Samantha's POV
You don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and your begging yourself to just hold on and be strong. That is pain.
Splashing cool water on my face seemed to bring some life back into my skin. With the water running out of the faucet in front of me, I let my fingers soak up the warmed water. My mind seemed to go blank as I stared at my reflection in the mirror but yet I didn't remove my gaze. Today was Sunday so that meant today is the day we bury my parents. The past four days have gone by in such a blur that I honestly couldn't believe it was already Sunday when I dragged myself out of bed this morning.
Thankfully I had already chosen what to wear to the funeral last night so that today may be even a fraction easier for me. The simple black dress draped across my bed next to the pair of shoes I had on the floor beneath it. I grabbed the dress by the collar and held it up in front of me so I could see myself in the full length mirror across from me.
I thought back to the first time I tried this dress on. I was in the shops with my mum and we wanted to take advantage of a day she didn't have to be at the office. I hesitated even trying on the dress because I didn't think it would suit my style but my mother reassured me I looked beautiful in it. Unfortunately I didn't know the next time I would wear it would be at her funeral.
Slipping into the dress I began to become frustrated that I couldn't fully do up the zipper in the back. I gave up soon after, quickly sinking to my knees. Everything began setting in and hitting me in one big disastrous blow. How was I supposed to get though today if I could barely get myself dressed.
The comforting arms of someone behind me began wrapping themselves around me. It didn't take my body long to recognize them as Liam's and I began to sob in his arms. I could feel my chest getting tighter and it was becoming difficult to even breath. I was completely speechless.
"Your going to be okay, we're going to get through this." Liam's words entered my mind but didn't seem to ease the pain I was feeling emotionally and physically.
"This doesn't even feel real, how could something like this happen to someone?" I sobbed inhaling when I could. The comforting circles Liam placed on my back controlled the roughness of my breath which helped to ease my staggered breathing.
Liam stood up first, reaching down to help me up. My body felt weak against his as I struggled to stand on my own two feet. I was reluctant to look at myself in the mirror as Liam helped zip up the remainder of my dress. I stayed silent until Liam left the room. Shortly after I walked over and sat on my bed, feeling the need to relieve the pressure that was starting to build up in my entire body.
I couldn't tell how long it was that I sat there in silence before Sara entered my room.
"Do you want me to do your hair?" She offered, standing next to me. Her voice was soft and comforting. I nodded my head and she disappeared into the bathroom. I waited a few minutes before joining her.
Taking my seat on the toilet next to the sink I wasn't paying attention to what she planned on doing. It feels as if everything is going in slow motion like some sort of trance. As Sara ran a curling iron through my hair I flinched slightly as I felt the heated hair fall back against my skin.
I stared blankly at the wall in front of me long enough that she had moved on to my makeup. I could feel she didn't add too much to my face but it was enough to make it look like I hadn't been crying for the past week because we all know that was the case.
Sara smiled at me, signalling she was done and I thanked her. "You know I'll be here whenever you need me, you don't even have to ask." Sara replied. She wrapped her arms around me and brought me in for a light embrace.
"Everyone is downstairs but take all the time you need before your ready to come down." She smiled. I stopped her before she took another step.
"No I'm ready. If I don't leave now, I'll never leave." I mumbled, letting the remainder of my sentence trail off.
Together we walked down the stairs where we joined everyone else that was already ready. Everyone offered smiles in my direction and I tried my best to reciprocate it. I tightened my grip on my purse as we made our way to the vehicles without saying a word.
Staring out the car window, I wished I could stay in this vehicle and not have to show my face for the entire service. I knew all eyes would be on Liam and I. Innocently nosy people that wanted to see how we were handling all of this. Was it not obvious how we were feeling?
Once we arrived, Harry outstretched his hand so I could use it for stability as I exited out of the vehicle. Maybe choosing to wear high heels wasn't the smartest decision. I kept my eyes focused on the floor as we entered the church. Liam and I were guided by one of the funeral directors to the room where a private viewing was held for my parents.
My body stopped me before I could make another step towards the room. Liam turned around when he noticed I wasn't following behind him.
"Liam I don't know if I can go in there." My voice was hoarse and I was already fighting back the urge to cry.
"Here, we'll go in together." He comforted, wrapping one arm around me and grabbing onto my chilled arm. To say I was nervous was an understatement. My stomach ached with butterflies the closer we got. Liam released me as he took another step forward.
I had yet to look up because I was afraid of what I would see. What effects had the car accident had on them? Would I even be able to recognize them?
Slowly I lifted my head. To my complete and utter surprise, they looked perfect. Not even a scratch touched their faces. I was completely shocked at how peaceful they looked. I didn't understand. They looked as if they could be sleeping but unfortunately everyone knew they weren't.
For the remainder of the time we were in the room, I let the tears stream down my face uncontrollably. Liam was there to comfort me but at the same time I was there to comfort him too. Both crying in silence is how we seemed to deal with the circumstances.
Following mine and Liam's time in the room, other family members started to join us, sending out their condolences. In a way it was comforting because I was able to see cousins and family friends that I haven't seen in longer than I could remember. We were all going through the same pain. Nobody wanted to meet under these circumstances we were in.
The minutes mindlessly passed by until we were ushered into another room for the service. I made no eye contact with anyone as I took it one step at a time-one foot in front of the other. I didn't know how I felt with feeling like I was the center of attention.
On either side of me sat both Liam and Sara. Projected on a large screen in front of us was another picture of my mother and father with the years they were alive on this earth. I looked at the line that separated the year they were born and the year they died. That was their entire life. Everything that happened in their life was encased in that one line.
After minutes of listening to comforting music playing in the background, the Pastor made his way to the front of the room. Out of courtesy and respect, everyone in the chapel stood up as the two caskets were being ushered in. I squinted my eyes at the thought and realization of my parents being the ones lying under the closed wooden caskets. I looked down, not wanting to break down right then and there.
"Would you like one?" In the corner of my eye I could see Sara handing me a tissue and I took it, thanking her.
As soon as the pastor started talking and thanking us for coming today, I found it hard to concentrate with the rush of tears that were filling my eyes.
"Loosing a loved one is never easy and I can only imagine the pain and grief you are all feeling today with the loss of both Lily and Peter." The passing around of tissues and the occasional sniffle engulfed the room as the pastor spoke.
"I had a chance to talk to some of the family members before the service started today and I came to understand the importance the lives of these two loving individuals had on the people around them. Peter would never hesitate to help someone in need before they even had to ask. Lily would be the first person to tell you how much you were appreciated and how much you meant to her."
The words seem to flow out of the pastors mouth effortlessly like he's done this many times before but there's no doubt he has. It was time for his talking to end and he invited Liam up to give the eulogy. When Liam first told me he wanted to say the eulogy I was quite surprised. There was no way I would be able to get though a sentence without crying so much I wouldn't be able to see the words on the page.
The space beside me felt empty as Liam left and I adjusted myself so he could walk past me. A part of me was nervous for him but I knew of Liam's ability to express words in a way that no one else could.
"My parents lived a remarkable life, one that inspired me greatly. My father always took an interest in people; there were few people he wouldn't get to know. He was always friendly. My mom had a recognizable smile that could light up a whole room. When she smiled at you, you automatically wanted to go up to her and introduce yourself. I'll miss their gentle humor and the warmth they extended to everyone they met."
"At the age of seventeen my father met my mother. He would always say after he first laid eyes on her, he never looked away. My parents were inseparable- a love so rare I didn't even know it was possible. After I was born, their bond seemed even stronger." There was a pause as a small smile formed. "Even a baby that cried all day and all night like myself couldn't seem to waiver their love for each other.
Liam then proceeded to look in my direction and I wasn't prepared for what he said next. "The moment my sister Samantha was born was when out family was finally complete. She was what my parents called the perfect child which must have been a relief after having me as a baby." Spurs of innocent soft laugher could be heard around the room
Liam continued sharing stories of when they were younger up to just a few months ago. His words made you both laugh and cry but it seemed like a perfect balance of the two. He began to end the eulogy and that's when I could see the tears building up in his eyes. He had made it through the entire thing without shedding a single tear so this came as another surprise to me.
"I hope to one day have the opportunity to be the kind of parent my mum and dad were. Not seeing them as often as I should will forever be my biggest regret. I will miss my parents dearly, but I will treasure their memory forever."
Taking Liam's place was the pastor once again who proceeded to end the first part of the service. I placed a comforting hand on Liam's leg after he took his seat. "You did a good job." I told him, lending him an extra tissue I had been holding in my hand. He graciously took the tissue as we both listened to the closing remarks.
The rest of the service continued and I couldn't help but feel like this was all too much to handle. I sat back in my chair and remained silent for the remainder of the service, barely paying attention to who was speaking after me Liam.
After the church service was finished, we were all taken to the cemetery where my parents would be buried. I hadn't spoken to anyone besides Liam the rest of the service. I could tell the people around me understood and didn't approach us. Mostly silent hugs were passed around and used tissues being thrown away, I hadn't left Liam's side besides when we needed to enter the vehicles that would take us to the burial site.
As we arrived, Liam was reminded he was one of the pallbearers and took his position along side my uncles and close family friends. The remainder of the ceremony was silent as flowers were passed around to give us the opportunity to place them on the casket before it was lowered. This was the final time I would witness anything remotely close to my parent and it felt like a thousand knifes piercing my body all at once.
There are no words that can possibly describe the way I feel right now. It feels as if this is one big nightmare that I'm begging to wake up from. But I wont, I never will.
(A/N I know it seems like this story is starting off extremely sad but I promise things will start to pick up very soon! Thank you for clicking on my story and taking the time to read it! I love each and every one of you!)
(Updated May 15, 2017)