((Hello again, everyone. Thanks for bearing with me as I slowly finish this baby. I've been very busy but I think I am starting to see my ending much clearer lately. ))
I knew with everything in me that today was the day. All this ugliness was coming to a head. Severus had known for some time that Potter would likely make his way here. I did not know why, but something Albus knew told him that it was probable. After Severus had kissed me goodbye this morning I knew that he knew something. I got dressed, choosing a black wool garment that reminded me of him. Close fitting, large pockets, and nicely utilitarian, I would embody him to give me strength.
When the announcement to proceed to the Great Hall came, I did not go. Walking cautiously in empty hallways, I began our preparations. I raided the potion master's store cupboard and took all healing and curse breaking potions. I left a note that I was moving these to the hospital wing. I went through the cupboards in the potions classroom and placed in easy sight all the ingredients to the simplest healing salves, which I magiced every textbook open to. Maybe, just maybe, those unable to fight might be able to hide here and make themselves useful.
Prior to today, I had written out instructions on how to cast a secure locking spell on dozens of small cards which now dangled on twine loops. I deposited my first card of instructions on the inside of the Potion's classroom doorknob. I prayed that any student needing a spot to keep themselves safe would find the instructions and seal this door.
The instructions were for a spell Severus and I had been working on for a few weeks now. It was a repetitive chorus of chanting while the caster circled the doorknob with their wand. This made a ward that should make it difficult for anyone with intentions of harming people to pass through.
We wanted students to be able to keep themselves safe while not locking other students out in the corridors. I had a stack of these spell instructions which I intended to deposit on strategic internal door knobs that should go unnoticed until they are needed. I hung the instructions on the inside knob of every single classroom. Sanctuaries for the future battlefield.
As I was moving the extra dittany and other healing supplies to a secure area of the hospital wing where those looking for them would find them, I began to hear the noises of change in the castle.
I tried not to cringe over the sounds. There was an eruption of shouts, the students yelling. Yelling for what though? I could not be happy over it, for joy amongst the students was likely to mean Severus was not exactly safe.
I felt ill to think about what anything meant. I chose to continue to hide from the truth of what was happening. I went to my office to leave a note where Letisha would find it. Upon entering my office though, I barely made it inside before I was stunned and hit the rug like a tonne of bricks.
When I came to, I was tied in my office chair, my hands biting painfully against the ropes behind the back of the chair. Groggy, I blinked several times before I put together that Letisha was the person who had stunned me. I squinted at her, trying to make my vision focus. "Professor Flitwick is on his way." She informed me with crossed arms.
"Why?" I asked, my voice cracked, my throat was dry. How long had I been unconscious?
"To decide if you should be allowed to roam about. They already have the Carrows tied up in the dungeons. I thought someone should decide whether you need to go down there too. Your boyfriend is already gone. Did you know he can fly with no broom?"
"I'm not working with the Carrows." I grumble. I desperately want to rub my aching head. "Why did you see him fly?"
"Well he flew out a window when Professor McGongall was kicking his ass."
"Probably wise... she's been pretty touchy lately." I quip, feeling defensive.
"Touchy!? He's been ruling this school like-"
"It was a joke, Letisha." I sighed, my attempts at casual and friendly interaction while tied to my office chair were interrupted by Filius's sudden appearance in my office.
"What is it, Miss Tate?" He asked as he entered, his jaw dropped when he saw what Letisha had done. The air between us was thick and sticky with our history, our fight, the way he had seen me this morning and now tied up by a student.
"I have secured the remaining staff liability." She announced proudly to her Head of House. "She was distributing copies of a spell on these cards if you wish to know what she was up to this morning."
Filius looked at me and back to Letisha. He read the spell. She went to the door and followed the spell's instructions. He experimented with the door knob. "The spell is as described. A securing spell to deter those who wish to do harm. There is no dark magic in it. Letisha... I will have to ask you to leave us for a moment."
"You aren't gonna ... torture her are you?" Letisha asked, suddenly worried, she must still care for me in some measure.
"No, she hasn't done anything wrong. We need to have a frank conversation that is not for your ears."
"Shall I wait outside for you, Professor?"
"No need." He told his brilliant and capable student who had so neatly captured his former brilliant and capable student. When the door shut behind her, his heavy sigh fixed me to the chair. "I wish with all my heart Minerva was doing this instead of me. I can't be the right person for this."
"For what? Interrogating me?" I ask lightly. I know not to appear eager to be released. It will only make him think I have intentions I may not have.
"For deciding." He grit.
"My fate?" I asked with a hint of a grin, it's not like he was about to put me to death for fudging the accuracy of my relationship with the dungeon bat.
"Not your fate, don't be dramatic. Whether you can be trusted to roam. Will fight for us or do you have other allegiances?"
"Of course I can be trusted! I'm not a death eater!" I roll my eyes at my old friend who should know very well I am not. "Do you wish to examine my wrist? I assure you there is no dark mark there."
"Funny, I seem to recall seeing a dark mark on a wrist that was wrapped around you this morning." His stare is ice cold, grey and flat. His blue eyes do not twinkle without their usual smile below them.
"I love him, not dark magic. Not that evil bastard who is coming our way." I mutter and cast my eyes down at my knees, a little cowed by the emotions of this morning being brought back up against me.
"You cannot let dark magic into your heart like that and go unscathed. It would be entirely reasonable to lock you up here. For the mere reason that he has tainted you."
"Filius that's absurd!" I know I should hide my anger, pretend it does not hurt me. I should play calm and reasonable, be willing to assure him that all is well. My anger is likely to get me locked in this room.
"You lied to me. You lied. to. me. for months and months . You knew you were lying in a bed with evil magic flowing through you. It bends, it corrupts. It is old magic. Ancient magic. It can move through people in more ways than you know and you were exposing us all."
"After Christmas Minerva seemed happy enough to expose me to the dark magic if it meant I could move information to your side!"
"Do not attempt to play that card with me as you well know I was against it! Moreover you were in his pocket from the first step you took in this castle, so you will not look me in the face and say it was all above board until then. We were all trusting you and even if you weren't telling him anything, you had the knowledge in your mind and there are ways dark wizards can steal things from its confines. I have long suspected Severus may well have some legilimency skills. He might have been plucking the information out of your pretty head while you slept!"
"What information exactly? He already knew the staff was making plans behind his back. He knew that you would be helping the students surreptitiously. Did it not occur to you, he just did not care?"
"It is impossible for him not to care! I do not believe him thrust into the position. I believe he made sure he was put there. He wanted the power. The fact you think he is benign is proof he has made you believe a false narrative."
"Well I guess you have to lock me up then! Go tell Minerva the liability is secured. I presume the Headmaster is already long gone and there is little chance of me helping him directly?"
"Yes. He flew away to his master. Good riddance."
"Well. The way I see it, Filius you have three choices. Lock me up here for the duration, let me out to help you, or send me away. If you really think I'm on their side you can toss me out."
"It's too late the shields are up." His venomous tone lets me know that if tossing me out were an option he might see it as a reasonable one. I am the trash that needs to be put out.
"Well then. Shields are up, my lover is gone. Am I to be treated like a Carrow? Or a staff member with an unfortunate heart affliction?"
"Afflictions can be cured. I'm not sure what you have is curable. You are certifiably mad where he is concerned."
"On that point I agree with you. I have not been well where that man is concerned since we touched hands on the staircase all those years ago."
"Those starbursts were a prophecy of your own doom." Filius mutters.
"At this moment I would say that is highly likely. If he dies I..." The gurgle in my throat of an unintentional breakdown makes me snap my mouth shut and look down before I lose it.
"If he dies you will not die with him. You are not as bound up as all that."
"A part of me will, Filius."
"You are hardly making a case for letting you free." He sighed.
"I believe you requested to no longer be lied to. The truth is, I love him. I will always love him, and I am not a death eater, nor have I sought to help the death eaters. Therefore you must free me with the knowledge that if you release me I will fight for your side unless the person that the other end of my wand is him. That's the only line I will not cross."
"But if the shields fall and he and his master come waltzing in, will you step over and take his arm?"
The image makes me chagrin. I hope I will not have to make that choice. I make the only promise I can without lying. "Filius. As long as my body is under my own control, I will fight for these students until my last breath."
"Why should I trust you?"
"Because you already do. Is that not the dittany vial tie pin I made you?"
"Well... yes... it is. But I did have Horace verify the liquid."
"Thank you for wearing it, Filius. It makes me happy. To know I might help in some small way. If I am to be locked here for the duration it would seem I am already at the end of my usefulness, but you know where to find me, should you need me."
"Merlin's sake! I didn't know I woke you up on the melodramatic side of your bed this morning." He exclaimed. "I hope Minerva doesn't end me for this, but I'm letting you out." His wand did not even move and my bonds dissolved into the air. Filius gave me a pointed finger and his most threatening look, which wasn't very. "If I see or hear about you doing anything to help them I swear I will testify at your trial myself. I will make sure you see punishment for your actions. But just now, my intuition says you are not lying to me." My good friend's eye glittered in conspiratorial glee for the first time in a long time.
"Thank you!" I hug the man, he is taken a little aback. We had been huggers once upon a time, when we were nothing but easy friends. Now it felt foreign. I was determined to win back his friendship.
"Alright, alright, take it easy. I still think you're a giant idiot. I will be getting your head examined if we make it through this."
"Fair enough. You better go to Minerva. I'll stay back from the front, try to support the students as best I can." I promise and there is a moment where we look at each other for a few seconds longer than we normally would. We both know there is a silent goodbye in it. We can't speak it just now, to say what the other means to us. It's too fraught with the recent dramas of life. But as we part I know, deep in my heart that my friend is still my friend.
I find the strength inside Filius' bravery to forgive and trust me. I know I can be the person he thinks I am inside. I can be brave too, and right now I'm going to need every ounce of bravery I can get. The only thing Filius doesn't know right now is that the actions that will make him proud of me are the same ones that would make Severus proud and so I will do my best for both of them in equal measure.
~+~
The waiting was almost worse than the reality. The waiting made us all sick to our stomachs as we stood and listened to the crackling of the magical barriers. Letisha and I had moved every bit of healing potion and supplies to the location Madam Pomfrey had requested. We helped make cots for the soon to be injured, and the bile that rose in our throats as we transfigured the mealtime benches into them was difficult to overcome, but it was better than standing still.
The horror of it all was that after the initial preparations were done, the school was eerily quiet. Everyone kept to whispering. When I felt like I might actually get sick while waiting, I decided to run some drills. I lead everyone in saying out loud the spells they might need to use.
Nothing could prepare me for the moment I looked into the eyes of several very brave twelve year olds who followed along in my breathing exercises. They were all vastly too young, and taking it so very seriously when I had them take a steadying breath before loudly yelling "Pro-te-go!" We spent several minutes chanting the syllables of spells out loud. Doing tongue twisters to ease the tension, and show them that a steadying breath and a moment of concentration before you begin might make the difference.
As the cracking and groaning of the shields got worse, I had to raise my voice for my small audience to hear me. "Remember! It isn't the words that make the magic. Like Professor Flitwick always says, the words are a key. Once you have learned the key you hold it in your heart. You move the magic with your intentions. You know these words. You are brave. You can use them. Know they are there when you need them. Don't be afraid."
An ear splitting crash signalled the end of the shields. Yet silence followed. There was going to be a moment before they would be at our doorstep. "Remember the safe places we talked about. Remember to hide is not weak. Remember to shoot blue sparks if you need help and can't get to The Great Hall."
When it began, it was as if my brain had gone silent. There was nothing inside it, only one action at a time. At first, those who sought to conquer the school poured in slowly. Then it seemed to happen all at once. Where at the beginning my hoard of students that were entirely too young to fight were standing all around me, watching me incapacitate those who breached the second floor, as more than one intruder climbed up at a time my students, my incredibly brave Mud Blood Club began to fight as well.
Younger students peeled off and ascended the stairs with their assigned older companions. Letisha had organized it all. The Mud Blood Club was now a group that consisted of muggleborn and witch born alike. They were comprised of some the students who had been missing, and some who had stood the test of facing the horrors in class all this time. Hand in hand, and led by Letisha, there was no fighter deemed too young. They made their own choices on this day, and brilliant Letisha had made sure that those who wanted to fight, were paired with someone who was better equipped to protect them.
It would have made me cry if I wasn't so busy keeping these assholes out of the upper floors of the school. The only student in the Mud Blood Club to not have an assigned partner was Letisha herself. As we stood there, side by side, casting against any one who sought the upper levels I realized I was hers. She too, trusted me again. Or perhaps she had never stopped.
A scream from the stairs above us made us move higher. There was no longer a stream coming from below, but I feared the other pathways into the castle had finally given way and there would be no predictable way to know which way they were coming now. We turned and ran in unison up the stairs. The heavy sound of the floating stairs changing direction drowning out the specifics of what was happening above us.
We turned the corner and almost tripped as the body of a death eater came rolling down the stairs. A good sign and yet, the cloying panic in my chest drove me to continue up, to see who has screamed, to make sure they were safe. The staircase was moving though, and as Letisha and I reached the top, I grabbed her arm to prevent her from overstepping. We could see a girl on the other landing. Down on the ground. There was blood.
"I'll float you over." I said to Letisha, moments before I did so, levitating her precariously in the air over to the opposite landing.
"It's a badly broken ankle." She called back to me. I waited for the stairs to change back, watching Letisha work. She had the ankle straightened, and the bone healed before the stairs even budged. "I've got the bone back together but she's bleeding a lot."
I willed the stairs to move. They did not. I calculated the options, drag the girl through the war zone, or apply something from my kit. I did not like the look of the blood on the stairs. Too much of it. "I've got it!" Letisha called, and from the inside of her school robes I watched her unpin the vial I had made her. The elegant eagle mascot of her house. She emptied the vial onto the girl's leg and I squinted from afar. "It's good. The skin knit back together nicely. Let's get you to her common room for a rest, huh?" She comforted the girl who was coming out of her shock.
Letisha began helping the girl up when I heard the steps coming from below. Two women came around the landing. "Well here's Boris." One said, nudging the downed man with her toe. "Dead. We been looking for him... Did you do this?"
"No he was like that when I stepped over him." I answer, casting up a shield. I prayed the staircase could not turn in the direction of Letisha nd the student she was trying to move, but of course, now that it was bidden to do the opposite, the slow grind of stone on stone told me that shortly we would be facing them.
The other woman sneered at me. "He was my boyfriend." She informed with a menacing tightening of her grip on her wand.
"Sorry he was so ugly." I retort, hoping to mess with her cognitive a abilities, throw her off balance, something that would help me fight two women at once.
"It was an accident, he blew up the ceiling and he got hit in the head with it!" The girl had found her voice. I wish she hadn't. The women had not noticed them yet. Too late now.
"Ladies, the upper floors are off limits. Go back down." I attempt distraction, advance down a step, stare at them with an imperious glare. They are not fooled. They know my highest priority is to protect them. I extend the reach of my shield, hoping to block them from harm but when the first woman begins sparring with me, I am too distracted to cast in two directions.
My emotions get the better of me, I begin to panic. I need to redouble my focus. Suddenly, Letisha is at my side. The staircase has connected me to my partner. She is letting fly a whole host of stunning spells that look especially zesty. When one hits home, not only does the woman who was Boris' girlfriend hit the ground, but her hairs stand on end like she had been hit by lightning.
Letisha impresses me, as always. She and I exchange the shortest glance with each other, a moment of some pride, but it is cut short when the other woman's curse comes barreling at us. It gets stuck between our shield charms, bounces off the stone behind us and ends up exploding a pillar. The debris knocks Letisha down a few stairs and I get sliced up the back of my leg.
I send several spells at the woman before I have time to look at Letisha again. When I see the blood running off her head, it tickles something inside me I hadn't known was there. I send a killing curse at the woman. It misses. I hear Severus in my head, scolding me about dark magic. About how it can creep inside you when you use it, change you. But there had been anger there, welling up inside me for so long. When I saw the crimson flowing down my friend's face I had not even considered my actions.
"Oh you really want to play now, huh? Got some bad girl in you after all, ah?" The woman sneers before sending the green light right back at not me, but at Letisha's fallen form. I snap a shield down just in time. Don't you dare hurt her . I thought as I came after the woman.
I moved to shield my compatriot but heard her moving behind me. "Thanks for shielding me. I got it. Flank her and we'll end this." Letisha said quietly behind me. I didn't relish the idea of moving away from her, of forcing her to make her own shield but I trusted her. I began advancing down the stairs toward her, and out to the side, trying to force her to keep her eyes in two places at once, splitting her focus.
The woman seemed to know that there was no way out. She had to kill us. We had the higher ground and there was no way to run. She also seemed to know that as long as she sent the worst stuff toward Letisha I would be distracted. I was casting double shields, more defensive than offensive.
Letish was holding her own, spell after spell, light flashed off the stone around us, but a small quaver told me Letisha was weaker than she had let on. I knew it and she needed help now. I grasped my dittany necklace and called to her before I threw it. Letisha caught it.
The woman was distracted by the exchange, tried to knock my necklace from the air and failed. I hit her foot with a stunning spell. Now club footed, she ambled to turn and face me, and I was about to cast, about to take her disadvantage and turn it on her when my hand started exploding stars.
I looked down at them, gold, shining, exploding stars I hadn't seen for eight years were leaping off my hand like fireworks. Eyes full of light, my vision blurred as white stars burned into my retinas. My duelling advantage came and passed while my world spun in confusion. The woman cast, so did Letisha. I saw the exchange of light. I saw the woman pitching over, but then I too, began to fall.
As my heel found nothing but air behind me on the stairwell between the 5th floor East wing and the 4th floor West wing I wondered if I would have noticed the significance of the location, if it weren't for my hand making sparks. Would I have fallen with nothing on my mind but the length of the journey down?
My mind was blankly shocked as I watched the stars flickering out of my fingertips. Y hair whipped around my face as I sped toward the ground. I did not have space in my mind to worry the charm at the bottom was going to work, or that I might break my back on the rail of another staircase on my way down. There was nothing in my head but sparks, and the knowledge that for eight years I had done nothing to try to find out what they meant.
I stared into the white lights of them and the speed of my fall brought blackness up around the edges of my vision. The overwhelming worry that something begun all those years ago had suddenly ended, filled my lungs. With no scream, with no gasp, I had fallen, and now as I reached the end of my journey the momentum arresting charm caught me with cold black arms. I grasped at breath, and finding it unavailable to me, let the darkness overwhelm me.
((I think it will be at least a month before I can post again. In the mean time drop me a comment, they are very inspiring to make me write in my spare moments. Love you all, dear readers. I honestly can't believe so many people have found and enjoy my story it's overwhelming.))