NINI
I'm on the balcony, looking at the cheering audience as the curtains want to close. I've made it through the first half of the play without crying every time I looked at the empty seat. I've made it without making any mistakes when saying my lines, although my head is empty and all I can think of is him. I've made it without wanting to scream out loud.
I watch as the curtains want to close, announcing the thirty minutes break before the second half of the show begins. I have to get down from this balcony, get backstage and go to the costume team so that they can work on my makeup and help me change in the next costume.
I have to do all that.
But something stops me.
Coming from afar, I can hear a song.
It's very low at first, like a whisper, but it gets louder and louder until I can hear it clearly and it's not just me hearing it. Everybody in this room turns in the direction the music is heard from. And all of us freeze when we discover what, who, it is.
Caden is standing in a tux that makes him look even more perfect than he normally is, a microphone in his hand, singing to I Love You Baby. I can see how nervous he is, how much he might regret doing this. Some people in the crowd start filming it and I can see Alec giving everyone who wants to film a death stare. Many stop. Caden swallows, a bit braver as before hard and continues singing and dancing to the music, making his way through the rows of chairs and people, walking straight to the stage.
I'm still on the balcony of the improvised tower the props team built, looking frozen at the scene. He told me he would never do this. He told me he would never sing and dance in front of an audience. But he's doing it. For me.
For me.
He only stops as he's standing right under my balcony, kinda like Romeo and Juliet. I can see him take a deep breath before his eyes meet mine. I can read every feeling in his green-blue eyes. I can see how nervous he is. He's afraid of how I might react. He's a bit embarrassed after the show he had just put on. He's angry at himself for screwing up and making us break up. But most of all he's hopeful. He's hopeful that we can be more again.
Caden doesn't look at the crowd as he speaks again. He only has eyes for me.
"Dear Broadway, I know I screwed up."
I can hear the crowd gasp and more phones start filming. Alec tries flipping them off again for them to stop, but the gossip is too important for them not to take the risk. The famous hockey legend just admitted he had a screwup.
Caden looks at me as if to tell me it's alright and he doesn't mind and that it's just us in this world right now. I nod and focus solely on him again.
"I screwed up, Broadway", he begins again. "I know I did. I can't say that admitting that deal was a mistake. I know it was, and I know I should have never done that because I was playing with someone's feelings and you didn't deserve that. But I can't also imagine how my life would look like right now if you haven't had become a part of it. I can't say that I hate ever making that deal because without it, I would have still been the idiot who chases after a girl for whom I didn't feel even half of the things I feel when I'm with you. You light up my world, Nini. You're the reason I breathe. I don't know how I managed to live twenty years without you. It's a mystery. Because I for sure know that I'm not going to survive another twenty, even more, the rest of my life, without you in it. When I go to sleep, you are my last thought, and when I wake up, it's the memory of you that helps me start my day. I smile daily knowing that I'm going to see you."
"You turned my world upside down. Love was supposed to be simple. Love was supposed to make me feel something, but not like this. No, Nini. When I'm with you, my feelings are so insane, I wonder how they can even be real. I catch myself thinking this is all a dream and that I'm sleeping and that it is not possible for someone to be as happy. Because you make me the happiest. When you smile, Broadway...Your smile...I have never seen anything like it. Anything so beautiful. So pure. Your smile is pure beauty. I would give up many things if I ever had to, but I could never give up your smile."
"I know we started out as a deal. And I am sorry you had to find it out like this. When Tessa told you, you were so angry at me, so upset, I was afraid to say anything. But I knew I had to eventually. Because she didn't tell you everything. She couldn't. She couldn't tell you how in love I am with you and how many times I had to cry myself to sleep knowing I would be hurting you and your feelings one day. When I first kissed you, you told me it was a lie. But it wasn't. That kiss...That kiss was the realest thing I had ever experienced then. It wasn't just a short thrill. No. My body, my soul, my head and my heart, they all responded to you. For a few moments, I forgot who I was, I forgot my name, I only knew that I wanted you to call me yours. And then I got to know you better. And I discovered the amazing person you are. I don't know how I haven't noticed you before. It kills me daily that I haven't noticed you before. Sometimes, always, I wonder, what would have happened if I hadn't been so blinded before and I would have had my eyes open. I know I would have noticed you. Because you're the only one who speaks to me. We would have gotten more time. We wouldn't have ended up in this situation and we would still be together. I would still be able to hold your hand and call you mine. I would still be able to kiss you and hug you and make you feel loved. Because you are loved. Don't you ever doubt that. My love for you is so big, you have no idea. I love you more than anything. You are my whole world."
A tear rolls down his face, but he doesn't wipe it out. He lets it roll, as if to force himself to feel the pain. My face already got filled with tears the moment he started talking. And they aren't tears of sadness. But tears of happiness. Happiness I found him.
He made a mistake. But he admitted it. And he loves me. And, being honest, I love him. I don't think I have ever loved anyone as much before. I want to be the one who gets to be with him every day, the one he can talk to, the one he can laugh with, the one he can go on late car drives with. I want him as my movie marathon partner, my supporter and my friend. I want him as my lover and my boyfriend and more. I want him as my everything. Because I already know he is.
"Caden, I..." I want to say it, but he interrupts me, probably thinking I would turn him down again.
"I am so sorry, Broadway. I really am. I never wanted to hurt you. And I promise to never hurt you again. You could say that's a promise I can't make, but I know I can. Because I want to make you happy. I'll cherish you and protect you and make you smile. I'll help you through all the hardships we might face and I'll always be there for you. But most importantly I'll love you. And I know that I can promise you that. Because my heart...My heart is yours, Broadway. Always has been, always will be."
He stops closer to the balcony and I turn around. I can hear the crowd gasp, probably more interested in our drama right now than they have been in the play all together. I make my way down the ladder and down from the balcony, until I'm standing on the stage. I take a few steps until I'm in front of the tower and he can see me again. His eyes are pinned on me, as if he would never look away.
I take a moment to look at him. He looks so beautiful. He's gorgeous. I love his every quality, his every flaw. I love him.
I love him.
"You said you wanted to be my Romeo, but you know what the difference between you two is?" I ask him, trying to hide my feelings with my voice. It seems to have worked since he shivers.
"What?", he answers, his voice shaking.
"In your case, you forever get the girl."
I can hear the crowd gasp touched but it's Caden I'm looking at. His face relaxes and, in a few seconds, he's standing closer to me, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up from the ground. He spins me around once and then stops, for me to wrap my feet around his waist. His hands lay protective on my back and he pulls me even closer to him to whisper.
"You have no idea how much I missed this. How much I missed you", he whispers, his face sunk in my hair as if he wanted to feel my scent to realize this is real and it's actually happening.
"I missed you, too", I whisper and with my fingers, I move his chin so that he looks at me again. And as soon as our eyes meet, I crash my lips onto his. I can feel him shiver under my touch. I can feel him tense. I can feel the passion and desire with which he's kissing me, the result of weeks being apart. I can feel his love surrounding me, like a promise we'll be alright. I can feel his happiness, which is as big as mine. Because I'm happy. So happy. I've never been happier. I have him back.
As we let go for some air, I brush my lips onto his ear and whisper: "I love you too, Caden." I can heel how his chest rises and how he tenses again. This time, even more as before. His eyes are full, as if he would start to cry any second now. His hands pull me even closer. I only continue: "I don't think I could ever love anyone as much. You are my whole world. I love you. Only you. I want to make you the happiest. I'll be there for you and we will figure whatever might come together. Because I'm not letting you go. Not again."
His mouth twitches as he kisses me again. "You love me?", he whispers, our lips not taking any inch as a distance.
"I love you", I reply, noticing how honest my voice is. I know I'm honest. I love this guy.
"That's convenient. Because I love you too", Caden says and kisses me again. I can't help a chuckle. It makes him smile. Still holding me close, he adds: "Nini Elway, would you make me the happiest guy on Earth and be my girlfriend?"
Although we just got back together, I am still in the mood to tease him a bit: "I'd love too, but you need to promise me there's no deal anymore."
I can see him tense, and his expression turns colder again. Guiltier. "I promise."
I can't see him like this, so I make a joke: "Actually, you know what, let's make a deal. A deal of our one. A deal to always love each other forever. What do you say?"
"I say that's a very easy deal. You already know you're the one for me. That will never change", he whispers and gives me another kiss.
"You haven't heard the terms and conditions yet...", I say chuckling. He stops kissing me and looks at me confused and worried.
"There are terms and conditions?"
"You bet there are. But not many. I need you to do one thing for me."
"What would you like me to do?"
I lean closer to his ear and whisper him my condition. As soon as he hears it, he smiles.
"That's an interesting condition. Let me think about it", he says, faking a thinking face. After a few seconds, he smiles bright again and kisses me as an answer. "Agreed. I, Caden West, promise to always love you, Broadway."
And it was the way he said it or the happiness I felt that he said it, that I lose control and a tear rolls down my face. He quickly wipes it out and kisses the spot it had been on.
"What's wrong, love?"
"I just can't believe I get to call you mine", I whisper, looking straight at him.
He kisses me, then takes an inch distance to be able to look me in the eyes.
"I love you, Broadway", he says and means every word.
"I love you too, Caden", I reply, no sign of doubt.
And as I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him closer, I know I never want him to let go.
Forever.