Madeleine Black (tw: self harm, skip the first part if you are uncomfortable with it.)
2 months later
i felt disgusting in my own body. i cant even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like i was gonna throw up.
i hated axel, i hated him.
i looked at myself in the mirror as the shower ran. i looked at every curve.. feeling disgusted with myself.
i should've said no.
i opened my drawer, pushing aside combs and hairbands till i found it.
razor blade.
i hated hurting myself, i always have. but in this moment.. so much was in my mind, i couldn't stop myself.
i looked back up at the mirror and removed my concealing charm, showing my cut on my collarbone.
i breath heavily and i slowly point the blade to it, scratching down where the scar was.
blood quickly ran down my chest and i felt burning in my collarbone.
i cry out, quickly dropping the blade fron my grip, holding my collarbone as tears rolled down my cheek.
i felt the blood run down through my hand, and dripping on the floor.
i look at myself in the mirror again, my hand covered in blood and my eyes red and eyelashes wet from crying.
i shook my head, grabbing a towel and putting on my collarbone to help the bleeding. in that moment, i felt.. relieved?
i know it was a bad habit but sometimes theres nothing else you can do in that moment.
(if you suffer from self harm, go to www.wannatalkaboutit.com - i love you <3)
-
i was eating dinner with my family in complete silence, it was really awkward.
we never really talked during dinner.. and there is nothing to talk about now for sure.
'so maddy..' my dad finally spoke, dropping his fork onto his plate. 'do you wanna talk about it now?..'
'whats there to talk about?' i snap. 'my nudes got spread and now im a slut.'
'honey, you're not a slut.. you just made a mistake and thats okay.' my mom smiles comfortingly.
'i am a slut, god i should've said no.' i breath out, running my hands down my face.
'maddy..' my dad spoke, rubbing my back.
'im a slut, everybody hates me and now they all just wanna sleep with me because of my body!' i cry out.
'you didn't know what to do. its okay.' he spoke.
'if it makes you feel better my nudes did too in highschool.' my mom breathes out.
'what?' i lightly chuckle, looking at her.
'mhm, it was the worse feeling ever. but you know what? people forgot about it in less then two months and it was never talked about again.'
'really?..'
'yes.'
'those were nice nudes though.' my dad smirked. i heard my mom slap his arm and him groaning.
'besides that, the point is this is not gonna block your path of doing what you want in life.' my mom smiles.
'it sure seems like it.' i whisper, laying my head down on the table and shutting my eyes. 'i dong know what to do anymore.'
'its okay to not know.' my mom smiled.
'we love you.' my dad said.
'thank you guys.' i smiled, popping my head up to look at them.. but that smile was quickly cut off.
there was no one there.
it was pitch black.. there was only me and the chair i was sitting on.
whats going on? if there was no one there.. who touched me?..
'hello?' i called out, quickly getting out of my chair and looking around.. it was just black.
there was no one else there but me.
suddenly both of my arms got yanked from behind, i felt nails dig into my skin.
i cry out in pain as i get thrown into a dungeon and my back hitting the brick wall.
'no!' i quickly scream in a panic, getting up and trying to run to the door but i faceplanted.
this cant be happening again..
it cant.
im in the riddle manor.
i get up, seeing blood drip onto the concrete floor.
'help!' i cry out, pulling on the chains.
'hel-' i was quickly cut off when two pairs of hands behind me cover my mouth and pull me back.
i suddenly wake up, jumping up from the bed covered in my own sweat.
i examine the room, only hearing my shaky breath and feeling my whole body shake.
i shut my eyes and try a breathing exercise to get my shaky breath under control.
i cant believe that happened, why am i having nightmares now? its been 4 years.
jesus i cant do this.
-
4 months later
its been 4 months since axel released my nudes. god i cant even say his name without feeling like i need to throw up.
i still cant believe he would do that, i trusted him.
he was all i had.
and i did tell my parents about it.. to my luck they didn't judge me but understand me.. and by understanding i mean quote on quote "teenagers do shitty things."
i even pinched myself making sure it wasn't some shitty game my mind was playing on me.
but still, i never wanted to go back, ever.
i knew the way everybody would look at me or the way they would try to get a piece of me.
i hated him, the way he ruined my life with only a couple of pictures.
but after 4 long months of just sitting at home or going out into little shops around.. my parents have convinced me to go back.
they said teachers will be on the lookout and my friends will be with me till this whole 'nudes' thing calmed down.
does that mean people are still talking about it?
i wish i did more then just punch axel.
-
i set down my bag on the bed in my dorm. i felt my body start to get heavy. i cant do this, im gonna have a panic attack.
'your back!' dahlia yells, flinging the bathroom door open and running up to hug me.
'hi!' i quickly said smiling away the panic as she lept into my arms.
'i missed you, i never realized how boring it is alone in a dorm.' she scoffed at herself.
'i missed you too.' i softly chuckled, letting her down from my grip.
'there has been so much drama that i need to tell you about!'
'well lets stop wasting time, tell me everything!'
-
i walked down the hall, putting my hair over my shoulders and trying to avoid every stare.
it was harder then i imagined.
i looked down at my shoes and every step they took. thats all i focused on.. the floor pattern, where my feet go..
suddenly i felt a hard shove on my right arm. i look around and see mattheo smirking at me as he brushed his hand against my arm.
'you should watch where your going, witch. staring at your shoes is not gonna lead you.' he smirks sarcastically.
i roll my eyes and scoffs at him.
'yeah okay.' i scoff. i watched him raise his eyebrows at my attitude, which i thought was hilarious.
i walk away from him, not saying a word and heading to class. i felt his eyes burn into my back making me smirk.
-
after my classes i decided to head down to the quidditch game, i wasn't gonna stay locked in my dorm forever.
i wish that was an option.
i sat down on the slytherin quidditch stand and watched from afar as everyone started talking on the patch.
'hey maddy!' pansy smiled, hugging me.
'hey!' i said, softly flinching as the hug caught me off guard.
'i didnt think you were gonna show up!' she smiles.
'i couldn't stay in my dorm forever.' i softly laugh. she smiles at me and sits next to me, crossing her legs.
'who do you think is gonna win?' she smirks at me.
'oh slytherin for sure.' i softly laugh. pansy smiles at me and looks back at patch.
'hey slut.' alex smirks behind me. you gotta be kidding me..
i turn my head to face him and looks at him in disgust.
'what did you call me?'
'i didnt stutter.' he smirked. 'want a pic?' he asked, shoving one of my nudes towards me.
mother fucker.
i quickly grab the tiny film and rip it up into pieces, smiling sarcastically at him.
'i have a lot more then where that came from.' he smirked.
'get lost axel. you know old she was when you took those? 15. and how old were you? 17? im pretty sure thats illegal if your 17 and up.' pansy smiles at him.
axels smirk quickly dropped as he glared at pansy.
'you wont do shit, god you guys are so pathetic.' he laughs, trying to switch up the conversation.
im gonna loose my shit.
'leave!' i said, getting up and shoving him roughly.
'dont fucking touch me!' he snapped, shoving me back. i lightly gasp loosing my balance and trying to catch myself by holding on the railing.
'dont touch her, axel!' pansy screams, getting up from her seats. everybody's eyes were on us.. this is so embarrassing.
'what will you do?! i can beat the shit out of you in less then 2 minutes!!' he screamed back, walking towards pansy.
'back the fuck up from them.' mattheo said, turning axel around and punching him in the face.
'shit!' axel said, wiping the blood off his node and aiming his fist for mattheo.
'oh my god.' i whisper, watching them tackle each other to the ground, each one of them getting punched somewhere.
what the fuck is happening right now?
-
i layed my head on the wall, waiting outside of the headmasters office. i cant believe that happened.
axel got punched so bad he passed out and there was blood everywhere and even on them.
weren't they like buddies a year ago? what the hell happened to them?
i suddenly heard footsteps down the stairs and i snapped out of my thoughts. i watched axel walk out with a tissue up to his nose.
'get your lame ass of a boyfriend under control.' he snaps at me as he walks by.
'hes not my boyfriend.' i whisper, rolling my eyes at him.
then another pair of footsteps came down and it was mattheo, wiping his hands together.
i quickly stood up and his eyes immediately landed on mind. he scanned my body before looking back up at me.
'hi.' i whispered.
'hey.'
'so what happened?' i asked awkwardly.
'well im suspended for 2 weeks and axel is suspended for 3.' he shrugs, walking away.
'wait, suspended?' i asked. quickly following beside him.
'mmhm.' he hums.
'why? thats so unfair.' i lightly scoff, cringing at my own words as i follow him to his dorm.
'not really, i literally started a fight.' he whispered.
'and everyone would be so glad for me to be out of his hell.' he said, reaching for the handle of his dorm room.
'no they wouldn't-'
'they would, madeleine. you dont get it.' he snapped. 'you have this perfect life with amazing friends and everybody loves you. everybody judges me because of my father and they always assume the worst of me!! i am nothing like him, and i never will be.' he spoke darkly, staring deep into my eyes.
'im sorry, i didn't know.' i breathe out.
'of course you didn't, nobody ever does.' he said, turning back around and walking inside of his dorm.
i bite my lip as his words and inhale a sharp breath, following him inside.
'why did you do it?' i ask.
'what?' he quickly said, turning around to face me.
'why did you do it?' i ask again.
'madeleine.'
'please, i really wanna know. why?' i said. mattheo looks at me and sighs heavily.
'because i love you.'
-
blushing rn 😍
and i posted this one the same time as the last chapter so you guys at least have something interesting to read :)
words: 2027