𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 26: Born tired
It's been a long night
Long life, long time fighting
Let out a long sigh
Alright, why am I trying?
'Cause look at how far you have come
And look at all that you have going
Look at who you have become
Baby, you gotta keep going
Omniscient
Los Angeles, 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚
October 15th, 12:20 pm
❣︎
The breeze of the night sky crashed into the thick, blackout curtains that hung until the ends just lightly brushed up against the hard freshly polished floors. Nothing made it past the thick material aside from the glow of the moon that shone on the two bodies who occupied themselves in the middle of the California king sized bed.
Her legs lazily dangled over his shoulders, assisting his body that planted itself right between the thickness of her thighs where his head buried into the place only he had privileges of encountering. Back arched, toes curled, fingers grasping the sheets from the sloppiness of his lips that wrapped around her pearl to suck into his mouth sensually.
Her soft moans bounced off of the walls with every slow, spit filled tongue kiss he gently sucked her in with. He made love to her with his mouth, while two fingers curled deep inside of her to massage at her walls slowly. The pads or his fingertips danced just along her g spot, hitting in a 'come hither' motion slowly. Her nectar leaked out of her with every thrust his fingers made, contributing to the dampness right under her body from the multiple orgasms he'd already taken her body through.
"F- fuck." She hissed out as her hips grinded along his face, feeling that all too familiar balling begin to form in her stomach.
Her hand flew down to grasp the back of his head tightly, forcing his tongue more into her just as his fingers sped up. The feel of his tongue rapidly flicking against her, along with the speed and roughness he turned up to handle her body with, brought the blackness of her pupils to the back of her head just as her body began to tremble in pleasure.
Her lips parted to release a moan that got cut off by the feel of his thickness replacing his fingers to bury deep inside her, inch by inch her body invited in until he filled her to the brim. His hand grasped her wrists in his hold tightly to hold just above her head, restricting her body that attempted to intervene with the aggression of his hips roughly slamming into her body.
He handled her carelessly, the sounds of her strained moans encouraging the motion of his body that thrusted into her depths. One hand restricting her hands, while the other wrapped around her throat tightly to restrict her airways, adding to her pleasure that was evident from the slickness she provided around him. He could feel her growing wetter as the seconds passed on, his eyes staring down to watch his cream coated dick come out ever so slight, only to push her thick arousal right back into her.
"You creaming all over me, I thought we wasn't 'pose to be doing this." He whispered down into her ear, his eyes staring into the side of her face that laid thrown back into the bed full of ecstasy.
The high he took her body on could never be replaced, she craved it. "Hm, those yo words mama. Look at you now." He taunted even more once her hips began to grind up from the bed in attempts to match his rhythm, needing to feel even more of him.
"We a- aren't- Syre." She moaned out as her body began to shake again, and it wasn't long until both of their lower halves began to be rained down on.
His body raised up, just after pressing a kiss into his initial that imprinted into her skin, to watch her orgasm take over her. She squirted out onto them both, drowning their bodies and the bed that was already full of the passionate love they'd been making for the past hour.
He didn't allow her recovery once pulling out of her slowly, forcing her to feel every inch exit her body, leaving her feeling empty again. His tongue shot out of his mouth to run over his lips slowly, staring down at her bruised, messy body at his hands. She could feel his eyes intaking her body, making her own shoot up to stare back up at him with nothing but lust coming over those eyes that seemed to have no thought behind them.
Her top row of teeth slowly sunk down into her bottom lip, intaking the way the natural light shone over his toned body before her. "I missed you." She whispered out, her hand raising to pull his head back down to her by a hold along the chain he wore of her middle name.
She needed him, needed to feel him. Their lips meshed together like second nature, moving atop one another slowly. Her hands held both sides of his slightly tilted face that deepened the kiss, his tongue along her bottom lip snaking into her mouth to wrap around her own. He kissed her like he owned her, his body hovering over what he claimed as his no matter who else came around.
She allowed his hands to feel all on her body, his left toying with her breasts while his other ran up and down her awaiting folds slowly. He felt the effects he had over her body, felt her legs slowly spreading wider under him until he finally pulled away from her. His eyes shot down to watch him play with her, his fingers smearing the cream that leaked out of her body until her hand came down to join his.
"You gon make yourself cum." He blinked his eyes up to her, the dominance in his tone bringing her head to a nod without hesitation.
He sat down on his knees directly in front of her on the bed, his two hands forcing her legs spread as wide as they could go for him. This scene alone nearly made her body react in the way he desired, being laid out with her body on full display for him to do and command whatever it is he wanted out of her.
"You gon listen?" He raised an eyebrow, watching her freshly done acrylic nails slowly rub circles along her wetness. The sound of her soft whimpers were almost like music to his ears, the sight of her one hand between her legs with the other groping her breasts went straight to his member that grew in front of her. "Answer-."
"Yes sir." She answered, the name she'd never called him before bringing a certain feeling over his body. Shaking his head, nothing but a smirk lined his lips with the longer he watched her tease herself.
"So do what I told you to do, I want you to rain on me Amerie." The rasp in his voice made her want to do whatever it was he asked for.
Her breath quickened as soon as her two fingers dipped inside of her, burying deep until both fingers filled her completely. She worked them inside of her the same way he did, the way she knew she liked it. She curved them ever so slightly, imagining his fingers doing the work to make her eyes flutter shut and bask in the feelings she provided over her body.
Just the feeling of his eyes on her brought her near her peak quick, she felt it speeding up with every word he spoke down at her. Every light rub along her body he provided until the feel of the warmness of his mouth coming down to assist her fell over her body.
She couldn't help but to gasp out, just as she removed her fingers to release into his mouth as he'd requested. Creating a mess along his face that he craved out of her. He stayed planted between her thighs to catch everything in his mouth, before his body raised to grip her face in his hold tightly. No warning being given as he connected their lips together, forcing her to taste what graced his tongue-
His body shot up so quickly, arms tapping around to figure out where exactly he was. Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, he threw his head back against the top of the couch in frustration once realizing all of that was a dream.
"I just had a wet dream like a hoe." Syre's voice announced, immediately gaining the attention of both Remi and Kimora who sat on the loveseat with their heads immediately snapping in Syre's direction. Kimora's face immediately twisted up, while Remi couldn't help the laugh that fell from his mouth seeing the look on his cousins face.
"I know you not dreaming bout fucking my healing bestie..." Kimora trailed off, having no doubt in her mind it was Amerie who had his head scrambled like this.
Running his hand down his face tiredly, Syre leant his body back against the couch to sink deeper into. "Yo healing bestie should've never started stripping in front of me, and I wouldn't be having these dreams or thoughts. Amerie back fine, I can't coparent that shit. My head been fucked up even more since we took them damn kids to the water park the other day." He stressed.
"Back fine is crazy." Remi shook his head, because he knew his cousin was dead serious. He didn't understand Syre, no matter how hard he tried to, so he eventually gave up and allowed his cousin to just go through whatever he needed to.
"She gained hella weight back. Ion know what they feeding them up in there, but I know they need to keep that shit going. We was at the water park and she was reminding me how she got pregnant in the first place-."
"Why are you so horny? My God." Kimora sat up to stare at him in disgust through the dim light of Remi's living room.
It was afternoon and he was just now waking up after Remi had to bring him to his house after getting blackout drunk at the club the previous night. He didn't have a hangover because of the amount of water he attempted to drink to sober himself up the previous night, but it just didn't work.
"Ion know but I got to go get this shit off on somebody, so I'll fuck with y'all." He shook his head as he stood up from where he sat on the couch.
Kimora glanced over at her boyfriend who only shook his head tiredly. He wasn't sure if it was just alcohol he was abusing right now, and he didn't know what sparked this sudden switch in his head, but Remi knew his cousin was going through something. It was evident, especially because Syre wasn't a drinker unless he was trying to use alcohol to drown out his thoughts or feelings.
"I know you not bout to go fuck somebody with my bitch on your mind...don't fantasize bout her while in another bitch, ew." Kimoras eyebrows knitted together in pure disgust as her eyes followed him around the room.
"He high as a kite, don't even mind him-."
"He's not just high, he's hurting. You can see it all in your eyes that whatever it is you're going through mentally just eating away at you, sit down." Kimora grasped his wrist tightly before he could make his way towards the front door.
She could see the agitation that immediately overcame his features, but she didn't care. Not when he was going out making decisions for himself that he evidently wasn't thinking through. "Man, Ki-."
"Sit, stop being extra and annoying. I don't know what's been going on or what got you like this, and I know you won't be honest about it, but you need to find an outlet. A real outlet. When you and Amerie were together, she didn't harass you about therapy just to hear herself speak. You desperately need to release to somebody Syre, cause keeping all this shit in isn't doing you nothing." She shook her head, gradually releasing his arm once his muscles relaxed in her hold. "And using other women isn't doing anything, because what happens when there's one night you're at one of these bitches homes smoking and drinking till you blacked out and you don't use a condom?" She raised an eyebrow.
"That ain't bout to happen-."
"Says who? That's what happened with Cheyanna, no?" She folded her arms just above her protruding belly with a challenging expression on her face. "Again, you need to talk to someone babe." She spoke genuinely, her face and tone softening up with the longer she stared at him.
"He only talk to Amerie." Remi shook his head while sitting up himself next to Kimora.
"So talk to her then if she's the only person. You know if you were to go to that girl just telling her you need to talk, she isn't going to hesitate." She tilted her head slightly, not understanding the issue because Syre knew this.
No matter how she felt, out of all people, Amerie still would never turn her back on him. Whatever she was feeling towards him now, never changed the fact she had love for him that ran way too deep for her to alienate him for his feelings especially. Not the main thing she'd been at a battle with him to release since they got together to begin with.
"I'm not going to her, that ain't fair to her." Syre immediately shut down with his arms dangled over his legs. "I wasn't there when she needed me, I can't expect her to be there when I need her. I'm straight." He shook his head, despite both men knowing Kimora just wasn't going for that.
"But Syre I don't understand because she begged for you back, on hands and knees crying and pleading for you to give her another chance. And I'm glad you didn't give her one because she needed something to spark this healing she's finally going through, but you denied her constantly. You reminded her every single day how much you didn't want to be with her, and even recently saying how you're not in love with her anymore. Like you don't make sense, at all." She rolled her eyes in frustration.
She cared about him yes, but it wasn't even him in totality. It was about the lives he affected that she was close to, without him there would be too many hurting including her best friend and niece.
"It's cause he just be tryna convince himself of shit." Remi finally stood to his feet with a small stretch after being cooped up with Kimora. "Amerie still got this capped out ass nigga heart, ion know what he lying for." He nodded towards his cousin who simply shook his head. Because it wasn't as simple as just being capped out or lying.
"I ain't lying bout shit, my mind just having an internal battle still. It's deeper than being confused bout something, ion got control over this shit and can't nobody just help. Talking to some random ass person ain't bout to do shit for me." He shut down the thought as he always did, because he felt strongly about the whole therapy thing.
He seen that it maybe had positive affects on others, but he felt it would be a waste of money for him. His trauma was so bad it caused disorders that he couldn't live comfortably with, without the medication he barely took. Opening up wasn't his strong suit because of his trust issues, and the fact that he didn't believe anyone would really understand just all of what he's been through.
"Look, at the end of the day you're my sons Godfather, the father to my niece, and blood related to my baby that's almost here. I care about you and want what's best for you, but I also care about Amerie and that's my sister before anything. And I refuse to watch anything intervene or fuck her head up during this healing process." Was the last thing Kimora had to say, before allowing the conversation to be put to rest.
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"My favorite person is here." Amerie smiled excitedly once entering into the officer she hadn't stepped foot in for what seemed like an elongated period. "I missed you." She groaned.
She hadn't seen her therapist in going on two weeks because she had a family emergency. That didn't mean she was thrown off course from any of her progress or everything she had going for herself, because she utilized other methods and was able to communicate with Dr. Rayne still. But the in person conversations were what she felt benefited her the most, especially when she had to actively see Syre weekly due to their daughter.
"I missed you too and our sessions, have you been good without me?" Dr. Rayne, who Amerie now knew as Angela, raised an eyebrow as the younger girl took the seat across from her on the plush couch.
"Yeah, I been journaling and all that so I've been fine. I've just been anticipating this specific session...I'm nervous, but I want to release this part of me." She sighed out, knowing exactly what they'd had planned on the schedule since their first session.
For the last 2 months, most of her sessions consisted of reminiscing on her and Syre's relationship and healing from that. He wasn't topic of discussion for every single session, but considering he was her break and what led to her help being necessary, he was discussed frequently.
But outside of him, they worked constantly to build up Amerie's self love that she could feel becoming stronger with the days that passed. She took on methods that she would work with for her own clients, alongside many of Angela's that she'd suggested for the young girl.
"Don't be nervous, it's most likely going to bring out a lot of emotion but that's good. That's healthy, and that's what allows the next steps to be taken okay?" Angela smiled small as she grabbed her own notepad to flip to the next clean page. "But before that, I'm aware you had an out of facility visit with Syre yesterday? And your daughter?" She glanced up at Amerie who slowly nodded.
"Yes, I did."
"Mmm and how did that go?" She raised an eyebrow with her pen clasped between her fingers, ready to jot down what she knew would be necessary information. Regardless of their strained relationship, there always seemed to be something to discuss between Amerie and Syre. No matter the severity of the encounter between the two.
At the question, Amerie couldn't help the small breath she released. One she was unknowingly holding in. "This one was...different. But I don't even want to focus on that, I just want to start this." Amerie sighed to Angela who nodded in understanding.
"Well then, let's start from the very beginning. Tell me whatever you want to start with." She opened up the floor to Amerie who took a deep breath, preparing to finally tell somebody her story.
"My parents, they never really...gave me anything. I remember being younger, and my mother was always the main one to treat me bad and my father would just run behind whatever she would say or do I guess you could say. Even though he was abusive towards her, but his abuse to her would in turn become them both eventually beating on me by the end of the night out of my mothers anger and then whatever my father would be upset about. Mind you, I had a younger brother who never got anything, nothing ever ever ever happened to him. They love and cherished him." Amerie's voice came out so soft, it almost sounded as a whisper.
The shakiness in her nerve filled tone was nothing far from evident to Angela who scribbled down the main points. "And you and your brother, same mother and father?" She glanced up to Amerie who slowly nodded her head, yes.
"He's younger than me- well was younger than me by two years. They're all dead now." She mumbled the last part with her eyes glued to her feet that swung back and forth as a comfort mechanism.
She couldn't go into detail about the murders of each one, but she did wish she could make it known each life was taken at the hands of the man she now shared a child with. Because outside of Akeem's murder, she still struggled to make sense of how she felt about the whole thing. The obvious answer would be relief, and giving him all the thanks in the world that he took her out of her misery. But it was hard without knowing if she was supposed to be next on his list.
"Okay, and you lived in the home with all three of them until..."
"Until I got kicked out of the house when I wound up pregnant by my ex the first time, his name was Tristan." She cleared her throat as her chest began to beat a bit rapid. This was the part she'd been dreading, the part she knew would bring out the most emotion she tried to keep buried inside.
Her heart raced as her palms began to grow sweaty in the AC blasting room. She knew what was coming next, the words flowing from Angela's mouth to take her mind right back to the young, helpless girl that shaped the woman she was today. The one who sat in a rehab facility with nothing but the hope of healing.
"When you're ready, tell me about that." Angela spoke with that same genuine care in her tone that made Amerie's eyes water on command. She quickly grabbed a tissue just to hold, before taking a heavy deep breath to settle her mind.
"...Um, I started dating him my freshman year of high school. By this time, things with my parents weren't as terrible. I- they would do lots of w- work that kept them out the country a lot so...it was just my brother and I in the house most of the time. And he was involved in the streets so, many times it was just me. I didn't have friends or anything, didn't talk to many people because I didn't really have much of anything...my parents didn't take care of me."
"They sent money for Akeem to buy food or new clothes, and he for some reason hated me too which I assume came from our mother, so he never shared with me. I wore the same clothes over and over, I only ate little scraps I could find whether that be in the house or outside somewhere. Which resulted in me constantly being sick and the kids would always tease me, I got bullied bad until I met Tristan my freshman year and- and he was the only person who seemed like they cared about me." She blinked, allowing that first tear to trickle down her face.
"He defended me, would buy me clothes, get me food, he- he was so sweet. And eventually I met two girls, one being my old best friend Zolai who bullied me before until she was n- nice, and then Kimora. Kimora transferred to the school during my junior year and she was nice to me from the beginning, b- but I didn't get close with her because of Zolai and...I was a people please. Still am I guess, but it was junior year when everything really started to get bad. After that my life just- I don't know." She blinked again, allowing the tears to go from a light drizzle to a small downpour along her bare face.
She couldn't raise her head to face Angela, because she couldn't deal with any looks of what she deemed as pity. She tried her hardest to quickly wipe at her tears and focus on her breathing as she attempted to mentally prepare herself for this. She'd spoken to Syre briefly about the things she'd been through, but never to the capacity she was about to. Never with opening doors like the ones that'd been shut her entire life.
"You know I always say take your time, and if it gets too much you need to let me know." Angela spoke as she stood from her seat to walk across the room to Amerie.
She invited herself onto the space right next to the young girl to make her feel more comfortable, like she wasn't alone.
"Junior year of high school," she started, taking a pause to take a sip from her water while roughly wiping at her tears. "Tristan got involved in the drug business for the first time, through my brother. They were good friends and he seen the fast money Akeem was getting, so he wanted parts like any young boy would. And I didn't care because he was my way of living, I was happy finally being cared for that I just let shit be until...until that stuff got to his head. He became someone I didn't recognize at all, he became so deep into it mentally that eventually I was on the receiving end of things I never imagined for myself." She sniffled, allowing Angela to grab her hand to hold tightly.
"I- it started off with one day he asked me for a favor. And I felt as if I owed him so I- so I agreed to the favor which was sleeping with his higher up. The big boss or whoever and in turn- he would get m- more money so I did it. But he didn't tell me that- he didn't- fuck." She cursed as her head fell into her free palm that allowed her tears to fall. Her body slightly trembled through the struggle that overcame her speaking.
"Take your time sweetheart, you need to let it out to heal from it." Angela spoke softly with her hand rubbing circles along the young girls back
Amerie's loud cries of her years of pain filled the otherwise silent room. "He didn't tell me I- I'd be b- bound to this. He didn't tell me that was just the- the start. He didn't tell me after that one time, I'd be forced to do things to both those men and women against my will...I became like a sex toy for every person there, and I- I couldn't stop it because if I tried I'd be hurt and beat so badly. By this time I was already kicked out of my house because Tristan had gotten me pregnant, and my parents they- be- beat me until I miscarried which was why I was always with him after that. He had me living locked in some basement through the end of my senior year, just to be there whenever those people wanted my body and I can't forget that." She choked out through her sobbing that never let up, finally expressing her truth that nobody knew.
"It was rape. Molestation. Sexual assault. The acts I was forced to perform on people, I- it's things I would never go for. I developed a drug addiction in turn, constantly off and- off and on. W- whether I was given them to make me less conscious to do what they wanted, or if it was me trying to numb myself I- it was so bad and I never got to tell anyone. I went through that shit for about a year s- straight until one day the leader got murdered and everything fell apart. And I finally escaped and was living with Zolai." She hiccuped, and she tried to open her mouth to continue, but nothing but a strained cry could come out.
She felt like she just released the largest deep breath, finally opening up about such a huge part of her life. Her trauma was one that she couldn't control when it happened, and she tried for so long to take back control of her life without addressing the issue at hand.
The arms that wrapped around her body to rock her slightly provided her the outlet to just release. She soaked the blouse Angela wore, but she couldn't stop
"It's over now, all of that is over and you've come over that hump of it all. Every single one of those people are either burning in hell or have a special place there. You didn't let it break you, you kept going and you're still going and you have to understand how strong you are." Angela squeezed her watering eyes shut, just hearing the loud pain filled cries from Amerie.
"I developed a bad relationship to sex after the fact, and I started to strip while in school." She sighed out, running a hand down her damp face that she could only imagine looked a mess once raising up. "I was in school trying to get my life on track though, and through that I met Syre." She smiled small, thinking about the man who came into her life and temporarily made everything better.
"And he felt like your knight in shining armor huh." Angela smiled small to Amerie who let out a small, exhausted laugh with a lack of amusement.
"I don't say he saved me because he made me feel things, or introduced me to a new lifestyle. I say he saved me because he did. He protected me, physically and mentally. But it wasn't until I got raped one night, by my brother, Tristan, and another one of their friends on my graduation night. That night I- I tried to commit suicide and he found me. I'm only alive because of him, I only kept going because of him and I can give him all the credit regardless of where we stand." She wiped her face once more.
No matter the terms they were on, or how she felt towards him, nothing changes the things he made her feel in their relationship. And the things he did. No matter what his intentions were or how things ended up, he made her the happiest woman on Earth at a point in time. He made her feel safe, comfortable, secure and those aren't things you can just fake.
"And there it is." Angela placed her notepad to the side to turn Amerie's face in her direction. "Everything ties together mama. This is why I say I don't feel either of you are completely at fault. You went through life having nobody, the first man who is supposed to love you is your father and he didn't. Your brother didn't, your ex didn't, and I know your uncle acted as a father figure but it's still difficult. When Syre came into your life you knew you couldn't handle a relationship because deep down, you knew you weren't healed and knew your feelings for him would become too much. Right or wrong?"
"...Right." Amerie finally admitted.
"And he proved to you he was different the second he did the exact opposite of what you were used to. He saved you from what you were so used to experiencing from men and you couldn't do anything but fall for him hard after that. He made you happy the best way he knew how, until the relationship came crashing and burning and because you didn't have him anymore that was it. He was the only thing keeping you going deep down. That's not to say you loved him more than you love your daughter, she probably gave you purpose. But he gave you the fuel to even drive anything, and him being out of your life was your break." Angela explained in words that Amerie knew in her mind but struggled to really identify.
"I felt more hurt from him than anyone else, and that's what I don't get."
"Well you didn't have a love relationship with those other people. They showed you who they were, what happened with him was a switch. And you have to have that conversation with him to fully heal that, you two have a lot to talk about sweetheart." Angela crossed her legs over one another while opening another box of tissue for Amerie who was running low.
It was like the truth always stayed in the back of her mind and she knew certain things, but the physical weight of things verbalized finally coming off was like none other. Change wasn't immediate, but this was one of the biggest steps for her and she could feel the effects near instantly.
"I'm nervous to have that conversation with him because I'm scared of what he'll say." She spoke completely honest to Angela who already knew that.
"And that's natural, but just like this conversation you have to take that leap of faith. You're scared to open up because you've spent your life being embarrassed and thinking about the things you've been through. But you have to reclaim all of that and find strength, what is it that you still harbor anger for right now?" She questioned to Amerie who took a second to process the question.
What was it exactly that she held anger towards? She knew it was Syre, but the question was what.
"Syre. And...I guess because of the hold he takes advantage of when it comes to me. I get angry at how much he just didn't listen or pay attention when I expressed all the fears for our relationship. And I get angry at some things that I can't necessarily express." She cleared her throat to Angela who didn't ask any further questions about that.
"And how do you feel, after all of this, about your parents Akeem and Tristan? And whoever else contributed?"
"Just thanking God they're not in my life anymore. I don't forgive, I'll never forgive. But I'm also not angry, I'm just thankful to have made peace with it and...to come to terms with how much my past contributes and has contributed to my romantic life now. I feel like I can finally close that chapter of my life. Fully." She breathed out with the smallest smile lingering on her face.
Those were words spoken that she, never in a billion years, would have expected out of herself. She was closing that chapter of what defined her for all of her life. It was over now, like she had one foot in to reclaim her life and live it as her own.
"And now you need to reclaim this part of your life, with a man you'll be tied to forever. I just got notified that him and Malani are here for her to see you, but your task now is to bring it up and set a date. No later than this time next week." Angela stood up, as did Amerie who threw her head back groaning.
"...Fine." She rolled her eyes despite the small cheer from her therapist that she'd gotten the stubborn girl to agree.
"Good, and after you see them make sure to journal your reflection from todays session and bring it to me tomorrow. I'm rooting for you babe." She wrapped her arms around Amerie to engulf her in a tight hug, before the two pulled away to go their separate ways.
Amerie went straight to the bathroom just to splash some water over her face, not needing to face her daughter with clear evidence of her crying. Once leaving out of the bathroom, she went to the front where she seen Syre standing with Malani in his arms to show her the fishes in the lobby tank.
"I want fishy dada." She heard Malani tell Syre with the closer she got.
"Imma make sure daddy gets you your fishy baby." Amerie spoke from behind them, making Malani's head quickly whip over to where she heard her mother's voice.
"Hi mama!" She cheesed excitedly as she immediately raised her arms for Amerie to grab her out of her fathers hold. She smiled, feeling Malani's small lips pressing into her cheek lazily.
"Hi princess, I missed you." Amerie pursed her lips, giving her daughter multiple kisses all over her face. Although it'd only been a couple days, it felt like a lifetime not being able to have her child with her at all times.
Blinking her eyes up, she looked to Syre who stood staring at her until he nodded in her direction. Shaking her head, Amerie gave him a simple wave just before setting Malani back down to her feet. They weren't going anywhere except outside of the building to the back garden that Amerie promised Malani they'd go see the next time she came to visit.
"I want flower." Malani smiled up at her mother who grabbed her hand in her hold, allowing Malani to lead the way she knew by heart.
"We can get you some flowers if that's what you want boo." She leant down to peck her forehead gently, just as they entered into the garden area.
Malani held Amerie's hand, while Syre walked next to them on Amerie's side with his hands to his sides. He didn't say anything really unless talking to Malani, which only made Amerie even more anxious to present the idea of them sitting down to talk. She mentally coached herself, until she chose to just blurt it out. Worst he could really say was no.
"Um, my therapist wanted me to ask you to come in if you can for us to have a conversation." She looked up towards Syre who gradually trailed his eyes down to make eye contact with his daughters mother. "A real conversation where everything from beginning to end is laid on the table, so I can just release everything. I've been doing therapy since I got in here, and I've been really on a journey of healing." She added on for him to understand why it would be necessary.
He adjusted his hat, before slowly nodding his head. "That's why you was crying before this?" He questioned Amerie who looked to him a bit caught off guard that he even caught that.
"Uh- yeah...I was opening up to her about my past." She cleared her throat, watching as he nodded again in understanding.
"Is he or she bout to be in the room or-."
"No, because obviously we can't openly talk about every detail with someone else in the room. It'll just be us." She quickly clarified, knowing if he got even the slightest thought there was some police stuff going on, he wouldn't come at all.
His silence made her nervous, and she could tell he was contemplating his answer. "...Aight, when?" He finally spoke up, allowing her to release the breath she'd been holding.
"Saturday around 12 if you're able to, and it needs to be a real conversation. No cutting each other off, no arguing, nothing. I talk, you talk, we listen. And if I'm going to be completely sober, you have to be also." She pointed with her hand that wasn't latched onto Malani's.
"I had some shit going on, but I can free my schedule." He mumbled, looking at Jaileen's message confirming the 'date' they were supposed to be going on.
He'd been spending a lot more time with her, especially now seeing as Amerie dismissed him 9/10 these days. So naturally, he found himself around Jaileen and whoever else he let occupy his attention. But most of the time, it was her, being that she was his favorite out of the women he kept in his slight rotation just for distraction.
"Okay thank you, I don't see it being more than 2 hours but-."
"You good, take as long as you need. We got a lot of shit to talk about." He mumbled to Amerie who slowly nodded, feeling herself begin to grow anxious all over again.
"I know."
"But how you been physically? With the withdrawals and shit?" He stuffed his hand in his sweatpants pockets as they walked through the garden area, Amerie's hand holding Malani who was interested at every plant and flower they passed, which allowed her parents to finally have somewhat of a discussion landing them on the same page.
"I have up and down days, but I'm fine for the most part. I've been getting better, and I'm sure it shows physically. But everything starts mentally, and I feel like I've seen more progress there than what any physical appearance can show for." She smiled to herself, genuinely proud of where she was now in comparison to just a couple months ago.
"I'm praying for you, rooting for you, and I'm really hoping you get better for the sake of Lani. Ion too much show it, but from that coparenting standpoint, I do care bout you." He made clear, although Amerie struggled to take his words serious.
"Thank you."
"And I don't want to knock you when you down, but I just want to be transparent with you. That conversation isn't bout to bring us back or nothing, but I want to give you closure that you deserve. Give that relationship closure." He glanced over at Amerie whose lips pursed and eyebrow knitted together.
She slowly nodded her head with her eyes looking around the garden herself. "Yeah, that's okay, I didn't think it would. If it's meant to be it'll come back, and the only thing I can do is get in touch with myself and let God do whatever he has planned for me." She chuckled, his words replaying bringing her a little amusement. "But at the same time, you need to be reminding yourself that."
"What?" Syre looked to her weirdly at the subtle shade she threw his way.
"When you're completely sober, you suddenly love me and want me back and get confused with your feelings. Then when you're not it's back to how you fell out of love with me, and you have anger towards me, and everything else along such lines." She shrugged nonchalantly, although inside it did toy with her mind.
Sighting, Syre adjusted his hat atop of his head tiredly. "I know." He nodded, "But ian tryna get into that right now."
"That's fine, just make sure you're ready to get into it by Saturday because I mean it when I say everything needs to be laid out on the table. No dodging or running from questions, no matter what and if you can't agree to that then we can't have the conversation. But if you do agree, be ready to let out everything on Saturday. No holding back."
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