After going around shopping all day with the kids and spending entirely too much money we had made it home around ten. Michael had not made it home yet though so I put all the kids to sleep and began straightening up the house, it was quiet, usually he would be there talking to me but he wasn't.
As I was whipping down the counters I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. I stopped what I was doing thinking it was Michael. "Mom? "
It was Paris.
I sighed. " What are you doing up? " I asked.
"Can I talk to you about something? " she said, giving me a sheepish smile.
I put the bottle of bleach that I had out back under the counter."What is it? "
She leaned on the counter a bit and began playing with her nails."Umm, you know how Mariah and Blanket is adopted? "she asked.
"Yeah what about it? " I asked suspiciously.
"Uh, is Prince and I adopted like them?"
I raised my eyebrow at her."No you are not, where are you getting this from? "
"Its just that I'm gray eyed and gave brown hair, and prince hair used to be blonde, you and daddy are black it just doesn't make sense."
I sighed. I knew one day they would have questions." Paris, Michael is your father and I am your mother, I have raised you since you were a baby, but I'm not the one you should be asking questions, I don't think I'm authorized to answer them, you should be asking your father."
" Why can't you answer them?" she asked.
I inhaled and exhaled loudly." Like I said, you'll have to ask him."
She had a touch of disappointment in her eyes. "Is he home yet? "
I shook my head." I'll tell you what, I'll tell him to come and talk to you before he leaves for rehearsals tomorrow."
She sighed."Okay."
I walked over to her." Goodnight." I whispered.
She smiled." Goodnight, mom." she said and then walked out the Kitchen.
I sighed. I hated not being able to tell them what they want to know, but Michael and I never talked about what we would tell them if they asked questions about why they looked different from all the rest of the kids. And I didn't know what to tell them considering the fact that Michael and I were divorced when they were born. And plus we hadn't talked to Debbie since the trial when she testified against him.
I let out another long sigh and turned off the kitchen light and then the dinning room light. Then making my way into the living room blowing out candles. "Hey."
I turned to see him walking in. I blew out the last candle I had." How was rehearsals? " I asked.
" It was good, I'm tired now though."
I walked over to him." You look tired."
He just nodded." I just want to take a bath and go to bed."
" You want to run you some water? " I asked as I rapped my arms around his waist."I haven't taken one either."
He gave me a weak smile." Sure, that sounds better then just taking one by myself."
I raised my eyebrow at him." Are you okay? "
" Yes, I just doubt I'll be able to go to sleep tonight."
My smiled faded." Your having trouble sleeping again? "
He just nodded.
" Well is your physician gonna do anything about it? "
" He said he is but it won't be until tomorrow."
" I want to meet him."
" I told you, you will right before we leave for London, I promise."
" But how do I know if I trust him or not, I want to make sure I know who this man is before he goes to London and he is around the kids."
" I understand that but it's hard when we're both working all day, he comes here in the morning but your gone by then so I don't know how you can."
" Do you even know everything you need to know about him? " I asked with a slight attitude.
He sighed."I don't want to argue about this, Liyah. Can we just take a bath and forget about it. Please."
I raised my eyebrow at him but didn't say anything.
"Liyah, please don't do this, I'm not in the mood."
I opened my mouth to say something but the words didn't come out. I looked into his brown eyes and then that feeling started growing in my stomach. I grimaced as if it hurt.
"Liyah, are you okay?"
I nodded." Yeah lets just go take our bath." I said then started up the stairs.
When we made our way up to our room Michael went straight to the bathroom while I stood there in room trying to shake my instincts off. But they only stayed there. It was one thing that I had to deal with instincts when they were towards other people, but when they had to do with somebody I love, it was just hard. I hoped that nothing was going to happen to him. Lord Please don't let anything about to him.
"Liyah, are you coming or what? " Michael said from the bathroom.
"Uh, yeah!"
"Well come on."
I rolled my eyes and began pulling off my clothes and and putting on my silk white rob. I put my hair up and took a deep breath trying to push away my feeling.
It didn't work.
When I walked in the bathroom. He was sitting there with his laid back and his eyes closed. The bubbles covered almost every inch of his body. I dropped my robe and stepped in the arm water. I laid back against his body and relaxed my muscles.
"Do you remember when we got married and we went down to the island I bought for you? " he said.
"Yes I remember."
He laughed." We couldn't stay away from each other, you remember we would take baths together every night and we would cook together. And I think we made love in every single room in that house and every inch of that beach."
I chuckled." Yeah we did. You wouldn't let me get a break."
" Yea but you wanted it as much as I did, you always gave in."
I started laughing." That's because you always kissed me in that spot that made me want it."
He lifted his head up and rested his chin on my neck." You mean right here? " he said softly as he kissed me on the spot right bellow my left ear. Then he pressed his lips against my shoulder blade then on my shoulder.
I jumped." Stop, Michael." I laughed. The way his soft lips brushed against my skin that sent a warm tingling sensation through my body that left me wanting more. He kissed me on my jaw line and began rubbing his hands on my arms. " Michael seriously stop." I laughed again." Can't you wait until get in the bed? This bath tub is entirely to small and knowing how we are we might turn it over or something"
He bursted out laughing. " That's true, you remember what we did to our headboard in the condo we had in Los Angeles. "
" Oh My God how can I forget, that thing was the best wood made and we be broke it, I mean seriously, you put a hole through the wall! "
" No you did that!"
I smirked." How did I do that if I was one the bottom? "
" You have a point," He said." how did we not here that, though? "
" Because the noise was muffled out by all that hee-heeing you were doing." I said the started laughing remember how loud he would do it.
" Well I honestly couldn't help it, Just like you couldn't help the fake that you would turn beet red."
I started to blush." Well at least that's a lot more quiet then you going HEE- HEE HEEE!!!!!!! "
He laughed so hard to the point where he had to catch his breath, when we did he said." I'm surprise you didn't get pregnant right then and there."he said as he settled deeper into the water. " You know when I found out you were pregnant the f-"
I held up my hand." Don't go there, please don't. "
" Liyah its been over twenty years and now you've had four..There was nothing wrong with you that doctor was wrong."
I rolled my eyes." I just feel like I'm missing something, ever since I lost him, I just can't understand why I had to deal with so much lost in my life, like, what was the point? "
"I think you were suppose to learn some from them."
"Like what? " I asked with an attitude. " What could possibly have learned from that? "
"I think God was preparing you for all the things that you would have to go through in your life, you know. I mean you couldn't have gained all that strength from nothing, you know how to deal with situations, that I couldn't dream of dealing with. I think God prepared you because he wanted to make sure you ready to be my wife."
" You think so? " I asked after a long moment of silence.
" Something is telling me that I'm right." he said softly. " I mean someone who has strong instincts about everyone that they meet being with someone who trusts everyone under the deep blue sky that sounds like a match to me."
"You have a point there."
"Don't I always? " he said.
I shot a look back at him because he said in the same sarcastic way I said it and on top of that he shook his head the same way and raised his eyebrow at me.
He laughed then let out a mindless sigh." You know you are so beautiful to me? I mean everything about you inside and out, when I first met you I thought you weren't human because of the way your eyes changed colors."
" What? " He had never told me this before, he always said he was fascinated by it.
"Yeah I know what your thinking, ridiculous, huh. But its true. You know I always thought that I only fell for you when we were fifteen, but I now know that I have been in love with you since the day we met, I just never realized it until I was fifteen."
I rested my head on his chest." What made you realize it? "
"You remember that when I told you about how lonely I felt, you know when I felt like the only thing I knew was my music and how insecure I was because the world expected me to look like the little kid I started off as and not the tall man I was becoming?"
I nodded.
"You told me that I needed to stop worrying about how people felt about me and start making my own decisions, you said that soon I would be leaving the group and starting my solo career and that there was nothing my brothers or Joseph could do about it, and that I needed to take a stand and stand up for myself. And then you said that I shouldn't feel like nobody cared about who I really ways, because you did. It was like.......my feelings changed towards you in that very moment."
" I don't even remember that."
" I know you don't. " he laughed. " How long have we been in here? "
" I don't know maybe an hour." I said, just guessing." Why are you ready to go to bed? " I asked.
He shook his head and held me closer to him." No what's the rush, we have all night, and a lot if things to talk about. "
"And the rest of our lives together? " I asked.
And that's what we did for the rest of the night, we just sat there in the tub talking while we soaked in the bubbles and laughed at the old times we shared. Going through the book of our life together Turning the page letting it reveal some of the things that we had forgotten all about. And when we did go to bed we laid there and cuddled until we fell asleep, in each others arms.
~~~~~~~~#########~~~~~~~~~~~
' Nothing is going to happen, Aaliyah, nothing is going happen. ' I tried to convince myself over and over again. I was sitting in front of the stop light in Los Angeles crazy afternoon traffic. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen it was just getting stronger and stronger and it was hard for me to forget about it.
I looked out towards the traffic light and rolled my eyes. The traffic was ridiculous out there, Santa Barbara wasn't even half as bad. I checked my watch it was 12:25. I had decided to take the rest of the day off because I was really tired from only going to bed at 4:00 in the morning with Michael. I hadn't talked with each other that long months and now that we had I felt like we had grown closer to each other. Like there was nothing between us at the moment. And I hadn't felt like that in a while.
Just then my phone started ringing. I glanced back out at the traffic and look picked it up." Hello? "
" Momma! " It was Alyssa and what sounded like Ciara. They were yelling over each other and I couldn't understand what they were saying the only thing I could make out was' Daddy'.
" Hold on, what about your Daddy?" I asked.
" Dr. Murray had came down stairs yelling Help help get security get Alyssa and Prince!' and-"
" And so when we got up there he's trying to give daddy CPR in the bed and Sam is on the phone calling 911 and..." she started talking frantically.
" Alyssa, Baby calm down, please, I'm almost home just stay out of the way." I said calmly.
Soon the red light turned green and I shot forward." I'll be there in five minutes."
" Okay." she said. Then hung up the phone.
I speed down the streets with out even thinking or praying or anything I just kept going. I turned into the neighborhood and made my way down the street and into the gates that were already opened. I parked my car in the driveway instead of the garage like I usually did.
I bursted through the doors where the kids were standing along with Beth. " What is going on, is he okay? "
" We don't know, he's in the room." she said nervously.
I looked at them and headed up the stairs. With every step I took I was becoming more and more anxious more nervous more worried. I was afraid of what I was about to see, what I was about to witness. When I made it to my towards the room Sam and John was standing in front of the room." Mrs. Jackson, uh i don't think you should go in there." Sam said.
I raised my eyebrow at him." Sam if you don't. move i swear..."
" The doctor said-"
" Who is the owner of this house? " I asked.
" You are."
" That's what I thought, now move out my way." I said as I pushed him away and walked in the room and stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw exactly what was going on. A black man who looked to be about in his forties hovering over Michael giving him CPR on our bed. I stood there for a moment before snapping out of my state of shock and walking towards him. " What the hell did you do to him?! " I screamed from the top of my lungs." And what are you doing you are not suppose to give him CPR on the bed, put him on the floor!!! "
He looked at me as if he didn't understand English.
" What are you doing just standing there, you asshole." I shook my head and turned to Sam." Sam, John can you please come put him on the floor please."
Without any argument they walked over to him and and lifted him up and and placed him on the floor. The doctor dropped down to his knees and began performing CPR on him he began to blow breath but then he stopped and looked up at us. " I don't want to have to do this but Michael's my friend and-"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, DO IT! " I yelled as the blood started rushing down to my face. My blood pressure started rising.
Just then I heard a scream." Daddy Daddy, let me through I want to see my Daddy!" it was Paris screaming in the doorway.
" Get them out if here." i said to John.
I walked up to Sam."How did this happen? "
" I-I don't know, I don't."
I rolled my eyes and dropped to my knees." Move." I said pushing him out my way." Baby come on, I know your in there, stay with me. Please stay with me don't leave." I started repeating those words as I began pushing down on his chest and blowing in his mouth." Don't leave me, please." I said.
" Alright I need the room to be cleared out." I looked up to see the paramedics rushing in.
Sam pulled me off of him as they began working on him." Come on, lets go."
" I'm not leaving him."
" They are taking him to the hospital we need to get there, I'll have John bring the kids there if you want."
"Yeah that's fine." I said without thinking." Tell Beth to call the family, tell them what's going on, I don't want them to have to learn from the media." I said then headed out the door but then stopped in front of Dr. Murray." I hope you know that your fired. I want you out of my house." I said. Then walked out the room.
At The Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center we waited for hours as the doctors worked on Michael, I was shaking all over my hands my legs my feet was all shaking and I was chewing on my thumbnail frantically. Soon family member began to show up. First it was Keisha and Tiffany then it was mother and Susanne, then La Toya, Randy, Jermaine and his wife Halima. Neither one of them said anything or even asked how this had happened they just sat there quietly.
There were heatbeats and vibrations in the air when the doctor walked out of the room with a blank expression on his face. Oh, I hated it when doctors did that. All these years where I had been in and out hospitals because of Michael and Me and Melanie because she was asthemetic. And they all had this blank expression on their faces. On that can't be read. And then when they tell you it's like they are about to charge at you with their words.
I stood up, my eyes filling with concern. Mother and Susanne stood next to me holding my hand.
The doctor look dead at me."I'm sorry, but we've done all we could do, we could no revive him."
My world stopped, all I could feel was a pain that was racing through my heart, my soul. And the sea of tears that began running down my face. As I stood there I didn't know what to do or how to react. My body was just went numb all over. I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe it. My Baby couldn't have been gone....he couldn't.
" I'm sorry ma'am." he said then walked out the room.
Right out the corner of my eye I could see Dr. Murray standing there with a glassy look in his eye. I turned and walked up to him." This is your fault! This is all your fault, you killed him! You killed him. I should just-"
" Mrs. Jackson stop! " John yelled pulling me back. " Stop."
I soon just broke down. I could feel my blood pressure just shooting up.
" Why is her temperature rising like that?! " He asked.
" Her blood pressure is rising she needs her medicine! " Alyssa yelled." Before she-"
" Her eyes are rolling to the back of her head! " Jermaine yelled.
" She's fainting! get a nurse! " Alyssa yelled.
Soon everything went black.
" Liyah? Liyah?! "
'Im dead Im dead' I thought to myself.
" Liyah wake up! "
My eyes shot up and I was back in my room. I glanced around, I was laying in the bed with the sheets over me. My whole body was drenched in sweat.
" Liyah, baby are you okay? "
I looked over at him. He face was full of confusion.
" You just had a bad dream that's all, Im here." He said as he pulled me close to him.
I just stared at some more trying to make sense out of what had happened. Was it all a dream? Or am I just hallucinating?
" Are you okay? Do you want me to sing you back to sleep? " he asked.
I reached out and touched his skin, caressing it with my thumb. Then i removed the piece of hair from in front his face. And then looked him deep into his brown eyes. Then hugged his neck." I thought I lost you." I whispered.
" What do mean, you never lost me, I've been sleeping here next to you since we went to sleep."
I shook my head." Promise you'll never leave-"
" What are you-"
" Just promise me, don't ask any questions, just promise."
He leaned in and kissed me briefly." I promise."