Kieran cross-checked his phone against the contents of his fridge and counter. He had clamato juice, a local hot sauce, pickles, pickled beans, Worcestershire sauce, and vodka. Much to his brother's dismay, he'd even fried up a pack of bacon and had a few crispy slices tucked away in a container for Naomi. After visiting Brinny, he'd stopped by the gelato shop for a pint of the flavour Naomi loved, and he had a frozen pizza in the freezer in case she got hungry. He'd covered as many bases as she would tonight before arriving.
As he shut the fridge, Jake chopped up vegetables beside the sink.
"If you put the energy you do into impressing women into your career, you could start your own business and be quite successful. You wouldn't be stuck here living with me."
"Growing sick of me?" Kieran asked with a laugh.
"No, however, I imagine after two years you'd want more. You used to."
Kieran shrugged. As much as his brother's rules and particularities annoyed him, he was the only tie left to his family and the only person who'd believed in him through the mess in Kingston. This wasn't what he'd imagined four years ago, but that life had been stolen. Chasing his old dreams was like tempting fate, and the idea of living alone saddened him, so he stuck with Jake.
"I invited Naomi because I want more with her."
Jake frowned and forced his knife into a piece of celery. "Are you sure that's what she wants? Friendships are as important, if not more, than romantic relationships."
"I plan to ask her if she seems ready."
"Prepare for both answers. Some friendships can withstand one-sided attraction, and others can't. It's stressful to lose what you'd considered a genuine connection that didn't need romantic or sexual feelings to be valid."
"You said that when we were at Naomi's place too."
"I did."
"Who was it?"
Instead of answering, Jake placed the cut celery in a bowl and pushed it aside. Then he grabbed an orange pepper to wash. "A few friends in high school. Another after I graduated."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." Kieran tried to recall who it might have been, but his brother kept his social life as far from home as possible, so Kieran didn't always know his friends.
Jake set the pepper on a new cutting board. "I wasn't interested in broadcasting it. It's easier to avoid when you're not forced to spend extended time with hoards of people. They assume everyone must desire sex or love and can't comprehend why you'd want neither."
Suddenly, it hit Kieran like a gust of glacial wind to the face. "You're asexual and aromantic," he muttered to himself.
Jake chuckled and smiled in a self-satisfied way. "I was wondering when you'd piece it together."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"In our family?" He snorted and extracted the stem and seeds from the pepper. "It would be unthinkable. I would have been accused of being a sadist, intentionally withholding grandchildren out of spite."
"But to me?" Kieran didn't care about having nieces and nephews and respected people's rights to choose their futures.
Jake shrugged and halved the pepper. "You had enough on your plate, and it only affects me, so it didn't seem necessary to share."
"But I'd bug you about you finding someone, which must have been annoying."
If Jake was peeved, his neutral expression hid it. "You've had much worse lobbed at you."
"Why tell me now?"
"So we can talk more openly when Naomi's around. Plus, if you've learned enough to determine it yourself with a few hints, it's time."
Kieran grabbed the mini-strainer of cherry tomatoes and the navy cutting board to halve them like he'd done since their mother had deemed him old enough to deal with Jake's 'selfish fussiness'. She couldn't have been more wrong about the selfish part, but his food preferences hadn't changed.
"Is Naomi the only other ace person you know?" Kieran asked.
"No, I've met plenty online, and Austin is too, or he falls on the spectrum a bit like Naomi."
Oh shit, Austin was a good guy, a nice one, and if he was ace and reminded Jake of Naomi, he was probably better for her than Kieran. Would it be selfish to hide that fact for his own gain, knowing she may be happier with someone else?
"Is Austin coming tonight?"
"He agreed to, and he honours his commitments."
"Do you think he and Naomi... Is that why you told me to only be her friend?"
Jake raised an eyebrow. "Austin's been in a relationship for the past year."
"Right." Kieran must have heard that, but the guy always attended game night solo.
"His partner is allosexual. Their relationship is similar to your and Naomi's situation."
Oh, was this Jake's gentle nod of approval, or was he just stating facts? "So that's proof it could work for Naomi and me."
"It proves that those two specific people are open to compromising on their boundaries to engage in a romantic relationship."
"Every relationship has compromises."
Jake finished slicing a second pepper and tucked the pieces into another bowl. "I suppose. Understand which ones you are making before jumping in. Why rush past friendship?"
"Romantic attraction is a force to be reckoned with."
Jake rinsed the knife and cutting board. "But wouldn't you want to give your relationship the strongest odds of success by establishing a strong foundation?"
"I promise I will make sure Naomi and I agree." Kieran tucked as many tomatoes into the bowl as possible and slipped the stragglers into his mouth.
"Okay." Jake stood, staring out the window at the city skyline. "Please do. Naomi would be a pleasant addition to our lives."
"She already is." Kieran opened up the fridge doors. "Can I make you a drink? Celebrate the end of my obliviousness."
Jake chuckled. "Sure. There's a can of coconut water I was saving for tonight."
"Coconut water? You can live freely in your identity, and that's what you want?"
"I've been living freely and happily this entire time. And yes, it is. Alcoholic drinks would only impair my mental function." He placed the containers of veggies in the fridge.
Kieran picked up the coconut water and poured it into one of Jake's preferred glasses. He grabbed a glass of water for himself, as it would be best to catch Naomi when he was sober.
"Balcony?" Jake asked while grabbing a bag of dried fruit.
"Sure."
As they split the snack and gazed out at the river flowing past condos, the cathedral, the bike path and the hospital, a wave of peace washed over Kieran. Jake's silence and smile seemed to show he felt the same. It was a language they'd shared since they were kids.
At home, Kieran would sneak them out to sit in the woodchips behind the cedars while their parents fought. Usually, a lawnmower or chatting bird had drowned out their parents' words. Silence would finally arrive after a door slammed and their mom or dad peeled out of the driveway like they were in a high-speed pursuit.
Mom took longer to settle into silence than Dad. She would make them help clean up whatever mess she and their father created in their rage, making critical comments about their tidying skills. Then, she'd kiss them both on the head and send them upstairs as she poured herself a drink. Then the house would be silent, which neither he nor his brother longed to break. If their dad stayed, he would apologize, ignore the mess, and offer to take them out for ice cream, which Kieran preferred.
When their father left for good, Kieran hoped their family would have the peace his friends' homes did, but his mother found people to fight with. If Kieran had saved up money, he'd sneak Jake out to a convenience store with a little bench along the side where they'd sit until Jake wanted to leave.
Kieran often wondered how different his life would have been had he chosen to live with his father. Would Kieran have a relationship with him? Would there have still been fighting? Could he have escaped this strange fate?
But he wouldn't have met Katy or Naomi. Despite their ending, Katy built him up and believed in him until the end. They both had the peace of knowing their relationship was solid and would have lasted.
Naomi was different in many ways. While she sprinted around baseball diamonds, Katy loved baking and decorating. Naomi jumped from the club to sports and hanging out with teammates, while Katy was a homebody, only going out with family or when necessary. Naomi was asexual, which he had more experience with than he realized after Jake's admission, though none of it in a romantic sense.
Despite his inexperience, Kieran understood the importance of listening to and caring for his partner. He was determined to make this friendship or relationship work.
***
To Kieran's luck, Austin, as usual, was the first person to arrive. He'd brought a snack of homemade veggie chips and hummus that was healthy enough to earn interested comments and a compliment from Jake. Kieran resisted the urge to question the newcomer and let him catch up with Jake.
Even though it was too early for Naomi to have messaged, Kieran checked his phone. No new messages. He sent her a goofy GIF wishing her good luck with her game. He was tempted to add he couldn't wait to see her but refrained. Brinny had texted him 'Enjoy game night' with a winking emoji since she knew Naomi would be there.
Brinny's confession had left him quite guilty over how he'd hurt her, even more so now that she rooted for his success with Naomi. He recalled all the times she'd drag him on adventures in the beginning to new restaurants or trails.
One afternoon, maybe a month after they'd met, they'd sat in a small town diner eating pie, before Brinny had banished desserts from her diet. He took a bite with a big dollop of whipped cream. The topping clung to his face.
Brinny reached out with her index finger, pulling the cream off the tip of his nose. As she went to wipe it on a napkin, he said, "You're not wasting that, are you?"
She grimaced. "It was on your nose. I'm not eating it."
"Give it to me then."
Brinny shook her hair, her brown locks falling around her round face, and held out her finger. He could have grabbed his spoon, but for some dumb reason, he leaned in and sucked the cream off her finger. As their eyes met after he pulled away, tension hung in the air.
"Wh-what are you doing?" she asked with an adorably red face.
Kieran shrugged and thought, "Just having fun," was a cool, aloof answer she would like.
"Why?"
"You're cute when you're nervous."
Her smile faltered, and she leaned back. "What are you playing at, a hookup or a relationship?"
"A relationship?" His chest grew tight, and he shoved down everything that threatened to surface. "I licked dessert off your finger, Brin. That's hardly..."
She wiped her hand on her napkin and ate a bite of pie before leaving the table. When she returned, smudged make-up surrounded her red eyes, and she sniffled, but he'd left it alone when she blamed it on allergies. He hadn't wanted to deal with the drama.
Why had he never viewed himself as a dick?
He wasn't sure how to fix it. She had Cole, although they had their issues, and he wanted someone to care for her the way Naomi did for him.
Kieran: Thanks, you too. Is Cole stopping by the city soon?
Brinny: He hasn't mentioned it.
Kieran: Any plans tonight?
Brinny: Going to a movie with some friends.
Kieran: Have fun, and let me know if you need anything.
Brinny: Thanks, you too.
A few footsteps approached the living room couch. "So, Jake tells me you've fallen for an ace woman," Austin said.
Kieran tried not to chuckle. Jake's efficiency struck again, or he'd sent Austin to discourage Kieran from rushing. "I have. Are you here to talk me out of it?"
"That depends on whether you want a romantic relationship with her."
Even with Brinny's confession, he couldn't stop thinking about Naomi or imagining them together. He was an ass before, but he'd do better with Naomi.
"I really do."
Austin smiled, reminding Kieran how much more attractive the ace man was.
Relax, Naomi doesn't experience physical attraction even if her ex was quite a looker.
"Does she want one?"
"In general, yes. With me, I think so, but..."
"She's just got out of a relationship, right?"
"A short one, but she was in love with him for a decade." Kieran didn't want to consider what would happen if that jerk begged to have her back.
"That's rough for both of you. I can't imagine it's pleasant to follow in those footsteps."
Kieran shook his head. "He wasn't okay with her asexuality, and I am."
"That's good, and time's on your side. If she waited a decade for someone she loved, she may wait for you too. The longer you build the friendship and the more uncomfortable conversations you have in advance, the smoother the relationship will go."
"Is that how your current relationship started? If you don't mind my asking."
"It did. We gamed together online for a while before we met in person. I was apprehensive because the last time I liked a gaming buddy, I misread the situation." His gaze shot to Jake then back to Kieran.
Wait a second. Had Austin been romantically attracted to Jake?
"But we moved past it. Once Felicity and I discovered we lived in the same city, we started hanging out. She was sweet, sincere, and not ace. But I also liked and trusted her. I figured I owed it to her to share my situation before we explored romantic territory. It was the first time I'd been that upfront, and it was an immense relief she wouldn't consider my lack of sexual desire for her as a reflection of my romantic feelings or her level of attractiveness as some of my exes did."
"So her being allosexual wasn't a big problem?"
"I adored her, and she did too, so we went ahead with our relationship. We found a middle-ground of things she likes that I'm comfortable with and vice versa."
"Do you wish you had waited for someone who is ace?"
"Asexuality is such a spectrum that I'm worse suited to some aces than I am to Felicity. I fall in the gray area, so every once in a while, I experience some sexual attraction, which she's usually excited about, but I imagine an ace partner wouldn't be."
Would Naomi view Kieran's attraction as a nuisance?
"How does it feel when she's sexually attracted to you but you aren't?"
"It depends on the day. Some days it's flattering but ends with flirty banter because I have other things I'd rather do, and my body's not into it, others, I'm open to letting it grow into something more intimate, and occasionally, I want to be left alone. Felicity understands that no matter the outcome, I feel the same about her."
That would take some getting used to, but like Austin kept saying, it didn't mean Naomi didn't care about him. Her body didn't experience attraction that way.
"Thanks, Austin."
"No problem. I'm all for helping my fellow aces find happy, satisfying relationships."
"Like the platonic one you have with Jake?"
"It's what he wants, and it works for me too."
That confirmed the hint Kieran had picked up earlier. It couldn't have been easy for Austin. "I don't think there's anyone he trusts as much as you."
Austin smiled as his glance landed on his friend. "And you."
"I'm convinced he has hidden cameras in the condo to make sure I don't mess anything up if he's away."
Austin laughed. "He cares. He has his own way of showing it."
"No wonder he likes you."
Kieran's phone buzzed in his pocket, prompting Austin to go see Jake.
Naomi: With any luck, this game will end, and we'll get to spend the night kicking ass at board games together :)
She attached a GIF of a chocolate lab hugging a collie, making his chest fill with warmth. He'd do anything to make this work with her as Austin did with Felicity.
I promise Naomi and Kieran will meet up in the next chapter :)
I thought the song at the top sort of went with Kieran and Jake's way of dealing with their past and conflict.