Unlocking the double doors to his home, Y/N stepped into the foyer. Slipping his shoes off and putting it onto the rack nearby, he begins to head on into the hall, the head servant, Edward, awaiting for him.
The man with grey hairs simply put his arm to his chest and did a simple bow of respect.
"Welcome home, Master L/N."
"Edward," Y/N nodded. "Is mother home?"
He stood at attention, "I received a message that she had left the office ten minutes ago. She should be home in but a moment."
"I see. Then, I'll be up in my room for a bit. Notify me as to when she arrives so I can greet her."
"Very well. An exhausting evening, I presume?"
Y/N slips off his coat and hands it to the butler. "Yeah. Yumiko is a bit of a handful, but that's just the way she is."
Edward merely grinned. "And are you sure it is not because you weren't mesmerized by her beauty?"
"Geh...! It's not like that..." A hint of red plagued Y/N's face.
"I'm merely joking around with you, Master L/N," Edward lightheartedly chuckles. "You needn't take it seriously."
"First Yumiko's shenanigans and now yours? You've certainly made my day," Y/N sarcastically says, sighing as he makes his way up the stairs.
Edward bows once again. "I bid you a good rest, Master L/N."
---
He pushed the door to his room open. Y/N didn't bother to close it, the bright lights of the hall shining into his dark room, a cone of light being blasted in.
The light just barely reached the foot of his bed, Y/N undoing his tie that went around and under the collar of his white undershirt before tossing it onto the rolling chair near his desk. With a tired sigh, he whips himself around and falls backward onto his bed, gravity taking over and he plummets onto the soft sheets of a bed he had not laid down in so long.
But he felt so tired.
Tired... Of almost everything. Even though he saw Yumiko today, it seemed like it had brightened up a small fraction of his day. Didn't feel like it was enough to dispel whatever darkness that plagued him.
A darkness that had plagued him since he had begun living overseas. It all began when he was sent to the business prep school, forced to attend an institution that begged little interest for him. To him, the world of business was something that was uninteresting and should be left to the geniuses of the world. Now, he wasn't a prodigy by any means, but he wasn't stupid. Y/N could be quite brilliant if he wanted to. But he didn't want to go down the career path of being an entrepreneur or anything like that. He wanted to make music.
Y/N first learned the taste of music when his mother took him to a concert, listening to some of the songs of her favorite artist. The band was usually one that specialized in punk rock, but the album they had played at this concert was quite different. Instead of the usual electric guitar and the thundering of drums, they instead played the calm and relaxing strums of acoustic guitars and the light thumping of drums, the way the bass accompanied them as beautiful background noise. And of course, the chorus, the way the lead singer and his bandmates voices mixed together in what seemed to be perfect harmony of calmness. It lit a spark in him.
However, not everyone wished to accept it. His father wasn't necessarily pleased when his son told him about his aspirations of wanting to create music. He didn't really lash out at him and be abusive about it, but he did give him a talk about how a path has been laid out for him, an opportunity too good to pass up was open for him to take up. While his mother had supported his wanting of becoming a musical artist, that seed of doubt from his father began to weigh down on him. A thought of whether he whatever it took to become a musician was nothing but a farce, a mere dream. But that ended up devolving into something even worse, making him wonder if he even had what it took to even get through life in general. Day by day, night by night, that single thought would ring and echo throughout his head, his eyes being aimed up at the ceiling as he aimlessly staring, his body feeling almost numb as he lay there in his bed, motionless.
The more he thought about this, the more sickening it was to him. He wanted to puke, more less, even just rot.
It felt like he was going down a tunnel of infinite insanity is how he described it. The more he would rise up in the morning to head into the hell of his prep school, he didn't feel like going on any longer. He would feel sluggish, nearly falling asleep in class, at one point, his grades had begun to fall. It seemed like he stopped caring for his education, or anything for that matter. He had just felt so empty inside.
What was his purpose in life? What was the point of even living? What was the point of even being here?
Those endless thoughts of his just kept popping in and out, coming in at the most critical times of when he didn't need them. He remembered doing a presentation in class one day, and midway through it, those thoughts came back again. He nearly crumbled and ended up in a fetal position. It didn't help that his mind felt like it was breaking as he heard the slight snickering and subtle laughter from the other students in the classroom. Y/N could almost imagine them mocking him, internally hearing whatever mocks and jeers that were being directed toward him.
'Waste of space.'
'What a loser.'
'What's an idiot like him doing in a classroom full of geniuses like us?'
Things like those is what he imagined.
Later that night, he remembered crashing through the dorm room. Shutting the door behind him, rushing into the bathroom, he flicked on the lights and positioned himself in front of the toilet. He wretched up whatever he had consumed for dinner into the toilet bowl.
As he flushed the contents down, his eyes would focus into the swirling eye of the water, being sucked down into the chasm of the hole. It was almost like he could see himself there, falling and drowning in the depths of darkness, his sorrows surrounding and consuming him. He remembered feeling so miserable that night he couldn't even sleep, not even a single wink.
'God, I'm so tired,' Y/N thought, moving his arm to cover his eyes. 'I just want to die...'
But that's when he remembered a brief light appearing in his eyes. That's right, a reason that gave him to live.
He remembered her laugh, her smile, her tears of sorrow that would morph into happiness when he comforted her. Ah, that's right. That cascading, bright blonde hair of hers, those olive green eyes, and the brightest smile of hers is considered to be the greatest feature.
Yumiko Miura, the memories of all they spent together... That is what saved him that night. Prevented him from ending it all.
Y/N soon felt tears streaming down his face, the fabric of his long sleeves of his undershirt soon getting damp. Raising himself up from his mattress, he shook his head whilst wiping his tears away. It felt like the pressure of being put on a pedestal, how that pressure of following in the path his father had laid out for him had persisted still. But the mere thought of Yumiko seemed to have melted the stress away.
"Dammit... Why do I have to remember that stupid shit now..." Y/N muttered, referring to the dilemma between his father and him.
Grabbing his phone, he goes into his song list and puts on a song. A song that he remembered listening to on that concert night.
She held the world upon a string
But she didn't ever hold me
Spun the stars on her fingernails
But it never made her happy
'Cause she couldn't ever have me
She said she won the world at a carnival
But she could never win me
'Cause she couldn't ever catch me
I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes, I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well, I just see the sky
I don't love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me? I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream
The sun was always in her eyes
She didn't even see me
But that girl had so much love
She'd wanna kiss you all the time
Yeah, she'd wanna kiss you all the time
She said she'd won the world at a carnival
But I'm sure I didn't ruin her
It just made her more interesting
I'm sure I didn't ruin her
Just made her more interesting
I, I know why
Because when I look in her eyes, I just see the sky
When I look in her eyes
Well, I just see the sky
I don't love you, I'm just passing the time
You could love me if I knew how to lie
But who could love me? I am out of my mind
Throwing a line out to sea
To see if I can catch a dream
(A/N): Song - She Had The World by Panic! At the Disco
Now that he thought about it, this song hit a bit close to home.
According to the writers of the song, the song was about a naive dreamer falling for one of the song writers. However, he lacked interest in her.
How it was so relatable to him because it felt like he was in the shoes of the naive dreamer. It seemed like he fell in love with a girl that didn't seem to hold any interest for him. Y/N felt like Yumiko only saw him as a friend, nothing more than that.
But that just made him all the more determined. To see if he could catch this dream.
[Chapter Three] | To See If I Can Catch A Dream