GREGORY
oh good heavens!
CRAIG
what the hell is even that?
TWEEK
AHH!!!!!
TWEEK
it's all my fault!!!!!!!!!!! oh god!!!
****craig puts his arm around tweek to calm him down as kyle walks up to cartman angrily.
KYLE
this isn't funny fatass.
KYLE
turn off the goddamn home security. they're trying to get help.
CARTMAN
and you think i did this kyle?????
KYLE
i wouldn't put it past you.
CARTMAN
fuck you! you stupid jew! some things never change! like kyle always blaming me! i'm just as much of a victim as you are in this situation!!!
STAN
guys please shut the fuck up!
CRAIG
i'll just call the police. then.
****craig looks around for his phone.
CRAIG
i swear.... i left it right here.....
CRAIG
gregory can i use your phone?
****gregory checks his pockets
GREGORY
uh....... well unfortunately i can't find mine as well.....
CHRISTOPHE
holy shit. they took our god damn phones.
CHRISTOPHE
we're dead.
TWEEK
GAHHH!!!???
PIP
no we're not! we have to stay positive! we're going to be fine!
STAN
shut up pip.
PIP
right-o
DOGPOO
maybe there's a landline around here or something.
DOGPOO
do you have a landline cartman?
CARTMAN
no.... that shit is ancient as fuck.....
CRAIG
fuck.
CHRISTOPHE
we're going to have to come up with another plan. if we are going to survive this.
CHRISTOPHE
...we need someone to stay up and keep watch tonight so nobody gets kidnapped.
DAMIEN
i will.
CHRISTOPHE
excellent.
~~*—-DAY 3: CRAIG—-*~~
****later that night, everyone except pip and damien are fast asleep.
PIP
do you think they're ok, damien?
DAMIEN
...
PIP
do you think we'll all end up like them?
DAMIEN
i won't let anything happen to you.
PIP
....but.... what about everyone else?
****damien doesn't respond, pip brushes it off and tries to fall asleep. damien stays up, on the lookout.
~~*—-in the morning—-*~~
****everyone wakes up and they count heads..... everyone is here this time....
CARTMAN
weird.... nobody got taken overnight.....
CHRISTOPHE
did you see anything damien?
DAMIEN
nothing.... except cartman getting up at 3am to eat cheesy poofs in bed.
CARTMAN
aye!! just tell them everything damien you little fucking asshole.
****stan gets up and tries to leave the room.
CHRISTOPHE
and where are you going?
STAN
......to the bathroom...
CHRISTOPHE
no. we need to assign buddies to each-other so we're never alone.
STAN
so someone's going to watch me piss.
CHRISTOPHE
no. what do you think some i'm kind of degenerate? just stand outside the door. keep watch.
STAN
fine... wendy.
****wendy gets up and goes with him.
CHRISTOPHE
okay. you two.......
CARTMAN
waittttt let me pick everyone's buddies!!!
CARTMAN
christophe and dogpoo, you be buddies!
CARTMAN
and all the couples- ...whatever fuck you guys
CARTMAN
and that leaves....
KYLE
no.
CARTMAN
me and kyleeeeeee!!!!
****stan runs into the room, visibly scared. out of breath.
STAN
w-wendy she's.... gone... she just-
KYLE
what the fuck?
CHRISTOPHE
...there's no god damn hope for us.
TWEEK
GAHhHHaHH!!!!
STAN
...she just stopped talking and.....
STAN
she's-
CARTMAN
guess the buddy shit doesn't work.
CHRISTOPHE
i should have known... god's laughing at our fucking despair... pussy.
DOGPOO
oh no!!
CRAIG
this is fucked.....
PIP
but.... isn't it craig's day????
TWEEK
GAHH!
KYLE
they.... skipped craig. just like they skipped me.
STAN
......they... took wendy......
****stan's eyes start watering, kyle hugs him, as pip pats stan's back.
STAN
man.... it's already been so hard not seeing her during school months. now i'll never see her again...
****kyle let's go of the hug.
PIP
she could still be alive stan....
KYLE
yea...
STAN
i just....
STAN
i need my bong.
****cut to an unknown location in a suspicious room, where kenny, butters, and wendy are.
BUTTERS
wendy!!! are you ok??????
WENDY
what the fuck is going on???
BUTTERS
well..... we don't really know.....
KENNY
we just kinda woke up here...
WENDY
are you guys hurt?
BUTTERS
well no... whoever has us here gives us food. and water. and blankets.
BUTTERS
they're pretty nice to us!
BUTTERS
whoever they are...
WENDY
that's... weird...
****wendy tries to break down the wooden door but it seems to be chained shut.
BUTTERS
yeah..... we tried that.....
WENDY
this is fucked up.
KENNY
....is dogpoo ok?
WENDY
uh yeah... he seemed shaken up about your disappearance... we all were.
****kenny takes a deep breath..
WENDY
well.. i'm glad you guys are ok...
BUTTERS
well thanks wendy!!
BUTTERS
you want a cheesy poof?
WENDY
no... thanks....
KENNY
well how did you get kidnapped... you weren't even on the list.
WENDY
i actually have no idea.
WENDY
i was just sitting outside of the bathroom waiting for stan to finish and then.... i heard some footsteps behind me and then something covered my mouth....
WENDY
and... i woke up here...
BUTTERS
that's... scary i'm sorry wendy.
WENDY
how did you get here butters?
BUTTERS
well it's pretty tame compared to yours but i was falling asleep on the bed next to kyle and christophe and woke up, head aching, next to kenny on this floor.... so yeah....
WENDY
...is this where you guys sleep? on the floor?
KENNY
pretty much...
BUTTERS
they did give us blankets and small pillows, though.
KENNY
and my favorite! playboy magazines!
WENDY
well... at least whoever kidnapped us did their research on you.