NARRATOR POV
"Where are you going bae?." Oscar asking with a soft voice and warm smile, lando look at oscar with a lazy face and just give a sighed.
"I'm gonna go meet carlos stay here." Lando said to his boyfriend that also his teammate, oscar silent for a moment then give a bittersmile to lando.
"Yeah sure, i love you be careful sweethearts." Oscar said trying to hide his sadness, lando just nodded his head and go to ferrari garage.
Oscar didn't know what is lando and carlos relationship is either a bestfriend or brotherhood but he believe that lando won't cheated on.
Oscar remember a week before when he let lando take his virginity that lando said he love oscar so bad, oscar now feel dizzy and couldn't breath.
Oscar walk to his driving room and lock the door, he let himself fall to the bed in the room he think sleep might help but it didn't work anyway.
Oscar woke up and thinking that he may wrote something for lando in paper so after race he could give lando the paper that full of stupid love word.
Oscar than smiling when he remember that he has a pen and paper so he take the paper and pen from somewhere near there, little that oscar don't know.
Lando is cheated with carlos but oscar didn't know that and all oscar thought is they have bestfriend bound like him and logan, oscar wrote everything on his mind after the writing he left the paper in the table.
But still the sadness in his heart keep making him uncomfortable, all he want now is crying but he can't because he had race like 1hour later.
But after a moment oscar thinking something negative like lando might have other relationship, logan and fred didn't trust him, or maybe Robert that hate him secretly.
All stupid thoughts keep walking through his mind, oscar than crying well he think this is wrong cause he was crying before race.
For couple minutes of crying oscar squeeze his shirt and mumbled some word's to comfort himself, oscar shut his eyes let all the tears down his cheek.
Most of the time his pale cheek always red or pink in front of lando or when he was happy, now the cheek become red because the hot tears that drooling over his cheek.
"he love me i belive that please stop." Oscar said with a soft and sad voice, after say that oscar trying to wipe away his tears.
Oscar get away from his driving room, oscar warm up like usually he use to do but now is kinda early because he was trying to make himself busy not to thinking what he think.
When oscar see lando oscar want to come up and chatting and give a small kiss but oscar didn't do it because he scared that it's gonna make lando on badmood.
After a warm up oscar use his fireproof suit and all his things, after a couple minutes of brifing both of the McLaren driver get in their car.
'Don't fucked this up ok? I belive in you' that was a word that lando said to oscar and oscar belive in that too.
Oscar start at p10 and lando at p7, when the race start oscar didn't put too much pressure on the car but yet still fast.
When oscar trying to focus oscar could see the ferrari car was in front of him with lando car, now oscar couldn't think straight.
Oscar was breath heavily his heart was shattered and broke into pieces, oscar could feel something not really right for a moment.
After a couple lap oscar could feel a hot wind from his back when he trying to see it he's engine was on fire, because of panic he talk in a radio.
"There's a fire in the engine, there's hot wind behind me."
"Copy, are you ok oscar?."
"Yeah yeah I'm fine i guess."
"Copy then, oscar could you pit?."
"I can't the pit is very-." Oscar didn't finish his word when gasly car was crashing behind of him and that alpine car was crashing his car too, the alpine car pushing the back of his car and make the DRS broke.
Oscar trying he's best to keep stable by putting pressure on the car brake but he can't the car Already on fire and and he can't stop the car from crashing the wall too, when the car crashing the wall his head get smacked in the wall too and making his head dizzy.
Oscar trying his best to unlock the seatbelt and his helmet while his head a bit dizzy but because of panic he can't open the seatbelt but slowly his body become paralyzed he can't even move his leg or anyt of his body part.
The helmet was a bit cracked because the way his head smacked to the wall, oscar couldn't move yet he try to keep breathing even he could until some of people trying to take him by open the seatbelt, oscar couldn't move his hand or feet so some of them carrying oscar and put him in Stretcher.
"Oscar can you hear me???." Zak said with panicked face, oscar only giving a small nodded head.
"Can you move your body right now?!." Zak said trying his best not to cry because the panic and every mixed feeling, oscar only answer with shooked head.
"I.. Tell lando.. I love him.. Take care of him zak." Oscar said before he shut his eyes making zak become more panic and almost broke to cry, he can't let his youngest driver die.
MEANWHILE
"Lando we had a red flag and safety car."
"Who's crashing?! Ugh."
"It's oscar he's crushing and he's car was on fire." That word make lando shut for a moment, oscar crashing and his car was on fire?.
Lando got back to pit stop, he walk away to zak and some of the engineer wanting to know what happened to his boyfriend.
"What happened?! Why oscar crashing?!." Lando said with panicked pale face, one of the team that talking with oscar on the radio stood up and walk to lando.
"At first oscar said he's engine was on fire to me so i ask him can he pit but he didn't finish his word." The staff said, lando almost can't stand on his feet.
Everything seems blurry, no it can't be.. He's sweet boyfriend was on a crash and when he sees the previous crash on the screen where oscar head was smacked until the helmet a bit cracked and the car start blowing the fire making him disbelieve and start crying.
"He told me he love you, i have to take care of you that's the word before he shut he's eyes." Zak said with a shaky voice, lando crying really hard in there.
Carlos, daniel, and max come up and seeing lando crying make them knows something bad happens to the youngest driver from McLaren so the three man trying to comfort the other driver.
THREE DAYS LATER
Lando come up to the hospital where oscar is taking care, when lando come to the hospital his feelings was mixed up.
Because the feeling of nervous and bad feeling mixed up lando didn't notice that now his in front of the door of oscar room, when lando come in all lando see was logan talking with oscar weak body.
Oscar only answer with small and soft voice, logan looking like he wants to cry lando could hear that logan voice very shaky and the way logan hold oscar hand very tight making lando know that logan really care and love his boyfriend.
"You can't leave me here ossie, remember that we make a promise with robert and fred that we had to wait for them to driving f1 car too." Logan said with shaky voice his hand holding oscar cold hand, oscar got a head injury, broken nose, broken wrist, and a lot of small scar but deep in his back.
"I don't know logan.. I can't even move or feeling my body anymore.. You know that i love lando so much right? Take a good care of him i trust you logan.. Tell him i have a latter for him in my driving room." Oscar said trying to move his finger but he hissed when his hand was moved a bit, logan nodded his head.
"ossie? baby?." Lando said with a shattered voice, logan and oscar look at lando and then oscar broke down crying.
"lando? don't come near me I'm.. I'm ugly.. Please go away." Oscar said with shaky and shattered voice, everything feels wrong for lando.
"Noo sweetheart your not ugly, please stop crying." Lando said and walk to be closer to oscar, lando wipe away oscar tears.
"I'll leave both of you, oscar I'll tell your health to fred and robert alright." Logan said before leaving the room, oscar still crying didn't want to see lando's face.
Lando then cupped oscar face and make the younger look at him, lando kissed oscar forehead before looking at oscar face.
"You're not ugly baby." It's all that can lando said, oscar cheek slowly turn bright pink.
After a couple minutes oscar calmed down and start chatting with lando, but slowly oscar felt not so good inside of him so he stop chatting and look at lando.
"I think you should go back, daniel or carlos might waiting for you." Oscar said with smile, lando smile back and nodded his head.
"I'll see you tomorrow again ok? See you babe." Lando said and leaving the room, oscar only smiling at lando and then he look at the window.
"Start to think that i was dying right now." Oscar said before shutting his eyes to sleep, sleep that would never wake him up again.
TOMORROW
Lando take carlos, daniel, and max to go with him to chek on his boyfriend, lando talk About their chatting yesterday and how oscar laugh softly even when his face hurted.
When they open the hospital room door, all they see was doctor and nurse that look at oscar with down head like they were praying.
One of the nurse put the blanket to close the full body of oscar, lando silent for a moment before he scream.
"what are you doing?! Go away from my boyfriend!." Lando scream his shoulder was shaking, lando was crying hoping what he think is not true.
"I'm sorry mr norris but oscar piastri was found dead this morning because of the injuries that too deep and his head injuries too." The doctor said with a sad face that make lando more broke down, carlos hugged lando tightly telling everything alright.
"Oscar please.. Come back sweetheart.. Ossies come back! I love you please!." Lando screaming and shouting and oscar cold body, lando take oscar cold hand and crying harder there.
Oscar pale cold face is something strange to lando because most of the time oscar face was bright red and his hand was warm, today the face was pale cold and the hand didn't give any movement and also cold.
"Oscar please come back.. I love you baby." Lando said while crying way harder, lando could feel the room become more cold but he didn't care all he care was his boyfriend.
Oscar ghost hugging lando tightly the tragic smile was on his face, oscar let out the hug and walk to carlos and smile to carlos.
"Take a good care of him will you? I think I'm not good enough." Oscar said, he knows no one will answer him so he walk away to max and daniel.
"I believe in you guys to taking care of lando, take a good care of logan too please.. If fred and Robert start to race take a good care of them." Oscar said with a bit shattered voice, oscar than look at lando's back that shaking in carlos hug.
"I love you lando
But your not mine."
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A cold stone in front of lando has a writed someone he loves name, oscar piastri the boy that he love.
Lando broke down crying while squeezing the paper he found in oscar driving room, lando crying while shouting because of the hurt being left by he's angel.
"I'm sorry please I'm sorry, i know it's my fault I'm sorry please come back ossies I'm sorry that i didn't say i love you back, I'm sorry i didn't hug you before our race, I'm sorry that i cheated.. Please." Lando shattered voice sound very painful, lando tell all the sin that he did before oscar death even he knows that his pretty boy won't come back he need to tell what have he done before.
"Dear lando
I know I'm not good enough but i do understand how you feel, I'm sorry if i have make you mad even i don't know what's ny fault is.
I love you so much you know? Everything i have is for you if i die, i have a lego flower, i have some book that tells about animal, you like animal don't you? I hope you do.
I miss your hug, i miss your soft kiss, and i miss i our cuddle night but it's fine i know you were busy because of the work.
I hope carlos taking care of you! I tell daniel to taking care of you and he ask why and i said that I'm scared that i lose you even i know I'm not gonna lose you.
I know I'm not good enough but I'm very proud of you! I love you.
Never try to hurt yourself alright? I'm always be here with you, try to proud of yourself next time! Because I'm so proud of you and the fans was proud of your hard work too.
I'm happy to have you in my life, if i die i might die in happiness since i have you! I love you bae!.
From: ossie"
Lando crying while squeeze the paper he didn't know that oscar love him that much, he feel like he is a jerk now.
"I'm sorry.. Please I'm sorry." Lando said while leaning his head to the cold stone, he smile sadly and the hot tears still drooling and make his cheek wet.
"I know it's my fault, even if i said sorry you won't come back." Lando said trying his best to stop crying, the the cold wind make him feeling a bit more worst since he had a worst feeling.
"I have to go back home, see you tomorrow sweetheart." Lando said before he stood up and walk away from the grave, he feel more messy and worst than before.
Oscar look at lando and then look down sadly, he chuckled and smile tragically at the man he love so much.
"I will always love you lando, even if your not mine i will always love you
I'm yours even when I'm dying i will always be yours in every second of life time i want to be your boyfriend in the next life if i had a chance."
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My first angst of the day