song of the chapter ~ ultraviolence by lana del rey
• matt sturniolo •
matt's finger hovered over the green call button next to arabella's name, she hadn't been in school for three days now, not even nick had heard from her since she told him everything that happened that night. matt couldn't call her, the last time they talked it turned into an argument and as much as he hated her enough to start one, he also hated her enough to want to know if she was okay. The last two days sitting alone in english were hell, he couldn't watch her work like usual or make fun of her just so he could hear her voice.
"matt what the fuck are you staring at?" chris snapped his fingers in front of matt's phone, waking him up from his day dream, he quickly shut off his phone, hiding bella's name. he looked in front of him to where bella would usually sit on the benches, it was empty and not to be dramatic or anything but empty just like how he felt when she wasn't around. "kid, you're staring again." instead of snapping this time, chris waved his hands in front of matt's face, "sorry." his voice was faint, his mind was too busy deciding if he should still call her.
"i think you need to tell bella." chris was getting annoyed at his brother now, he saw how much he cared about her yet always told her to fuck off and shit, it was starting to physically pain him to see how obssessed his brother was.
"no i don't."
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bella was sat in the music studio, she knew should have been in school but considering the circumstances of the last few days and everything that flowed through her mind, it only made sense for her to get it out through lyrics and start finishing up some songs she's been working on. but during all this she finally managed to post the video she had been dreading to post for weeks now, she wasn't quitting everything, but quitting vlogs meant that she had more space to create music and release it, she was all done with her single 'vampire' and it was vey obviously about erik.
she had also spend some time filming the music video for vampire, it was slightly inspired from twighlight, one of her favourite movies, everything was coming together, she couldn't wait for everyone to see just how much effort she had put into everything.
tiktok
"it's crazy, it's all coming together so quickly, the lyrics are all down, we've just got some recording left."
@del.rey
sneak peak in the recording studio 🤭
likes: 678.345k
comments: 10.3k
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matts pov
matt had just come back from school after a long day of staring at his phone, trying to convince himself to call bella. he assumed bella was sick or staying at home because of everything that had happened, only to find out by surprise that she had actually been working on music through a tiktok she posted just a few hours ago.
she looked happier, probably because she was focusing on music, her smile made him smile too, it was stupid how much he hated her. he was once again staring at her until he saw a groupchat message from her on snap?
🍒>🍆
nick: homosexual
chris: slut
Matt: lover boy??
bella: lana stan
lana stan
▶️ open
i made this groupchat because of evelyn i hope its okay
homosexual
ofcc
matt opened up her snap:
oh. this wasn't a bad oh, it was a good one, he was beyond excited, now he just wanted it to be tomorrow quicker. he couldn't wait, how was it possible someone with as perfect of a voice as her, could now sing and write lyrics?
🍒>🍆
nick: homosexual
chris: slut
Matt: lover boy??
bella: lana stan
lana stan
⏹️ opened
i made this groupchat because of evelyn i hope its okay
homosexual
YAY AND OFC ITS FINE
slut
why am i always slut 💔
lana stan
idk i just look at you and think slut
slut
i'm kms now
lana stan
okay..
i'll meet you guys after school and take you to the recording studio
loveboy ??
cool
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'cool', seriously? not even a glimpse of excitement, she should have known he wouldn't care, why should he? secretly she was hoping that maybe after telling him that he was confusing her, he'd either stick to liking or hating her, but she mostly hoped that he liked her. in amidst the chaos of her feelings, she knew for sure that she really liked Matt, even if he really pissed her off at the best of times.
pretty much all of her songs were done, there was just a few minor details to add but other then that she was almost ready to release her album. that was crazy to even think about, she was going to release her very own album, and now she was sharing it with someone else other then her and the producers.
she was excited now, waiting for tomorrow, she hadn't really thought about erik since she'd been in the recording studio, the marks on her waist were still there but she ignored them and took to wearing longer t shirts and high waisted trousers. there was about two days more for finishing up some songs and then she could finally announce her album and single. it all felt so unreal .
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the next day...
bella has spent yet another day in the recording studio, at this point it was her second home, she was just about to leave and meet the triplets, she'd be letting them hear three of her songs, vampire, norman fucking rockwell and 1 step forward, 3 steps back. it was obvious who they were all about, and she knew a lot of her fans would know too but it didn't really matter, she hoped he'd hear it too.
the uber outside was waiting for her so she quickly rushed in, texting the group chat.
(snapchat)
🍒>🍆
nick: homosexual
chris: slut
Matt: lover boy??
bella: lana stan
lana stan
i'm on my way noww
homosexual
SO EXCITED
slut
we driving there?
lana stan
yes
lover boy ??
do you have the address??
lana stan
ofc i do idiot
by the time she had finished texting them, she arrived just outside of her school, she saw the triplets straight away, matt staring down at his phone was the first thing she noticed, chris and nick were talking, possibly arguing.
hurrying out of the car, she ran up towards them, hugging nick before giving chris a fist bump and matt a nod of acknowledgment, she wasn't sure if she should've spoken to him, the last time they talked they had argued. "why'd you take an uber?" matt knew he could've just drove there if she gave the address, why'd she bother coming all the way here just to drive back? "i just wanted to see you guys first and explain some things on the drive, is that fine with you?"
"yeah." he sighed as he tried finding the van keys in his pockets, as they walked towards the car. " i've literally never heard you sing, i'm so excited." nick tried breaking the tension with his enthusiasm. "if i can and you want to you can also hear me record, see how it's done?"
"fuck yes." both chris and nick answered at the exact same time, matt however hid his excitement internally, he needed to play it cool you know?
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the recording studio was very fancy, much fancier then matt had expected, bella seemed so much happier in this setting, whilst giving the tour her smile didn't leave her face the whole time, it was adorable to see. "this is where i've been for the last 4 days." bella led them into a room filled with electric guitars, acoustics and a piano. "shit this is so cool." everyone looked fascinated, not only at how cool the room looked but how professional everything was. two producers sat next to the recording room, "this is alex."
alex looked a little older then the guy next to him; probably mid 30's, and looked important wearing an expensive looking suit. they shook hands with him before turning to the other guy, he looked young, "this is Milo." bella turned to him, doing a complicated looking hand shake, matts jaw clenched at this interaction. he was what people would call a pretty boy, definitely not as pretty as bella, no one could ever be in matts eyes.
matt didn't shake his hand, he just gave a nod of approval, he tried to smile but his jealousy didn't let him. "you guys can sit down, you don't have to keep standing." bella pointed to the sofa behind and so they did, waiting to hear the songs. "which one d'you want to show em first?" milo askex, he turned around to face his computer, opening up some files. "definitely vampire."
*LISTEN TO VAMPIRE RN."
bella took a seat next to milo, facing the triplets, waiting for their reaction as the intro started playing. nerves filled her whole body as she heard her own voice playing from a speaker, it was so weird, no one ever heard her sing before, it was always something she kept secret.
matt was listening intently and was shocked, she sounded perfect and the lyrics were so well written, it was very obviously about erik and he deserved everything that was said in the song. the thought of him made matt remember how hard he punched him. his knuckles were red, the swelling had gone down but they were still bruised. he tried hiding his hands whenever bella was around, he didn't want her to know.
'what a mesmerising, paralysing fucked up little thrill'
that was probably bella's favourite lyric, it described her relationship perfectly, it would only end in tragedy. there were however some songs on there about matt, the main ones being cinnamon girl and ocean eyes. she hoped they weren't too obvious, but one of them was literally the colour of his eyes .
just as she snapped out of her thoughts, the bridge was starting, bella was proud of herself, she had played the guitar and drums for part of the album, and especially this song.
'you can't love anyone cause that would mean you had a heart'
she remembered how she came up with those lyrics, it was just after the breakup when all she could think about was how erik had called her a slut and tried dragging her out of the triplets house, she wrote it in her notes app when walking to the beach. everything built on from there, some songs she had written before this and finished them off for her album, the others were written shortly before.
"so what do you guys think?" the song ended with drums that she proudly played herself, "that was fucking amazing." bella blushed at nick's compliment, "thank you." she was so happy that they liked it, matt even smiled once the song finished. "what song next?" milo asked, "maybe norman fucking rockwell?" this was definitely one of her favourite songs on the album, the song she most wanted erik to hear.
'god damn man child'
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norman fucking rockwell left everyone in shock, even the producers who put the song together, "that was fucking petty i loved that." nicks mouth was wide open, almost laughing knowing it was all about erik. "next song?" milo asked, "yeah, 1 step forwards three steps back."
"i think you should do cinnamon girl." milo said, smirking, knowing from the instant matt walked into the room, it was about him. "no way." bella just shook her head and giggled, "you have to." milo edged on, she caved in and nodded her head yes, nervous, hoping no one else would realise it's about matt.
'there's things i wanna say to you, but i'll just let you live, like if you hold me without hurting me, you'll be the first whoever did'
that line was obviously about the whole thing with erik at the party, and matt helping her and she knew that, and even then she couldn't care any less. the song ended soon enough with a mini applause and loads of compliments, "d'you plan on singing live?" chris asked, he was always interested in music, he said that if he wasn't to do youtube he'd get into music producing.
"yeah actua- sorry someone's calling me." a random phone number flashed into her phone, she quickly walked out of the room to take it,
"hello?"
"hey bella." erik's voice stung her ears as her eyes widened, "erik please just fuck off." she couldn't deal with him, not now. "tell your fucking boyfriend matt that he's a fucking dick, i've got a black eye and a bruised lip." she was in shock, what was he possibly talking about, "what the fuck are you on about?"
"he fucking punched me at the party i dunno why though, what an idiot." erik scoffed as his voice crackled through the phone, "you're fucking lying." matt would never, he just wouldn't? not for her at least? "no way your sticking up for him, your a fucking whore you know, already running off with him? oh and by the way i slept with another girl whilst we were together, that's how fucking boring you are, maybe you should have just disappeared again."
wow. that was all she could think of. he really just said all of that, it was so impossible to believe that he would say any of that to her, he used to be so nice. tears were welling in her eyes, she had to keep it together. maybe she should really disappear again? even if the last time she did, she hated every moment of it.
she walked into the room, shoving her phone in her pocket. "i need to go guys, thank you for coming, sorry i'm leaving so abruptly." she didn't know how she managed to get any words out without tears dripping down her cheeks. she left before they could return a goodbye, she felt guilty for leaving them all alone, she was the reason they were there in the first place.
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"did anyone just see that?" chris asked, suprised at the sudden rush of her leaving, "yeah, she looked pale as a fucking ghost." nick knew something was up, he also knew her well enough to know she wouldn't respond to him if he asked her where she was going, she never did when she was upset. "i need to check on her." matt stood up, pulling out his phone to text her. "matt she's not going to tell you where she is, you know her." nick replied, shaking his head. "i think i know where she might be but u don't think i can say, she doesn't like people knowing." milo said, joining in, she had told him where she spent most of her time song writing, she told him to keep it secret though, it was her place. "oh."
matt knew she probably made him promise, he hated how much she took promises seriously, but it wasn't time to think about how much he hated her, all he wanted to know was where she was.
{imessage}
matt: lover boy ☠️
bella: lana stan
lover boy ☠️
where are you?
are you okay??
lana stan
i'm fine
lover boy ☠️
where are you
lana stan
it doesn't matter
lover boy ☠️
tell me or i'll fucking search all of LA anyways
lana stan
ffs
im at ventura beach
this took me so fucking long to write and so much effort but get ready because the next two chapters are gonna get emotional🤭‼️
-ieva