𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 25: Gone
Gone
It's all gone
The peace and the romancin', it's all gone
Think it was long lasting, it's all gone
Blink, it was so fast and it's all gone
It's all gone
Omniscient
Los Angeles, 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐚
October 12th, 1:15 pm
❣︎
"HAPPY 60 DAYS!" Amerie's eyes tiredly blinked open at the loud voices before her, naturally waking her of the nap she'd found herself submerged in.
Her body gradually sat up as she looked to the end of the bed where a host of nurses, and other faculty of the center crowded around the edge of the bed. Her lips turned up with the more she intook the people who were there. A circular cake in the hand of one person, while the rest held balloons and other gift bags for her.
"Thank you so much." She spoke with a slight rasp from the tiredness of her voice. She didn't even remember falling asleep after reading her book, yet there she was at 1 pm.
"Girl it's time to get on up, you have some people here to see you." One of the nurses which whom she'd gotten to know quickly pulled her up by her arm.
60 days. 60 long, hard, yet rewarding days she'd been calling the rehab facility her home. Things weren't easy, but it would be a lie if she said they weren't getting easier as the days continued on. She understood more and more that everything was all about mentality, no matter what it was she was getting herself involved in. She had to want everything for herself, and she wanted the healing that she was in there for so desperately.
So after a while, she finally began to lower down the guard she'd kept up in an attempt to protect herself. She wasn't completely open still and didn't think she'd ever get to that point, but she was open enough to where her mood nor energy dampened the people around her. Instead, her welcoming aura was gradually coming back to allow in those who attempted to try and get to know her just a little bit.
Amerie yawned out tiredly, as she allowed the nurse to pull her towards the visitors area. She didn't have a scheduled visit, not one that she knew of until her eyes brightened the second she stepped foot in the space.
"Mama!" That soothing, small voice of the little girl yelled out as she quickly ran up towards her mother with her tiny arms extended.
"Hi baby!" Amerie gasped as she embraced Malani in the tightest hug she could wrap around her daughter who stood before her happily. Her body raised up with Malani to hold her up against her hip, giving multiple kisses to her daughter who could only cheese widely, displaying the deepness of her dimples. "You look so pretty." She gushed as her hand ran through her daughters tight, defined curls.
"Tanks." Malani laid her head down on her mothers shoulder, who finally put her attention on everyone else. Her eyes naturally glanced to Syre first, but the attention on him left almost as fast as it came to place attention on the boys in front of him.
"Hi other babies." Amerie smiled, pressing a kiss into both Keoni and Xyden's foreheads. "Y'all both fake for not running up on me like my princess." She playfully rolled her eyes.
"We missed you too." Xyden laughed, giving her a small hug followed by Keoni who nodded in agreement.
"She just wouldn't shut up the entire car ride." Keoni rolled his eyes at Malani who slowly raised her head from her mothers shoulder to look down at her brother and cousin. Her twisted up face mugged them both, before looking to her father for help, but he was too busy in the middle of what looked to be a heated conversation on the phone.
Amerie could make out some of the words he struggled in speaking at a hushed tone with. It was evident he was arguing with one of his hoes, and it wasn't hard to tell it was either Nijah or Autumn. She didn't know his relationship status, nor did she care. But she was well aware one of them was his alleged girlfriend while they were still messing around, and it was the first and only time she'd ever witnessed his disloyalty to someone to that extent.
"We go park...water." Malani smiled back up to her mother who lowered her body back down to stand on her feet.
"I know, we're going to the water park?" She smiled, crouching down to fix the dress Malani wore.
It was October, but they lived in LA and it was still hot. The weather was surely dropping, but they had those random days where the heat was near unbearable even in these usual fall months. And today was one of those days, which was why Malani begged to go to the water park which Syre agreed on.
"Mhmm, come." Malani pushed past her brother and cousin to lead the way towards the front door where the exit was.
Shaking her head, Amerie glanced to the nurse who brought her down to give a small wave. She was ready to go because she'd done everything already, she was only sleeping because she chose to take a small nap while she waited because she thought she was going to the pool with the people in the facility. Not with her family.
"How you doing?" Syre greeted her finally, once only the two of them trailed behind the three kids who made their way to the car in front of them. He was off the phone, but the slight agitation in his voice still remained.
Her eyes gradually positioned to focus in on her baby father who she could admit looked amazing himself. The shirt he wore showed his arm and neck tattoos to be on full display, the main thing that attracted her to him in the first place outside of his face when it came to his physical appearance. But none of that really mattered when his eyes behind his dark shades looked near exhausted, and she could see right through the dark limo tinted frames.
"Fine." She mumbled, bringing her focus back forward. She would have asked how he was, but she honestly didn't have the urge to do the small talk thing with him.
Her energy never let up with him. Whenever he brought Malani, she didn't say any more than 5 words to him. And even that was a stretch. She just felt there was no need to communicate with him, or have any type of relationship outside of their daughter at this point. As the days went on she could feel herself getting better, and it showed physically and mentally.
And there was just no room for him when it came to her healing process. Of course they'd eventually have to build a better relationship, but she was still very deep in that anger stage of healing where it all was spewed towards him. She didn't necessarily blame him for much, the anger stemmed from how he treated her and the uncertainty of what their relationship even was.
This was the first in person visit where they allowed Syre to bring Amerie outside of the facility, although they'd be trailed by her main care workers just for safety precautions. Like Kimora emphasized it was rehab, not jail. She had her freedom, the only difference was she was simply monitored to ensure she wasn't getting anything that could fuel her addiction from the outside world.
Sighing, Syre grabbed the key from his pocket to unlock the car door. While Amerie went to the passenger side, he helped Malani into her carseat while the boys got themselves situated in the car.
"Pad." Malani pointed to her iPad that sat in the pocket behind the drivers side seat. Grabbing the iPad, Syre placed it on her lap before shutting the door and getting in his seat.
He didn't waste any time in starting the car and speeding out from the parking lot with both his security, and the people from the facility following behind the car. He kept silent the entire time, as opposed to Amerie who kept up conversation with the kids she was evidently happy to see.
And the happiness trailed over into them arriving at the water park in about 15 minutes. She took note of Syre's distance and how odd he was acting, and although she didn't care to question it, she did want to know what was going on for the simple fact of him having the kids with him. Whenever he struggled mentally, his first solution was usually drugs or alcohol to numb himself of whatever it was he was feeling. And she refused to allow that with him having nobody but them with him once it would be time for her to go back.
"What's wrong with you?" She finally spoke up to ask once it was, once again, the two of them trailing behind the kids.
Knitting his eyebrows together, Syre glanced over in her direction briefly, before looking back forward. "I'm straight." He dismissed, knowing she knew him better than to even take the answer that was an obvious lie.
"What's the point in lying to me when you know I know-."
"I said I'm straight, let it be." He cut in before she could drag the conversation out somewhere he didn't need it going. Eyeing him, Amerie simply nodded before walking ahead to walk with the kids instead. Not needing his negative energy to reflect onto her.
"Merie, we're going over there." Keoni pointed towards the water slides while him and Xyden peeled their shirts off. Malani looked between the two curiously, before turning back to her mother.
"Okay, stay together and where we can see you." She pointed to the boys who both nodded, before racing each other to take off towards the water slides.
She only let them roam free because despite the many people, this water park was associated with the penthouse she lived in. Meaning, it took special access to even get into the secluded, gated park that was full of high security and lifeguards everywhere. Even though both of the boys knew how to swim very well, and never had any problems there.
With them doing their own thing, she focused back down at Malani who started to take off her own clothes to reveal her cute bathing suit. Seeing her daughter, she grasped the hem of her own clothes to follow suit.
She'd spent a lot of time with self love through her therapist, which in turn allowed her to feel more comfortable with her body. The scars would always remain, but she learned to see them more as survivor wounds. Rather than allowing the negative to linger over them, she seen those scars as more of a testament to her strength over anything else.
Syre's eyes stayed glued on her arms, as she slowly raised the dress she wore up and over her head. He intook her obvious weight gain that had her body looking the same way it did when they first met, what originally had him drawn into her from the beginning. She was gaining in all the right places, everything going to her ass, thighs, and boobs with her stomach area and hips filling out. Her face also looked a lot fuller, slowly bringing her back to looking like herself.
Amerie felt his eyes drinking her in, making her roll her own as she fixed her bikini. His lustful gaze didn't do anything but annoy her, because it brought her to the things she'd discussed in her therapy sessions and her journaling. Their unhealthy relationship with sex, and why it played such a role in them always coming back.
"Unt unt, look at you copying me." She raised an eyebrow to Malani who giggled, looking down at her own pink two piece bathing suit. "You're absolutely gorgeous my baby." She crouched down to fix her baby's clothes, and put her curls into a messy bun.
"Up mama." She bounced slightly with her arms extended to Amerie who didn't hesitate in picking up her small body.
She looked around their surroundings at the many different families and kids who occupied themselves in the water. She wanted a place for them that was a little secluded, which only seemed to be a section of one of the pools directly in front of where Syre sat.
She didn't necessarily want to be around him, but she didn't mind being cordial and letting things be at peace for the sake of their daughter. She tried her hardest not to allow the tension between them to reflect on their child, and from what they knew, it never really did considering Malani never showed different energy towards her parents outside of the attachment issues she still struggled with.
"Hi dada!" Malani waved excitedly once they got close enough to Syre.
Amerie watched as he blinked up from his focus down on his phone to look towards his daughter. "Hi beautiful." He smiled small, as Amerie lowered both herself and Malani down into the small pool that only held them.
From when she was a baby, Malani loved the water and they started her in swim classes a couple months back which she loved. Which was why as soon they got in, she immediately shimmied out of Amerie's grip to do her own thing. Amerie let her, but kept a heavy eye on her regardless of the water not being too deep.
Amerie rested her body against the pool wall, right across from Syre who stared at her intently. Although his eyes created a small chill down her spine, she couldn't help but to challenge the gaze of his eyes that were finally free of the shades he previously wore.
"You look beautiful...real shit." He finally breathed out once taking a minute to drink in everything. From her head, to what was blocked out from the water. "Pink always look good on you." He complimented Amerie who slowly nodded.
"Mmmm, thanks." She kept it brief to put her eyes back on Malani.
"Dada!" She called out, holding her hand out towards her father who didn't hesitate to grab her small palm in his own. "In...pwease." She smiled up at her father.
"Lani-."
"Pweaseeeee dada." She sung out as she bat her eyelashes up at him in a way she knew to always work. It was her eyes that always made him struggle to say no...those eyes that made his clothes strip from his body until he was down to the basketball shorts he had under his sweatpants.
Amerie watched Syre who lowered himself down into the water with them, her eyes glued to his face that looked so mature. His black hair was cut low, but not in a buzz cut considering it still looked thick and full. And his facial hair cut low in a way she'd never seen of him before. It was no beard, but he had facial hair on both sides along with his goatee that she'd always found attractive. Everything was groomed so perfectly, and that addition of her name being there always made her feel at least something.
"Why do you still have that?" She pointed towards the tattoo just above his eyebrow that still looked fresh.
His head turned to look at her lazily with a small hint of confusion in his eyes. "Why wouldn't I?" He questioned, staring deep into the face of his baby mother who looked to him in pure curiosity and her own confusion.
"Because...we're not together anymore. How do women mess with you and don't have a problem seeing another woman's name on your face? Or do you lie-."
"Fuck imma lie for? Ion owe no woman shit, I'm single and whoever choose to fuck with me sees me in person beforehand. Any woman after you has seen this tattoo, what they choose to do with what they see is their business." He shrugged, turning back to watch Malani who swam around in her own little world. "I got this tat for a reason, covering it up would be a bitch move." He muttered the last part, but she still heard loud and clear.
"You got it because I was your girlfriend, that's the reason." She mumbled, but Syre's deep breath in her ear could still be heard between them.
"No I didn't. I got it cause you gave birth to the love of my life like a week prior. I got it cause I fell deeper in love with you as soon as I witnessed what you went through during the pregnancy, and especially giving birth and playing ya mother role. Us breaking up doesn't take away from the meaning behind this tattoo, and the reason I got it on my face so everyone could know how much you mean to me. I ain't ever covering up or getting rid of it, and whoever in the picture got to just deal with that shit." Syre explained with his eyes glued to her, staring so deep into her eyes it almost made her nervous.
She only stared at him blankly, before placing attention back on their daughter who smiled between the two. Her presence brought the tension back down between them, simply from her smiling face alone.
"Dada telled me you name Amwie." Malani tilted her head slightly, allowing her father to hold her body up in front of them.
Raising an eyebrow, Amerie cut her eyes towards Syre then back at Malani. "Girl- call me that again and watch." She pointed to her daughter who simply giggled.
"I told ha ass don't call you that, she tryna be funny." He shook his head as he used his free hand to tickle her neck, making her giggles flow through the area they were in wildly.
Amerie couldn't help her smile once seeing her daughter's. It was Malani's happiness that she cared about the most over everything, and it amazed her to see her child with a smile on her face after everything she's been through to be so young.
"Unt unt, he tryna kill you baby." Amerie shook her head, grabbing Malani from Syre as soon as she began to let out some coughs.
"Her weak ass, I done taught you how to fight back and you still ain't doing it." He joked to Malani who leant over to hit his hand away from her. "Yo ass must want somebody belt." He raised an eyebrow playfully to his daughter who immediately began to whine.
"Don't threaten my baby, we gon beat daddy up as soon as I get out. Don't worry boo." Amerie kissed Malani's forehead gently, just as Xyden and Keoni came running back over soaking wet to join them. "Y'all look like you're having fun." Amerie smiled as she bounced Malani in her arms gently.
"We are but, we needed a break." Xyden sighed dramatically once getting down into the water after Keoni.
They stood on one side with Syre, which was directly across from where Amerie sat with Malani. The pool only went up to 4 feet which was where the boys stood, and the lowest was two feet which was where Amerie sat along the little ledge piece that was in the pool.
"Merie, when you coming home?" Keoni asked randomly, gaining Amerie's attention from where it was focused on Malani who spoke near gibberish.
"Mmmm, you acting like you know me now? You're so fake to your aunty, I don't even know what to say to you." She folded her arms dramatically to her nephew who widened his eyes.
"Noooo, I just get busy." He ran his hand through his curls with a small apologetic smile on his face. When Amerie was out and home prior, they wouldn't do much because Keoni really was a busy kid.
Isabelle had him doing anything and everything that he showed even the slightest bit of interest in. He played both basketball and football, and did other hobbies and clubs here and there and now there was also school. Meaning his days were really long and full, which Amerie understood.
"I know baby, but I should be home next month a couple days after my birthday. I'm just getting myself together still." She smiled, moving a piece of the bone straightened hair she wore out of her face.
Keoni slowly nodded as his eyes gradually went towards Xyden who nodded his head knowingly. Giving his cousin the green light to ask what they'd been debating since being in the car with them. "So...why'd you and Sy break up-."
"Nigga." Syre shot him a blank stare, "I liked yo ass a lot better when you ain't know how to talk forreal, don't ask that shit." He sucked his teeth, not needing to hear about how much he fucked up from Amerie to then hear it from his son and nephew.
"Why?" Keoni challenged, making Amerie laugh. She didn't feel anything about him asking, it was valid since he'd been there from the very beginning too.
"Things happen baby, but that breakup only involves us. Thankfully for us, because of this little one, I'll always be around so don't think a lil breakup ever getting rid of me." She pointed teasingly, although they all knew she wasn't joking.
Hearing those words from her made Syre's eyes shoot down towards the water to watch it sway from the breeze. They really would always be in one another's lives, and that used to be something that had no effect over them. It wasn't that big of a deal because they were together, with plans on spending the rest of their lives together.
But things were different now, times between them were different now. And suddenly, those words meant a lot more than just being in each others lives forever. It meant they'd have to eventually really get their shit together, and it seemed neither knew what route to take when it came to that specifically.
"You still my favorite aunt, even if he gets a new girlfriend. Ion like his momma." He pointed to Xyden who furrowed his eyebrows.
"Shut up." Xyden punched Keoni who only laughed, making Syre do the same. Shaking her head, Amerie looked down to Malani who anxiously tapped her.
"You not brudda mama?" She looked confused, her head looking between both her parents and her brother. "My mama and dada."
"He was my dad before you." Xyden stuck his tongue out to his baby sister who twisted her face up at his words.
Throwing his head back in annoyance, Syre quickly grabbed Malani who was about to throw a fit. She accepted the fact she had a brother, only because she didn't understand the fact it meant she had to share her father with someone else forever. When it came to her parents, she only wanted them to herself and made it very clear time and time again.
"Dada." She whined with her lips pursed, her tiny arms wrapped around her fathers neck as best as she could.
Shaking her head, Amerie moved towards where Syre stood with their daughter. "Malani, your daddy has two kids and you're only one of them. You have to learn to share your father."
"No." Malani mumbled, turning her head to face Amerie with her pout never letting up.
"No?" She raised an eyebrow, "Sweetheart you don't have a choice, the hell you mean no?" She looked to Malani oddly while Syre chuckled to himself.
"She's so spoiled, she gonna be a brat watch." Keoni laughed with Xyden who nodded in agreement.
"She already is, she gon be annoying." He rolled his eyes, knowing how much his little sister got babied already.
All of them seen seen and knew it, because Malani was nearly the only girl. Yeah Maya was around, but it wasn't the same as Malani who was the Princess to everyone. She was the youngest, the girl, and she was taken care of by everyone because she didn't have either of her parents for a while. So naturally, everyone chipped in for her without doubt or second thought.
"Okay now relax on my baby please, thank you." Amerie pointed, giving a small kiss to Malani. "You should be spoiled and given the entire world, the Princess gets whatever the Princess wants and you better know it." Amerie smiled to her daughter who anxiously nodded her head.
"Princess sure do get what she want, and she gon be the princess her entire life. And it's y'all job as y'all get older, each and every one of y'all including Kaylen and Milan to watch over her. Y'all all got the same last name except Kaylen, but he one of us by default. Same way we was all looking out for Isabelle, yo momma, that's how things go. You understand me?" He looked between his son and nephew who both nodded in understanding.
Amerie smiled at the thought alone because she knew regardless of anything, her child would always be surrounded in pure love and protection. She was so young to where she couldn't even grasp the entirety of what her little life already meant, but it wouldn't be long until she really got to know and find out.
The last name of the man she laid down and conceived her child with held so much weight, it was almost scary. The last name was familiar to anyone who even had the slightest knowledge of who they were, and it'd no doubt all roll over onto the daughter of the most respected man to walk the streets of California right under his father.
═ ∘♡༉∘ ═
"Knocked out, all of them." Amerie shook her head as she peeked into the backseat where all the kids sat fast asleep.
The back of her finger gently ran down Malani's soft cheek, before she leant down to kiss her daughters forehead gently. "I love you so so so much." She whispered out, as her lips pressed along the softness of her baby's face once more.
She leant back up with a deep breath once finally closing the back door shut. This was the hardest part when it came to every visit, for many reasons. Because it was the time she had to say bye to her daughter again, and it was also the time when she was faced with just Syre. Alone.
She turned on her heels to face him through the darkness of the night sky. He stood before her silently, hands shoved deep into his sweatpants pockets with his eyes covered once again. She didn't understand the point when she could read everything about his body language alone to tell her anything she needed regarding his feelings.
"If you tryna say sum, say it." He spoke up first, seeing that certain look in her face like she had something on the tip of her tongue that she didn't know how to get out.
"I'm going to ask you one more time Syre, what is wrong with you? And this time I'm asking because...I do care." Amerie sighed once it was just the two of them again.
He could hear the sincerity in her voice, it sounded like the same sincerity that used to happen between them. When she spoke, he heard the woman who once used to ask him this same question every single day with the same intentions, because she cared. And hearing something like that coming from her, right now, with so much going on...it was the one thing he didn't even realize he genuinely needed.
"...I been fucked up mentally, and it seem like I been fighting with myself every single day. There's a lot of shit that been going on since you been gone, and that shit just ain't easy to deal with alone." He expressed after moments of keeping silent.
He didn't know what it was, but it was like no matter what, she was always the only person who could get his true emotions out of him. Maybe Remi and his father if he was down on his knees and hurt to no bounds, but other than that, it remained only Amerie.
It was like her presence alone just brought him a certain comfort that was almost inviting. The aura surrounding her made him want to just release everything and break, because that's what she provided for him. And it was something he'd lost sight of for over two years, until standing before her in that moment as her walls gradually fell to encourage his to. Even if it was just temporarily.
Taking a deep breath, Amerie grabbed ahold of his hand to lead him through the parking lot. She walked with him in the front of the building towards the little garden that had her favorite bench out there that she utilized for times to just think within herself. But she was willing to allow him into her space, if it meant offering him a bit of peace of mind.
She sat down with him taking her lead to sit his body next to hers. He didn't know what this was considering they hadn't had much of a real conversation in over two years now where it was just them, peacefully.
"There are many things that have happened between us, and my feelings towards you haven't changed in terms of anger and all that shit. But I have a child with you and I know opening up is hard for you, and I want to remind you I promised you when we were together that I'd always be here for you. I promised to be there whenever you need to vent or something and I don't break my promises, so talk to me." She invited genuinely, her eyes trailing up to stare up at him.
Syre watched as her hand reached up, until he could feel the shades peeling off of his face revealing his bloodshot red eyes. It was the result of the blunt he'd smoked once all the kids were asleep, just something to temporarily calm his nerves and stress.
"I'm telling you it's a lot ma, and I ain't bout to put my feelings on you when you working to get yourself together right now. But a big part of shit just been thinking bout how different shit would be if that night ain't ever happen." He finally expressed to Amerie who felt her body go cold for a minute.
When she asked what was wrong, the last thing she expected was for it to have anything to do with him reminiscing on their relationship. She thought from him, things were a lot more over than how she felt, yet it seemed she was wrong herself.
"Everything happens for a reason-."
"What possible reason could this shit had happened for?" He cut in to stare back up at her, so deep into her eyes that looked to him. "it's like I convince myself I'm straight but it be the nights when it's just me. I got other bitches I use to distract myself but, they ain't-."
"Syre." She stopped him before he could say what she knew was coming. She didn't want any of this, and especially wasn't about to play this game with him.
After 2 years, and her going through healing, she just couldn't bare his sudden switch up. Yes it'd been 60 days, and a little longer since the truth was learned, but that wasn't the green light to try again for them. It didn't erase all that had happened to get them to this point.
"I know, my fault." He mumbled, running his hand down his face in a stressed out manner. "It's just a lot between my family, and having you on my mind 24/7. Couple months back I offed ya boy, and I got Aaron and Leon in a warehouse right now. They was supposed to been gone and I'm struggling to even do that cause these niggas was 'pose to be my closest friends...they wasn't blood but I seen them as that, all for niggas to turn that quick." He vented to Amerie who kept silent, just allowing him to speak.
"Around the time you came here I was driving around one day in a car niggas told me was bulletproof, that shit got shot up. One of them bullets landed in Malani's car seat Amerie, only reason she wasn't in the car was cause I dropped her off. I got nightmares of that shit every single night, I could have had my own child's blood on my fucking hands off some pointless ass beef that don't even make sense." He expressed, knowing the hole he was digging for himself through his words.
Because the second everything registered, that little sympathy and care Amerie had flew out the window. Her entire body froze hearing his words that replayed in her head over and over.
"You...what?" She blinked rapidly as she felt her eyes begin to water up along the brim. She watched his head lower as his arms dangled over his legs, but she didn't care about how bad he felt in that moment as she gripped his face tightly. "What the fuck are you talking about-."
"I'm sorry man-."
"Fuck your sorrys when my baby could have fucking died in that car that day!" Her voice rose as she quickly stood from where she sat. "I feel like a broken fucking record when I talk to you about this street shit, but it's so telling about you when your child could have died and you still involve yourself-."
"Amerie there ain't no uninvolving myself, shit don't work like that." He stood up himself to grab her before she could walk away from him. "You don't understand it and that's my fault, but it ain't some one two ass shit. This stuff a lot more serious than it seems, and it ain't no excuse to put you, my kids, or any family in danger. But it just mean I got to work harder to make sure y'all straight but I can't be at deeper odds with you right now. Please." His words were so calm and passionate to her, something she hadn't heard from him in what felt like ages.
And the tone only made her quickly wipe at her tears before they could fall any faster than what they were already trying to. This was the hard part of things, having to be here in moments like these with him. When she was faced temporarily with the man she originally fell in love with.
"Can I just have time to think and clear my head please? That's all I ask for." She spoke softly to Syre who knew what that meant, but he nodded anyways.
"Yeah just...hit me or sum, ion know." He leant down to press a kiss into her forehead that, just like everything else, caught her off guard.
Her eyes squeezed shut, before popping back open to finally step away from him. "Okay." She spoke just above a whisper before turning to make her way back into the building.
She could feel his eyes remaining on her until she entered inside, but she refused to look back. She greeted the people downstairs, before rushing up to her room that she could hear voices in. Familiar ones.
"Bitch that was your baby daddy?!" Sumner gasped as soon as Amerie approached her and another girl she'd gotten close with, Raven.
When she'd originally gotten admitted in, Amerie didn't have the slightest urge in making any friends. She felt it would be unnecessary trying to build any connection with anyone, when she simply wanted to get herself together and get out.
But as time passed and she began to let down her guard a little bit, she found herself connecting with someone people. And of those people, two of those connections that genuinely lasted were with Sumner and Raven who she'd grown to consider real friends. No one was any Kimora or close to her, and Amerie didn't even try giving anyone the place of her best friend, but it was nice having some new company since up until rehab, Kimora really was her only friend.
"You better than me." Raven shook her head, taking a slow sip from the coffee she held. "I would've had to let the crazy get me for that dick."
"That dick is what got me here to begin with, he's fine and all that but...that nigga will make you insane. Literally." She shook her head, "He's not terrible but, it's just a lot." She made sure to add in before her words had them thinking he was the worst thing to happen to her.
She didn't see him in such a positive light these days, but just like him, that didn't invite people to talk bad about him because of her. She didn't like hearing things about him that were negative, nor allowing other people to speak on him negatively because they simply didn't know him. And most times it came from an ignorant standpoint, nothing factual.
"Y'all are cute though and look good together, that man looks at you like you're the only one in the room. When y'all were saying bye to each other, you could tell he wanted to say something to you." Sumner pointed out exactly what Raven was thinking.
But their words didn't do much for Amerie who naturally rolled her eyes. "Well he doesn't treat me like that, so those eyes can go to hell right with him." She mumbled with her eyes focused down on her clothes that she picked at.
Her friends words were cute, but they didn't do much to change her mind or opinion on him. He most times looked at her that way, unconsciously, since he found out about the truth. But he didn't act on it nor did she mention it, so like everything else, there was no attention brought to the gesture.
"Wait...I feel like I recognize him though." Raven knitted her eyebrows together once Amerie finally raised her head back to look between her friends.
"Yes! Isn't that that King nigga, or whatever his name is? That dude with the-."
"Mhmm." She hummed. It wasn't any secret about his endeavors now, considering it took a simple google search to pull up all that he got arrested for this last time. But that didn't mean Amerie wanted much attention brought to it in connection to her.
Widening her eyes, Sumner snapped in realization. "Bitch I used to talk to some dude who was a corner boy for him, and another one who made drops under him. How in the hell did you get involved with him? Was it like fuck buddies and you happened to get pregnant, or was this a real full blown relationship with 'I love you's' and shit?" She asked, now completely invested in this relationship that she'd just found out about.
"It was a real full blown relationship with I love you's, yes. From my lens, I feel like it was very serious because it was just us. We only had each other until our baby, and it was very real to me...I was so in love with him." She sighed, just thinking about the look in his eyes from a few minutes prior which hurt to see.
She wished they could talk a little longer so she could know the depths of every little detail going through his head, but they didn't have the time. Although she dreaded it, a real conversation with him was very necessary and needed to happen. And it would happen eventually, but on her terms and whenever it felt right for her to go through with it.
"Oh my God, can we talk about something else or something. I'm not about to cry over this man tonight when I've been doing good, no." She immediately shut down as she sat her body back up to look between her friends.
But before either of them could say anything, a small knock sounded along the closed bedroom door. "Come in!" Amerie sang, looking to the entryway until it finally got pushed open revealing the one person she couldn't be more thankful to see.
"Oop I guess that's our cue now that wifey's here." Raven joked once her eyes landed on Layton who only blushed.
Amerie could only playfully roll her eyes as she threw a pillow to her friends who quickly shuffled out of the room to leave Amerie with the other girl. She watched her come deeper into the room, closing the door behind herself silently to offer the two a little more privacy and time for themselves.
The way Layton looked to her made her blush against her will. She could feel the heat in her cheeks alone, allowing the girl to gaze at her with eyes that said so much. And with the closer she got, the more Amerie could feel her body react in ways that she couldn't control.
Layton. Amerie didn't know how to classify the girl who sat next to her. They met a few weeks ago and clicked instantly, but it surely wasn't anything of a friendship type of click. The attraction and tension was heavy between them, especially once Layton learned that Amerie was certain of her sexuality which included both men and women.
Layton flirted with her constantly, but Amerie never allowed things to go further than that. She still wasn't looking for any relationship at all, and barely wanted to involve herself with someone sexually either. She was so focused on her and getting in touch with herself, that really there simply wasn't space for anyone else which she made very clear to Layton who respected that. She didn't take things past flirting out of respect for Amerie's journey, but she also constantly made it known she seen something in the gorgeous woman she got the chance to get to know better as the days went on.
"Your friends are crazy as hell." Layton shook her head as she plopped down on the bed next to her. "But how was today though, did everything go good?" Layton asked Amerie who released a deep sigh, getting ready to vent to the only person she felt comfortable doing so with outside of Dr. Rayne.
That was another thing Amerie really appreciated about Layton, she was such a listening ear. She didn't mind hearing Amerie vent or cry about Syre, she offered her shoulder to lean on always. Because there were rough days for her still, where she had certain thoughts about him that couldn't seize emotions she still felt towards him.
"It went fine for the most part, but I don't know. Things are still difficult just being around him, but I guess it's natural when you have so much history with a person and just not with them." Amerie shrugged as she laid her head along the girls shoulder tiredly.
"That shit is natural though. Usually when people break up that's just it, but it's different when you share a whole child you have to now coparent." Layton explained exactly what Amerie was slowly but surely realizing.
She knew their child changed their dynamic and future, but not like this. "I know, and you know how I always tell you he keeps up his energy towards me that's negative. Like he hates me even after finding out everything?"
"Mhmm." Layton nodded to Amerie who sat back up to nod herself.
"Well tonight he admitted to me that he can't stop thinking about me, and saying how much he misses me or whatever, and that he's been messing with other women but they're just not me. And I'm so...confused, like this random ass switch out of nowhere and suddenly he's back on me and wants me again and it doesn't make sense. I knew he was hiding his real feelings for me and masking it, and I guess now that he feels broken he can't hide it anymore, but it's still just too much for me right now." She shook her head that began to slightly ache just having to think about everything.
Moving her hair over her shoulder, Layton looked to Amerie who she could see was getting overwhelmed just that fast. "How does that make you feel though? Knowing he wants you back all of a sudden? Or at least alluding to something like that?" She asked Amerie who simply shrugged.
"He's sober and just talking what wouldn't usually out of his mouth. By the next time we see each other it'll most likely be different energy but...I don't know. I need to pray about it or something." She sighed, not necessarily pray about their relationship, but just for guidance on how to handle him and this.
She turned to God a lot these days, and it was the one thing among few other that helped her keep going. And for something like this, she knew she needed more than words and journaling to help her through. But she trusted who she seen as her higher power, and in turn trusted that everything would still be fine and soon make sense to her.
❣︎
Sumner Soraya Hayes
Raven Kylee Heraldo
Layton Melanie Sky