River sat stiffly on the couch as she was silent with a locked jaw. Her eyes turn to Phoebe who was talking to a stiff Hayden. Her arms were crossed but she had a small smile on her face as she tried to be nice to the girl.
"Hayden doing okay?" River turned to Felix who looked at her with concern.
"So sweet you care," River replied back sarcastically, "she's fine."
"Well, she is at my place a lot so I notice when it becomes less-so."
"Right," River mumbled. Her eyes went around the room and she felt strange about the whole group. It consisted of Phoebe, Dina, Jesse, Ellie, Felix, Charlie, Graham and Hayden, "How's Graham doing?"
"He's a big boy," Felix snickered, "he can handle rejection."
River nodded slowly as she stayed sitting. Her eyes glanced over to Ellie who was chatting away with Dina and Jesse. Nothing bad came out of Dina and Ellie's kiss. Jesse and Dina were completely done while Dina and Ellie continued on like the kiss didn't happen. No weirdness. No discomfort. They just stayed friends and knew that was all there was.
Her eyes then turned to Charlie who entered the room once again. He grinned widely at the trio but instead went over to Hayden and Phoebe. River smiled ever so slightly - right when Charlie showed up Hayden relaxed in the conversation. She didn't have to be in control since Charlie was one of those people who could just talk to anyone. He knew how to control a conversation.
And River watched the interactions. The simple smiles, casual storytelling. Phoebe listened to Charlie while Hayden was able to slip away and head over to Graham.
River cleared her throat as she looked over at Felix, "As always sitting next to you in silence was a pleasure."
"Always looking forward to it," Felix sent River a strained smile while she snorted, nodding her head as she slowly snuck out of the party and up to her room.
River fell into her bed and closed her eyes. She turned to the toy robot on her vanity and grabbed it, slowly waving it in front of her face with a confused frown since she still wasn't really sure what to do.
"Pew, pew," River turned to Ellie, who had just made the noise, as she widened her eyes and shook her head, "that was stupid," River smirked at the girl whose cheeks turned red.
"Cute, Williams."
Ellie ignored the comment as she chuckled awkwardly, "You've been skipping out early a lot more often."
"When have I ever stayed for the whole time?" River snickered, "I was there for an acceptable amount of time."
"Real party animal you are," Ellie chuckled as she hesitantly laid down next to the girl who was staring at the toy robot.
"Why a robot?" River turned to Ellie, "Out of all the stupid toys you own-"
"Hey!"
"Oh, sorry. Did I offend your toys?"
"Yeah, actually," Ellie grinned, "you'll have to apologize."
"I'll get right on that," River rolled her eyes, but still smiled, "Seriously though. Why this one?"
"I knew someone who wanted the toy and needed it. Didn't get the chance to give it to him though," Ellie shrugged. River stared at the girl briefly, nodding her head, "his name was Sam. I didn't know him for long. I... I forgot to put the robot on his grave and felt guilty about it since. But now at least I could give it to you."
River stayed quiet as her eyes went back to the robot in her hands.
"You want a joint?" River finally spoke up, causing Ellie to chuckle.
"Yeah."
River sent the girl a nod, sitting up and grabbing some from her stash in her drawer. She grabbed her lighter and lit up the joint, taking an inhale before passing it over to Ellie.
"How was movie night with Joel?"
"Awkward, I guess," Ellie shrugged, "I don't really know how to act around him anymore."
River nodded slowly, "Saw you and Dina were cool?"
"Yeah," Ellie laughed lowly, "she didn't care. Said she cares about our friendship more."
"Good," River whispered as the two continued to lie down next to each other. She let out a deep breath as she looked at Ellie and felt her chest tighten. River absolutely hated this feeling. She didn't want it.
Ellie turned to River, sending her a nervous smile. River felt her chest tighten even further and her eyes widened slightly when she saw Ellie shift closer.
But Ellie stopped. She cleared her throat and turned her head with furrowed eyebrows.
River didn't comment on it. She just looked down at her lips before turning her own head up to the ceiling.
"How do you feel about Phoebe being downstairs?" Ellie asked, "Her being here didn't seem like your idea."
"You're right on that," River snorted, "It was Hayden's idea. Phoebe said she wants to be our friend or some shit. No Cleo talk, though."
"Well, Phoebe has to get in line. You're hard to wear down."
River smirked, chuckling as she nodded, "You can give her tips, Williams. Just tell her to annoy the shit out of me until I have to agree."
"I didn't annoy you that much!"
"Eh, debatable," River snickered.
Ellie scoffed, "Whatever."
"You should go," River whispered, "keep them distracted from noticing I'm gone."
"Right," Ellie cleared her throat, sitting up while River stayed laying down, "I'll see you later?"
"Later, buddy," River gave her a tight lipped smile, holding in a grin when Ellie laughed and left the girl to her thoughts.
God River hates this feeling in her chest.
~~~
River lay awake in bed. The house was now silent since everyone went home but the girl lay in the same spot, right where Ellie left her. She did sleep for an hour, maybe two, but River once again woke up in a panic and a cold sweat.
There was one thought going on through her head that she was debating. River didn't know if it was even worth doing. She was used to no sleep, but tonight just felt different since she couldn't brush past the nightmare that plagued her dreams.
It was different every night. Most nightmares consisted of exaggerated dreams from a bad movie, a bad thought or just the imagination gone wild. River never experienced that, though. Her nightmares consisted of bad memories. It was sort of fucked up having to constantly relive through them. The first time was bad enough.
River sat up from the bed and walked over to the window. Her eyes stared out to the left towards Joel's house where the town was lit up. They roamed the walls Jackson had set up to protect them and she knew it was safe, only a few hunters, bandits and infected, but even with walls, nothing calms River.
Her eyes then went down to Joel's backyard where Ellie's little house was. The lights were off, so the girl was clearly asleep. It was the middle of the fucking night so of course she was.
Yet River still found herself walking outside and slipping into the backyard. She had her arms crossed since it was winter and she was walking out in her sleeping clothes. Her feet were planted in front of the auburn-haired girl's door as she stared at the doorknob.
Ellie wasn't someone to lock the door. River already knew that. But she felt conflicted about if she was even going to do this.
"You should either go in or go back home," River jumped at Joel's voice and turned to him with wide eyes as he sipped coffee on the porch, "I'm surprised you never saw me. You're usually more observant," River stayed silent as she watched the man, "don't worry, I won't tell."
"I don't know who would really care," River replied as she kept her arms crossed, "you didn't see me do anything."
"Right, nothin' at all," Joel chuckled, "goodnight, River. Get some rest before patrol tomorrow."
River didn't reply as Joel sent her a gentle nod and retreated back into his own home. She didn't know why he was up or out here, but maybe he was up for the same reason as her. Most people who can't sleep usually are.
"Fuck it," River mumbled before she opened the door and walked into Ellie's place. She stopped when she spotted the sleeping girl, already getting nervous.
River leaned up against the closed door as she debated leaving again. She could leave and Ellie wouldn't know that the girl was even considering this. But then she thought of her nightmare, thought of sitting in her room alone to her thoughts and for once she just didn't want to be alone.
So she slipped off her shoes, walked over to the bed and nudged the girl before getting in, waking up a sleepy Ellie, "Riv-"
"I couldn't sleep," River said nervously, "The few times we slept together was the only time I have. You can kick me out-"
"Shut up and go to sleep," Ellie chuckled, "we got patrol tomorrow."
River smiled at Ellie. Happy she wasn't making a big deal, "If you tease me for this I'll kick your ass."
"Yeah, yeah. Kick my ass, whatever. Just sleep."
And River did sleep. No nightmares for the rest of the night. And when Jesse and Charlie went to go get Ellie up (who was notorious for sleeping in), they walked in on River and Ellie fast asleep.
"Leave them," Charlie told the man, "don't mention we saw them, River will kill you. But she needs this."
"We'll need someone to cover them," Jesse told Charlie.
"Send out a group patrol. Or I got it."
"Sure, but you can tell Maria," Jesse chuckled as the two walked through town and to patrol, "I won't bug River, but I will tease Ellie."
"I'm mentioning what we saw to River immediately," Charlie snickered, "I'm just one of the few whose ass she won't kick."
That didn't stop River from getting him to shut up later that day.
______
Happy Saturday, everyone!