GREGORY
we couldn't save them.
PIP
they... killed our friends.....
KYLE
those.... bastards....
****cartman bursts out in laughter
KYLE
what the actual fuck is so funny about our friends dying? fatass?
CARTMAN
OH MY GODDDDDD AHAHHAAH HHAHAHA YOU GUYS REALLYYY. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!! HAHAH I CAN'T!!!!
****in pure anger kyle grabs cartman by the shirt, ready to beat his ass
KYLE
STOP FUCKING LAUGHING AND TELL US WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! YOU FAT PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!
CARTMAN
OK ok ok kyle calm your titties!!
****kyle lets go of cartman, cartman composes himself and starts walking upstairs..
CARTMAN
follow me you guys... :))))
****everyone looks around at each other in pure confusion and anger and follows cartman until he reaches the attic ladder and tells everyone to climb up, everyone does. nothing but clutter is up there..
CRAIG
what the fuck are you pulling now fatso?
CARTMAN
shhh craig. you'll see!!!
****he reveals a secret very well hidden attic compartment door and opens it and right there are all the friends who disappeared. in a secret sound proof pattered room in cartman's attic. tweek runs out and immediately hugs craig. filled with anger kyle punches cartman in the face sending him falling back and giving him a bloody nose, craig cheers him on.
CARTMAN
ow!!!!! what was that for kyle? this is funny as fuck!
KYLE
FUNNY? FUNNY????? YOU LEFT OUR FRIENDS IN SOME SECRET ROOM FOR DAYS AND CONVINCED US THEY DIED!!!!! WHAT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY ABOUT THAT???????
****kyle punches cartman again.
CARTMAN
CHILLOUT!!!!!!
****kyle punches cartman.
KYLE
WHY DID YOU DO IT?????
****kyle punches cartman.
CARTMAN
after..... graduation.......... my birthday....... none of....... you...... remembered....
CHRISTOPHE
that's why the tape kept talking about birthdays...
KYLE
THAT'S THE FUCKING REASON YOU DID THIS YOU FUCKING-
****kyle attempts to punch cartman again but stan runs out of the secret room and stops him.
STAN
DUDE!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!
KYLE
WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME STAN??? YOU WERE TRAPPED IN THERE FOR DAYS!!!!!
BUTTERS
well kyle. he did give us food. and water. and blankets.
STAN
plus i had my bong. i was chilling.
CARTMAN
yes .....i'm kind .....jew.
CRAIG
how the fuck did you set all this up? fatass?
CARTMAN
very..... easy..... you see..... i just hired some dude off the dark web to kidnap some of you guys.... one by one in the perfect order! from who i hate the most to who i hate the least.... but once you two assholes stan and kenny wanted to invite new people, i had to change up the plans a little bit.......
TWEEK
GAHH!!!!
CARTMAN
oh... by the way i took all your phones too they didn't just disappear.
CARTMAN
HAHAHA and the funniest part was i literally almost got caught stealing the phones by kosher boy over here. but i just told him i had night terrors and he fucking believed me! what an asshole!
****kyle punches cartman again, stan physically holds back kyle before he literally beats him unconscious.
CARTMAN
dude OW what the fuck........
KYLE
YOU LIED TO ME!
KYLE
I ACTUALLY BELIEVED YOU. I ACTUALLY FELT BAD FOR YOU!
KYLE
.....and now you're laughing in my fucking face
CARTMAN
well... it is kinda funny kyle. you believing that. even though you literally caught me, phones in hand...
KYLE
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT FUNNY?????? YOU FUCKING FATASS!!!!!
CRAIG
just tell us where our phones are, asshole.
CARTMAN
....in ....the ....basement. if you fags wanted to know so fucking bad. i was fucking getting there... so... as i was saying...... you know what, never fucking mind. fuck all the details. i did all this shit cuz you guys don't give a fuck about me or my birthday and you needed to be taught a lesson! especially you jew...
DAMIEN
you know the more i think about it....i think i saw something like this in that one movie.... saw.