It was spring now, a gentle rebirth bearing milder weather and kinder days as the two travelers began their adventure anew. They journeyed along the coast of Virginia, trading towering pines for low shrubs and forest rivers for Atlantic estuaries. As much as Kate adored the woods and its homely canopies, the salty air and open skies were a welcome sight after a winter spent in isolation.
As the seasons and the scenery changed, Kate Bishop felt herself change with it. As white winter melted away, so did she; as the blue sky opened up above her, so did she. Before, when she lost her father, it shattered her. When she lost Peter, it numbed her, jaded her, leading her to abandon society and people altogether. Now, after losing Clint, a man who, along with Yelena, revived her faith in humanity, Kate Bishop was eerily calm. If Clint had in fact died, he had done so on his own terms, ensuring Yelena and Kate's clean escape. He had gifted them new life, and Kate did not intend to waste it on old habits of self isolation and angst.
Yelena noticed Kate's calmness- she noticed everything about the archer these days. Kate's lingering gazes, the want flickering in her blue eyes, the way she always took first watch now, how she was just a little too hyper-vigilant at times. She seemed fine, mostly, at least on the surface, and this worried the blonde. Yelena feared Kate may be pushing aside all the trauma from DC, shooting her mother and leaving Clint, in favor of focusing solely on Yelena. It was in her nature to self sacrifice, but Yelena could not allow that.
"Kate," Yelena prompted one day as they wandered through an abandoned coastal town, silent save for the gentle breeze and their crunching footsteps.
The salt in the air had accelerated the rusting process, coating every bit of metal in burnt red. Paint melted off of storefronts, boutiques and tourist traps, a hair salon and a jewelry store. Seashells scattered sidewalks, untouched relics of high tides and floods. Barnacles and algae grew unhindered on soggy wood, sand dusted the streets. Though dilapidated, Main Street reminded Kate of quaint New England towns of her childhood, of carefree summer getaways with her parents.
"Yeah?" The archer said, stopping in front of an old candy store.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything."
Yelena, arms crossed, stood behind Kate as she broke through the store's front glass. "Are you alright?"
"What?" She stepped inside, offering a hand. "I'm in a candy store, I'm fantastic."
"Well, you know, besides right now." Yelena sheepishly accepted the hand, ducking into the shop. "And you know you don't always have to dote on me, right? You know I'm capable?"
Kate stilled, eyeing Yelena's muscles, the pistol on her hip, the patches on the jacket tied to her pack. "Trust me, I remember how capable you are. I don't doubt your skill, Yelena, or your strength. Can a girl just be a little chivalrous?"
Yelena froze as well, standing face to face with Kate, suddenly aware of their intertwined hands. Electricity buzzed between them and Yelena reflexively untangled their fingers, cheeks flushing. Kate searched her face, swallowing hard as she took a step back.
"I don't, um..." Yelena brushed Kate's shoulder as she walked by her to explore behind the counter. "I don't mind chivalry."
"Noted." Attempting to catch her breath, Kate tracked Yelena's path through the store. "To answer the question, though, I'm fine. Really."
"Would you tell me if you weren't?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean..." Yelena shook her head, wishing she had Natasha's intuition, wishing she had Clint's way with words. Face falling, she leaned against the front counter, chiding herself for finding it so difficult. "You've been so worried about me. I just hope you haven't forgotten about yourself."
"Do you worry about me, Yelena?"
Pierced by Kate's gaze, blue as the sky, the Widow could only shrug. "Of course I do."
Disarmed, Kate's stoic mask faltered, if only briefly. "Well, I'm fine. I know a lot of shit has gone down, but... yeah. All good."
"You're a terrible liar."
The archer, uncomfortable being the focus of conversation, turned her back, busying herself with rummaging through old, dusty shelves. Most of the store was surprisingly untouched; Kate guessed people skipped raiding for candy in exchange for actual sustenance and supplies. Amalgamations of melted chocolates occupied most display cases, clear boxes housing bubbled, rippled chocolate expanded and shrunk by the elements in an endless loop.
Though most of the sweets were inedible, Kate shoved a few jawbreakers into her leather jacket pocket, continuing, "Why so worried anyway, blondie?"
Yelena swallowed, sensing an open door. "Just like you said. A lot of shit's gone down." Unsatisfied, she climbed back out through the window, taking a seat on a rotting wooden bench, boots outstretched. "I know it was hard leaving Clint."
Kate followed, standing before Yelena, hands fiddling with the straps of her pack. "Well, yeah, of course it was hard. Of course I miss him. But if he went out, he went out his way, and I'm really finding solace in that."
"And your mom?"
"What about her? She lived, she's fine."
"No, Kate, about shooting her. Thinking she was dead for a few months. You haven't talked about it at all, and that's fine if that's what you want. But I'm here."
The archer went mute, eyes cutting to the sandy pavement. She wasn't exactly avoiding the subject, per se, she'd had other things to worry about this winter, like getting Yelena healthy and back on the road. Both of those things had come to pass now, though, leaving her no excuse. Yelena was perfectly healed now, and she was right, she was capable. She was strong, understanding, and most of all she cared. Perhaps it was time for Kate to lean on her as well.
"I'm just... I don't know." Kate sighed, kicking a pebble. "She deserved that and more. I'm really not that fucked up over it, honestly." She paused, breaths even and long. "I guess that's the scary part."
"What is?"
"Relating to her. Feeling like her. She's dismissed and justified her actions like I'm doing right now."
"Yeah, but you haven't-"
"I've come close." Kate looked Yelena dead in the eye, more serious than she had seen the archer since the city. "DC does haunt me, Lena, but not because of my mom or even Clint." She shivered, grimacing. "The guards, though..."
"Kate, you didn't have a choice."
"I know I didn't. But they were people too. They were people, and I killed them like they were nothing. And, again, Lena, I don't feel bad about it. I feel like her."
"You aren't like her, Kate. Not at all."
Resolve quickly crumbling due to the concern on Yelena's face, Kate slumped down on the bench, hands wringing. "I think this is how she felt in Boston. She said she did everything for me and I always thought it was bullshit, but... I- when she stabbed you, when you were literally bleeding out in my arms... I would've burned DC to the ground and then some to keep you safe."
Yelena was stunned, punched in the gut with the conviction coating her words. Taking a shuddering breath and feeling as though anything she could say would be wholly inadequate, Yelena wrapped an arm around Kate's back, inviting Kate to rest her head against her shoulder. The archer did so, feeling more vulnerable than she had in a good while. In years past, Kate would have recoiled at the sentiment, at the invitation to lay her troubles onto someone else. Relying on others only brought heartache; heart to hearts were useless at best, crippling weakness at worst.
But this, as she laid against Yelena and allowed herself to really feel things, it was beautiful. She bared her soul, her heart to another and did not fear the consequences. How had she been so numb for so long? How had she locked this part of herself, the aching and bleeding and screaming heart, away?
As Kate trembled, Yelena held steady. She was an anchor, a lighthouse standing firm in the sea that surrounded them. Kate clung to her, head pressed into the crook of her neck, and Yelena stayed statue still, allowing Kate to pause and breathe for however long she needed.
"What did I ever do without you?" Kate asked aloud, sniffling. She had not felt the few hot tears falling down her face. "What would I do without you now?"
Yelena once again found no adequate speech. She simply pressed her forehead to Kate's, eyes closing in a quiet acknowledgement of her pain, her loss, her strength in moving forward time and time again. Kissing the brunette on the cheek, Yelena pulled back, warm hazel eyes meeting glassy blue. "I'm the one who should be asking that."
"What?" Kate wiped her nose, coming back to herself.
"What would I be without you? You saved my life in DC. It cost you so much, and I don't know if I ever thanked you for it."
"You don't have to. I would do it again. I would do more."
Yelena crumpled, the sentiment weighing on her shoulders like a boulder. Kate's commitment, her loyalty, was unbending, unyielding, undaunted. Yelena was enamored, captivated but the surety in those blue eyes, the stillness of her hands as they cupped Yelena's jaw. Kate was like the forest she called home, a towering, sturdy oak anchored in ancient earth.
Kate was so hardy, but still, she was so gentle. Years of tragedy had not fully chipped away at the lingering hope in her eyes, the mischief in her smile. Her hands held Yelena's face as if she was the most precious thing in the world, delicate and breakable. Those same hands that had killed to keep Yelena safe, those same hands that had attempted to stop the bleeding. These hands, and by extension, Kate, were so remarkably soft, even when life had not made them soft.
"I owe you, Kate bishop."
"You owe me nothing. You've done more than enough."
"Drag you down? Nearly get you killed?"
"You've... you've made me feel things that I never thought I would feel again. Safe, sheltered, listened to. I was alone for so long, and now... I don't think I ever want to go back to that."
"And you've made me feel..." Yelena's soft voice puttered out, distracted by the sunlight catching in Kate's eyes, sharp cheekbones casting shadows across her face. Yelena drug a soft, tentative finger along Kate's jaw before releasing, sitting back against the bench and facing the sea. "It's getting late. We should set up camp."
___
"You know... I'd never actually seen the ocean before today," Yelena mused, sleeping bag laid uncomfortably on a flat, high rock. Waves crashed in the distance, stars twinkled overhead. "Not many seas in St. Louis."
"Yeah?" Kate asked, snuffing out the lingering embers of their fire, moon looming large and sleep even larger. "Was it everything you imagined it would be?"
"I think so, yeah. Big, salty, kind of fills me with existential dread. In a good way."
"I always loved coming to the coast during the summer as a kid. My dad would take me fishing, my mom would take me shopping. Feels like ages ago now. It was, in a way."
"Even the concept of a vacation seems so strange now. I wish I could take a break from living in the apocalypse."
"Me too. Though this winter was a nice reprieve."
"It was nice, wasn't it?" Yelena turned, laying on her side to face Kate. "Except for the stab wound, the chemical burn, and living in a box."
Yawning, Kate just nodded, slipping off her boots before crawling into her sleeping bag. It was a habit she picked up in Clint's cellar, something he mandated to make his place feel more homely. It was second nature to her now, a living memory of the man who so bravely saved their lives, kept them fed and clothed.
As she laid back, arms crossed behind her head, Kate found herself unable to sleep. It was another habit borne from her winter in isolation, namely, sharing the cot with Yelena, that kept her up now. Though only a few feet apart, it was not close enough. Kate longed for the warmth Yelena brought, the peace of holding her close and knowing she was safe. She wanted to wake up to her in the morning, voice raspy and eyes not yet focused. Kate yearned for her, deeply and achingly.
As Kate restlessly watched the stars, Yelena watched her, searching for words. She missed the familiar contours of the archer's body next to her, grounding her. She missed the way Kate's hands would subconsciously tug her closer, even in sleep. Yelena missed her, desperately and greedily.
Finally, Kate yawned, eyes drooping, and fearing that the brunette may actually sleep without her, Yelena started, "Kate, can I-"
"Yes," Kate said, already opening her sleeping bag. "Please."
Sheepishly, Yelena joined her, taking her familiar post curled up on Kate's chest. "This might be dangerous," she said, already hypnotized by the thrum of Kate's heartbeat. "What if I fall asleep?"
"That would be..." Kate tried, giggling as she was too tired to come up with a coherent response. "It's okay."
The archer's eyes soon fell shut, leaving Yelena with nothing but the gentle glow of the moon and the lulling crash of waves. Thankfully, Yelena Belova was no longer tired as she dutifully covered first watch. Her thoughts and her racing pulse were enough to jolt her into an uneasy, unsettled insomnia.
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AHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH.
That's all.