Previously
Ms. Miller stands up and and walks over to the couch, sitting next to me.
"Are you okay?" She asks, her eyes filled with empathy.
"I.." I start, feeling a lump in my throat.
"I'm not so sure anymore.." I admit.
"Just know you don't have to do this alone. I see you have a great support system, keep them by your side." Ms. Miller says.
I nod, not wanting to speak as I feel the lump in my throat grow.
"This is only a part of your journey to healing, and it's gonna be hard. Trust me, I know."
She puts emphasis on her last phrase before pulling her right sleeve up, revealing a medium sized tattoo on her wrist of a purple butterfly with the body of a purple ribbon. In the space in the middle of the loop of the ribbon, there's a semicolon.
A/N: The purple ribbon is the Stop Domestic Violence symbol. It also has other meanings, but here it signifies dv. The semicolon tattoo (;) represents getting through any hardships.
Seeing this, I immediately tear up.
"I'm so sorry.." I say quietly.
It's so fucked up how many people experience domestic violence.
"It's okay. I've healed." Ms. Miller says, "And one day, you will too."
The lump in my throat comes to a head and I can no longer hold back my tears. I curl into myself, silently sobbing. Ms. Miller says nothing and hugs me, offering me silent comfort.
>>>
4 days later
Zaylani's POV
"Bitch wake the fuck up!" I hear Kierra yell.
I've been staying in her and Dani's dorm for the passed few days. They've both made me feel incredibly welcomed, although I'm sure that my presence is a bit inconvenient for them.
"GET UP!" She yells again, this time louder.
Andddd this is what I wake up to every morning.
"Bitch.." I groan.
"Don't you have a session today?" Kierra asks.
"Shuttttt uppppp." I complain groggily.
The bitch jumps on me, almost killing me in the process.
"Bitch! Ow!" I yelp and she laughs.
"Go jump on Danielle!" I exclaim.
"Nooooo thank you." I hear Danielle groan from the couch, looking at her phone, "She does that shit to me every morning, you saving my life right now."
"Don't act brand new Danielle..you know you love my wake a bitch up routine." Kierra responds, still on top of me.
"Nigga you little but you not that little! I'm losing oxygen." I say.
Kierra mugs me and Danielle bursts out laughing.
"Bitch. You lucky you got somewhere to be." She mumbles, getting off of me.
"Yeah. I've actually started to look forward to them." I say, sitting up in bed.
Ms. Miller set me up with her therapist. For the first week I'm scheduled to go every day, then I only go 3 days a week. Her name is Destiney and she's really easy to talk to. She's helping me so much already.
"I can tell, never seen your ass get up for shit in my life before recently." Kierra jokes.
"Okay girl, chill on me." I say, getting out of the bed.
I grab my towel and head to the shower to get ready.
>>>
"Aight y'all, I'm bouta head out." I say after I'm all ready.
I decided to dress like a lil boy today so I'm wearing a black tee and adidas shorts with white socks and my black crocs.
"Later Zay." Danielle says.
"Imma come pick you up afterwards, I wanna go out." Kierra says.
"Bet. I'll see you then." I respond, grabbing my tote.
"Can I come?" Danielle asks.
"Mmcht. Don't you got your friend to chill with?" Kierra responds.
"Man, she been tweakin the past couple days." Danielle says, running her hand down the side of her face.
"Is she okay?" I ask, immediately starting to worry.
"Honestly? I don't know." She says, "She hasn't been texting back and when she does her energy is way off."
"..Do you think it's because of me?" I ask quietly.
Kierra smacks her teeth.
"Girl." She says.
"What??" I retort.
"What's going on between y'all is definitely a part of it but..I think there's something else too." Danielle says.
"But I'm gonna be real though Zaylani, her behavior changed like a week ago after she saw you and that one girl while her and I were smoking in the park.." She says cautiously.
"What?" I say.
I didn't even know they were there..
"Oh give me a fuckin break. They're partners for a project Danielle." Kierra retorts.
"Girl chill out. I'm not saying it was nothing for her to be worried about, I'm just telling y'all that's when it started." Danielle says.
I sigh.
"She actually saw us at my dorm as well..now I know for sure she thinks something is up." I mention.
"Well did you tell her what it was?" Danielle asks.
"I tried but she wasn't having it." I start, "and I mean, we had just stopped talking, I didn't wanna text her and leave her confused.."
Kierra sighs.
"You should talk to her." She says to Danielle.
"Yeah..please tell her it wasn't nothing like that. I wouldn't do that to her." I add.
"Yeah def. Imma go to her dorm a little later." Danielle responds.
"Make sure she's okay.." I say quietly.
"Of course." Danielle says.
"Aight, I'm actually leaving now. Let me know how that goes Dani." I say, putting my tote over my shoulder.
Danielle nods.
"I'll see y'all later." I say before leaving their dorm.
>>>
Niques POV
I'm laying on my bed scrolling aimlessly through insta when I hear a knock on the door.
Ugh. I just wanna be alone. All the worry from Zaylani's situation along with the guilt I've been dealing with just makes me wanna isolate myself.
I wish I could check on her..I just feel terrible and I know I'll slip up and tell her what I did if I speak to her.
Everything is going to absolute shit and I have no idea what to do.
But what did I expect?
Before I get to opening the door to see who's there, I hear Meera's voice.
"Um. Who are you?"
Girl.
I can't hear the person at the door.
"What do you need to speak to her for?"
A pause.
"Well she's busy." She says curtly.
Then on top of the shit with Zaylani, Meera's started acting like we're a fucking couple or something, even though I told her what happened was a mistake.
I drag myself out of bed and into the living area when I see Danielle looking at Meera with a puzzled expression.
"God, chill out Meera." I say exasperatedly, running my hand down my face.
"What?? I'm just trying to keep you safe." She responds and I see Danielle's face twist into a look of confusion, looking between the two of us.
"Give me a fuckin break." I mutter, running my hand through my hair. "You good Dani, come in." I say.
Danielle nods hesitantly and walks passed Meera and I lead her to my room.
"What was that all about?" She asks when I close the door behind us.
I sigh.
"Ion even know man." I respond, sitting on my bed.
"Wassup though? You good?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
"Are you good? I came here to check on you." She responds.
"Uh, yeah I'm good." I lie.
Definitely going through it right now.
Danielle only looks at me straight faced.
"What?" I ask, rubbing my neck nervously.
"Be for real with me Nique..you know you can talk to me." She says, crossing her arms, leaning against my door.
I don't say anything.
"I know you fucked up about Zaylani and ion mean to pry but..it gotta be more than that with the way you been acting." Danielle says, looking me dead in the eyes.
This bitch knows me too well.
"Nah.." I respond, looking at the ground, not even confident in my own lie anymore.
"Nique bro. Stop this shit. I'm worried about you. Kierra's worried about you bro. Hell, you got Zaylani worried sick about your ass too." She says, clearly getting irritated, making me look at her, "And you know she don't need no more shit on her plate."
"..What you mean? Why is Zaylani worried?" I ask.
"Nique what? Why wouldn't she be?" Danielle responds incredulously, "she's starting to wonder if it's her fault."
"I'm pretty sure she got someone she fucking with, Danielle. She got no reason to be worried about me." I respond, resting my cheek on my fist, getting irritated all over again.
As much as I feel shitty for fucking Meera, I still find myself hurting over what I saw that night.
I never asked for an explanation I mean..why would I? We weren't talking anymore..hell, we aren't talking anymore..so I don't really have the right to.
All I know is it looked and felt like Zaylani played the fuck outta me.
Danielle doesn't say anything so I look up to see her looking at me like I'm fuckin stupid.
"Bro. What??" I say.
"You deadass right now?" She asks, her hand covering her mouth.
I just look at her.
"You don't for real think she fuckin with ole girl??" Danielle continues, almost laughing.
Again, I don't say anything and Danielle laughs.
"They're partners for a project bro." She says.
My stomach drops right to my ass.
"W-what?? She told you that?" I stammer out and Danielle looks at me confused.
"Uh..technically yeah." She responds.
"Can you just tell me exactly what was said?" I ask, trying to get this shit straight.
"Uh..alright? Sooo basically Zaylani and Kierra were planning on chilling later on today and I asked if I could come, to which Kierra asked if I didn't have you to chill with." Danielle says.
"I told her you were out of it and Zaylani immediately got worried and asked if you was good."
"I said I wasn't sure and she asked if it was her fault, so I said maybe that's a part of it, but you'd been off since you saw her at the park." She continues.
"Okay.." I say, waiting for her to finish.
"Anddd, Kierra said they were partners for a project. Zaylani said you saw them at her dorm and tried to say something but didn't get a chance. Then she told me to make sure you were good and to let you know it wasn't nothing like that." Danielle says.
"That's it bro." She finishes, throwing her hands up.
"That's it?" I say.
"Yes girl, that's it. Like I said, that girl likes you bad. She only has your best interest and wouldn't do no trife shit like that to you, regardless of where y'all stand right now. She was worried you thought something when she saw y'all, but didn't text you because she didn't wanna confuse you."
I get up and start pacing, my hands clasped together on my head.
So you're telling me I fucked that girl under the impression that Zaylani fucked me over and the whole time it was just over some fucking project?
My only reasoning for fucking her was that I thought Zaylani played in my face..
She's been worried about me this whole time, and I'm over here thinking she was fuckin with ole girl.
Now I really fucked up.
"Fuck bro." I mutter, burrying my face in my hands.
"Um..yeah. I told your ass not to trip over that shit." Danielle responds, watching me pace around the room.
"Shit man!" I exclaim, running my hand down my face.
"What?? What's the issue?" She asks.
"Bro..I fucked up. Bad." I mumble.
"..Nique what are you talking about? What you mean??" Danielle questions me.
"I.." I trail off.
How do I even say this?
"Nique..you what? You scaring me." She presses on, no longer leaning against my door.
I sit back down on my bed.
"The day we smoked..you know after I saw the two of them together?" I start and Danielle nods slowly.
"Yeah.." She says hesitantly.
"When I finally came back here to my dorm I saw them outside Zaylani's dorm." I continue.
"Okay, I know that." Danielle responds.
"Seeing that shit hurt me bad and for me it confirmed my assumptions from earlier and.." I trail off.
"Nique. And what?? What the fuck did you do?" Danielle pries.
"I just wanted to forget about her for one fucking second bro." I say, burying my head in my hands, leaning against my wall.
"Nique.." She trails off.
"I got in here and she came up to me and.." I mumble.
"Who??" Danielle says, clearly confused.
I only look at her, watching her face contort into a look of realization.
She looked at my door as if she could see through it and back at me.
"Nique you not saying what I think you saying." She says, looking dead at me.
"Depends on what you think I'm saying man.." I huff.
"Stop beating around the fuckin bush and speak up then bro." Danielle says, evidently getting irritated.
"I fucked Meera, okay??" I exclaim.
Danielle just stares at me, a look of disappointment, anger and disbelief on her face.
"And I feel like complete shit for it. That's why I've been acting like this. The guilt is eating me fucking alive along with being worried about Zaylani and I can't do anything about it." I ramble.
"..Bro..you-I don't even know what to say to that.." She says quietly.
"You fucked her?? The same girl you said called Zaylani out her name?? The same girl you swore up and down you couldn't stand??" She continues, getting louder.
"I wasn't thinking about allat..I just wanted to feel something other than the loss of her presence.." I mutter.
"You wanted to get your mind off of Zaylani? Cool. You could've hit me up again that night and I would've taken you out or some shit, no questions asked. There were so many ways for you to get yourself to stop thinking about her and this was the worst possible one." Danielle says, grilling me.
"I know I fucked up bro..I don't know what else to say." I respond.
Danielle takes a deep breath.
"I don't know either." She says.
"What do I do?" I ask her.
"Nigga I don't know?? Tell her??" Danielle responds.
"What good would that do?? All that will accomplish is putting more stress on Zaylani and she doesn't need that right now." I say.
"Well maybe you should've thought about that shit before you fucked your roommate." She says blankly.
"Ugh." I groan.
"You gotta tell her. For your sake. Because this? What you're doing now? Is not good for you in any way." She says.
"And as for Zaylani, she's not gonna have to be worried about you anymore, she'll know you're good. Even if you are fucking stupid." She says curtly.
"But what if she never speaks to me again?" I say.
Danielle shrugs.
"Can you blame her?" She says.
All I can do is stare at the floor.
"She's going to ask me what happened later on, so you need to be ready to tell her. And soon." She continues.
"..are you gon tell her?" I mumble.
"No I'm not gon tell her Nique. That's on you. All I'll say is that she needs to speak to you." Danielle says.
"Okay..okay I'll tell her." I say, taking a deep breath.
"Yeah. I'm out tho." She responds blankly, turning to open my door.
"Wait, Danielle.." I start.
"Wassup." She responds, looking at me with her hand on the doorknob.
"Are we good?" I ask.
She sighs.
"I'm really, really fucking disappointed in you Nique..but yeah, we're good." Danielle says honestly.
I nod slowly.
"Call me when you need me aight?" She says.
"Gotchu.." I respond quietly.
With that, she leaves me alone in my room, with only the anxiety from the pending shit show that will stem from what I did to accompany me.
"Fuck man." I mutter, holding my head on my hands as I feel tears prickle my eyes.
>>>
Zaylani's POV
"See you tomorrow Destiney, and thank you so much." I say to my therapist, grabbing my bag. Our session had just ended.
"Of course honey, I'll see you tomorrow." Destiney responds in a happy voice.
>>
"You here?" I ask Kierra over the phone as I walk out of the building.
"Look to your right." She says.
I look over and see her car.
I wave and walk over, hopping in.
"Hey y'alllll." I greet.
"Hey girl!" Kierra says as she pulls off.
"Yooo, how was your session?" Danielle responds, looking at me from the rearview mirror.
"It was really good. Destiney's helping me a shit ton." I say honestly.
"That's wassup." Danielle responds.
"Yeahh, def. How'd it go with Nique tho? Did you check on her?" I ask.
She's been on my mind all day since Danielle confirmed her energy was off.
"Uh, yeah..you gotta talk to her." She responds, glancing at Kierra.
Kierra looks back at her with a confused look on her face.
"Huh?" I say.
"Yeah, I'm lost. What she gotta talk to her for?" Kierra says, glancing at Danielle as she drives.
"I'm sorry I really can't say much, you just gotta talk to her Zay." Danielle says with a sigh.
"Um..okay I guess? Is she okay at least though?" I ask.
"She's aight." She responds.
Okay..
"Sounds like she pulled some bullshit to me." Kierra mumbles under her breath.
Danielle only shakes her head, seemingly in disappointment, looking out the window.
I wonder what's going on..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kierra in the drivers seat😹:
Hi y'allllll, how are y'all enjoying the story so far? I'm having a good ass time writing it, even with the bumps in the road. Next chapter may be out soon, I'm not sure yet. Until then though; I love all of you gays💋💋💋.
Published 7/20/23