Barcode's suitcases have been packed for some time. Discouraged, he allowed himself to lie down a little longer and enjoy the anguish of the last few hours in that hotel room. From the position he's lying in, all he can do is hear the sound of another suitcase being zipped shut. It doesn't take long before he feels the bed sinking behind him and Jeff's arms around him.
"I'm finished." Jeff says, resting his chin on Barcode's shoulder. "We still have some time."
"How much?" His voice comes out as a grunt.
"Some."
Barcode lets out a weak laugh when he knows what Jeff is doing by responding like that. Jeff has been trying to lighten the awkward mood since they woke up not many hours before, but Barcode can't exactly feel uplifted, and now he's also a little guilty to see the older man try anyway.
As he slowly rolls onto his back and lazily stretches his arms out, Barcode smiles as Jeff quickly fits between them and moves his mouth closer to his. Barcode holds Jeff's face close, nuzzling him before starting a kiss.
They all taste like goodbye now.
They didn't bring up the subject of him crying last night and deep down Barcode thinks it's good. On second thought, he couldn't explain what happened, he just couldn't hold back. And as always, Jeff was kind and considerate enough not to pursue the matter or ask his reasons.
"No." Barcode complains quietly and pulls Jeff back when he tries to move away.
"I need to breathe." Jeff laughs against his lips.
"Come here, I'll give you mouth-to-mouth." Barcode grumbles, which causes the other to burst into louder laughter.
The sound fills Barcode's ears and chest in such a way that it's impossible not to do the same. He watches the way Jeff's body shakes slightly in laughter, the squint of his eyes and the small wrinkle that forms on the sides when he does.
Jeff is something else. Barcode isn't surprised by all the things people say about him, he's just really proud. And most of them only know what Jeff allows them to, which makes Barcode remind himself more and more often to be grateful for the opportunity to be as close to someone like Jeff as he is.
"Thank you, Phi." Barcode says softly, drawing his attention again.
"Thank you?" Still smiling, Jeff narrows his eyes.
Barcode sits on the bed and Jeff follows, never taking their eyes off each other. The feeling that they will never see each other again is strange. Even if it's far from the truth, he's never felt that way before and he imagines that's exactly how people feel when they have to say goodbye to someone forever.
"Yeah. For everything." Barcode shrugs, smiling more when, despite everything, tranquility slowly settles in his chest. "Not for all the other things I'm always grateful for, but for these days here." He pouts thoughtfully as he searches for the right words to try to explain. "I think I've learned a lot about myself. I wouldn't change a thing, not one decision, not one day, not even one second..."
Jeff presses his lips together in a smile that would otherwise look coy, then elicits a laugh from Barcode as he tilts his head to the side, mimicking his typical characteristic.
"I'm glad, Code." The older man's soft voice makes the lump in Barcode's throat return, even if now he's not sure if it has disappeared at any point in the last few hours. "I just want you to know that I loved every second of it. "Jeff says even more quietly and very slowly, emphasizing each word as if he wants Barcode to comprehend everything he's trying to convey.
Barcode nods to confirm that he understands exactly what Jeff means. Jeff reaches out a hand and takes his in a firm grip, and they lie down again, very close. From the distance and position they are in, Barcode can see himself in the reflection of his eyes. The urge to cry returns, and although this time he holds back, it's not enough for Jeff not to notice. The older man then caresses his face, passing his thumb just below one of his eyes as if reaching for a tear that hasn't yet fallen.
"It's time to go." Jeff's cell phone alarm brings them back to reality.
Barcode closes his eyes with a sigh and nods again, sitting up right before he lets himself be affected by anguish again. With his legs off the bed, he puts on his sneakers as he watches Jeff do the same out of the corner of his eye. The suitcases are already waiting for them near the door, so he just grabs his backpack and cell phone before heading to the exit.
A light touch on the arm catches his attention. Jeff walks over and cups his face in his hands. His eyes alternate between both of Barcode's as if he would find in them what he wants to say, but when he doesn't seem to find the words, he shakes his head and pecks his lips.
The kiss deepens, naturally. For the last time, tongues caress each other in perfect sync. For the last time, Barcode threads his fingers through Jeff's hair and hears the delightful sound he makes every time he does that. For the last time, he feels the smooth slide of Jeff's teeth across his lip. For the last time, they smile into each other's lips.
When they move away, Barcode looks at him closely and they exchange soft kisses on each other's faces. And then the younger man looks around the room one last time, thinking of how many memories those walls will hold. He can almost see them lying in bed, wrapped only in bed sheets as they talk; Jeff sitting in the armchair playing guitar while he loses yet another life in the cell phone game because he prefers to look at Jeff. The sounds they composed together, every day. Songs, laughter, moans and little confessions. Everything is etched in his memory.
The streets of Seoul fade away as the van makes its way to the airport. It's the first time they've purposely sat together, and they hide their intertwined fingers under the backpack they leave between their bodies. The same for the hours of flight ahead of them.
Any second counts.
The final farewell is already at the Bangkok airport. In the midst of so many people, Barcode hugs Jeff clumsily and lets his hand slide subtly down his arm until the fingers touch quickly.
The first few hours at home are too busy for Barcode to have time to feel bad. His mother's comfort is the first thing he looks for, and then he spends a lot of time talking about the days he was away.
Even if small, the difference in time zone makes Barcode feel sleepy earlier, and that's when he takes the opportunity to go to his own room. When he gets out of the shower and gets ready for bed, he hears a light knock on the door.
"Come on in."
From the bed, Barcode watches the door open and his sister put her hand inside holding a mug that he already knows contains his favorite milk. He just chuckles when she finally steps inside and closes the door behind her.
"I can't believe you forgot to take it." Creamy walks over and sits on the edge of the bed.
"I think I'm just too tired." Barcode nods and welcomes the mug, takes a sip and closes his eyes. "Okay, I missed that too."
They both laugh.
Silence settles in the room then, and Barcode watches Creamy over the rim of his mug as he drinks some more. As affectionate as his sister is, he knows she's not there for nothing.
"Is Nong really okay? Just really tired?"
"Yes, there is a small time zone difference." He nods as he explains, but his eyes get lost in the wrinkles of his comforter. "By this time I would be asleep."
Or in Jeff's arms.
The thought makes him smile slightly and look up at his sister. She looks satisfied with the answer and nods as she gets to her feet. She walks over and leaves a kiss on his hair before heading to the door.
"There's something..." Creamy says as she takes a step back, holding the door open and narrowing her eyes at her brother. "I don't know what, but there's something different about Nong, something has changed."
Barcode lingers his eyes on her, but just chuckles and shakes his head. When she finally leaves the room, he finishes his milk and brushes his teeth one more time before going back to bed.
About to fall asleep, Barcode laughs to himself remembering his sister's words. The churning in his stomach is that familiar feeling. No matter how tired he is, he tosses and turns in bed many times in search of a comfortable position. Everything bothers him, the pillow, the weight of the duvet, the stuffed animal that used to be his nightly companion.
Of course it's different; of course that something has changed.
Fumbling the bedside table in the dark, Barcode reaches for his cell phone and opens the conversation with Jeff, to whom he sends an audio message.
"Phi, I don't know how to sleep alone anymore."