I've got a heavy little secret
I'm about to fall in love with you
- let me take you away, wilhelm tell me
It's only a kiss.
It isn't even a surprise, because they mention it early on: So this is a story about two girls in love, they say. Last chance to get out. Minji remembers standing there and smiling, taking the script and saying, I don't mind. After all, it's not like a girl like her is about to balk at a challenge like that.
"It's a good story," she remembers saying, too. "I'll do it." There's clapping and hugging and people saying, We can't wait to tell you who you're working with, and Minji doesn't even remember being nervous, at the very least. Whoever it is, she just thinks, I'll do it anyway.
All considered, Minji does not have a problem with it. Until she meets Hanni.
It's not even that she doesn't like Hanni – Hanni's one of the good ones. Can act with a quirk of her brow, or the quiver of her lip, and don't even get Minji started about that thing Hanni could do with her eyes.
(And then, there's Hanni's laugh.)
Yet despite being actually all that, Hanni is never late – Minji's heard horrible diva gossip about actresses their age, and truth be told, she'd braced herself for something like that with Hanni, only to be proven wrong. Despite the ungodly hours, Hanni has always seemed to manage her temper, and she is always considerate, always walking around with an extra cup of coffee for Minji.
What's not to like, really? She has great eyes, and is actually, quite absurdly beautiful. She never touches Minji without telling her first where her hands are going to be (I am going to touch you here, then here – is that okay babe?), and Minji thinks it's so polite and endearing, like Hanni is always on her side.
Relax, Hanni would murmur, hand high on Minji's thigh. This is just me.
Yet always Minji trembles anyway.
The first time around, Minji chalks it up to the outdoor weather – their first kiss happens on a lakeshore, surrounded by trees, and they're damp from the rain. The skies are overcast and the wind is chilly, and Minji just thinks, of course it's the weather when Hanni moves in to kiss her finally and she shivers under Hanni's cold hands wrapped gently around her neck.
They do it in three takes, and afterwards Hanni wraps the towel she is handed around Minji first. "You're shaking," she just says, off the question in Minji's eyes. "You all right?"
"Yeah," Minji manages eventually. "You?"
Hanni smiles. "That nose bump thing was a killer," she says instead, leaning back in to press a playful peck on Minji's cheek, laughing as she pulls away to start walking back to her trailer. "See you later at dinner!"
Minji nods, swallowing hard, watching her move away, a hand against her cheek. Of course, it's only a kiss. And it's only a show, and it's only acting. Yet how would ignore the drumming inside her chest?
It's not even that she likes Hanni – except that she does.
(It's only a kiss. But it is a problem, nevertheless.)
*
Weeks pass between the shoot and the episode airing, and Minji watches it over dinner at Hanni's flat. They're all housed near the studio where they have been taping these days, and though Hanni lives three floors down, Minji doesn't mind hanging out, not really. The weeks between have been comfortable at best – like Hanni's almost a friend, which shouldn't be so bad, considering how they have been spending more hours in a day pretending to be lovers.
Tonight, though, Hanni's just Hanni – she's lounging on the couch beside Minji, wearing an oversized shirt and eating chicken wrap for dinner.
"Holy shit."
Minji looks up from her pasta, surprised at Hanni's cursing as the first few minutes of the episode flash on the TV. "Hm?"
"They're airing the kiss tonight."
"They are?" asks Minji.
"I recognize this editing," says Hanni, before: "Oh, here we are. That's the dirt road to the lake! And that's you!" Hanni giggles at that, and Minji leans forward, squinting at the screen. "You look so cute on your bike."
"Check out how shaky my handles are," says Minji, laughing nervously, and when Hanni moves, Minji feels their knees touch. It puts goosebumps along her arms. "I always wanted a re-shoot of that."
"I think they didn't want to let go of how authentically nervous you looked," Hanni teases. "Which, by the way – nice touch."
Minji rolls her eyes. "I haven't been on a bike in ages, Hanni. The danger was real."
"Sssshhh," says Hanni, pointing to the screen. Night has fallen and now their characters are huddled together on a mat under a tree, waiting out an ill-timed thunderstorm. "God, do you remember how cold this was?"
Minji lets out a shudder; she does, that night was chilly as fuck, but that's not what puts the shake in her shoulder, not really. Beside her, Hanni is looking intently at the screen, almost like she's evaluating the scene, her lips moving slightly with the dialogue, and Minji has to look away upon realizing that she's staring. Fuck.
On-screen Hanni says, Maybe life should be about more than just surviving, and fuck, Minji thinks. Here we go.
"Here we go," Hanni mutters, elbowing Minji lightly, and Minji holds her breath.
The final cut puts the kiss at maybe twenty seconds long – it's much shorter than Minji remembers, and though she does not entirely remember doing that nose bump thing that Hanni raved about, seeing that moment played out does fill her with warm memories.
Shit. Minji breathes out only as the moment is broken and the show goes into commercial.
There's a moment of still and quiet before Hanni finally screams. "That was gorgeous!" she says, tackling Minji into the couch, arms around Minji's shoulders. "God. We should totally take a photo of us right now – we would break the Internet!"
"Hanni," says Minji, struggling to get the sound out with Hanni heavy on top of her.
"I mean, look," Hanni says, lifting her head temporarily off Minji to reach for her phone. "We're trending. Have been all night."
"We're sitting on your couch in our pajamas. I look like a mess – unlike some people, I don't look nice when I'm disheveled."
Hanni sticks her tongue out. "Whatever," she says, pulling Minji back up with her and tugging Minji's hair loose from her ponytail. "You look fine with your hair down." Hanni runs her hand into it once, pushing some of it away from Minji's face. "There. Now come closer."
"We're still taking a photo?"
Hanni holds her phone at arm's length. "Ugh, fuck it, let me climb onto you for a bit—there. Don't move." Minji puts a hand on her forehead to disguise just how flustered she is, and Hanni just grins smugly at the screen before snapping it.
"There," says Hanni, after a while. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Minji breathes in – Hanni's still so close. "Um, you're still on my lap, actually," she points out, and she freezes at the feel of Hanni pushing back against her. Too warm, too warm, too—
"This is actually quite comfortable."
Fuck. Minji forces a laugh out, just to salvage the moment. "Get off my lap, Hanni."
"Fine," Hanni says, pouting as she slides off Minji and onto the couch, phone in hand. "Uploading, uploading—done."
"You should call Haerin to inform him we're wrecking the Internet tonight," says Minji, slipping her phone out in kind to see what Hanni has posted.
@honeyhanni: Now *that's* a kiss. Totally worth the wait @minjibear xx pic.twitter.com/E5hf7jpKoT
Right on cue, Hanni's phone starts ringing, and Minji's phone starts beeping, and at the time Minji doesn't quite know what hit them, not just yet.
*
Of course, it goes viral; nothing like a small, grainy photo from the actress's phone herself to jumpstart a minor Internet breakdown. When Minji wakes the following morning, Hanni has already sent her several screenshots of the previous night's Internet shenanigans, and Minji is almost too mortified to open her own social media.
Minji has just slipped back into bed with her cup of tea when her phone starts ringing. Hanni.
"Good morning," Hanni greets. "You're up early."
Minji yawns. "As are you," she says. "Tea?" She can't quite remember when it became so ordinary for Hanni to call so early in the morning.
"Coffee now," says Hanni. "Did you get my screencaps?"
Minji chuckles. "You're insane, Hanni. It's like you spawned a little revolution."
"Well. Haerin was happy about it," she says. "Or at least, happy enough to want to take us out to lunch today."
Minji feels her brow lift at that. Hyein, their show's producer, has been a really hard read; she doesn't quite know if she's doing well or not. Well, at least she's happy about this one thing. "Lunch, huh?"
"One of her chef friends is opening this new restaurant downtown—"
"You are not talking about—"
"Yes, I am totally talking about The Restaurant Company."
"Holy shit." Minji sits up straighter in bed, tea in her hand now growing lukewarm.
"So. Eleven? What the fuck are we wearing?"
"I don't know. Is it a dress up thing?"
"When has a function with Hyein not been a dress up thing?"
Minji groans. She had been looking forward to this day as a laidback one – no makeup, no hair, just tea in bed and maybe a book. "I think all my clothes are in the laundry."
"Come over and check my closet out?"
Minji considers the suggestion briefly, before actually remembering that one time she shared a dressing room with Hanni. That was... interesting, Minji recalls, though the struggle not to stare as Hanni slipped in and out of clothing is something she'd rather not relive.
"I'll think of something," Minji says instead. "Eleven, right?"
*
Hanni is already in the lobby when Minji steps out of the elevator, and she sees the exact moment that Hanni lights up upon meeting Minji's eyes.
"Hey," Hanni greets, leaning in to kiss Minji's cheek. "You look amazing."
Minji swallows hard as Hanni tugs at her lapels, smoothing them. "As do you," she just says softly, looking Hanni's dress over – red and criminally short, which is actually par for the course, as far as Hanni is concerned, but still, Minji just swallows harder. "Should we go?" she asks as she looks away. "It's almost eleven."
"Hyein's driver is out front," says Hanni. "You ready?"
Not that Minji ever is, but she nods anyway, breath taken as Hanni grabs her by the wrist and pulls her out of the door and toward Hyein's car.
It's one of Hyein's smaller sedans, and Minji feels Hanni press against her as she closes the door. Christ. Hanni then threads an arm into hers, hand coming to rest upon Minji's knee warmly. Well, shit.
"You all right?" Hanni asks, squeezing lightly.
Minji nods, and, as if to prove she's a functioning human inside a moving vehicle, Minji slides her phone out for show. "I believe it's my turn to start the Internet breakdown for today," she says, tilting her head just so. Hanni follows suit, though in that split-second it takes Minji to actually take the photo, Hanni manages to turn her head.
When the frame freezes, Minji's winking at the screen, and Hanni's leaning in looking like she's about to kiss her, and Jesus Christ, Hanni really knows how to work this.
"How does it look?" asks Hanni, leaning in and trying to get a glimpse of Minji's screen. Minji relents and hands her phone over. "Damn, we look good."
"Would that make Hyein as happy?" asks Minji, and Hanni just laughs.
"Only one way to find out," she says, handing Minji's phone back, a smug grin on her lips; a challenge in her eye.
@minjibear: otw to lunch with the amazing @honeyhanni in a few :) pic.twitter.com/KL8jgT4anM
*
("Who uses 'otw' really?" Hanni teases, as she helps Minji out of the car.)
*
The Restaurant Company's interiors are as breathtaking as promised, and they are greeted at the door with flowers. Hanni lets out a soft giggle, and Minji blushes as she takes the bouquet and cradles it in one hand, resting her other hand at the small of Hanni's back out of habit, ushering her past the threshold.
They are led into a small room at the back. The place is surprisingly well-lit, much to Minji's surprise – their table is beside a huge window that opens to a view of a pond.
"This place is amazing," Hanni murmurs, and when Minji looks at her, she's already picking up a note from the table. "It's from Hyein – Have a great lunch, my two beautiful unnies!!! <33. –Hyein."
"Huh."
Hanni shrugs. "I guess she's not joining us for lunch?"
Minji lowers her bouquet on the empty chair to her right. "She's not?"
"So... it's kind of like she's paying for our date or something?"
Minji laughs. That explains the window, she thinks, peering past the pond and onto the street. Paparazzo party. "Of course," she just says. "Might as well make the most of it? I'm starving."
"Same," Hanni says, making a face as she reaches over for the menu. "What are you having?"
Hanni orders for the both of them. While they wait, they talk about the previous night's episode, and the shooting schedule for the weeks ahead. "I can't wait to go on location shooting again," says Hanni, taking a sip from her glass of water. "The studio gets kind of suffocating sometimes."
"I heard we're going to have a beach shoot soon," says Minji, and Hanni lets out a low whistle in approval. "Last I heard, it's on for the end of this month."
"Jesus Christ, I am so ready to hit the beach," Hanni says. "I don't even care that it's for work."
Minji laughs, and right on cue, their order arrives. "All work and no play?" she asks, looking at Hanni before digging in.
"Oh, never," says Hanni, picking up her fork. "All work, all play," she corrects, and Minji tries to ignore the twinkle in Hanni's eye as she says it, turning her attention back to her steak instead.
*
@honeyhanni : Thank you @hyein_hyeout for the lunch and the flowers!
I & @minjibear love @TheRestaurantCompany <3
*
Hanni likes taking pictures; she likes taking pictures a lot. She also likes sending Minji lots of stolen ones that she shoots between takes, often catching Minji napping somewhere.
"God, you could sleep anywhere, can't you?" says Hanni, grinning, and Minji just pouts until Hanni concedes to delete them. However, this was before Hanni discovered she could actually use them for show promotion. Now with Hyein's implicit approval, Minji has to fend off Hanni's insistent "May I post this?" questions every so often.
"Do what you want Hanni," Minji sighs, finally. They're in Minji's trailer, and Hanni is seated across her on the bed, browsing over her script notes. "They're your photos in your phone."
"But this is your face," says Hanni, not looking up from her script. "I don't want to invade your privacy or something."
Minji smiles. "These are all photos of me with my eyes closed. I think privacy is pretty much already out of the question." Hanni just giggles as she nudges Minji's shin with her toe. "And besides—they're not even my entire face."
"You're always sleeping with half of it covered in something."
"I should probably start covering all of it, no? As a precaution."
"Minji." And then, growing more serious: "No, really, I'm serious – the uploads are for fun, you're in no way required to just say yes all the time—"
Minji can't help the laugh that escapes her lips. Is she even serious? she wants to ask. Of course I'll always say yes.
This is you.
"I'm not—" she begins instead, and even then, Minji has to pause when Hanni lifts her head to look at her. "It's not a problem. Really."
"Even when you're sleeping?"
"Even then."
@honeyhanni: If you think she's adorable awake, you clearly haven't seen her asleep @minjibear :* pic.twitter.com/J5ghYi06f7
@minjibear: @honeyhanni :-)
*
It's not a problem, not really; Minji gets the hang of being recognized after a while, though she still gets jarred whenever she gets recognized in public as that girl who is probably dating Hanni Pham.
"Do you mind though?" Hanni asks her on the plane over to location. Earlier, they had signed autographs after being recognized together at the airport, with a couple of fans asking if they were really together. Minji can't remember how she responded, though the blush on her face must have been unmistakable. "Because if you're uncomfortable, maybe we could lay off the social media for a bit?"
Minji shakes her head. "Don't be ridiculous," she says. "Strike while the iron is hot." And it is hot – Minji knows this, and she also knows there probably is no better way to ride a wave that is peaking, so to speak. "But if you're uncomfortable—"
Hanni tugs her headphones off entirely – they're the same color as Minji's, completely coincidental, but it looks like they're also matching headphones and Minji just has to laugh at the absurdity of it all. "Me, uncomfortable?"
Minji just gives her a look. All these weeks they've spent together, and already Hanni has become comfortable enough around Minji to tell her bits and pieces of her actual life – and this is how Minji knows about the guy that Hanni has been dating for a while now.
"What about Jiwon?" says Minji, trying to pass it off as a completely casual question.
"What about Jiwon?" Hanni asks back.
Minji averts her eyes at that. Well, shit. "I'm sorry," she backtracks. "I shouldn't have—it's not my place."
Hanni shakes her head, leaning in closer. "No—really," she insists. "What about Jiwon?"
What about him, then? Minji wonders, biting down on her lip, staring at Hanni's watch. That he is dating you outside of work? That he gets the non-onscreen version of you?
That he gets the realest you?
Minji blinks, catching these thoughts running through her head. What even am I thinking?
"Minji?"
"What?" she asks, jolted for a moment as Hanni's face comes into view clearer. "Sorry. I really don't have anything to say about Jiwon."
"Except of course that you do," says Hanni. "Come on."
Minji hesitates for a moment before: "I just think between the two of us, you should be more concerned about our social media presence because you have a boyfriend?" There. I said it. Minji bites down on the tip of her tongue, like she's trying to take the taste of that last word out of her mouth.
"Jiwon is not a boyfriend."
"Just someone you're dating?"
"Just someone I'm going out with," says Hanni. "He knew what he was getting into – if he doesn't like it, then he doesn't."
Minji finds herself giving in to a slow grin at that. "Strong words," she teases. "You sure about that?"
"Not to be cocky, but—I am TV-dating a superstar, am I not?"
Minji laughs. "Nope, that would be me – I am TV-dating a superstar."
"We're clearly made for each other," says Hanni, laughing along and repositioning her headphones to cover one ear with one hand before touching Minji's on the armrest between them with the other. Minji feels her insides get cold as everything outside of her warms up with Hanni so close.
Well, shit.
"So," Hanni says again, and Minji feels herself breathing out as Hanni withdraws her hand slowly. Gently. "We're good?"
Minji nods. "Yeah," she says. "We're more than good."