Inara sighed as soon as she stepped foot inside her room, she felt this deep feeling and now she accepts it since he kissed her, and yet she cannot speak its name as she knows it will end with them following different roads, although it will add pain to her life once again.
But his eyes on her, him wanting all of it made her forget the ongoing Great War.
She has fought past wars just to encounter another war.
Or maybe it was one Great War with so many vows made and different levels of it and she still was fighting it, surviving.
Inara closed her eyes as they threatened to spill tears, she shook her head squeezing her eyes taking a few steps forward until she touched the edge on the bed and slid down slowly and carefully.
You know the consequences.
She didn't know if that was her voice in her head on Heleen's. But she wasn't at the Menagerie anymore, she could spill tears and not be punished for feeling or showing some kind of humanity in her.
Inara always thought Tante Heleen hated when her girls cried because she despised seeing them as humans.
As people with vulnerability, she taught them how to be objects, for a man's pleasure and advantages.
Why?
Moments of Inara with Inej as kids appeared in her mind, she kept her hand pressed against her eyes as she felt sorry for disappointing young Inara, the one who thought would be still with mama and baba, performing and still in a house full of laughter.
Inara looked back when Heleen started demanding Inara to do what she wanted 'Be loud if they ask. Stay quiet if they don't'.
'Do not speak unless asked to'.
'Show pleasure'
'Do what you are told'
'Whether it hurts or not I do not care, if something goes wrong I will hear about it and you mnwo what happen, play little lynx?'
'Do not forget that you are an object, do what you are told'
꧁꧂
"We need you in the war room" one said to Alina, the young girl glanced at Inara she shrugged and they all made their way toward it.
As they walked and got nearer, Inara fekt some strange feeling in her back and her mind went back to the black veins, he heart pounded as teht reached the room and saw a man with his hands tied.
He looks quite awful.
"David"
David waved innocently and Inara's eyes turned to look at Nikolai looking concerned.
"Oh, so you do know him, he claims to have escaped from a very alive General Kirigan. He gave himself up without a struggle. We found this on him" Nikolai walked toward Alina, Inara observed from besides Mal who looked bothered.
"He says it's one of Morozova's journals," he turned around "I, for one, am dying to know more, but he insisted to speak with you".
"Alina" David began and took a step forward e fire Tolya stopped him from doing so, David did not seem so bothered and took a step back as he continued to speak "I know I wronged you. Please believe I regret my role in that deeply. I know you have reason to distrust me, but I have no loyalty to General Kirigan".
"He survived the Volcra?"
"I'm afraid so".
Inara took a deep silent breath as her heart burned, she was surprised Alina did nor know, has she not been having these 'visions'?
Inara placed her hand over her heart as David spoke, from the corner of her eye she saw mal turning his head towards her direction.
"He aslo knows that you survived and you're in East Ravka.
He thinks the Moon Summoner is alive" Inara felt eyes on her, and with the silent David seemed to understand.
"Tell us where he is" Mal demanded.
Inara expected David so tell them where Kirigan was immediately but he refused.
"No, no, no. Mm-mm. That would be a very bad idea-"
"You can't expect us to trust you unless you're willing share information" Alina implied.
David tried once again "Confronting him would be suicide. Kirigan used merzost ti create something in the fold. Creature that do hid bidding the size of two men" David put his hands up with two fingers before putting on down and raising two fingers from the same hand, he didn't look dangerous to Inara.
"Formed of pure shadow. They have no breath to take, no heart to stop, no blood to drain, yet they live. They live and they kill".
The pain in her back was excruciating, still, she held a calm expression, she took silent deep breaths in as she listened to the discussion quietly, and she thought Mal could see something was wrong with her as he turned his head to glance at Inara multiple times.
What is he doing to me?
Inara thought as she stood still, her body tensed up and no one seemed to notice but Mal who stood besides her and felt something wrong with the girl.
He leaned slightly and whispered in her ear "Are you all right?"
She forced her body to relax as she gave him one simple nod "Yes" she managed to say, yet he could not help but not believe her.
She felt a slight weight behind her arms and as she looked down her pain strangely lighted down, and noticed mals hand behind her arm gently, she appreciated his gesture but a question clouded her mind.
How?
She was confused, yes, yet she was not planning on asking him who he was or what he was. If he was something like that, she did not know and knew chasing something only she thought would be considered as foolish during times like this. During war time.
She felt his hand still there, her back did not burn as much, she could breathe in the air, and when she finally looked up she met Nikolai's gaze, she gave him a faint smile only for him to see and yet it felt as if it wasn't enough as she could not read what his eyes longed to say, and then a figure walked past her, David.
They all walked one by one eventually leaving Inara and Nikolai where they stood unmoving, Nikolai took a few steps toward Inara and took her by the arm gently and lifted her chin up "Inara, are you okay? You seemed-"
"I'm fine, Nikolai. Don't worry about me" she smiled up at him and his eyes softened at her smile, and he got closer she took a step back aware of the people that could be watching without them knowing, he looked highly confused about her action and before he got the chance to speak Inara spoke" People could catch us "
He took one step as she took one step backwards and a small smile appeared on his charming face that made Inara's heart flutter.
"They will not" he spoke gently taking another step forward and Inara's back met the wall.
"You're a fool if you think that, Nikolai".
"You think of me as a fool?"
His eyes travelled from her eyes to her lips.
"What do you think, Nikolai?"
He smiled and pressed his lips to hers, Nikolai pulled her in by her hips as Inara placed her hands on his cheeks, she broke away "People-" he cut her off with a short kiss and spoke "The only thing that matters to me is you, Inara. No one can see us from here".
Inara could not understand how he was so sure. This sanctuary is crowded with Grisha, they can pop up anywhere at anytime.
"I must go now" Inara said delicately, Nikolai smiled touching her hand briefly before she turned and walked away knowing he was watching her until she was out of his sight.
The feeling Inara felt when she was near Nikolai was intense, her heart fluttered, butterflies fluttered around inside her stomach causing a different kind of discomfort comparing to the discomfort she was used to feel, but as she walked through the halls she felt the air getting colder and colder by each step she took and as she did, the halls got quieter and more isolated.
Until she was left with shadows peaking from every corner and pain shot through her back, could she be free of this pain for atleast an hour straight?
It was not as strong as before, but pain was pain.
She felt his presence but he did not bother to speak, she thought he was enjoying to see her feeling the pain he shared with her until it consumed her fully.
"You're just going to share your pain with me because you're too weak to bear it on your own?" she did not regret the words she said, but as soon as the pain became greater she might did regret the words that came out of her mouth, and yet she kept on speaking " Or do you fear my blade will penetrate your body again?"
What was he doing to her?
What did he want from her knowing she will give him nothing, she tried to stand straight but the pain intensed, her knees gave out causing her body to fall.
She tried to stand up again, but hear a laugh, it was familiar.
Inara wanted this to stop and suddenly her vision was blur, her hand were gripping the floor trying her best to get on her feet again.
She still did not know how Kirigan had such power over her and her body and feelings.
She closed her eyes and heard footsteps and knew the hall was getting darker by the step and felt ice cold fingers underneath her chin, tilting her head up.
She looked at his dark soulless eyes marked by scars.
'I do not wish to hurt you, my Inara'
If she could, she would laugh at his face after hearing his words.
"And yet- you are doing the exact opposite of what you wish".
'Stand by my side-'
"I will never- stand by your side".
He smiled faintly and let go off of her chin and stood up.
'Too bad, you are tied to me, my Inara. It has been like this since you started growing up. And I finally found you. You may not like me now, but you will.
This is what you were made for.'
Inara kept her eyes closed, she slowly got her eyes to open and it was light again, the hall seemed untouched, like his darkness impacted nothing but her.
She forced herself to stand up and suddenly she found herself to that first night, unable to move, her body frozen in place, her vision blurred as the pain slowly vanished but she knew, there were marks on her back to prove he was visiting the young girl.
She was so tired.
Don't be weak.
She thought to herself as she slowly rose, holding onto the wall and heard footsteps behind her.
"Inara Vensik? You're needed".
She nodded and took a deep breath in.
She turned around and saw a young man standing waiting for her.
"You're not going to tempt to kill me are you?"
"No. Of course not, Miss Vensik. Nikolai Lantsov requests your presence".
Perfect timing.
_________
Hello, how are y'all doing?
Thank you so much for reading this 'book'.
What would you like to see more in the next chapters?