Short Stories

How Can I Live?

Just relax people say but how can I? Life is always putting you on the edge, hitting you with new challenges and threats, constantly pushing you over the edge even more. This is my life practically. I am constantly threatened by many wanting me to be someone else apart from me. How can I be me while many others want me to be something I'm not? Only two don't treat me this way, the one I love and the one I trust. They love me for who I am. They are the only two who haven't been poisoned into these devious ways of thinking that you can easily change someone into someone else. I have tried to change to suit their ways, tried to be someone different but obviously it's not good enough for them. It's hard to be someone different when you have that one person always on your case wanting to make your life a misery. She used to be a mate, a good one at that. She used to help me and be there for me and I returned the favour to her. But one mistake and she turned on me. I didn't realise at first, me being stupid as I always am. She never harmed me physically, but emotionally at first. Everything she did was kept hidden from me, I never knew why but she did it. The one I love was harmed by her, threatened by her. The one I trust, he hid from her because he was scared of getting hurt as well. I'm glad he hid but I only wish he told the love of my life so that they both would have been safe from harm. Once I found out, I was ready to lash out at her, the friend who became my enemy. I see her everyday, pretending to care and faking a smile just hide her bitter truth. All of this makes me punish myself. She wants me to suffer so I do. What I do to punish myself leaves it's mark either scar or bruise. I'm always in pain so people ask why are you always in pain? In other words, why are are you so weak? It's hard to hide my punishments because the first time I did it, I suffered horrible consequences all because I didn't want anyone else to suffer. The worst thing was that she was there mocking me behind the sympathy act. No one knows about my punishments, only the consequence I went through. It's still hard to hide the punishments. The scars have doubled, no tripled. Life has become harder to live normally. Stress builds up day after day with people pressuring me to do great when all I want to do is pass with flying colours. These results decide my further but it seems as if everyone has chosen it for me.