She does not see Hanni for three weeks. The shoot goes on hiatus after the beach, and Hyein assigns them to go on promotional tours separately. Hanni does TV and web, while Minji does radio and print, and the first couple of days are so packed Minji doesn't even see them go past, the hours going by in a blur.
Hanni calls on the third night, just as Minji slips into bed and turns out the light. "Hanni?" she greets sleepily, burrowing into the covers. "How was your day?"
"Like Hyein was trying to kill me," says Hanni, yawning at the other end, and Minji tempers her smile, trying not to imagine Hanni with her eyes closed, sleepily mumbling into her phone. "TV is exhausting. Is yours any better?"
"If it's any consolation, shoots for print go for hours."
"God I'm so excited to see your cover."
"It's not going to be a cover - it's just a picture, Jesus Hanni-"
"Whatever," Hanni says, letting out a small giggle. "I miss your face."
Hanni herself does something about that - when she tires of the texts and the phone calls, she shifts to video calls at the end of the week. Minji fumbles with her laptop - How the hell does this work even? - and Hanni's laughing when her face comes on, and Oh.
"Hello," says Minji, a bit formally. She adjusts herself in front of the screen, suddenly self-conscious. "Can you see me?"
Hanni laughs harder, her face on the screen stuttering. "Yes," she says, coming closer. "How's this?" Damn. Pixelated and all, Hanni sure is-"Are you touching your computer screen, Minji?" she teases, and Minji jerks her hand back, as if burned. "Miss me that much?"
"Hanni." Ahead of the blush that she's sure would overwhelm her face, Minji reaches over to close her laptop halfway, careful not to shut it completely, so she could still hear Hanni talking.
"Where are you going? Minji! Come on," Hanni's saying, interrupted by fits of giggling. "Come on. Come back. Please?"
(Minji returns after a few moments, but not without turning off the lights first; she hopes the dark would disguise her reddening cheeks.)
*
Minji warms to it eventually; by midway the following week, it becomes an ordinary thing - like a literal window sitting on the hotel desk under the television.
"What was on today?" asks Hanni, and Minji walks over to her laptop, toothbrush already in her mouth. "You're getting ready for bed already?"
Minji shrugs, before walking out of Hanni's line of sight to spit the toothpaste out of her mouth. Like this, it almost feels like Hanni's right there in the room with her - all things considered, it's not a bad feeling.
"Minji?"
"Yeah? Hang on." Minji pulls her hair up hurriedly in a bun before picking her laptop off the table and bringing it to bed with her. "Sorry. You were saying?"
"Aww you're comfy," Hanni coos. "It makes me feel so grimy and sweaty in comparison."
Minji scrunches up her nose, sticking her tongue out playfully at Hanni. "Too much to do today?"
"No, the sweat's from this evening's workout, actually."
Well, that's new. "From what?" asks Minji again, unable to hide her disbelief. "Did you just engage in some form of exercise?"
"Whatever Minji, I feel fat."
"Ridiculous."
"Wanna see?"
"Hanni."
"We should work out together some time."
"But you hate physical exertion."
"Not if they're with you."
Oh jesus. "You're not fat," she says instead, changing the subject.
"And you're not here," says Hanni.
And it shouldn't be a problem, Minji knows as much - only it kind of is.
*
@honeyhanni: Script's here! @minjibear have you seen page... =) pic.twitter.com/1L8fpK65sd
@minjibear: @honeyhanni time to work!
*
The first time Hanni falls asleep halfway through a video call, they're doing a read-through. Hanni says she'll close her eyes for a minute, and then she's gone. Minji stares on, trying not to laugh at Hanni's sleepy form, barely visible in the half-light of her room, cities away.
Minji takes a picture. How's this for a change? she asks herself, though she feels ridiculous for even thinking about posting it. She isn't even here, Minji tries telling herself, though she cannot really un-see Hanni anyhow - the way she's huddled up with her knees to her chest on the chair; the way her hair falls on her shoulders, a blanket thrown haphazardly across her body.
She isn't here. Minji takes a last look at her photo before deciding not to delete it.
*
@honeyhanni: Check out my girl @minjibear on acting and passion and sleeping on the set! Haha! soundcloud.com/Minji-kim-is-havi... I miss your voice!
@minjibear: @honeyhanni we were just talking last night!
@honeyhanni: @minjibear =)
*
And so it goes: Hanni's the first stop for the day, and the last at night, and it's horrible, really, Minji thinks - there's just no way this could end unmessily, and yet.
And yet, here they are: Hanni's texting in the middle of a photo shoot, and Minji tries to keep replying while in the middle of make-up preps before going on-air. On television.
"I'm so nervous."
"Nervous?"
"You say that because you've been on these things an awful lot. What if they don't like me?"
"God, Minji. How could anyone not like you? Relax."
What's all these anyone's if none of them... Minji blinks, catching herself just in time. "Thanks, Hanni."
"I'm nothing if not head cheerleader," she says, and in her head, Minji sees Hanni grinning brightly, and oh, just that flutter in her stomach again, as memories of the beach come rushing back in-
God, like any of that helps. Get a grip, Minji.
"What are you wearing?" asks Minji instead, trying to change the topic.
"God, warn a girl about these questions," says Hanni, and oh Christ, Minji thinks. That sounded horrible, didn't it? "But hang on, let me post something."
You were asking for it. Minji taps her fingers nervously against the dresser, waiting for Hanni. Make-up and hair done, all that's left for Minji is this agonized waiting, and.
@honeyhanni: Well @minjibear was asking what I was wearing to today's shoot so. Here's hoping it doesn't disappoint pic.twitter.com/Gty75dpE3n
@minjibear: @honeyhanni pretty!
@honeyhanni: @minjibear what are *you* wearing? =)
@minjibear: Giddy and nervous. Going on-air in a few! pic.twitter.com/mNc2BfxUQ8 =) @honeyhanni xx
@honeyhanni: Did you guys see @minjibear on the Night Show? That dress tho! gorgeous
*
Hanni's on her feed so often, it almost feels like she's always there.
At some point, she tries wheedling Minji into Snapchat - "Like Instagram, but temporary," Hanni tries explaining, much to Minji's added confusion, before adding helpfully: "Suppose I'd want to send you nudes, at least it dissolves itself in x seconds."
To which Minji just replies: "Way to sell a baffling piece of social media to me, Hanni," her throat dry as fuck.
*
When the promo run ends and they're all called back to base, it's in time for Hyein's birthday. Hanni lands back in town way ahead of Minji - she finishes her rounds early, and Minji knows by way of paparazzi that Hanni has some time to spare for her actual real life friends.
And by actual real life friends, Minji means Jiwon.
Okay, so to be clear - Minji's pretty sure she isn't even entitled to feel this way about a stolen snapshot - Minji sees it on the Internet, Hanni rushing through the airport with Jiwon beside her, carrying her bag - but it's not like she could deny the existence of that distinct decked-in-the-chest feel, either.
Minji gives herself a moment to let that pulsing sensation ebb - it's not real - before scrolling past the photo and going offline for a couple of hours, distracting herself with a card game on her mobile instead.
(When Minji sees Hanni's actual post, it's almost time for bed, and Minji has managed to stay away from social media for the better part of the night. The photo was posted four hours prior - it's a selfie of Hanni and Jiwon in a brightly lit restaurant, presumably for dinner and catch-up conversation. Hanni's caption was a short, 'Look who's home!' but to Minji it reads so much longer.)
(For the first time in so long, there are no phone calls. Minji stares at her suitcase, packed neatly in the corner, until sleep tugs at her eyelids.)
*
And it's not even that Minji does not have friends - she does, few and far between as they are, but it's not like they are around. Except of course for Danielle, who managed to land in the same network as Minji a couple of years back, and even then they'd been working as if they're worlds apart.
"At least I'd see you at Hyein's birthday," says Minji to Danielle, striking up a conversation hours after landing. "You *are* coming, right?"
In true Danielle fashion, she calls instead of texts. "Of course," says Danielle, getting into it without a hello. To Minji, she sounds almost breathless - like she'd been climbing stairs. "You walking on the red carpet on Hanni's arm? Wouldn't miss that for the world. I bet I'd get a bazillion Instagram likes if I take a photo." There's a slight laugh that follows it; Danielle's always teasing, and Minji has somehow even missed it.
"Shut up," Minji says, for the lack of anything more insightful to say. "You shooting?"
"We're breaking for Hyein's birthday weekend."
"Oh thank god," says Minji. And then, off Danielle's laugh: "Come to dinner?"
"Like you can be seen outside with anyone who isn't Hanni?"
"What?" Minji blinks. What are you even talking about? "No, that's not-"
"What?" It's Danielle's turn to register her surprise. "The way your social media was going - I thought it was a strategy."
Strategy? Minji feels that muted stabbing sensation starting up in her chest. "It wasn't," she offers. Or was it? She tries not to remember the way Hanni looked in her photo with Jiwon. Was this how a completely agenda-less picture looked? Minji winces at the word agenda.
"Was that how it looked?" she asks again.
There's a long pause before Danielle begins laughing softly. "Oh Minji," she just says, and Minji hears the exact moment that something clicks in Danielle's head. "What have you done?"
*
Danielle comes to dinner, preferring to have it in Minji's apartment instead.
"I'm not doing the whole dinner out thing with you until I'm completely sure what I'm getting into," she tells Minji, walking into Minji's flat with casserole in her hand. "Your social media brigade is insane."
Minji steps aside, beckoning Danielle to come in with a small wave. They're in their house clothes - just like old times, she thinks, closing the door and following Danielle with her eye as she pads into the kitchen, a characteristic ease about her. "I'm sorry-I guess?" says Minji, walking after her. "And thanks for dinner."
Danielle laughs, shaking her head. "Don't mention it-been a while since I last cooked for two." And then: "Tell me about Hanni."
What's this? Everyone knows Hanni. She's the network's biggest. "What do you mean -- you know Hanni," says Minji, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.
"Not the way you do, probably," says Danielle plainly.
What the fuck. "What's that supposed to mean?" Minji begins, walking closer to stand right beside her by the stove, and Danielle fiddles with the knob briefly before it comes to life. Minji's kitchen fills with the comforting smell of Danielle's familiar cooking, and Minji can't help but let her eyes close briefly.
"Jesus, look at you."
"Danielle."
"Please. You're a great actress, Minji, but a horrible liar."
Minji frowns. "You said you thought it was strategy."
"I thought it was acting. This," says Danielle, pointing to the space between them with a spatula she'd taken from Minji's cupboard earlier. "This is lying."
"How do you even know that?
"Do I or do I not play a vicious detective in what I'm currently shooting?"
Minji laughs, rolling her eyes. "I am envious of all the leather jacket in your wardrobe," she just says.
"Says the girl who was on location shoot on the beach just last month."
"You knew about that?"
Danielle nods, humming as she turned off the stove and leaned in closer to taste. "Your production assistants are gossips," she says, before offering Minji a spoonful. "Rumor has it Kim Minji and Hanni Pham are not faking it."
Minji nearly scalds her tongue on Danielle's cooking. God damn it. "And you believe them?"
"Don't get me wrong, it's not... mean gossip?" says Danielle carefully. "I think the general consensus is that the two of you are... in the words of a couple of them, unbearably cute."
"Oh god," says Minji, feeling all sorts of embarrassed. "Did you at least try to defend my honor?"
"Nothing to defend against, they all adore you," says Danielle. "Besides-I cannot exactly dispute the fact that you are unbearably cute." And then, watching Minji blowing gingerly upon the spoon before leaning back in carefully: "Casserole all right?"
"On point," says Minji, licking at her lip briefly. That Danielle is a good friend who is a good cook will never be not in Minji's favor. "Also: Did you just call me cute?"
Danielle shrugs. "It's like Hanni's rubbing off on you or something." And then, realizing her turn of phrase, Danielle starts giggling. "Rubbing off."
"If you weren't feeding me tonight, I'd kick you out," Minji just says, sighing.
*
@minjibear: Thank you @danielle for tonight's dinner pic.twitter.com/gFqeJ6TeRh
@danielle: @minjibear You're welcome. See you at Hyein's party =*
*
Hanni calls on the day of Hyein's party, and only then. Minji tries not to be so excited - Relax, it's just Hanni - as she picks up with a soft hello.
"Hey you." Hanni voice seeps in, just as softly. "Mini-holiday going all right?"
Trust Hanni to call their momentary separation a holiday - like it were something festive and loud. Minji tries not to be so slighted. "It's fine," she says. "Yours?"
"Nothing extraordinary," Hanni deadpans, and Minji almost feels bad to have taken the word holiday the way she had. "Catching up with friends?"
Friends. The way Hanni says it, it's almost like she's wrapped in a thin haze of jealousy, and god, Minji chides herself, can we stop hearing things that aren't there? "A few," says Minji. For some reason, she balks at saying, Just Danielle. "Same as you?"
"Only Jiwon," says Hanni, and Danielle's name almost comes tumbling out of Minji's mouth, like she owes Hanni that sort of honesty. "A dinner here and there."
"Ah," Minji says. Her mind is blank - she wants to tell Hanni about her day; about how she's still thinking about the beach, sometimes. But why would Hanni even want to listen to all that? Minji wonders. It's been days.
It's been days, and their rhythm has been interrupted, after all, and now Minji's back to square one and she's fidgeting.
"You coming to Hyein's party with Danielle, then?"
"What?" Minji straightens her spine against the couch, suddenly alert. I'm coming with you. Am I not? "I mean - no, it's just. She's coming and I'm coming - so we're seeing each other there, likely."
"Right."
"And you?"
"I am," says Hanni. "So. I'll see you?"
"I think," Minji says, pausing awkwardly. There is shuffling on the other end, and Minji tries not to picture Hanni, bored out of her wits and trying to look for a way out of this conversation. "Hanni. Wait."
"What?"
"I was wondering-perhaps we're expected to go together?"
"Expected."
God damn it. "That came out wrong."
There's a little laugh on the other end, and Minji imagines Hanni shaking her head. "Just blurt it out, Minji," she says, her tone finally tinged with a lightness that Minji has missed. "Would you have wanted to go together anyway? Expectations or no?"
Bet you'd set the red carpet on fire - wasn't that what Danielle had said? Minji pushes her out of her mind for the time being, thinking instead about Hanni in a beautiful dress. Oh god. Minji wonders if the butterflies now going berserk in the pit of her stomach made that a good choice of distracting thought.
"Minji?"
"Of course," says Minji softly, blinking. "In a heartbeat."
"Then I hope you're ready in three hours because I'm picking you up."
*
@honeyhanni: Happy birthday @hyein_hyeout! Hey @minjibear - red or green? pic.twitter.com/Mhy8Jejs4E
@minjibear: @honeyhanni you'd look gorgeous in either
@honeyhanni: @minjibear :* see you!
*
Once a year, Hyein gathers all of her station's talents in a Thanksgiving Dinner Ball that doubles as her birthday celebration. It's a well-attended event that often merits its own media coverage - Minji remembers the first time she'd had to attend one, it was barely three months after signing on to the network, and three weeks after she started shooting for her first show, and, needless to say, it was fucking overwhelming.
Like prom, but everyone is 100x more gorgeous, was how they'd sold it to her then.
Years later - and sitting right beside Hanni Pham on the ride over - it's still 100% true.
(Hanni, who knocked on Minji's door in a startling deep blue number; Hanni, who took Minji's face in her hands to take over doing her eyeshadow. Damn, I've always wanted to do this, Hanni just said, shushing Minji throughout)
The commotion that greets them at the carpet surprises Minji. Of course, she expected the network's entertainment anchors to be there, and maybe a handful of photographers from sister media, but nothing quite prepared her for the crowd that gathers the moment the step out of the vehicle.
"Oh," says Hanni, sizing up the mob from inside the car, slipping her hand into Minji's in her surprise. "Would you look at that."
Minji sighs, leaning closer. "Imagine how disappointing this would have been if I were the only one getting out, hm?"
Hanni laughs, tugging at Minji by the hand. "Shut up, and take a picture with me," she just says, snapping a quick one.
@honeyhanni: Here we go! (We are starving!) @minjibear xx pic.twitter.com/yVu62awuR9