The next morning, Alan woke up with a smile, but his joy quickly turned to worry when he realized Fiza was no longer there. He sat up abruptly, rubbing his eyes and calling out her name. There was no response. He searched the living room and kitchen, finding no trace of her.
His mother's piercing gaze caught his attention. "She said she had to leave early," his mother informed him, her tone filled with an unspoken message.
Alan felt a surge of panic. He could still taste her on his lips. He quickly typed a message to her, asking if she had arrived safely, but received no response. When he called, it rang endlessly before diverting to voicemail. His mind raced with questions. Had he misunderstood her? Had he crossed a line?
She had said, "I want you too." He vividly recalled her words. Maybe it had been too much? But she hadn't stopped him, responding to his every move with desire and pleasure. He paced around his room, growing increasingly anxious, before attempting to call her once again. This time, he hung up after just two rings.
"Get ready for church," his mother called out, interrupting his distressing thoughts. The sound of her voice provided a brief distraction. Alan dialed Shahana's number in desperation. She answered immediately, her voice filled with fury. "What the hell did you do?" she bellowed before even saying hello.
Panicked, Alan asked, "What happened?"
"How would I know?" Shahana responded, her tone now filled with worry. "Fiza has been crying nonstop since she got here. I can't get her to tell me anything."
"Give the phone to her. Let me talk to her," Alan pleaded. Did he do something that she didn't want? Was she regretting their actions from the previous night?
"She won't take the phone," Shahana replied after a few seconds, sounding anxious. "What happened, Alan?"
"Please put me on speaker. Let me talk to her," he pleaded, his voice breaking. A mixture of sadness, disappointment, self-hatred, and rejection overwhelmed him. Once again, Aarthy's voice echoed in his mind "You destroy everything you touch."
As Shahana put him on speaker, Alan heard Fiza's hysterical sobbing. Tears streamed down his face as he listened to her heart-wrenching cries, knowing that he was the cause of her pain. "Fiza, darling," he whispered, his voice rising and filled with anguish. "Baby, I'm heading over. It's okay."
"No," she I think managed to say between sobs, her words fragmented. But he distinctly caught the words "can't" and "won't."
"You are repulsive," Aarthy's words echoed in his head. "Anyone who is with you will regret it in the end. Mark my words. Nobody wants you." Alan's breath grew heavy as he broke down in tears, the weight of his emotions unbearable. He ended the call before Shahana could react.
"Let's go," Alan's mother said, ready to accompany him to church, but she halted in her tracks when she discovered him in tears. Embracing him tightly, she held him close and asked what had happened.
"I don't know," Alan managed to choke out amidst his sobs. Dark thoughts flooded his mind, self-blame and self-doubt consuming him. He believed he should have kept his guard up, never allowed someone to get close to him. He berated himself, feeling repulsive and worthless.
What had he been thinking? Fiza had given him so much-she had saved him from substance abuse, helped him with his studies-and all she had asked in return was for him to respect her boundaries, but he had failed to do so. The weight of his mistakes intensified his tears as his mother held him tighter.
His mother recalled her earlier conversation with Fiza, where she had confided that she couldn't offer Alan more than friendship. "Did she reject you, Alan?" she asked gently, her voice filled with concern. He shook his head, unable to find words. "We kissed" he finally confessed, sparing the details, his voice heavy with regret. "And now she won't talk to me."
Alan's mother rubbed his back, her heart breaking for her son. He had endured so much already, and Fiza had been a beacon of hope in his life, but now that light seemed extinguished. She worried about him, fearful that he would revert to his previous struggles with substance abuse.
"Do you want to see a counselor?" she offered, hoping it might provide him some solace. Her maternal instinct told her that there was more to this than just rejection. He shook his head, mustering the strength to speak through his tears. "I'll be okay," he said, wiping away the evidence of his pain.
He had hurt Fiza, and now he was causing his mother anguish as well. As he gazed into his mother's eyes, full of love and concern, all he could see was disappointment, further fueling his feelings of guilt.
Alan's mother made the decision to stay home with her son, recognizing that his well-being was the most important concern at the moment.
Alan mindlessly traced his fingers over Fiza's handwriting on his timetable. As he looked at the schedule for the day, marked with purple blocks, he resolved to stick to the plan.
He may be unworthy of Fiza's love right now, but he was determined to change himself. He no longer wanted to be the person he had been before. Instead, he focused on becoming the person he wanted to be when Fiza was by his side.
His mother breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Alan engrossed in his studies. She knew there was still a long road ahead for him, but seeing him taking positive steps gave her hope. Nonetheless, she vowed to keep a watchful eye on him.
As the days passed, Alan buried himself in his studies, the pain of Fiza's absence continued to haunt him. He had decided not to try call her again believing that it would worsen her pain. She would talk to him when she was ready.
He couldn't forget what had transpired between them. He had seduced her, she had given in and then she had regretted it. But he reminded himself that dwelling on the past would not lead him forward. He had to keep moving, with or without Fiza.
Meanwhile, Fiza was consumed by misery. She realized she was in love with Alan, but the reality of her situation weighed heavily on her. Her parents would never approve of her marrying a Christian. They had already arranged for her to marry Fahad, and she had to at least find someone equally impressive to change their minds.
Alan was a mere distraction, and she despised herself for succumbing to her desires. She was grateful that he had suggested they stop, but now she couldn't face him. She knew she had broken his heart, and the thought of suggesting friendship again seemed impossible. How could she give him anything more? How could she go on without him?
Fiza found herself falling behind in her studies, deliberately avoiding encounters with Alan by staying at the hostel except to attend lectures. Thoughts of him lingered in her mind, the feel of his touch invading her thoughts from time to time.
She wanted him. She wanted to be his. But then she remembered that he never attempted to contact her either after the first day. He hadn't fought for her love. Perhaps their brief encounter meant nothing to him. After all, he had admitted to being with "countless other girls" before. Fiza convinced herself that it was foolish to think otherwise and resolved to stay away from him.
External exams arrived, followed by a vacation while they awaited the results. Fiza was relieved to return home. Her twin sister, Farzana, was also on break. Farzana was the polar opposite of Fiza. She had a reputation for mischief, even sleeping with Fiza's best friend in the past. Fiza had forgiven her, believing it to be an act of love.
Unbeknownst to Fiza, Farzana harbored jealousy and a desire for everything Fiza had. Farzana was studying architecture in Chennai and had a Himdu boyfriend. She sported a nonchalant attitude about potential conflicts with her parents, stating that she would deal with them if they arose. Fiza, on the other hand, had been the obedient child, always sacrificing her own desires to keep her parents happy.
Fiza briefly shared what had happened with Farzana, who responded with amusement. "Let me get this straight," Farzana chuckled. "You like him, he likes you, and you both wanted to be physically intimate with each other, and you kind of were. But you decided to ghost him because... because why exactly?" Farzana continued to laugh at her sister's predicament.
"Because it's not going to happen," Fiza replied with a hint of resignation.
"It's not going to happen because you dumped his poor ass," Farzana concluded, teasing Fiza. "You're an idiot. Why didn't you call me earlier? I would have told you to get back on the horse. Literally," she added, winking mischievously.
"If you get back together, just remember, you can't predict the future. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But you don't cut it off without even trying," Farzana advised, shaking her head.
"But I'm supposed to marry Fahad," Fiza began, but Farzana interrupted her. "Fahad is not going to marry you. Haven't you seen his Insta? He has a girlfriend," she revealed, punctuating her statement with a dismissive tone.
Fiza considered the various ways she could reconnect with Alan, contemplating whether to text or FaceTime him. However, she ultimately concluded that this conversation required a face-to-face interaction. A surge of joy and excitement coursed through her as she made up her mind.
She allowed herself to love Alan fully, embracing the possibility of a future together. She was determined to request that they take things slow, respecting each other's boundaries and building a strong foundation for their relationship.
Though she wondered why Alan had not made further contact after his initial attempts, Fiza reasoned that perhaps it was now her turn to reach out. She believed she could make up for lost time, ready to shower him with love and affection.
With a renewed sense of purpose, Fiza was eager to make things right and rekindle their connection. But a lingering thought haunted her. What if the reason he didn't reach out was because she meant nothing to him?
Meanwhile, Alan was determined to become a person worthy of love and acceptance. He met Anna at church and found her to be attractive. He discovered that she was studying physical therapy at his college, and decided to give a relationship with her a try.
Though he didn't feel the same depth of connection with her as he had with Fiza, he was committed to make an effort to prove to himself that he was deserving of affection and that he could make another person happy. He asked Anna out on dates and played music for her, trying to create a bond between them.
Anna, being a smart girl, recognized the potential that Alan possessed. He was handsome, came from a wealthy family, was studying to become a doctor, and shared her Christian faith. Despite the lack of chemistry, she chose to overlook it, believing that Alan was a catch.
However, she couldn't help but feel concerned when she noticed moments of intense sadness in him. Yet, she decided to ignore those moments, assuming that Alan would share his feelings when he felt comfortable enough.
Alan's mother, on the other hand, grew increasingly worried about her son. He spent a significant amount of time secluded in his room. She had hoped that having Anna in his life would bring him happiness, but it only seemed to make him more devastated.
"I don't feel anything, Mom," he confided in her one day.
"That's okay, Alan. Maybe just let it go. You'll meet someone when it's time. Just focus on studying or even on your music and basketball," she replied.
She couldn't understand why he was so adamant about trying to make it work with Anna.
Good news arrived in the form of exam results. Both Fiza and Alan had achieved distinctions in all subjects. Fiza was particularly elated as she had earned the highest scores in physiology, placing her at the top of her class.
Filled with excitement, Fiza sent Alan a text message that read, "We did it!" Alan's face brightened as he read her message, feeling a surge of warmth. This was the first time she had reached out to him since their intimate encounter. He replied, "Thanks to you."
Fiza was tempted to reveal her change of heart, expressing her love for him and her eagerness to be together. However, she decided to wait until they met in person in two weeks to convey her feelings fully.
"Do you want to keep studying with me?" she asked him, her question catching him off guard. He hadn't anticipated that Fiza would still want to spend time with him after what had happened. He found himself unsure of how he would handle being in close proximity to her, especially knowing that he was still deeply in love with her.
Fiza couldn't help but wonder why it took Alan so long to respond to her message. To her, it seemed like a straightforward question. She believed she deserved some credit for his achievements, considering the impact she had on his life.
"Sure. If you want to," was the cold and distant response she received. Fiza sensed that Alan was mad at her, and it made sense considering the situation.
Somewhere inside, she knew what had transpired in the tub had meant something to him as well. She just knew it. Fiza was determined to make things right between them, to repair any damage that had been done.
Fiza had returned to Bangalore a few days before classes were set to resume. To celebrate their move into the second year, Fiza and her friends dressed up and went dancing, marking a significant milestone. Once in the second year, students couldn't be held back and had the option to proceed to the next year with "back papers" if they hadn't cleared their exams.
Fiza called Alan and requested a meeting on campus. Alan had a planned date with Anna for that day. However, upon reading Fiza's message, he called Anna to cancel their date.
"Why?" Anna questioned, disappointed that their last date before his classes started, would be canceled. She had already styled her hair in curls for the occasion.
"I have to meet a friend," Alan replied, who had successfully avoided mentioning Fiza's name to Anna until now.
"Can't you meet him later?" Anna persisted, hoping to salvage their plans.
"I need to talk to her about something important," Alan hesitated, causing Anna to notice the change in pronouns. She began to wonder if this friend was an ex-girlfriend.
"I'll come too, and we can leave from there," Anna asserted firmly, not willing to be left out. Alan didn't know how to shake her off, so he reluctantly agreed, saying, "Fine. But I need to talk to her privately, so you may have to wait."
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Authors note
Is the best way to get over someone, to find someone else?
Or is that just a recipe for disaster.
Please vote and comment. Thank you for reading so far.
❤️Faiza