Trigger Warning: mentions of SA. Tread with caution.
Dr. Angela crossed her hands, resting her chin over them with a stare that felt as if it could x-ray souls.
"Are you ready to talk at last, Ms. Ahn?"
Heiran hung her head, trying to relax her trembling hands on her lap. She did not feel ready; she doubted she'd ever feel that way. Laying her weakness bare for the others had always been an especially hard thing for her to do. Yoongi loved to say that she inherited that trait from an overtly independent mother. But that trait had recently done more harm to her than good. She was beginning to see how it was corrosive, eating away at her insides, making her feel trapped.
It was time she faced what she had been avoiding for months. It was time she was free of the shackles of her secrets.
Heiran raised her head and inhaled a deep breath. "Yes. I'm ready."
The faintest of smiles passed over Angela's features, something proud glinting in her gaze.
"I'm all ears."
"A few months back, I got a call from one of the defendants of a former case I took, Lim Yoona." She began narrating the tale, the secret that she closely guarded from everyone, the corrosive memory that was killing her from the inside for months. "She told me some things... t-that she apparently did...to me while I was unconscious. With some q-quite graphic details..." She bit down on her lips, squeezing her eyes shut.
This was hard. Harder than she ever imagined. She could feel every single cell of her body screaming at her in fright. She could feel the flashes of those memories weighing down on her heart like a humongous weight.
She had to break free before it completely broke her apart. She knew what she had to overcome for only if she did, will she ever be free from the prison of her memories, no matter how hard it was.
"I don't know if they're true. I don't even know what she did while I was—" Her voice cracked, a lump forming in her throat. Angela remained patiently silent, waiting for her to go on.
"That not-knowing part." Heiran eventually resumed, looking up into the eyes of her psychiatrist, fully aware that she was laying her soul naked in front of her.
"It kills me."
* * *
Jungkook lay awake on his couch, unable to catch a wink of sleep as he twirled a plastic character ring between his fingers. The nightmares came when he closed his eyes. Sleep was slowly becoming something he dreaded. It was better this way. He didn't deserve rest, he didn't deserve happiness, he didn't deserve any of it. He will live through this never-ending torment, punishing himself for the grave sin he had committed. He warranted every single piercing wound they gave him.
Still, the human heart was selfish. It longed for comfort even when it had no right to do so. It yearned for something it shouldn't yearn for.
Jungkook stared at the pink bunny character on the ring, tracing his fingers over its face as the memories washed over him. The sweet embrace of those times she held close to his heart felt like a warm blanket that could both comfort him and suffocate him simultaneously.
"I like to call it 'The Han Smile'."
In a blink, he was back inside the merchandise store in the city mall, Heiran's arm hooked around his elbow, her voice echoing like a melody as she held up the ring to his face.
"The Han Smile?" He repeated.
"Yup. Look at this Cooky character. You used to look exactly the same when you smiled with your whole teeth back in high school." Heiran told him as she slipped the ring into his fingers.
"Really?" he asked, watching her with a smile.
"Yes. But Jungkook doesn't smile like that anymore. I kinda miss it sometimes," she informed with a pout.
He wasn't aware of that particular detail about him that she mentioned. He couldn't tell if his smile had changed that much from when he was younger, but at least it seemed to please her that the plastic ring had fit perfectly onto his finger.
"Was I cute?" he inquired, his tone teasing.
Heiran raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow with a grin but did not reply to his question. Instead, she turned to the shopkeeper and announced. "We will take this one, please."
"Oh my, you guys are such a beautiful couple. I thought you were celebrities when you walked inside the store." The shopkeeper cooed, convincingly. Although Jungkook was familiar with this marketing tactic, he couldn't help but feel considerably overjoyed at the comment.
"Oh, thanks. You're too kind." Heiran waved a hand, giggling at the compliment.
"Sir, you look familiar. Are you perhaps a model? I feel like I've seen you before."
Jungkook stilled like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Despite being somewhat famous all over the nation and endearingly nicknamed as the 'Silent Wolf', not many recognized him in public often but on the few occasions people did, it always annoyed his girlfriend a bit. Before he could spew out a lie, Heiran dished out the perfect excuse for him.
"Oh, he gets that a lot. He looks similar to this one super famous idol on TV nowadays. So people often mistake him for that guy."
"That makes sense," the shopkeeper exclaimed. "You must be really happy, having a boyfriend who looks like an idol."
"Tell me about it," she chimed, a brilliant megawatt smile on her lips. Jungkook would be lying if he said that he wasn't delighted at her admittance. "My darling is soo perfect and handsome that sometimes I just want to lock him up and keep him away from the public."
Jungkook shook his head, internally questioning whether he should be concerned. What she said was something only psychopaths would want to do. Nevertheless, the shopkeeper seemed to be eating it all up. He couldn't blame her either. Despite how ridiculous it sounded, Jungkook himself couldn't help the giddy beam on his face.
"Aww! Since you two seem like such an adorable pair, I will give you a twenty percent discount on the entire Cooky collection."
Heiran whipped out her credit card without a moment's hesitation and slammed it down on the counter. "Please. Take my money."
Half an hour later as they stepped out of the store, his hands laden with boxes of plushies and toys, Jungkook finally broke down.
"You do realize that she charmed you into getting the entire BT21 collection when you just wanted to buy a simple ring, don't you?"
Heiran offered him a proud look, holding up a finger, "Correction. I charmed her into giving me a crazy discount on the entire BT21 collection." She snapped her fingers in front of his face, donning her favorite butterfly wing sunglasses. "Keep up, will you?"
He blinked, amazed. "So you really did want the entire collection?"
"Definitely. Why else would I openly flirt with you in front of that lady?"
His jaw hung open. Well, wasn't his girlfriend quite a devious little woman? He sulked at her revelation, annoyed at himself for not realizing her act. "So you said all that in front of her just so that she'd give you a discount?"
"Yup."
His shoulders drooped, "Everything? Even how you admitted that you were happy to have me as your boyfriend? That was all for pretense?"
She looked offended, "Hold on a second now. I never said I didn't mean any of it."
Jungkook instantly brightened up at her response. That was all he needed to know. She smirked at his instant uplift in mood and he could only chuckle. Quite a devious little woman, indeed.
"Jungkook. Race to the car?" Heiran asked, out of the blue.
He paused in his tracks, wondering if she was serious. The walk to the shopping mall's parking lot was quite long, not to mention crowded as it was a weekend. Did Heiran really just suggest that they race all the way back to their car like some school kids? Noting the over-excited expression on her face, he concluded that she was being serious.
"Ran. We are not in high school anymore, we are fully grown adults in our late twenties. We can't just run around in public places like back when we were you—"
"Losers have to grant any wish for twenty-four hours," she interjected, getting prepared for the race.
He paused. "Any wish?" He asked, mildly interested as he thought of all the possibilities. All the things he could wish for in twenty-four hours, all things he could make her do... Now that was a reward way too tempting for him to refuse.
"If it is reasonable and doable within that time, then yes." She explained.
Jungkook quickly took the position. "Start the count."
"I knew it." With a giggle, Heiran joined him and began the countdown. "Here we go. Three..."
He spread his feet apart, ready to launch into a sprint.
"Two! Go!"
And she took off at once before he could even register that the countdown had ended, blonde waves flying in the wind, her laughter ringing out loud in the sunny afternoon.
"Hey, that's cheating!" He yelled out, astonished at her audacity. "You missed a count!"
"Get over it, loser!" she called back, already disappearing off into the crowd.
He scoffed. "So that's how you want to play?" If she thought she could just get away with her little tricks like the cunning little vixen she was, she thought wrong. Being way too competitive had always been one of his red flags and Jungkook was not going to lose, even to his pretty, adorable girlfriend. He stretched his neck, ready to give this race his all. "Fine."
In a second, he blasted off into a high-speed dash, hands clutching hard onto the shopping bags, attracting the attention of the passers-by. Not that he cared for any of it. He just wanted to win at any cost. He soon saw her blonde head bobbing up and down at a distance. Hearing the loud slaps of his feet on the ground, Heiran looked back in the midst of her run alarmed. When she saw him catch up to her without even breaking a sweat and her eyes widened.
"Hey, Ahn Heiran! Be ready to grant all of my deepest-darkest desires, baby!" He called out, effortlessly passing by her within seconds.
She screamed. "NO!"
Heiran increased her speed to keep up with him but she was at a major disadvantage because of her shorter height. Soon she fell behind. "Not fair! You idiot! You are supposed to let me win!"
And Jungkook already had a reply ready at the tip of his tongue for her.
"Get over it, sweetheart!"
Thinking back to the old times was torture but his mind couldn't resist the sweet lure of the memories. The agony in his heart was so painful as he felt it ripping to shreds. Warm, wet tears ran down his cheeks and he turned over and buried his face into the cushion, trying to stop them. There was no use in crying. Crying wouldn't wash away his heinous sin. It won't solve anything. It won't bring the dead back.
It won't erase the fact that he was a...
Murderer.
The harder he tried to stop the tears, the more he broke apart, being reminded of what a miserable hell life was. What was the point of thinking about the past? It was all gone anyway. Vanished like it never existed.
Maybe it was for the better.
Jungkook didn't know how long he laid there on the couch, crying his heart out, or when Taehyung had managed to come over. His best friend's arrival only made it harder to control his miserable sobs. Taehyung's presence made him feel less alone. Did he even have the right to feel that way?
"JK, come on, get up. What's this? Did you even eat anything?" Taehyung tapped his shoulders, placing bags of take-out on the table.
Eating was the last thing on his mind. He couldn't even ingest anything with the confidence that it would stay there. As he sat up, watching Taehyung's worried eyes, his deep voice murmuring words, trying to bring some semblance of comfort to him, Jungkook could only be reminded of the terrible guilt weighing inside his chest.
"Tae, what am I going to do..." he broke down, all the tears he had tried so hard to control streaming down his face. Taehyung's arms instantly wrapped around him and he leaned "I'm sorry, JK. I'm so sorry."
"I don't want to feel anything... Please, make it stop."
Taehyung could only pat his shoulders, a sigh breathing past his lips.
"I wish I could, JK. I wish I knew how to."
* * *
"You are aware of what we are risking here, Chief. Think about Prosecutor Ahn. The culprits haven't been caught yet. Anything could happen if we are not careful."
Officer Kang Taemin tried to reason over the phone, in the middle of an investigation. However, his cowardly supervisor was not willing to risk attracting the wrath of the many connections Detective Jin Taesan had.
"I'm not overreacting, I am being reasonable! You know him, Chief. You are aware of how spiteful he is. They had a big disagreement. I have every reason to think that he will bury the case or half-ass it— There's no better way to say it, Chief. Minding my language isn't helping anyone."
Has Detective Jin already started moving his pawns? Kang Taemin couldn't understand why his supervisor was so adamant about upsetting him.
"Come on, Chief. Give it to anyone but Jin Taesan. I bet even rookie Gu Won would do it better than him. We can't knowingly put Prosecutor Ahn Heiran at risk. We don't know if they will come back. Chief. I'll take responsibility. Whatever consequence there is, I'll face it."
Hours of begging and the chief hesitantly seemed to relent with a grave reminder to face whatever consequence there was himself. Reassuring the chief that he would, he hung up the call, releasing a sigh of relief. It wasn't until he turned around to attend to his duties did he realize the presence of someone behind.
"Prosecutor Jeon. May I help you?"
"What happened to her?" Jungkook questioned, his anxiousness rising. When he walked in on Kang Taemin's phone call, he hadn't expected to hear a familiar name. Whatever he said afterward was nothing good. He could already feel himself beginning to panic.
Had they realized he was the intruder at the clinic? Did they do something to Heiran?
"I was under the assumption that you were close with Ms. Ahn. Did she not tell you?"
Jungkook opened his mouth to respond but found himself unable to say anything. What excuse could he possibly tell anyway?"
"If she didn't tell you what happened, then she must have a reason. I hope you understand, Prosecutor."
Taemin parted with a bow, leaving him speechless. Jungkook didn't believe he had any right to check on her or care about her well-being anymore but his anxiety was far too profound. Before he could stop himself, he pried his phone out of his pocket and opened the device.
Navigating through his contacts, he stopped at the caller ID he couldn't bring himself to change.
LOML Ran <333
Without giving himself another moment to second-guess, he hit the call button. The call rang thrice, each ring speeding up his heart rate, his throat drying up as he scrambled to figure out what to say. He clenched his fist and shook his head, he only had to know one thing and one thing alone. He will not let himself get distracted. He won't break down even though any rational control over his action has long since become a faint memory.
On the third ring, the call ended, the automated voice informing him that the caller was busy. Jungkook felt himself crumble from within.
So she had hung up on him...
Right. She was right. Officer Kang Taemin was right. He didn't have the right to know anymore.
A/n: And here we get Jungkook's side of the story. Is anyone feeling sad?
BTW, a lot of you guys seemed to mistake Detective Jin for our Seokjinnie in the last chapter. So I wanted to clarify once more that Detective Jin Taesan is not our Kim Seokjin.