Disclaimer: Drugs Addiction, Relapse
Rafe stormed out of his room immediately and I ran after him.
"Rafe, Rafe please stop," I yelled. He ignored me and left the house through the front door.
"Rafe, please just stop," I yelled at him louder as he was putting his helmet on and getting ready to leave on his bike. I got closer to him and grabbed his face so he was looking at me.
I looked into those blue eyes that I had fallen in love with but something about them was different. They weren't the eyes that he looked at me with, they were full of rage and ache. He was hurting so much and I could feel it, when Rafe is like this nothing ever ends well.
"Rafe please just come back and let's just watch a movie and relax he's not worth a fight," I begged him, sobs exiting my voice.
"Lillian, I need to control this, do you understand?" he yelled so loud, lifting his hand from his side to his face.
I flinched.
He saw my movement and I could see more anger get in him. "Lillian, do you fucking believe I could hurt you? Do you?" He yelled and I stayed quiet. "For fucks sake answer me!" He screamed. I started to shake, I was starting to feel scared. I took a few steps back from him and he kept repeating 'I will fix this' to himself while he got on his bike and drove away.
I stood there, processing what had just happened. Rafe would never hurt me, my whole life I never thought he could. Even when we were enemies. But the man that had just left wasn't the Rafe I knew. He was different, he was scary. And to my surprise, I think he could hurt me.
No. I wasn't going down that road again. I couldn't let myself go there.
I took my car and tried to follow him without him noticing. I was sobbing so much, I didn't want to be scared of one of the only people that felt like home but the Rafe that I had just witnessed didn't feel like home, not even close.
I recognized where he was driving, Barry's. No, I was making him relapse. What had I done?
I saw him park his bike and as soon as he entered the house I pulled up and parked. I waited for a few minutes before entering and just thought back at everything that had happened in the past 20 minutes. I cried for what felt like hours and then realized what I was actually here for.
I wiped the tears off of my face and got out of the car. I went in Barry's trailer, still shaking but I had to hide that.
"Ms. Country Club that you?" he asked me.
"Just here to see Rafe, so don't try anything with me. Are we clear?" I asked him coldly.
"Yes ma'am, but I don't think Country Club wants company at the moment." He told me, he wasn't talking in his usual tone, this was more serious.
"What do you mean Barry?" I asked him scared of his question.
"See for yourself," He told me and pointed to a window that showed a room. In the room was Rafe, he was snorting lines and he had punched a hole in the wall, he seemed so bad. "Normally, I would tell him to stop but I don't want to mess with him right now," Barry told me once again with a serious tone. The Rafe that I saw was terrifying, he was so aggressive and I felt like at that moment he wouldn't think twice before hurting me.
I saw him get up after he snorted the last line, he was about to walk out the door. I hid under a counter and I overheard his conversation with Barry.
"Thanks for the coke man," Rafe told him as he handed Barry some money.
"Course man, where you off to now?" Barry asked Rafe, I almost felt like he was asking that for me.
"Y'know Maybank? The pogue," Rafe asked Barry and my heart almost stopped beating. What the fuck was he going to do?
"Yeah man, I fucking hate him," Barry said and I rolled my eyes, of course, he did.
"Well, he talked some shit into my girl's head about me and she fucking believes him so I'm gonna beat the fuck out of him. Just needed to pregame a little," Rafe told Barry and he nodded.
His personality had changed since he was in the room, he was more calm and less scary but he still wasn't the Rafe I knew. Rafe left the trailer and as soon as I heard his bike start up I got out of my hiding spot.
"So I guess Ms. Country Club is what he's all so worked up about huh?" Barry told me, his tone back to normal.
"Fuck," I mumbled and I ran out of his trailer. I started my car and called Jj, Rafe seemed serious and I didn't want him to hurt Jj.
"Lil I'm so sorry," Jj said as he picked up.
"Jj, we'll sort this out later but I need you to go somewhere that no one would find you in." I told Jj, I still hadn't forgiven him but I cared about his safety.
"O-okay, but why?" he asked.
"Rafe is basically coming for you," I said in a serious tone.
"Your psycho boyfriend is coming for me huh? That's not concerning at all," Jj said sarcastically.
"Jj shut the hell up, you literally ruined my relationship. I still care about you and that's why I called you but we aren't good." I said before hanging up. I knew Rafe was headed to Jj's but he didn't know a shortcut that I had learned a few months back to get to his faster.
I took that shortcut so I could get to his house first and stop Rafe from doing anything stupid. I arrived at Jj's and as I predicted Rafe wasn't there yet. About five minutes I saw Rafe's bike get in the driveway.
"Maybank get the fuck out before I kill you," he yelled which startled me.
"Rafe," I said with a sob and our eyes met in the darkness.
"Lillian?" he asked, his tone getting softer.
"He's not here, you won't know where he is so it's not worth searching," I said.
"Why are you here Rafe?" I asked him, I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from him.
"Lillian," he said. I shook my head at him.
"Answer my question," I demanded softly.
"It's just that, everyone who knows about us always says the same things. That I'm bad for you, that I will hurt you, and that I will just leave you. People always compare me to Daniel as if I would ever do that to you and today you flinched at me so I thought that you believed it as well, so I thought that I could at least make up to everyone's expectations." he told me and my heart broke.
"Let's go home and discuss this when you're sober," I told him. I wanted to talk to him sober because tonight he really did scare me, I felt like he could really hurt me. And if I told him right now, things would fall apart even more.
__________________
The next morning I woke up and saw a few texts from Rafe
Rafe❤️
Hey
Rafe❤️
Can we talk?
Rafe❤️
I'm so sorry Lil
Me
Sure
Rafe❤️
Mine?
Me
Sure
I was nervous to see him, last night was so crazy and I couldn't ignore the way he made me feel. I was getting deja vu's from my last relationship, and I hated that so much because Rafe was nothing like my ex.
Rafe made me so happy, his smile, his eyes, the way he treats me, the way his face lights up when he sees me. I'm in love with Rafe. I would do fucking anything for him. I'm not letting Jj get in the middle of that.
I walked to the Cameron's and I was definitely nervous. This time I knocked on the door and Rafe answered.
"Hey," he said, I could tell he was very scared of the conversation that was about to happen.
I grabbed his face and kissed him. I could tell he was very surprised but also ecstatic, I felt his stress leave his body as he kissed me back.
We both pulled away from the kiss and he tilted his head at me asking for an explanation.
"Rafe, I'm not going to lie last night you scared me, I legit thought you would hurt me," I said and I saw his little smile fade, a devastated look taking over.
"But, thinking back, I don't think you would. You're good for me Rafe, you don't know how happy you make me, don't let anyone get in the way of that. Jj has never seen us together so he doesn't know what he's talking about. I know that you would never use me for sex or hurt me. As long as I know that we're good," I reassured him.
"Lillian I lo-" he started saying before stopping himself.
Was he about to say that he loved me?
Did he?
I know I did, so much.
Rafe's POV
"Lillian I lo-" I said before interrupting myself.
Fuck.
I was about to tell her I loved her. I mean, I did, with my whole heart. I loved her so fucking much there's no way for me to describe it.
But I don't think she felt the same way, how could she: the most perfect girl in the whole world, love someone like me: a fucking failure who is also a drug addict. There's no way she could, Dad was right.
"I'm sorry Lillian, when I'm on drugs something just takes over me and I can never think straight," I told her. We both went to my room and we sat next to each other on the bed.
"Rafe?" Lillian asks me.
"Yeah, my love?"
"When you said that when you're on drugs you can't think straight were you referring to before you went to Barry's? Did you take Coke before I came over?" she asks me and I freeze.
"Lillian," I attempt to say but she cuts me off.
"So that means that you relapsed and you weren't going to mention that to me?" she said, she wasn't mad, I could tell she wasn't. But she wanted to know the truth.
"No Lillian, just please let me explain," I begged.
"Go ahead, explain," she tells me demanding an explanation.
"A few hours before you came over my dad called me in his office. Your dad told him about us so he wanted to ask me about you. He asked me how I felt about you and I told him that I really like you," I lied, I lied about the last part. I didn't like her I loved her, and I told my dad that I loved her.
"Then I said that I thought you really liked me too," I continued lying, I said that I thought that Lillian loved me back which was such bullshit because she didn't. "And he said that no one could ever like me in a romantic way and that I was bad for you. So I went to Barry's and did some coke." I said I closed my eyes not wanting to see her disappointment.
I felt her hug me and I started crying on her shoulder.
"Rafe, don't fucking listen to him, he's just a dick who can't get a fucking life. He doesn't have the ability to determine who loves you and who doesn't. I never thought we would end up here, together, but it happened. Don't let your father ruin this." Lillian said before kissing me.
"Lillian?" I ask her.
"Yeah?" she answers softly.
"I love you," I tell her, I mean it. I mean it so much, I was so afraid she didn't feel the same way but after what she just told me I knew I had to tell her.
Her face lit up and it seems like forever until she says something but it was really just a second.
"I love you too Rafe."
Notes from the author:
Heyyy!!! I really hope you guys are enjoying this book, it is already growing pretty fast and I am so grateful!! This book means so much to me and I love writing it so much so thank you for reading it!! Please vote and comment your thoughts or suggestions.
Love you all so much!!! X