Amour
The sky was brimming with stars. Each of them shining like the brightest of diamonds. The black roof of nature was irradiated by the self produced light of the stars. Each corner of the extensive dark vault of heaven gleamed with white rays. My vision was locked at the alluring azure. I felt free and lively. The sparkle of the heavenly bodies touched my soul through my eyes. There wasn't anything else that could compare to the beauty of the dazzling ether. My feet moved themselves to get me closer to the coruscating view ahead. My hand slipped from Amarion's. The scintillating orbs reminded of the day when Amarion and I were at the opposite balconies. The starry sky above us and our sharing of words. Back then I never thought that I'll be witnessing the glittering of the upper levels with the same stranger again and also that the next time he won't be anonymous.
I moved to my right and something in the corner reflected the light. The prepossessing guitar rested on the chair. A smile appeared on my face and I glimpsed Amarion and then above me.
"A captivating night can be enhanced with enchanting singing" I said while shifting my gaze from the sky to the vermilion guitar.
"Surely" Amarion replied with a smile and headed for the instrument. I looked around and was overwhelmed by the manner the shimmer surrounded the small area. I felt like I was dreaming, a wonderful dream.
Soft music reached my ear and I at once turned to see. Amarion moved his fingertips on the strings of the exquisite guitar. The harmonious melody made the atmosphere perfect. His gaze was locked at the sky and then his lips parted to elope the lyrics.
"It is just another night and I'm staring at the moon" he began singing in his appealing voice.
"Saw a shooting star and thought of you" he continued. I gazed at him and listened to his graceful crooning.
"I sang a lullaby by the waterside and knew, if you were here, I'd sing to you" he intoned while looking at me. We held eye contact for a while but I looked away.
" You're on the other side as the skyline splits in two.I'm miles away from seeing you. I can see the stars from America I wonder, do you see them, too?" He carolled whilst shifting his gaze from the me to the sky. His voice was more sentimental than last time. As if an emotion was concealed deep within it.
" So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet and all of the lights will lead into the night with me and I know these scars will bleed. But both of our hearts believe all of these stars will guide us home" he sang unlike he had before. The lyrics and tone flooded with vehemence. He kept on playing the guitar and concluded the song in the midst. I looked at him in bafflement.
He set the guitar aside and walked to me. He stopped in front of me and towered my short figure. His eyes flashed with confidence and his face was sombre.
"Amour?" He said in a low voice.
"Hm?" I managed to say.
"You said that day on the phone call that you don't think you can fall in love again. I want to know is it true? Do you really feel that way?" He questioned me out of the blues. His eyebrows furrowed and he lowered his head.
"I...don't know" I stammered unsure of what to reply.
"Think and answer" he said seriously.
"I said I'm not sure" I replied with little audacity.
"Yes or no?" He clenched his jaw and asked through gritted teeth.
I stared into his eyes blankly. I've never seen them ignited with anger. I've always witnessed the delicate and delight spark in them. But what was that wrath for?
I focused on his question. I said him that because I was sentimental during that moment. I was in the urge of wiping out the feelings from my heart. I will love someone else but not soon.
"No" I answered calmly whilst gazing into his eyes.
He lifted my chin with his thumb and half smiled.
"When do you think you can?" He asked another unanticipated question.
Why does he want to know? I made it clear to him that day. I assumed that the topic was over with the apology. Hadn't he noticed by now that such kind of talk makes me uncomfortable? Doesn't he know how these questions sting my heart?
"I already told you" I replied while stepping back.
He caught my arm and pulled me closer. "I want to know what you feel about it now, under this coruscating sky?" He questioned in a hushed tone.
"Opinions don't change like the colours of the skies" I reasoned. He closed his eyes and sighed.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He interrogated while tightening his grip on my arm.
"Doing what?" I asked in bewilderment.
"Impeding your feelings" he answered softly.
"What?" I exclaimed with a snicker.
He pursed his lips and his Adam's apple bobbed.
"Amarion, it is not like I don't want to fall in love again but I want a relationship which would last. And for that I've to find someone" I continued but he stopped me in mid sentence.
"Someone? Why do you have to find someone when I'm in front of you!" He yelled aggressively and his words knocked the air out of me.
My eyes widened and I stared into his fuming gaze. That's when I noticed his dilated pupils. The sensations in his singing voice and the anger on the phone call seemed clearer now. I moved back with astonishment. How could he like me? I'm a shattered soul. What could I give to an amazing person like him? Do I even deserve him? Any girl would be ready to be with him and he chose me?
I had no idea what to say to him. He was looking at me with expectations. And deep inside I knew that I wouldn't be able to gratify them. I gulped and tried to clear my clouded thoughts. His eyes were still locked on me. I closed my eyes and turned around.
"I'm sorry if I've led you on at some point" I apologised.
"Amour, I know what you're going through but you need someone" he replied softly.
"I can't use you" I confessed with thoughtfulness.
"That's not using. I want to mend you" he said with benevolence.
"I know but what if you break in the process of mending me?" I asked him with integrity.
"You won't. You'll rather shatter yourself than tearing someone else into pieces" he said making my heart flutter.
"Exactly" I replied in monotone.
"I want to give you endearment because you deserve it" he said the words I was yearning to hear but I couldn't rush things.
"For how long have you known me?" I snapped.
"Long enough to envisage you with me" he replied with strong belief.
"You've no idea. You don't know what this pain is. Agony of love is like a black hole. Once you get into it there is no escaping" I rambled. The pang in my chest increased.
"Give it a chance. I'll be truthful" he pleaded with the correct words. But I couldn't be selfish. What if I make him like me? Dole cannot be trusted. I've been parted from my love and the pain had been unbearable. Amarion is novice and I couldn't mislead him.
"I don't want to rush things just because I'm lonely" I replied in fraught. I couldn't see his face but I knew he was upset.
"Ame, I will keep you happy" he said in a trembling tone.
I turned around to face him. "Amarion, I appreciate your words and I do respect your feelings. But these insecurities..." I confronted and gazed at the floor.
He walked to me and grabbed my shoulders. "I promise I'll never hurt you" he pledged with honesty evident in his voice.
"He said the same thing" I quivered and gazed at him with tearful eyes. The memories and oaths filled with love flashed my mind. Without a second thought, I rushed out of the balcony and into the room. I could hear Amarion following me. I sprinted towards the door when he called my name. I stopped my movement.
"Amour, do you know what 'Amarion' means?" He asked frivolously. I didn't understand why he was questioning that? I stood without responding. Trying to frame everything that happened.
"Eternal " he answered his own question and left me in shock for the second time. I crept my fingers on the door handle and turned around. He seemed heart broken. Only my denial made him sorrowful then how'd he manage if destiny decides to split our ways in the future? Emotions would get far more profound by then. But the meaning of his name ignited a curious spark in my mind. The nightmare I had that day consisted of a moral. "Eternal will rescue". The wild opinions came to a rest. The saviour of my soul is Amarion? That's what my dream was conveying? Yet I couldn't jump to conclusions.
"Amarion I'll think about it. I need some space" I said thoughtfully.
He nodded and a small smile played on his lips. I tried to smile back but I failed miserably. I glanced at the brown haired boy with appealing features and pure heart who claimed to have deep affection for me. I lowered the handle and left the room and Amarion behind. His sudden confession had me startled. I couldn't think straight and I didn't will to take any regretful decisions. A better overview would aid me choose the right path.
Suddenly, I bumped into someone while I was busy thinking. I looked up and found myself in front of Jade's room. "Sorry Jade" I apologised and moved ahead but she pulled me back. "I thought you were naive" she commented out of the blues. I gazed at her in confusion. "That was just an accidental collide" I snapped. "Collide? He has fallen and you're walking away" she hissed. My eyes widened. Did she hear my conversation with Amarion? But how would she?
"He likes so much and you're just leading him on" she grumbled. "I've already spoke to him about this" I replied and flared my nostrils. "Will you stop playing hard?" She almost yelled. I glared at her and responded with a similar tone "I'm not playing hard! I'm trying not to play with his feelings".
"Come on! You don't care for him. Not even as a friend. You're just using him" she retorted while rolling her eyes. I narrowed my eyes at her. "That's exactly what I'm avoiding to do. By the way you're saying that I don't have any concern for him? Like you're the best sister ever" I snorted aggressively. She had no idea of what I was going through. I didn't respond immediately because I care for him. I cannot destroy him. Besides, we both can resolve our matter. Why does she have to be nosy?
"You know what? Now I can understand why your ex left you" she spitted the words with disgust. I stared at her in utter surprise. Her each word stung my heart like a poisoned needle. The agonising venom spread in a fast pace. My body went numb. It felt as if I was slapped in the face for being blameless. The past was clinging on to me with its painful grasp.
But how did she come to know? Amarion told her!
"Jade!" Amarion shouted from behind me. Was he eavesdropping?
I faced him while tears brimmed my eyes. My heart ached with every beat. My trust for him turned to dust. The butterflies in my stomach fell dead. His preserved words in my mind faded away. His soothing voice stopped echoing in my ears.
I tore away my vision from his. "You don't know why he left me. So, it'll be better if you shut the hell up" I sniggered and warned. She stared at me with wide eyes. I walked downstairs without bidding either of them goodbye. My parents were already preparing to leave.
I quickly made my way into one of the washrooms to remove the traces of wailing from my dulled face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was beginning to resemble the one in my dream. I sighed and splashed the cold water on my face. The clear liquid mixed with the salty drops from my eyes. A mixture of glee and sorrow.
Dreams can be a warning for the foreseen adversity. Ignorance may bring an irrevocable tribulation.