulo.
"Sorry. Gusto ko lang naman pagbigyan si Astrid," sabi nito at tumingin sa anak na ngayon ay lumalapit sa akin.
"Mommy, don't be mad at Mama. I asked her to ride her bike with me. It looks fun kasi," paliwanag nito kaya napaluhod ako para pantayan ang mukha nito. I pinched her cheeks and scrunched my nose dahil sa panggigigil dito.
"Be glad that you are cute," bumaling ako kay Sidra at ngumiti dito, "Sorry. Nag alala lang ako."
Umiling ito at hinalikan ang aking noo, "It's okay, love. I understand. Why are you here so early, though?"
Tumingin ulit ako sa puntod ni Papa, "Just want to say a few words to my Dad. Bibili na rin sana ako ng breakfast natin."
Tumango ito at tumingin din sa puntod ni Papa at lumuhod. I just watched her look at my father before I found myself tearing up at her words
"Good morning, Pa. It's Sidra." Nagsindi ito ng panibagong kandila bago muling umayos ng pagkakaluhod, "Alam niyo na naman siguro na... bukas na ang kasal namin ni Dione. Panigurado na sinabi niya na sa 'yo."
"Hindi ko pa po ata nasasabi sa inyo 'to noong buhay kayo but I want to tell you that Dione has been my strength ever since. Ngayon nadagdagan pa dahil kay Astrid."
I looked at her and saw how sincere she is while talking to my father. Kasama nito si Astrid na nakaluhod din doon while arranging her Lolo's flowers na dinala ko kanina. Hawak din nito sa isang kamay ang kamay ng Mama niya kaya para na naman lumambot ang aking puso sa nakita.
"There's no perfect marriage, Pa. But, I promise to do my best to make Dione and Astrid happy tulad ng ginagawa niyo sa kanila. You have my word, Pa."
"I'll love your daughter who will also be my soon to be wife, our daughter and all of the people they love. I promise to love them unconditionally. Until my last breath."
That's what she said barely audible but I still managed to hear it kahit na napakalakas ng kabog ng aking puso. This woman really never failed to make my heart pound sa kaniyang mga salita na sinasabi.
Well, that's because it's not just words, she's literally doing it with all her might. She's true to her words na pinapangako niya and that's what I love about her.
I can say that Sidra Exie Tuazon is the standard for me.
She made me fall for her words and actions. She made me fall for her constant patience, love and adoration she has for me.
Gosh, I love this woman.
"Is everything ready?"
Ngayon na ang wedding namin dito sa San Sebastian Church. Hindi pa nagsisimula ang ceremony pero halos mawalan na ako ng hininga sa kaba at nerbyos. Sobrang daming what ifs ang pumapasok sa isip ko idagdag pa na laging panggulo si Soleil at lalo lamang ako pinapakaba.
What if hindi pumunta si Sidra? Pero, hindi niya naman gagawin 'yon e.
Hindi na kasi kami nagkita na dalawa after namin mag breakfast kahapon at ang huling kita na namin ay 'yung nakain kami. May sinasabi kasi sila na bawal daw magkita ang ikakasal dahil sa ano... basta! Bawal daw.
Miss ko na siya.
"Huy!" Gulantang na bumaling ako kay Adira ng kulbitin ako nito. Imbes na maawa ay tinawanan pa ako ng babae na 'to kaya nahampas ko siya sa braso.
"Bakit ka ba kinakabahan?"
"E hindi ko kasi alam e! First ko 'to, 'no?" Maligalig kong usal at hindi na naman mapakali. Inis ha!
"Malamang naman. Isang beses lang naman tayong kinakasal." Pabalang na turan nito kaya nahampas ko muli siya.
"Ouch!" Maarte na usal nito at inayos ang suot na gown. Siya kasi ang maid of honor na napili ko dahil ayoko naman na si Noah. Ayoko sa kaniya e.
Hinawi pa nito ang buhok at maarteng nagpaypay kaya napamaang ako. Tingnan mo 'to, hindi naman siya 'yung ikakasal, mas maganda pa sa akin.
"Ikaw ba 'yung ikakasal, Adira?"
Naguguluhan itong tumingin sa akin bago umiling. Nabatukan ko nga, "E ba't parang mas maganda ka pa sa akin?"
Namewang ito at tinuro ako, "Hindi... ko kasalanan 'yon." Ngumisi ito at nagyabang pa kaya kamuntikan ko na itong sabunutan buti na lang ay natawag na ako ni Mama. Pasalamat siya.
I squinted my eyes at her pero umirap lang ito at bumaling na sa mga pinsan na kasama. Bumaling naman ako kay Mama na inaayos na naman ang buhok ko, na akala mo ay kasing tigas ng bato. Ang tigas niya talaga.
"Ma, kanina mo pa inaayos 'yan." Masungit kong usal pero napapadyak na lang ito at inayos pa rin ang buhok ko.
Sige. Bahala ka, buhay mo 'yan.
"Dione." Maya maya ay sabi nito. Tumingala ako sa kaniya dahil naka heels ito ngayon at sobrang tangkad nito sa akin ngayon. Ito rin ang hindi ko gets minsan e. Sa dami dami ng pwede kong mamana kay Mama, bakit hindi 'yung height niya? Hindi ko ma gets minsan. Nakuha ko lang pagiging maingay niya e.
"Hm?"
"I want to warn you that marriage is not that easy, hm? But gawin mo lahat ng kaya mo to make it happy. Always try to communicate with Sidra kung wala kayong pagkakaunawaan and... always trust each other."
Hindi niya man sinasabi, alam ko ang pinapahiwatig niya sa sinasabi niya. Ayaw niya kaming matulad sa naging failed marriage nila ni Papa. Magkakaroon ng hindi pagkakaintindihan, hindi naman maiiwasan 'yan but we'll do our best na maayos din agad iyon. Lalo na ngayon may anak na kami, pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi magagaya sa akin ang anak ko na sinasaktan niya ang sarili. Hindi ko hahayaan.
Tumango ako kay Mama at ngumiti, "Of course, Ma."
Akmang aalis na ito when she stopped at tumingin sa akin, "I a-also want to apologize if I made the wrong decision by having an affair when I am still with your father. If I could just---"
"Ma..." Pigil ko dito, "It's all in the past na. No need to apologize. Okay na tayo."
She smiled at me bago namin marinig sa coordinator, na nag a-assist sa amin, na magsisimula na daw.
Muli akong tumingin kay Mama, na siyang ikinangiti nito, "Off you go, anak. Sidra's waiting for you in the aisle."
"She's here?"
Natawa si Mama habang natango, "She was so nervous to the point na naisip niya na baka hindi ka sumipot. Gosh, that girl is head over heels for you."
Napailing na lang ako at inilingan si Mama. Napahinga ako ng malalim at nginitian ang mga kasama ko bago pumunta sa pinakalikod.
Nagsimula na tumunog ang wedding song na pina-request noon ni Sidra kaya na rin mag lakad ang mga guest na in-invite namin.
After long minutes, nakita ko si Mama at Tito Ethan na nasa may pinto ng simbahan as I walk towards them. They both gave me a smile before they started to escort me on the way to the aisle.
Una kong tiningnan ang mga pinsan ni Adira na napalakpak habang pinapanood ako na maglakad hanggang sa inangat ko ang tingin to see my Sidra together with her mother and sister.
I could see that tears filled her eyes while looking at me. She is also wearing a long white gown, and her hair is tied in a crown braid. She's more beautiful than I ever thought. Hindi ko alam na mas may igaganda pa siya.
Hanggang sa makarating kami sa altar, I felt that both Mama and Tito Ethan hugged me before giving me a kiss on both sides of my head. Napaluha ako sa gesture ng dalawa kong kasama at niyakap din sila.
"I'm very proud of you, my baby." Mama whispered kaya nginitian ko ito at hinalikan ang pisngi nito. Nginitian ko naman si Tito Ethan bago nito inilahad ang kamay ko kay Sidra who now looks awestruck while looking at me.
She came back on track when Mama patted her shoulders as a sign to welcome the family. She bowed her head to Mama and said, "Thank you, Ma. I promise to take care of her."
Ngumiti lang si Mama at bumalik na sa kinauupuan habang inaalalayan ni Tito.
Sidra and I look at each other before giving a smile to one another. Hinaplos nito ang aking mukha as tears are still visible in her eyes. Pinunasan nito ang luha na nalabas sa akin at hinalikan ang aking noo.
"You look beautiful, my love." sabi nito bago ako igiya sa harap ni Father. He instructed all of us to sit down dahil magsisimula na itong magsalita to officially start the ceremony.
He ended his speech before he started to tell us our vows. Tumayo kami at kinuha naman ni Sidra ang mic kay Father bago ako ngitian ng malaki. She let out a deep breath before starting her vows.
"Dione Chavez, the love of my life, my anchor, the only woman that I've ever loved, bukod kay Mommy at... Soleil. You have made me the happiest and luckiest person alive by agreeing to be with me for the rest of our lives. I vow to love you and Astrid for eternity. You are the strength that I didn't know I would be needing in my life. Today, I chose to spend the rest of my life in your arms. I love you."
I looked at her face and my heart is sure to flutter as my tears never stop falling because of the overflowing emotions I'm feeling. I am so happy. Hinawakan ko ang mukha nito na nagpapikit sa kaniya.
"Sidra Tuazon, my love, my person, my happiness. I love you and that'll never change. I promise to love you till my last breath. Give me your horrible hair days, lengthy commutes, burnt coffee, and misplaced keys. Offer me your every day, and I'll offer you my love to make everything better."
Binalik ko kay Father ang mic bago lapitan si Sidra at punasan ang luha na walang tigil sa pag agos sa maganda nitong mukha. Hindi na napigilan nito at nilagay na ang ulo sa aking balikat at doon humagulgol.
"Don't cry." Usal ko hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Astrid sa amin habang binibigay ang singsing sa amin. We both kneeled down as we both kissed the side of her head as a thank you.
"Thank you, princess." malambot na tinig na sabi ni Sidra dito na ikinangiti lang ni Astrid.
We both wore our rings to each other when the priest told us to do so. Ngumiti kami sa isa't isa hanggang sa ina-announce na ng pari ang kanina pa namin hinihintay. Father gave us both a smile.
"With the power invested in me by San Sebastian, I now pronounce you as married. You may now kiss the bride."
All of the guests in the church started to cheer and clap as they witnessed the short but sweet and full of love kiss we gave to each other.
Pareho kaming bumaling sa madla ng magkahawak kamay bago namin nararamdaman ang yakap ni Astrid sa aming binti. Binuhat ni Sidra ang anak habang pinupugpog ng halik ang mukha nito.
I just looked at my wife and daughter as both of their faces were filled with joy and happiness. Hindi ko mapigilan na mapaluha sa nasasaksihan dahil sa saya nararamdaman.
Narinig namin ang iilang tawag sa amin na nagc-congratulate sa kakatapos lang na ceremony. Puro thank you lang ang sinasabi namin habang ang mga kamay namin ay magkahawak pa rin.
Dumating naman ang ni-hired na photographer ni Sidra to take our pictures. Simula sa mga bisita na pinapunta ni Sidra, sa mga pinsan namin, pamilya at kaming tatlo nila Astrid.
"Now, the newly weds po!"
Binitawan muna namin si Astrid at binigay sa Tita niya bago kami nagkatinginan ni Sidra dahil iyon ang in-instruct sa amin ng photographer.
Ngumiti kami, not minding the cheers we are hearing from our family lalong lalo na 'yung nakakainis na tili ni Noah kasama ang jowa niya. She held both of my hands and kissed me on the lips while the photographer continued to capture every moment.
"I am so happy, my love." She uttered after the kiss as I let her hover my lips with hers. Pinagdikit ko ang noo namin at ngumiti, "I love you, my Dione. I can't promise you that this will be perfect but I'm telling you that this will be the happiest for both of us. I'll do everything to give you the world you want."
Umiling ako, "Being with you is enough for me to be happy, Sidra. I will also do my best to make you and Astrid happy. That's a promise for a lifetime. I love you."
She smiled at me and show me her pinky, "Until forever?"
I chuckled because of her childishness but also showed my pinky to intertwined it with her, "Until forever."
Marami na ang nangyari sa amin. Some of us cried, suffered but also became happy after all those hardships. Those things that have happened to us, it's probably a test for us to see how love can conquer it all. And yeah, we made it.
Sidra and I are now happy together with our daughter Astrid. Just like we said to our vows, we promise both to ourselves that our love will last until our last breath.
The End.